Hearts and Holdouts Chapter 3

Hearts and Holdouts

Chapter 3: Broccoli

 

>A few days have passed since you first brought your Little Pony® to your home.

>Since you weren’t actually supposed to be in town, you couldn’t go out to do much.

>Most of the time was spent watching for your neighbours.

>Your ‘lovely’ neighbours. Eurgh.

>They’re obviously out to get you. Why else would they be so neighbourly?

>Today, you’re downstairs, warming up the last of your delicious pizza. Cadance isn’t awake yet, but you know she’ll want some food. It always counts to be prepared.

>Of course, warming up pizza is a painfully easy thing to do. You put it in the oven and wait.

>And wait. And on rare occasions wait some more.

>...

>It’s not exactly an entertaining activity.

>As such, you head off to find something else to do to kill some time. Perhaps you’ll get back to spying or something.

>Or, perhaps you’ll talk to the princess, who is now awake.

>You see her standing in the hallway, just outside the ‘gift shop.’

“Oh, good morning, princess. Sleep well?”

>She lets out a yawn. “Mmm, fine. Are you warming up more pizza?”

>The Little Pony® frowns. While she hasn’t said anything, you’re pretty sure she’s getting a tad tired of pizza.

>Which, to be honest, is totally whack. How can anyone get tired of pizza?

“Yeah. How’d you figure that?”

>”I can smell it. You can’t?”

>You raise an eyebrow, taking a moment to sniff at the air. It smells suspiciously like absolutely nothing.

“Nope. Guess that’s just a pony thing.”

>She doesn’t respond, instead choosing to wait for you to say something.

>When nothing comes, she sighs and begins walking forward; you quickly step out of her way.

>The mare passes you, stopping at the couch to hop up onto it.

>It takes you a second to realize she has a book on her back, and before long it glows and is held open before her.

>Not one to interrupt the royalty, you head off to spy on something or other.

>Because that’s what good guards do. Probably.

-

>A bit later you come back to check on the pizza. By now even your inferior pig  disgusting nose can smell it.

>It takes you a couple minutes to get the stuff out; burns are not fun, after all.

>Though, really, the pizza isn’t even that hot. Whatever.

>You split the remaining slices into two even piles, which land onto matching plates.

>A few moments later you’re at the couch. Cadance puts her book down, replacing it with the plate in front of her.

>”Thank you...”

>She forces a smile. You can tell because of her eyes and having seen numerous forced smiles in your day.

>Or was it the pixels? Eh, it doesn’t matter.

“No problem. Let me know if I can make your stay any more comfortable.”

>She shakes her head. “N-No, that’s alright. You’re already going the extra mile with your security thing...”

“Nah, I always do that.”

>She frowns but doesn’t say anything to that, instead choosing to take a bite of her delicious pizza. You do the same.

>The mare was quick to put a stop on the whole eat-my-food-in-ten-seconds thing, but decided the appropriate replacement was to now eat her food very, very slowly.

>Thanks to her royal manners, you’re done with your food a good five minutes before she’ll be done with hers.

“Well, Cadance, I’ll be blunt. We’re out of pizza.”

>She perks up at this, the floating slice of heaven stopping short of her mouth. “Oh?”

“I know, I know. It’s terrible. Luckily, I can get more really easily, so if you want any specific kind just let me know.”

>You shrug.

“Unless you like cheese, of course.”

>”Um... Well, perhaps we could... get something else?”

>Gasp! How completely expected.

“I’m pretty sure Dante makes Panzerotti. I could pick up a few of those I guess.”

>The princess groans. “No... I think we’ve had enough pizza... It’s not all that good for us; how about some salad?”

>She smiles, slowly getting a bit excited at prospect of green plants.

“...I can’t really make those, Cadance. I’m a pizza kind of guy.”

>The pony rolls her eyes. “Salads are easy to make! You get the ingredients and I’ll show you!”

>You sigh.

“As long as you don’t put flowers in it. I can’t eat that stuff.”

>The mare frowns. “But flowers are delicious!”

