(2) The Adventures of the Tickling-Fixated Anon in Equestria

"Chapters" in this 'epic saga' (pffffthahahaha) will be indicated by the parenthesized number (i.e. (1), (2), and so on) prefixing it in the pastes' titles.

 

I'm literally right at the character limit so it'll be fucking interesting when I reach two-digit numbers.

 

>Still be Anon in Equestria

>Seriously, this whole "being a human in a magic world of talking ponies" thing is starting to weird you out a bit

>But whatever

>Ponies are damned cute, son

>Luna shows an almost-unhealthy fascination with you tickling her

>While it was a cute and unexpected twist at the beginning, and endearing for the next few instances thereafter, now it was getting kind of stale

>You mean, let's not kid yourself, she's cute as hell when you're tickling her, but her reactions are predictable by now

>You hunger for fresh meat

>Tender, sensitive hoofmeat

>You might have a problem

>Anyways, you find yourself receiving a letter one day

>"I wish to help you with your ensemble, Anon. A man as... one-of-a-kind as yourself deserves a similarly unique warddrobe! Stop by my Boutique when chance next brings you to Ponyville -- my door is always open to you, Anon!"

>Signed with a fancy-looking 'R'

>Well, looks like it's back to Ponyville to meet with the biggest fashionista of them all -- Rarity, herself

>You'd think, by now, that your publicly-known presence would be enough to divert the weird stares from Equestrian locals

>But of course, young fillies and colts who were your co-passengers aboard the Ponyville Express pointed excitedly at you as their parents nervously attempted to stop their gaping

>Nothing new, but still made you feel like shit for how little you belonged

>Arrive at the Ponyville train station

>Ignore the veiled stares as you step off the train, shaking your head despite yourself at the unconscious embarrassment

>Well, time to find Carousel Boutique

>Too bad ponies don't really grasp the concept of maps

>Well, Ponyville isn't THAT big...

>A few hours later, you sheepishly ask an unusually-happy mare with a few bunches of berries as a Cutie Mark for directions

>She's all too eager to point you in the right direction, before walking off muttering something about buying more coolers

>Before long, you find yourself in front of-

>Well, shit, it's called Carousel Boutique, but did it REALLY need to look like a merry-go-round?

>Shrugging, you walk up to the door

>You knock

>You swear you hear a mare's voice groan with frustration

>Before you can process it, the same voice speaks aloud

>"I'm so very sorry, but we're closed for the day. Please return during normal business hours tomorrow, if you please!"

>Your hands drop to your sides

>You sigh

>Where the hell were you supposed to stay? It was getting towards evening, and ponies didn't exactly spring for hotels that you had seen

>"Uh... Ms. Rarity? It's me, Anon. You told me to stop by- I mean, I know it's getting late, but I couldn't find your Boutique, and you said you'd be open to me anytime..."

>"Anon? WAIT!"

>Her voice had slipped from grumbling indifference to enthusiasm

>You seemed to have an effect on these horses for whatever reason

>"Just- give me a minute!"

>A series of indecipherable noises emanate from beyond the door

>You frown and cock your head to one side in confusion

>Well, okay then, no need to rush on YOUR account...

>The door slams open

>A thoroughly-disheveled Rarity stands there, looking at you with an excited expression

>You note that the demure, collected pony you had briefly met some time ago was distinctly... unkempt at the moment.

>She clears her throat

>"Ah, hmm-mmm. Anon. How nice of you to come!"

>"Is this a bad time, Ms. Rarity? I can always come back tomorrow-"

>She waves a hoof in denial

>"No, no, nothing like that. Just- unexpected, that's all. Please, do come in. And you needn't call me 'Ms.', otherwise I may feel compelled to call you 'Mr. Anon'!"

>And so you found yourselves knowing yet another pony with whom you were now on a first-name basis

>You share a nervous laugh

>You both trail off and shift eyes around the shop

>Fabric rolls and clothing patterns everywhere

>She seemed to have been quite busy today

>You attempt to control your gaze from seeming too judgmental, but she notices and blushes slightly

>"Oh, PLEASE excuse the mess, Anon," she says absentmindedly as her horn begins glowing

>Random bric-a-brac begins floating about, finding its way to its appropriate storage place

>"I've just been so very busy all day today..."

>A roll of silk barely clears your nose as it floats towards its cubby

>You wisely fail to point it out aloud

>"... and I wasn't expecting you to show up, that's all!"

>"Rarity," you say comfortingly, "Really, it's not that big a deal. I'm not busy, I don't have a job like you do, we can always do this tomorrow - or some other day! I don't want to intrude on your work-"

>"Hap-bup-bup!"

>She silences you with an admonishing chirp

>You find it soul-crushingly charming

>"I said stop in any time, and by Celestia, I MEANT it!"

>She stomps a hoof determinedly, face screwed up into a stoic expression

>The unflappable expression gives way to a look of resignation as she hangs her head with a sigh

>"Oh, who am I kidding, Anon?"

