Title:           [FR]Androgynous Anon's Spa Day (COMPLETE)
Author:          Hipparion
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/xrh5F38Y
First Edit:      Sunday 3rd of July 2016 11:57:40 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Sunday 3rd of July 2016 11:57:40 PM CDT

Oh, and I should mention: Anon is male.
The ponies don't know that.
 
>Day androgynous in Equestria.
>You are Anon.
>100% grade A pure man!
>You're so manly, all the mares and stallions seem to walk on eggshells when they are talking to you.
>Probably because you intimidate them so much.
>You kick your door open, revealing yourself to the world.
"Hello world! Woooo!"
>You feel so alive today!
 
>"Hello world~! Wooo~!"
"Ah just don't get it. How can it be so dang hard to find out what Anon's gender is?"
>You are Applejack.
>Currently stationed in a bush just beyond Anon's property.
>Your best friends are with you too.
>Twilight is flipping through one of the five books she brought on the sexes and everything about them.
>Rarity watches Anon through some posh binoculars, mainly just eying it's exquisitely groomed eyebrows and it's impressively knitted kilt, which she designed.
>Anon said he 'always wanted to dress up like a Scott.'
>Pinkie chats with Rainbowdash, neither of them really care.
>Fluttershy is nowhere to be found.
"Hey Rarity, when ya made Anon that skirt-"
>"Ah! It is NOT a 'skirt' Applejack, it is a kilt! No respect for culture, hmph!"
"Ugh, when ya made Anon that kilt, did... did it tell you any history about it? Like, if only a certain gender wore it?"
>Rarity taps the binoculars to her chin in thought.
>"Hm, Anon said both genders wore kilts."
>You facehoof.
>Anon has been here for almost a year now and it seems everyone has avoided addressing Anon's gender in some way or another.
"Twilight? Ya got anything in there?"
>A few strands of her mane stand on edge, bags under her eyes.
>She glares at you for stopping her reading, and you quickly look away.
>This... Anon is an enigma.
"Girls! Anon is on the move!"
>"Can't we figure out Anon's gender some other time? I have stunts to practice!"
"Shut it Rainbow, Anon's our friend and he deserves ta be addressed so!"
>"Fine! Why don't I just go and ask Anon then?"
>And with that, she is off.
>You are Anon.
>Happily strolling through Ponyville, waving and receiving waves.
>Today is a nice day.
>What could make this day even better?
>The thought makes you so giddy with excitement you just have to say it.
"SPA DAY!!!"
>You shout to the nearest mare and you hop from leg to leg giddily.
>"T-that is wonderful, Anon!"
"I know right? They are so delicate there!"
>"Right right, so, do you want some pears, Mist-"
>At that moment, time stood still for the pear selling mare.
 
>You are the pear selling mare.
>You are so fucked.
>Did you really just begin to utter 'mister?'
>What if Anon was actually a mare this whole time?
>Okay, you can salvage this, think think THINK!
>WHY ARE YOU NOT THINKING?
 
>"Mist- MIST IS GOOD FOR YOUR SKIN!"
>You are Anon.
"Really? That must be why the sauna is so effective. Uh... mist and steam are kinda the same thing, right?"
>The pear selling mare seems to have broken into a sweat just by standing here.
>Hot day, you suppose.
>"Oooh... yes, yeah they are the same thing... probably. Wooh..."
"You alright Miss? You're panting?"
>The mare looks back to you.
>"Oh! U-uh, actually not alright at all! I'm going to die soon! I-I have h-horse... cancer. I have horse cancer and I need to get to the hospital! Bye Anon."
>With that, she quickly packs up her pear stand and gallops away.
>How strange.
>Oh well.
 
>You are Rainbowdash, fastest thing alive, sex-getter of Ponyville, and soon...
>You'll be the mare who uncovered Anon's gender.
>All you gotta do now is track the... being down and confront... it.
>You're getting tired of having to pause and thing of something neutral whenever you speak about Anon.
>Can't twilight just make a gender-checker spell or something?
>Lazy, gassy pony.
>You take to the clouds, searching for the green creature with a bird's eye view.
>After a few seconds so searching (so fast) you spot it.
>It's heading towards the Spa!
>Aha! Only mares go to the Spa!
>Wait...
>Dang, stallions also go to the Spa.
 