>You give her a look and, while you expected her to continue arguing for daisies or similar, she doesn’t.

>Perhaps it’s because she’s a guest at your home and you don’t really have to protect her.

>Either way, she decides against arguing further. “Well... can you get me something to write with? I’ll put down what we’ll need.”

“Alright... You eat, though. You’re still looking a bit skinny.”

>The Little Pony® frowns, self-consciously inspecting the lack of meat on her bones.

>Though, for all you know, she’s supposed to look like this.

>It’s not like you’ve run into lots of Alicorns or anything. Celestia and Luna are the only others you can think of.

>When you get back, Cadance quickly jots down a bunch of things onto a sheet of paper.

>Lettuce, green peppers, red peppers, and some other things. Things like broccoli.

“...Now, I may not be a salad-enthusiast, but I’m pretty sure broccoli doesn’t go in salads...”

>Cadance simply smiles, content that she knows something you don’t. “Don’t you worry, Princess Cadance knows how to make a salad.”

“Mhm...”

>And with that you head out, wielding a bag, lods of emone and your doubt. Broccoli salad?

>Leave it to the Little Ponies® to come up with such silly things.

>At least there’s no hay...

-

>Some time later you arrive at the Ponyville market. It’s a bit quieter than usual, but with a Canterlot Wedding about to occur, and then promptly fall apart, you’re not overly surprised.

>Most of your neighbours actually went out to Canterlot; you only actually had one house still inhabited to spy on.

>As you approach the first stall for the lettuce, you glance over to the mountain-side city, easily visible even from the little town of Ponyville.

>Just like every other time you’ve looked over in the last week, a big pinkish purple shield encapsulates the entire thing. Safe and secure.

>However it soon becomes clear you’re not all that safe and secure, since nearly every vendor decides to comment on the fact you never, ever, buy food from them.

“Yes, I know. How much are the carrots?”

>”One bit each. You know, Anonymous, I’m glad to see you’ve decided to eat healthier! Pizza is nice and all, but it shouldn’t be every meal of every day! You could get really fat if you eat that stuff nonstop.”

>The yellow mare with the big orange mop of a hair-do pauses, glancing back and forth. “Just like, well, Dante. But don’t tell him I said that.”

“Dante isn’t fat. He’s big boned. I’ll take four.”

>She slides the carrots forward and you complete the transaction, quickly stuffing your new product into the bag.

>In your rush, you forget to say goodby to Carrot Top.  You don't think she'd be offended by that, she should've see you were in a hurry right now.

>After a few more stops you only have one thing left to buy: the broccoli.

>To your horror, there’s actually a line-up. As it turns out, the green tree vegetable is on sale.

>Two for a bit! While supplies last!

>Sighing, you patiently wait for the ponies ahead of you to make their purchases.

>However, when the mare ahead of you pockets her goods and turns to leave, she instead decides to look up at you.

>Her face flashes quickly between confusion, shock, disappointment and finally anger, the formers not quite in that order.

>”Anonymous?”

“Yes, Bonbon?”

>”You’re buying broccoli?”

“Yes.”

>She glares at you. “Why?”

“To eat. This stuff is very good for you.”

>She snorts. “Mhm. It is. And you don’t eat things that are good for you. What are you up to?”

>You sigh and slip ahead of her, placing three bits onto the counter, the broccoli pony merchant not saying a word.

>”Well?”

“I don’t recall what I do with things I buy being any of your business.”

>”They are when you use them to look into my house. I wouldn’t put it past you to stuff cameras into them and lob them in through my back window.”

>You can practically taste the venom on her words.

“Now, now, Bonbon. You know I’d never be so obvious.”

>She glares at you. “Don’t think just because you’ve got Lyra around your hoof that you can fool me! I know you’re trouble—I just have to prove it. You’ll see!”

>The candy pony storms off, grumbling angrily.

>You turn to the broccoli merchant, unfolding your list of things to buy.

“I’ll take two. I doubt I’ll need that much anyway...”