>You're not sure if it's a rhetorical question

>"I don't want to offend you in any way,"

>Offend YOU? YOU'RE the one who's walking on eggshells trying not to get lynched by a herd of tiny technicolor horses

>"-It's just that I've been so busy today. You really came at a terrible time, Anon, I've been up to my eyes in orders and it's just been so stressful..."

>Her horn glows again, and you brace yourself unconsciously

>Your experiences with Luna had taught you to fear magically-thrown objects, as she remembered she could use her horn even if you could overpower her

>But it's nothing like that, she just drags a sofa to her side before flopping down upon it unceremoniously

>"Oh, Anon, you don't understand, I've been on my hooves all day..."

>Your ears perk a bit. Ohhh?

>She holds a hoof up to her eyes and stares at it, expression turning pouty

>"I simply can't bear another moment walking about, Anon."

>Your twisted mind is already working overdrive to process this information

>And it offers a wonderful opportunity

>"I'm afraid, Anon, that despite my misgivings, we will simply have to postpone this to tomorrow morning. Would that be acceptable to you?"

>You pace forward, holding your arms and hands up in a shrug

>"Well, sure, Rarity, that's fine by me," you say casually as you walk towards the self-pitying pony

>You stop an arm's-length away, no need to get too creepy in case your plan goes south

>"I just don't like to leave you alone with your poor hooves like they are..."

>She chuckles a bit, waving a forehoof at you dismissively

>"Oh, Anon, stop it," she says meekly, "it's nothing you need concern yourself with!"

>"I don't NEED to, sure," you say offhandedly, "But I CHOOSE to."

>She looks at you, brows wrinkled in consideration

>She rubs a chin with a hoof in thought

>"Do tell," she asks curiously, "what is it you have in mind?"

>It's a delicate game you're playing here...

>You have no idea where Rarity's boundaries start and stop

>Luna was pretty cut-and-dried

>But Rarity was an unknown quantity

>Here be dragons

>"Oh, nothing in particular," you say idly allowing your stare to take in the organized chaos that was the inside of the shop. "Just, you know, maybe something like a... hoof massage...?"

>Rarity blushes and claps a hoof to her mouth

>"Oh, no, Anon, I would never ask you to do something so..."

>You back up immediately

>"I'm sorry, Rarity, I didn't want to intrude or offend-"

>She shakes her head

>"No, I'm not offended, it's just... that's not really something I'd ask of a friend."

>WE FRIENDSHIP NOW!

>"What're friends for, Rarity?"

>She giggles

>"Nothing so crude as a HOOF MASSAGE, darling!"

>"Well, then, allow me to attempt to persuade you."

>You're done with the reluctant approach

>Time for forwardness

>You grasp one of those beautiful rear hooves and begin kneading the soft flesh and HOLY BALLS SHE DOES FEEL LIKE A WARM FUCKING MARSHMALLOW

>You had refused to believe

>Anyways, you lose yourself in the process

>"Oh!"

>Rarity squeaks a bit in surprise as you start, but slowly melts under your ministrations

>"Anon, mmmm... That feels... good."

>"See, Rarity? Told ya!"

>She giggles again, the girlish sound coming from the sophisticated mare delightful in its oxymoronic nature

>"Anon, stop it. You're spoiling me!"

>You chuckle warmly and continue working into the warm underhoof, appreciating the way it gives under your fingers' pressure.

>Rarity, at this point, had collapsed wholesale onto the divan, face tilted back and eyes closed in pleasure as she twisted a bit at the pleasant sensations

>You couldn't say you weren't enjoying this, yourself

>But hell, let's face it, you're a person of a distinctly one-track mind

>And while you like the pleasure of giving a foot (hoof, as it were) massage as much as the next guy, you were after one thing in reality

>And that was mining the laughter out of ponies using your fingers like so many pickaxes

>"Rarity?" you interject as you continue rubbing

>"Hmmmmmmm?" the questioning groan is long and almost-sensual, and she rolls her head and opens her eyes slightly to stare at you

>You feel almost sorry for what you're about to do

>Keyword: almost

>"Just curious, really," you say, as one hand draws back and forms into a bit of a claw. "I've heard ponies and humans share a common trait."

>"And what's that, darling?"

>If Rarity broke the trend (which, admittedly, had only one participant thus far, but still), this would become really awkward, really fast

>"Well, tell me. Are ponies-"

>Your 'attacking' hand darts forward as you shift the massaging hand into a deathgrip on her hoof

>"-ticklish?"

>"What? Anon, of course we a-WAHAHA!*"

>Success!

>She begins bucking as you begin scrabbling over the gentle pony flesh with your fingers, emanating a series of squeaks and laughter

>"HEE HEE HEE -- STOP IT, YOU RUFFIAN!"

>She manages to get the plea out before lapsing back into a series of uncontrollable giggles

>"Oh, what's the matter, Rarity? I thought you were enjoying this!"

>"No-ha-ha-hot anymore!"

>You laugh quietly as you keep working away at the marshmallowy -- and, more important to you, crazily-ticklish -- frogs of her hooves

>"Round and round my fingers go," you chant quietly in a sing-song manner

>"WAHAHAHAHA STOP ANO-HA-HAHN!"

>"When they'll stop? Nobody knows!"