>"Hiya Anon!"
"Hello Applejack and company, are you heading to the Spa too?"
>They all look at eachother.
>"U-uh o'course! Ya wanna tag along?"
"Sure thing!"
>"Yo Anon! Wait up, I gotta ask you something!"
>Applejack looks shocked and flustered.
>"D-dontcha worry nun about Rainbow, she probably just wants to show ya a new trick or somthing-"
"That sounds fun-"
>"O-oh no darling, Spa first, right girls?"
>"HEY ANON! ARE YOU A B-"
>Rainbowdash's mouth suddenly disappears.
>"Oh no! Sudden mouth disappearance disorder! Happens to the best of us."
"Her mouth will come back, r-right Twilight?"
>Twilight steps infront of Rainbowdash's attempt at charades and continues speaking.
>"Oh yeah, it is nothing deadly, it'll poof back in about... maybe three hours?"
>"MMMMFFFPHHHHT?"
>"Shush now Rainbow, the more you try to talk, the longer it takes your mouth to come back."
>An odd silence fills the group.
"So... Spa?"
>"Spa." They all say in unison.
 
>You are Fluttershy.
>You watch your friends from a bush.
>Hot damn, that Anonymous sure is a sexy monkey.
>Time for rape.
 
>You are Twilight.
>You signal to your fellow pony mares to let Anon take the lead.
>You stealthily whisper.
"I have a plan."
>"Oh yeah? What is it sugarcube?"
"We take Anon to the sauna and see how it puts the towel on."
"If Anon puts the towel around it's waist, Anon must be a stallion, right?"
"If Anon puts the towel where it said human breasts are, Anon must be a mare, it's foolproof."
>Amongst your whispering, Pinkie decides she must throw her two cents in.
>"That is a good plan Twilight! Anon will never expect it!"
>Fucking Pinkie.
"Never expect what?"
>"Twilight is gonna surprise you by taking you to the sauna!"
>"Oh! How lovely!"
>...
>Well, okay then.
"Sauna it is then!"
 
>You are Twilight still.
>"Hey Twi."
"Yes."
>"Do you know what human breasts look like?"
"No."
>"Shoot."
>Anon has fallen asleep in the sauna with you all.
>The opportunity you have dawns on you.
"Rarity, you're very light on your hooves, right?"
>Rarity gives you a queer look.
>"I suppose so, may I ask why you ask?"
"I want you.."
>You give yourself a moment you let the thought run through your head one more time.
"I want you to very slowly, very quietly, crawl on the floor and look up Anon's towel."
>...
>The only sound that can be heard are the hot coals still sizzling from the cool water.
"Rarit-"
>"I'll do it, just..."
>"Just give me a second please dear."
>You and Applejack exchange brief glances of worry.
>"Okay..." Rarity quietly mumbles to herself.
>She slowly lowers herself to the wooden floor of the sauna.
>The tension is more palpable then the steam at this point, and the bullets of sweat dripping from everyone's face are most certainly not from the heat.
>Inch by inch, Rarity maneuvers across the small room.
>It feels like an eternity, and she isn't even half way yet.
>This room cannot be wider than 20 feet, yet it feels like an endless labyrinth.
>You feel guilty for making Rarity do this, but it is for the ponies of Equestria.
>If we don't do this, who wi-
>Holy fuck Anon just moved.
>Rarity shakes uncontrollably on the floor, as if she was getting hypothermia.
>Despite the heat, you know she feels well below freezing.
>You do too.
>Applejack shivers in her bathrobe.
>As quietly as you can, you slowly whisper.
"It is okay, you're so close Rarity."
>You sounded as small as a mouse, but it still made both Applejack and Rarity jump a bit.
>Speaking of Applejack, she hides her eyes behind her hooves.
>Rarity has now reached Anonymous' feet.
>She gets inbetween the two, and slowly,
>ever so slowly.
>She looks up.
>Her eyes widen.
>The sauna door opens.
>Rarity teleports out of the sauna.
"CELESTIA DAMN IT!"
>Applejack looks pissed too.
>"What's the big ide- Fluttershy?"
 
>Fluttershy opened the door?
>Where has she been this whole time?!
>Unbelievable.
>She's one of you best friends, but still.
>You're peeved beyond belief.
>Anon wakes up with a very feminine snore.
>"Uggh, hello?"
>"H-hi Anonymous."
>Fluttershy wastes no time in-
>Uh.
>Woah.
>Okay.
>Applejack has just walked out.
>It's about time you do so too.
>Well, at least now you know Anon is a stallion.
>Though, he screams for help like a filly.
The end.