Title:           British piker Anon part 1
Author:          HugeFPRMF
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/mpa73kaa
First Edit:      Friday 23rd of August 2013 09:54:15 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Friday 23rd of August 2013 09:54:15 PM CDT

>You Are Anonymous, the only human in Equestria.
>You’re sitting on the couch and reading a magazine in every hipsters dream house. A tree house.
>There is a sudden burp from a certain dragon up stairs.
“Oh boy here we go.” Twilight trots down the stairs.
>”Hey Anon, Celestia just sent another letter and says she might have found a way to send you home this time!” Twilight shouts with Spike upstairs and you on the couch. She obviously got the letter from him just now.
“Yeah, sure.” You say with sarcasm.
>”It’s true. This time she says that she definitely have found a way.”
“Great! When will she be here?”
>”What do you mean? We’ll have to go to Canterlot.” Oh this conversation again.
“Twilight, If Celestia is as busy as you say she is then where does she find time to come up with all these bizarre ways to send me home?”
>”I-I don’t know! But it says in the letter that she definitely have found a way this time so we have to go!”
“No thanks. I’m reading an interesting article about how to find the stallion of your life.”
>”Wait, why? Are you gay anon?”
“No not really, I’m trying to help you find your special somep0ny so you will stop bothering me. You obviously need one with all the time you spend in the library.”
>”N-no I do not!”
“If you say so.” Looking down on the magazine you keep on reading the article, but Twilight takes it away from you using her magic.
>”Anon we don’t have time for this. We have to catch the next train to Canterlot!”
“You know how if feel about the train twilight, and the guards that deny us from speaking the princess since she is SO BUSY. And the waiting room after that.
>”but don’t you want to go home anon?”
“I’m not itching to explain to my boss, landlord and family that I have been away for the past six months that I have been gone all this time in a magically filled world with colorful ponies and that a pony princess that found a way to send me back home.”
>Twilight looks dumbfounded at you.
“I’ve taken the train over a dozen of times with you and the gang. I’ll go by myself when I feel like sitting on a train with small seats for three hours and then argue with the guards about seeing Celestia and then wait in a small room with small chairs for another two.”
>”B-but the princess anon!”
“Yeah, what about her?”
>”The princess…”
“Right now i really don’t give a rats ass Twilight.” Twilight takes a familiar stand and magic surrounds her horn. Not today.
>quickly getting up from the couch and try to take off your thin sweater and t-shirt at the same time.
>You struggle for a few seconds to take off your clothes. but when you are you put up your arms getting ready for a fight Twilight. Lucky for you Twilight gets confused and little bit disgusted for how pale your skin is.
“FACKING BRING IT ON YA CUNT!” You say with a perfect British accent.
>”A-anon! What are you doing!?
“IMMA FUCKING FIGHT YA RIGHT NOW CUNT!”
>”Why are you speaking with that weird accent?
“BECAUSE I FACKING FEEL LIKE IT MAYBE!?”
>”Anon this is dumb, let’s go already.” You turn around a flip the couch. When you flip the couch it’s fucking on.”
>”Anon what you doing? Why did you flip the couch?” Spike says from upstairs.
“IMMA FIGHT YER FUCKING MUM, I’LL WRECK HER SHIT YOU HEAR ME MATE!”
>”I’m not Spikes mom Anon.”
“WELL YER FACKING ACTING LIKE ONE! MAKING HIM DO STUPID SHIIET LIKE MAKING BREAKFAST, LUNCH, DINENR, CHORES AND PICKING UP YER FACKING BUUKS!”
>”He does that for you to Anon.”
>”I’M A GUEST SO THAT’S’ FINE AND THE FUUD IS AWFULL AS WELL, TOO MUCH GRASS. NOW, ARE YOU GOING TO FIGHT ME OR ARE YOU GOING TO FIND YERSELF A FACKBUDDY OR WHAT?
>”This is stupid, and i’m barely able to understand you with that accent.”
“THEN LET OUR FISTS OR HOOF OR WHATEVER DO THA TALKIN, NO MAGIC YE HEAR ME!”
>”I’m not going to fight you anon.”
“THEN YA BETTER FIND YERSELF A STALION CAUSE IF YOU SAY ANOTHER IMMA A JUMP YOU YA HER ME!”
“Anon we…” You take a quick step forward with your hands raised and repeat with a step back taking light jumping steps like a boxer.”
>Twilight takes step back automatically. But after a few seconds she facehoofs and heads for the front door and opens it with magic and slamming it.”
“THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT YA CUNT!” you put on your t-shirt and thin sweater back on and put the couch back up and pick up the magazine twilight took from you and take a seat again.
>Y-you weren’t really going to fight Twilight, right Anon?” With your clothes back on the accent disappears.
“You can’t bet your ass I was Spike.” You say while poking down on the magazine again.
>”I don’t know that figure of speech anon.” You read through the magazine for a minute before Spike takes time to think about what happened before he asks you another question.
>“Anon.”
“Yeah?”
>“What’s a cunt?”
“It’s a human thing figure of speech. But if you’re going to ask more stupid shit like that you are going to force me to take off my clothes again and I’ll be happy to tell you why you are your mom is one.”
 
Part 1