>Just like Luna, the best part about tickling Rarity was the idiosyncrasy of it

>Who could expect such a reserved, fanciful mare to break down in hysterics at something like this?

>Rarity was bucking less and less, and her laughter had a breathless quality about it now

>"Ple-hease. Ple-he-he-hease no more, Anon!"

>She was reaching the exhaustion point

>At which point it was no longer fun for either party

>Time to make a clean break

>You cease tickling, shifting your grasping hand back to its cradling position and working the thumb into the 'sole' of her hoof

>The other hand joins its brother in massaging rather than tickling

>Rarity at first begins jerking away, but stops when she realizes you aren't tickling her anymore

>She looks at you with tears in your eyes, grin still stretched across her face

>"That was not very gentlemanly of you, Anon!" she says bitterly

>"I'm sorry, Rarity," you say sheepishly as you continue attempting to give her a hoof massage that's as un-ticklish as possible. "I was just trying to brighten up your day a bit..."

>"Be that as it may," she sniffs

>You stop rubbing her hooves, and they actually seem to move toward you unconsciously a bit, as if attempting to regain your attention

>She looks at you

>"Do you want me to... I can stop this, too, if you want..."

>She opens her mouth, refusal clear on her mind, but she snaps it shut in consideration. Her angry expression shifts to a -- dear god, is she really looking at you SULTRILY?

>"Oh, no need to stop, Anon, so long as you don't tickle me again..."

>"Fair enough."

>As a reminder of your recent victory, you run a thumbnail against the squishy instep of the hoof

>She yelps, looking up at you angrily

>"Sorry," you say, "finger slipped."

>She glares at you for a moment more, then laughs and flops back onto the couch.

>"Anon, you're so DARING!"

>You're far too glad of the newfound closeness with this unicorn to further test her reaction to being tickled

>But that's all right, because there's plenty of happiness to go around for both parties from something as simple as a hoof massage

>The night winds down, and it's clear nothing productive will come of the evening, but that's all right

>Rarity is happy, and that's what counts

>The two of you sit in a human-pony huddle on the couch, a blanket wrapped around you

>Rarity made tea

>You attempt to discuss, at length, her plans for your future clothing style, but you resign yourselves to the fact that productivity went firmly down the drain this evening

>So be it

>With a start, Rarity suddenly points at the clock

>"Oh, Anon! Look at the time!"

>You literally look at the clock for a few seconds, staring at it

>"...and?"

>"The train back to Canterlot leaves soon! I imagine you'll want to return tonight, yes?"

>As bizarre as it is, you're kind of hurt

>You thought you'd be able to crash here

>Not as, like, a sleeping-together thing

>Ugh, nothing like that

>Just a place to sleep

>But Rarity seems to have anticipated this, or maybe just read your expression

>"Anon, I'd offer you a place to stay, at least for the night, but my sister might be a bit... unwelcoming..."

>Sister?

>wat

>"Nothing against you, darling! But tonight is just not that good of a night..."

>"Oh, I understand, Rarity," you say dismissively. "Really," waving off her protests, "I don't hold it against you. I'm not trying to impose!"

>"It's good of you to understand," she says with a smile. "Maybe I'll introduce you to Sweetie Belle the next time you visit?"

>"I'd like that."

>"And... you will visit again... soon, right?"

>Oh god commitment

>You're terrified of commitment

>"I... yes, soon. I'll let you know."

>What the fuck are you doing?

>Rarity lights up, though

>"Really? Oh, Anon, that's wonderful news. And of course, we will need to discuss that wardrobe at SOME point..."

>You both laugh at the reminder of the totally-forgotten subject.

>"Well," you say, shrugging, "I'll be off..."

>"Of course," she says, sighing, looking to the side

>You look at her for a moment, then find yourself with an uncontrollable urge to hug her

>And so you do

>FRIENDSHIP MODE

>"Oh, Anon, you humans are so sentimental!"

>You chuckle nervously. "Yeah, heh, right. Well... here I go!"

>"Mmmm-mmmm..." She hums an assent, and with an awkward kick at the ground you turn and begin walking towards the train station

>You turn to wave to her

>You're almost surprised to see that she is, in fact, staring after you almost wistfully

>She seems taken aback by your wave, but responds with gusto

>Feeling a new sense of self-assurance, you continue walking

>And now you have a new goal in your time her in Equestria:

>Tickle every goddamned mare in the world

 

MEANWHILE:

 

Rarity watched her odd new friend walk away in that odd bipedal gait he had. The afternoon had turned out... VERY different from how she expected. To be certain, she had certainly anticipated the human being 'physical', but the extent to which he had been... she shivered and a breathless chortle went through her as she recalled the exhilaration of having her hooves pampered and tortured in series as they had been. It had been so... electrifying!

 

Humming happily, Rarity stepped back into the boutique, attempting once more to sort the shop out. A quiet clopping from the stairs told her that Sweetie had finally finished whatever project she had been invested in before.

 

"Rarity, what was all that... laughing?" the young filly asked in confusion.

 

"Oh, nothing," Rarity replied dismissively, unable to keep a mischievous grin from her face.

>>FIN