The God Emperor of Mankind in Equestria

>Be God Emperor of Mankind. Who knew your name? No one. So you were Anon. Haha heresy.

>Sitting on your throne. Bored as fuck. Decide to place chess with Khorne in the warp. Wreck his shit. He's so fucking mad that he makes Abbadon do another Black Crusade.

>Where the fuck was that retard getting SPESS MEHRENs from anyway? Seriously, the fuck.

>Whatever, you have shit to do. You power the astronomicon for a few days. Hurr, so boring.

>You call up Malice. At least he wasn't an absolute faggot.

>Tells you about some new chaos god. Oh shit, what.

"Where is this Chaos God. I'll send my Librarians after it."

>"Lol don't be a retard. The warp is too OP for them."

>He was right, the bastard. You'd exterminatus him if he was on a planet. But he wasn't scrub.

>You start searching the warp for the new Chaos god. You find a fully working solar system in the far reaches of the warp.

>What the fuck?

>Time to investigate. Because fuck the police; you are the Emperor.

 

>You find a planet full of horses. What. There's billions of copies of the world, all stored in the same place.

>You didn't realize you were going 88 miles an hour. Whatever.

>You walk into a bakery. The horses turn to you. Your badass armor gleams in the light.

"Where is the Chaos God."

>They have no idea what the fuck you are talking about. They are either braindead as fuck, or hiding shit from you. Probably both.

>Chaos Marines were full retard.

>You run around town, throwing buildings around, looking for a Chaos God. Where's that fucker at? You can sense it's power, as you were wearing a miniature astronomicon. And it knew things.

"Damnit. Where are you?"

>You yell out in frustration, the nearest homes disintegrating into their component atoms. Whatever, you'd just send some Mechanus to fix it later.

>You find a human in the outskirts of town. Holy shit what the fuck?

"You there. Who are you?"

>He blinks, "Uh... Anonymous. Aren't you the emperor?"

"Yes."

>You look at eachother for a while. "What are you even doing here?"

"Looking for Chaos. Where is it at?"

>He points back to the Bakery, "The Pink one is probably your best bet."

>You nod and walk back. Because of your power armor its not that long a walk.

 

>You walk back into the bakery. They had just fixed the door. Stupid xenos. Build your doors bigger?

>You point at the owner of the shop. He's a skinny horse.

"Where is the pink one."

>You clearly put too much psyker into that one. His head exploded in an explosion of blood and repetitive sentences. Oops.

>You turn to his wife. "Uh... Sorry about that. But seriously, where is it."

>You feel a thud on your shoulder. You turn to find a Pink pony looking at you. This was the CHaos God?

>"Hiya! You're really big! How'd you get so big? Ooh! I know, you ate all your vegetables didn't you! You did didn't you! You know, I keep telling Pound Cake to eat his greens but he does-"

>The Pony explodes into a mist of blood. You gather it up with your mind into a ball. You crush the shit out of it.

"It is done."

>You wait for the Chaos God's domain to explode. It doesn't.

>Wait. There were billions of copies of this strange land. Fuck.

>You realize you'll need to destroy the Pink Pony in every single one to actually defeat the Chaos God.

>You sigh. You really wished you had your SPESS MEHREEN legions to help you out with this. You life up the planet, throwing it into the sun.

>Guess you better get to it.

 

>After blowing up about sixteen of these worlds, you found yourself getting bored.

>It was better than sitting on the throne listenning to whiny Inquisitors or Guards commanders. But they didn't even show up alot.

>Your bros, the custodians made sure of that. You sigh, and focus on a rainbow maned pony that was trying to protect the Pink one of this world. It had failed.

>It breaks apart into its atoms, and you rearrange them into a Custodian bro. May as fucking well.

"Speak."

>It blinks, it's new form completely fucking different from before.

>It speaks. "What the... What did you do to me!"

"I made you a custodian. You will come with me in my conquest of this part of the warp."

>"No way! You killed Pinkie!"

>You shrug. The rainbow colored custodian disintegrates. Well it was worth a shot. You turn to a purple one. It fires a bolt of energy at you.

