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Spaghetti Soup

By: Hugboxfag on Mar 1st, 2013  |  syntax: None  |  size: 6.32 KB  |  hits: 53  |  expires: Never
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  1. Spaghetti Soup
  2.  
  3.         >you probably know the drill by now, but you are Anon, the average fluffy pony owner
  4.         >well, “owner” is kind of a misnomer
  5.         >you’re just holding onto it for a friend
  6.         >honest
  7.         >really, though, you buddy Tom is out of town, and asked you to take care of his fluffy pony for the week
  8.         >you said you’d go for it
  9.         >after all, you did have a fluffy pony once
  10.         >killed herself jumping off of the stairs in an attempt to fly
  11.         >what a shame
  12.         >you never got around to getting another after that
  13.         >anyways, Tom’s green-coated, orange-maned unicorn fluffy isn’t much by way of a hassle
  14.         >apparently his name is Ed, after Mr. Ed the Talking Horse
  15.         >hardy har
  16.         >regardless, you still had your subscription to FluffTV back from when you had your old fluffy
  17.         >right now, some show about mothers and foals is playing, and neither of you are really invested in it
  18.         >Ed yawns, and you begin to as well
  19.         >as soon as you gulp for air, you sneeze right onto his back
  20.         >ugh
  21.         >“Ah, shoot. Sorry, lemme get some tissues.”
  22.         >”Ed nu wike dis game.”
  23.         >you wipe him down and toss the wad of hankies into the trash bin before you continue watching the show
  24.         >you decide not to pet him until he’s had a bath
  25.  
  26.         ---------------------------------------------------------------
  27.  
  28.         >the next day, Ed’s not up early
  29.         >now that’s pretty weird, since Tom warned you that he always gets up a bit too early in the morning
  30.         >you head into his little safe room to see what’s up
  31.         >”Ed? You alright?”
  32.         >”Nuhhh…”
  33.         >”Ed?”
  34.         >Ed is flopped onto his side, sniffling and coughing
  35.         >”What’s going on with you today, pal?”
  36.         >”Ed sweepy.”
  37.         >”Wait, a runny nose, coughing, and drowsiness? Sounds like you’ve got a bit of a bad cold there, Ed.”
  38.         >”Wha’ bad cowd?”
  39.         >”It’s kind of like when…how do I put this? It’s sickies. Is that what you call it, sickies?”
  40.         >”Ed haf sickies?”
  41.         >”Seems like it. And it doesn’t look like I can give you any medicine for it, either. The dosage would be too high for you.”
  42.         >”Wha’ bou’ fwuffy med’sin?”
  43.         >”It’s a Sunday. The store is closed.”
  44.         >”Den how Ed geh bettew?”
  45.         >you think, and think, and think
  46.         >”Ed, I’ve got an idea. Wait here.”
  47.         >as you head out the door, you hear Ed mumble something about how he wasn’t exactly planning to leave
  48.         >you get to the kitchen, and rummage through the pantry
  49.         >chicken soup always helps a cold
  50.         >no, really, science proved that shit
  51.         >but you don’t exactly have any soup, and Ed probably wouldn’t be able to stomach chicken in the first place
  52.         >fluffy ponies aren’t exactly carnivores by nature
  53.         >what you’re looking for is a package of instant noodles
  54.         >sure enough, you’ve got a pack or two lurking around in the very back
  55.         >and one of them is chicken flavored
  56.         >excellent
  57.         >you boil some water, pour it into the cup, dump the noodles into a small bowl, and carry it upstairs to Ed
  58.         >when you walk into the room, he starts sniffing at the air, trying to bask in the delicious scent
  59.         >or he’s sucking more snot up his nose, whatever
  60.         >”Ed? I’ve brought you some spaghetti to help you with your cold.”
  61.         >time to put on a show, Anon
  62.         >all of those high school drama classes are finally going to come in handy
  63.         >”Huh? Dis nu sketties.”
  64.         >”Why, what do you mean? Of course it’s spaghetti!”
  65.         >”Nice mistah, dis nu sketties.”
  66.         >you let out a melodramatic sigh, and throw yourself against the wall as if you’ve been defeated
  67.         >”Oh, you’re right. I didn’t want to have to tell you, Ed! I didn’t want to say it, but you’ve forced my hand!”
  68.         >Ed squints, trying to make sense of what you’re talking about
  69.         >”This isn’t actually spaghetti! Oh, no, no, no, no, no! This is much more than mere spaghetti!”
  70.         >”More den sketties…?”
  71.         >”That’s right again, Ed! You see, I’ve imbued this spaghetti with magical sickies-go-away power! Using exactly eleven secret herbs and or spices, I’ve managed to create something that will cure your of your ailments! Behold, dear Ed! This…is Spaghetti Soup!”
  72.         >”Sketties Soup?”
  73.         >”Yeah. Spaghetti Soup.”
  74.         >you lay the bowl down in front of him, and head out the door
  75.         >”Enjoy. Be sure to get some rest too, hmm?”
  76.         >Ed mumbles something again, but you don’t bother asking what it was
  77.         >you close the door behind you and head downstairs to catch up on some television shows not based around fluffy ponies
  78.  
  79.         -----------------------------------------------------
  80.  
  81.         >sure enough, Ed’s cold quickly passes by the next day
  82.         >it probably would’ve been gone with or without the Spaghetti Soup, but the placebo effect is a strong one indeed
  83.         >within the next few days, Tom comes to pick Ed up, and the two leave
  84.         >finally, some peace and quiet
  85.         >a couple hours later, the phone rings
  86.         >you lean over and pick up the receiver
  87.         >”Hello?”
  88.         >”Hi there, this is Bob Johnson of Fluffy Corporation Incorporated. Could I speak to a Mr. Anon Ymous?”
  89.         >”Speaking.”
  90.         >”Good afternoon, Mr. Anon. We understand that you were recently taking care of a fluffy pony by the name of Ed.”
  91.         >”…yeah?”
  92.         >”Well, Ed’s owner, Tom Richards, is a rather prolific member of this company. Ed does photo-shoots for many of our advertisements, such as Fluffghetti and Fluff Chow.”
  93.         >”Oh, wow. Tom never told me about that. Come to think of it, that’s probably why I thought Ed looked so familiar.”
  94.         >”Mmm-hmm. Now, if we’re correct, you gave Ed a food you called…’Spaghetti Soup’?”
  95.         >”That’s correct.”
  96.         >”Well, Ed was telling us about this food you served him. According to his description, it’s essentially just ramen in broth?”
  97.         >”It’s exactly that.”
  98.         >”Well, Mr. Anon, we’re calling today to let you know that we thought your idea was genius. Peddling off cheap instant food as a cold remedy for fluffy ponies is simply ingenious. We’re going to be adopting the term, as well as creating our own special variation, at the cost of 2% royalties for you. How does that sound, Mr. Anon?”
  99.         >”…That sounds good. Great, even.”
  100.         >”Excellent! We’re glad to hear it. Expect a check in the mail in a month’s time.”
  101.         >the line goes dead
  102.         >well, looks like that little sneeze got you farther than you’d think
  103.         >lucky thing that you’re allergic to fluffy ponies
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