Maid Derpy

>You finally strike it big and make your fortune after working for half your life.

>You decide to move to a new town and get a fancy new house.

>You were surprised at how fast things got out of hand with the cleanliness of the things.

>You werent exactly a slob, but shit was hard to keep track of in a house as big as this.

>You give in and finally decide to search for a maid.

>You aren't exactly sure how it works, so you get on the computer and put an add on the internet.

>YOu press enter and submit the add.

>You get up to go enjoy dinner, hopefully someone will see it and answer you tomorrow.

 

>Not even thirty seconds after you put in the add, you hear a crash in one of the living rooms along with glass shattering.

>YOu rush to see what it is, and find a dishelveled blonde haired girl with a walleyed expression strewn out in the glass.

>You rush up to her side. Shes got cuts all over her.

 

"Holy shit. Ma'am, are you alright?"

 

"Y-yeah. I think so."

 

"Are you going to be alright? ...How did you manage to break through this window?"

 

>It was a bit strange considering it was on the second floor, and judging by the shards of glass everywhere, she had quite a bit of momentum coming in.

 

"I'm not sure. I heard you were looking for a maid, so I decided to drop in."

 

>You give her an incredolous look, considering you put that add out less than a minute ago.

 

"Well, you'd be right. But I think you took the 'drop in' part a little too literally."

 

>You help her up right and she gives a giggle.

 

"So when can I start?" She says hopefully.

 

"Hell, right now I guess."

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>She gives a joyful little hop

 

"Great! I'll go get a paintbrush for this! Oh, my name's Derpy by the way," she says as she runs off down the hallway.

 

"Wait! Wouldn't a broom be-" she's already out of earshot when you yell that.

 

>You aren't even sure you have a paintbrush around here. Or a broom for that matter.

>Sure, enough, she comes back with a paintbrush.

>Somehow she cleans up the mess and disposes of it before dinner.

>You find her coming back in to the house and go up to invite her to dinner.

 

"Hey, great job on that mess upstairs, oddly enough. You're welcome to dinner if you've got the time."

 

She perks up at the statement. "Sure! I'll get started on it immediately."

 

>You didn't mean to have her cook, at least not on her first night anyway.

 

"Wait, you don't have to-"

 

"What? I'm the maid, I need to cook dinner." She turned around and gave you the puppy dog eyes when you told her that.

 

>You weren't about to tell that face no.

 

"Er, alright, alright. Everything you need should be in the kitchen."

 

"Great! Just sit down in the dinning room and it'll be right out!"

 

>You obey and take a place at the dining room table.

>She starts clanging around in the kitchen, banging pots and pans everywhere.

>You become a little worried as the volume increases, but resign it to just the way she does things.

>You snap to attention as you hear the sound of metal tearing.

 

"Derpy, are you al-"

 

>The sound of flames engulfing the room erupts from the kitchen, and the smoke alarm goes off.

>You shoot out of your chair.

>An explosion erupts from the kitchen, sending shrapnel around the room and covering the doorway in a good layer of soot.

-

"DERPY!" you run up to the door, but are stopped as soon as Derpy walks out with a cart of food.

 

"What? I told you to sit down. Dinner is about to be served."

 

"What was all that about?" you motion towards the still smoking kitchen.

 

"Oh, sorry, I was just trying to cook." She casts a worried glance back to the kitchen for a moment. But returns to a smile as she ushers you to your seat.

 

"Now sit. I made one of my favorites."

 

>She sits you down and puts the food on the table for you

>This has got to be the weirdest thing that's ever been put in front of you.

>A orange, bacon, and jelly sandwich with a side of peanut butter scrambled eggs.

>You look up from your meal and give her a questioning glance.

>She's just standing there with a very wide, expectant smile.

>Everyone's gotta die someday.

>You take a bit out of the sandwich, and find it to be surprisingly tasty.

>You finish your meal and send Derpy home for the night.

 

>After waving goodbye, you go to the kitchen to inspect the damage.

>It's mostly normal, except for the counter.

>Laid across it was a cast iron skillet torn in three different peices.

>Not broken, not snapped.

>Torn metal.

>On the counter next to it was three sticks of dynamite.

>So many questions.

>What were you getting into?

>You lock up the dynamite and try to get some sleep for the night.

-

>Derpy arrives in the morning and you open the door for her.

>When you open the door you almost jump back in surprise.

>She's wearing the skimpiest maid outfit you've ever seen.

>You could've sworn the skirt didn't even cover her underwear.

 

"Derpy, what are you wearing?!"

 

"A maid uniform. It's what you're supposed to wear when being a maid, silly!" she brushes past you and makes her way inside.

 

>She looks like she bought the damn thing at a lingerie shop.

>You didn't complain too much however, it gave you quite the view, so you dropped it for now. And let her get to work on breakfast.

>This time around she brought out what seemed to be a pretty normal breakfast of waffles.

>Until you took a bit out of it.

 

"Derpy... are those, pretzels and green beans?" You look into the concoction, confirming your suspicion.

 

"Sure are! Old family recipe. Here, let me get you some more water," She says as she pours your glass full again.

 

"Thanks." You put the glass to your lips but immediately start sputtering once the liquid hits your tongue.

 

"Is that... Vodka? That's definitely vodka. Derpy, it is 8 in the morning."

 

"Sorry! I thought it was water! I'll go get something else." She starts to run off but you stop her.

 

"It's alright, just remember next time." She nods and comes back to your side.

 

>You really didnt want her to go because she would probably come back with brake fluid or something.

 

>After another odd breakfast, you follow her around the house to make sure she didnt blow up anything

>And maybe to check out the scenery a little.

 

>After watching her for a little while, you see that she has the most unorthodox way of doing things you've ever scene.

>It worked sometimes but it was pretty hit and miss.

>She broke quite a few picture frames and knick knacks when she decided to dust with a hammer.

>Even if the blunt force knocked all of the dust off.

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