>It hits your chestplate harmlessly. You wipe off the spot it hit with a white leather napkin you had just made from that prissy unicorn.

"You aren't a very good Psyker, are you. You need more practice."

>"Why? Why are you hurting all my friends?"

"Your entire world is false, pony. You are trapped inside the warp. Forever. You should be thanking me."

>You raise a hand and chuck Mars at the Earth. You remanifest in another one before the collision. You didn't even have to watch the explosion to know it was big. It was like Exterminatus, but with Mars instead of gun.

>It was actually kind of boring, really.

>You decide this next one you'll make some troops to help you.

>You focus on the ground, but you're hit with a magic blast before you do anything.

>Not like it hurts you, but it wasn't expected.

>You turn to face him. You can't believe it.

 

>A fucking Chaos Sorcerer was right in front of you. How'd that happen.

>The human, the so called 'Anonymous's was flanked (haha) by a pair of ponies. One a grey Pegasus, and the other a Blue unicorn. You sensed the Unicorn was beginning to channel warp energies.

>Nope.avi

"Sorcerer. Lay down your arms."

>"How about no?"

>He unleashes a massive storm of Psy energy at you. It rips apart the landscape near you, chunks of stone flying off into the distance.

>You cross your arms, shaking your head. Did this guy not even know who you were?

>Completely unharmed, you walk towards him as he recovers. You put a hand on his shoulder.

"Anon, I'm going to blow up this planet. I suggest you leave."

>You turn and walk to Ponyville. The chunks he had blasted off had crushed a few homes. You walk into the bakery from the side.

>Doors are for scrubs.

>You point at the shopkeeper. His head explodes once again. You pull out a wall, revealing the kitchen. The Pink one, known as 'Pinkie Pie' turns to you.

>You point your bolter at her and fire.

>You had learned these things were a pain in the ass to hit. She dances, giggling off, dodging every single shot.

>Your ammo runs out. You generate another clip from nothing and reload. She bounces outside as the ground explodes under her.

>This was going to take forever.

>You sigh, and call out to it. It turns, smiling. You walk up.

>"Hiya Big Guy! Did Rarity make your armor? It's all pretty and shiny and-"

>Everything in 25 square miles bursts into flames. Volcanoes everywhere. You take a sniff.

"Mmm.. Smells like chicken."

 

>Equestria #277

>You arrive again. You walk into Ponyville. Typical stares. You don't care. Lets get this done.

>You stop. You sense an rustling in the warp. What could it mean.

>You teleport inside of the Library all these towns have. It is obliterated instantly, wooden shrapnel raining down upon the city. Hundreds dead. But they were xenos, so you weren't really worried.

>You look down. The Purple one looks up at you terrified. She's somehow still alive. You see this world's anon standing beside her.

>You notice this world's Twilight has thick glasses.

>It blinks, "Oh my god... You're the Emperor of Mankind!"

>You blink. How did this xenos know of you. The 266 other Twilight's didn't.

"Correct. You have heard of me?"

>She nods quickly, "Yeah! You're from that Warhammer series I read about online! Jeez, how could you let Horus kick your ass so bad? He's just one guy."

>You glare at her. She is converted into a decorative bottle cap. You turn to the Anon.

"Your choice in mate is regrettable."

>You turn towards Sugarcube corner, but what appears to be an ultramarine slams into you. You are moved 0.56 milimeters. You look into it's visor.

>Pinkie Pie.

>"EAT THIIIIIIIS!"

>She slams a fist into your nose and fires a bolter into your gut.

>You blink and her armor dismantles itself.

>She falls onto the ground look up at you.

>"Damn... I really thought that would work."

>You shake your head.

"Nope."

 

>Equestria #1,589

>You have completely leveled Ponyville, but there is no sign of the Pink one.

>She had become more crafty as time went on. You figured you may as well just annihilate the planet. But that's boring.

>You close your eyes. You sense the being at that mountain city. You teleport to it.

>You accidentally frag some white stallion. You look towards you to see a pink mare. This one had wings AND a horn. She was apparently casting some spell.

"Oh. Sorry about that."

>You point your bolter a Pinkie, shooting her in the face. The facesplosion destroys gets gore all over her companions. They just blink at you.

>"What manner of creature are /you/?"

>You turn to the other side of the room. A black pony insectiod. It appeared these xenos also had mutants. Oh well.

"I am the Emperor. I must destroy every Pinkie Pie in the universe to prevent more Chaos incursions."

>It blinks at you. "Oh. Well thank you for stopping Shining Armor from using that spell of his. I had a feeling it would have been an issue."

"How about I help you out?"

>You snap her figures, implanting a 'spell' to make ammo into her mind. You toss her your bolter, another one appearing in your hand as soon as the old one leaves.

"Go nuts."

>The bug thing smiles, grinning darkly at the Pink one's minions.

>You walk out of through a castle wall.

>Fuck gravity. You walk on air.

>On your way out you spot a black winged unicorn. You look at it. It looks at you.

>"Pray tell... What manner of creature are you."

>This again? You explain. She doesn't get it.

"Want to be my custodian?"

>"Er... What exactly does that job pertain?"

>Good enough. You turn her into a custodian and fly off to the next Equestria.

 

>Equestria #5,899

>You had slow wittled down the worlds. After count, you realized there was only 11,000 of them. Over half way done.

>You turn to 'Luna' your new custodian. She was not really into it at first, though you couldn't blame her that much.

>You HAD turned her into a human, male, footsoldier against her will.

>She got used to it though. Killing xenos did that.

>In the last few worlds there had been little issue. Except one word. There was some sort of mechanical humanoid Anonymous. He had punched you and Luna with a hammer. You actually flinched at that. Luna went flying though a few houses.

>She actually had crushed Pinkie in doing so. You gave the 'warforged' an even bigger hammer and had left that world to it's own devices.

>This world was... different. You had appeared in a weird technological paradise place. Flying ships, everywhere.

>Apparently Pinkie had become the god of this world. You manifested a few battleships, which fought the Pinkie fleet

>Eventually you realized the moon was a starbase. You shot at it with your bolter, hitting it's weak spot and annihilating it.

>What a waste of resources.

>You turn around, seeing a mint colored mare. She smiles up at you.

>"Wow! You're a human! You have hands!"

"And so do you."

>She looks down, and saw her new hands. She got up. She was also a custodian.

"Come with me."

>You battle your way through thousands of Clone troopers. They couldn't hit for shit. It was disgraceful.

>You snap the neck of some cloaked old mare.

>You slap a red pony with a dual bladed laser sword right out of the warp. (He would later fall into the eye of terror and become a chaos SPESS MEHREEN)

>You arrive at the Imperial place.

>Time to wreck some shit.

 

>You, Luna and Lyra burst through the walls of Pinkie's throne room. Her turns into a one winged angel of ancient human lore.

>"Life... Dreams... Hope..."

>You pass Lyra your bolter. You crack your knuckles.

>"These things... I AM GOING TO DESTROY!"

>You cast Haste, and rush her. Using your Imperial fists you punch her into the wall, creating a singularity.

>She is sucked within the singularity. You smile absently.

>You watch as the world is sucked into the black hole, Lyra and Luna handing onto your legs.

"What a senseless waste of xenos life."

>You manifest a TV and have Lyra and Luna watch every Monty Python film and short with you.

>Your battleships exterminatus the planet while you do so.

>You create a package of popcorn. It floats outside, popping instantly.

>It floats back to you. You eat a piece.

"Hm. This doesn't taste like chicken."

 

>You manifest again. You fly downward. You spot another trooper falling down.

>The shit?

>He lands before you. The shockwave your landing does sends him flying. He had some fantastic armor though. You'd have to remember that for the next legion you made.

>Whatever. You teleport your trio to Pinkie's room. She's reading a book.

>You all fire your bolters at her. She generates an insane psyker field. The recoil obliterates Sugarcube Corner and everything in a half mile around it.

"Not bad. You are getting stronger."

>"You will not defeat me again, EMPRAH!"

>She whips out a katana, placing a samurai helmet upon her head. You smirk. This had gotten quite fun.

>After a massive duel, which ripped the planet down the middle, you had won.

>You place your imperial sword on her neck.

"Any last words, Chaos God?"

>"Khorne's behind you."

>You turn. An image of Khorne is indeed behind you.

>"Hey faggot, Abbadon just took a planet outside the Eye. Get on my level, bitch."

>He gives you the finger. You turn back to Pinkie. She was gone.

>You sigh. Not this shit again.

>You spot a hole in the ground. You enter.

>It takes you to a different Equestria. In the sky.

>You fall, landing into a pool of some resort out side the pony town.

>Tidal waves. Everywhere.

>You get out of the pool. You point your gun and shoot this world's Pinkie. Now where was the other one.

>An Anon walks in, "Hey! What are you doing!"

>You turn to him. He starts.

"Duck."

>He does, and you blast the other Pinkie is the spleen with a bolt of psy.

>Not even scoped. Bitch got slayed.

>You fly back to the other world and fetch Lyra and Luna.

"Thanks for the backup."

>"Oh. Sorry."

 

>Equestria #10999

>You sigh. It was almost over.

>You decide to just chuck this world at it's star. You are surprised when the star grabs the planet with a hand of plasma, and chucks it back.

>You teleport out of the way. The sun looks at you.

>It is Pinkie Pie.

>"GOD EMPEROR. YOU HAVE COME FAR ENOUGH. FACE THE WRATH OF CHAOS!"

>You take out your sword. This is it.

>"PINKIE PIE STYLE!"

>And undescribable battle takes place. The sheer amount of Psychic energy needed to use actually causes the Astronomicon's light to flicker. Stupid Chaos Gods.

>But it was done. You stab the sun in it's solar heart. It slowly dies out.

>You turn to Lyra and Luna, who were surrounded by thousands of magazines which orbitted them like stars.

"There is but one more world to conquer. After that, this Chaos God shall be no more."

>You get into a limousine, which you willed into existance. Being in the warp had it's perks.

>For one you weren't a corpse.

>You fly to the next world.

>But you had been to it before.

>You repeat the process. But World 11,000 elude you. Years passed, but it would not be found.

>You go back to Malice.

>"Hail, Emperor. I see you are having trouble."

"Yes. I am. A hand?"

>A thousand hands appear in front of you. You roll your eyes.

"No damnit. Not like that."

>Malice laughs. "Check Terra."

 

>Using your Psychic powers, you turn two of your nearby Custodians into Lyra and Luna. You weren't going to leave them behind. You open your ancient eyes. There was a High Lord ranting on about some green and purple spacecraft which refused to die.

>It had flown out of the Eye of Chaos and was coming straight for Terra

>Thousands of SPESS MEHREENs had already fallen to it.

>Millions of Guardsmen lost. Countless Sisters of Battle defeated.

>Every single Segmentum fleet had amassed on Earth. Every chapter had sent all they could spare.

>So many custodians. Everywhere.

>The ship comes. It tears right through your fleets. Son of a bitch.

>You hear fighting outside. It was the Heresy all over again.

>The Titans fall. This was it.

>The custodians prepare for battle, "This is it! We cannot fail the emperor!"

>Your palace's roof caves in. You see the bridge of the green and purple ship. It had flown right into you.

>All your custodians, Lyra and Luna included, point their weapons at it.

>There is a pause.

>A hatch on the ship opens, a ladder falling out of it. A pink pony slides down it.

>She's smiling brightly. She slowly walks towards you.

>"Not another step, xenos!"

>You manage to raise a hand.

"Pinkie Pie. What are you doing on Earth."

>She smiles up at you, a smile so large it shouldn't have been possible. But it happened.

>"Well, I've been trying to do something for you for aaages!" She takes in a deep breath.

>She begins to sing. "This is your singing telegram, I hope it meets you well! You're invited to a party cause we think you're really swell!"

>It continues. You all watch on. She finishes and places an invitation onto the floor. She reenters her ship and flies away.

>A custodian birngs the letter to you.

>You look at it. It was indeed an invitation.

>You sigh and imperial sigh.

>Fucking Chaos Gods!