>The vendor nods a quietly pulls out your little green trees, which you promptly pack away with your change.

>”Would you really throw broccoli cameras into her house?”

“Of course not. I’d use potatoes for that; less chance of her eating them.”

>The vendor gives you a look, to which you thank her for the product before heading off..

>Though, thinking about it, vegetable cameras are a pretty dandy idea. Perhaps you’ll try that sometime.

>Not that there’s any secrets Bonbon could possibly have that’d be worth so much trouble to get. It’s not like she’s some sort of spy or anything.

>...

>Looking down at your purchased products in hand, you're still not sure how Cadance is going to incorporate /broccoli/ into a salad.

>It’ll probably be surprising. And surprises are not fun.

>Well, most of the time.

-

>Just like last time, Cadance is not hanging out in your living room when you get back.

>It’s not a big deal, though. You can’t really say you’re looking forward to your new healthy meal.

>After putting down the bag of stuff, you count up how many bits you’ve got left.

>You’re a tad surprised; you’ve spent way less money than you usually would.

“Huh…”

>Not about to start trying to dissect the vegetables, you head off to go find the princess.

>She’s standing in her bathroom again, a light blue glow holding her mane into big poofy curls.

>They look extra weird.

“Uh, Cadance? What are you doing?”

>Once again you’ve startled her. “Hm? Oh, Anonymous, you’re back! Did you find everything?”

“Yeah. But seriously, though, what are you doing?”

>Her eyes drift to her floating tufts of hair. “Oh, this? It’s just a spell aunt Celestia taunt me. It’s great for styling big manes on a budget.”

>She smiles.

“…Aunt Celestia?”

>The glow fades, but her mane stays fancily rolled up like a sort of candy.

>With that, she walks on by, heading for the kitchen. “Yep! Now, let me show you the magic of salad!”

>Yeah, um, right.

>You slowly follow her, though you can’t help think how lucky that Shining Armour guy is.

>After all, he’d have to be if he’s found a girl who actually enjoys cooking. Heh…

>The princess of some place you still haven’t clarified already has all of the stuff out by the time you catch up.

>The dream of perhaps sitting back and letting her do everything dies quickly, and soon you’re roped into chopping up carrots.

>Well, after washing them. And the lettuce. As well as everything else.

>”See, Anon, it’s easy!”

>You turn to her, grunting.

“Pizza is easier, though.”

>”You’ll get over it.”

>A few minutes of infinite suffering later, everything’s nice and chopped up, ready to be put together.

>Which your pink companion does with literally no fanfare, thanks to her magical magic.

“…That was anticlimactic.”

>She raises an eyebrow at you. “It’s just a salad, Anonymous.”

>You look over at the container. It’s the biggest one you own, and even it’s barely big enough to hold all of that green stuff.

“A very big salad. I almost expected a song, to be honest.”

>”Well, maybe next time then. I don’t suppose you sing?”

“Nope.”

>She shakes her head. “Come on, Anonymous, everyp0ny sings!”

>You shake your head.

“Neigh. Singing is not for me. Now, what do we do with this salad?”

>Cadance sighs, turning to the bowl of green. “Well, we just ate, so I suppose we’ll just save it for now.”

>A cupboard opens up and out of it comes a plate, which covers the bowl.

“I suppose I have to put it away?”

>The princess shrugs. “I can do it—“

“Meh, I’ll do it. You go… do something else. What have you been up to anyway?”

>You snatch up the large bowl, which is a lot lighter than you expected. There’s a /lot/ of stuff in there…

>She frowns. “I’ve been reading those books you gave me.”

“That’s all? Don’t you get bored?”

>She shakes her head as you open up the fridge. “Of course not! There are lots of stories to read!”

>You look back.

>”…Though, well… I’m sort of running out of books.”

“…Didn’t I give you like ten or something? How have you gone through them so quickly?”

>She shrugs.

>Damn. All those books in two days?

>If that was you, you’d probably have cut up your fingers on the pages, or dropped them on your feet.

>Or more likely just gotten tired of it very quickly and given up.

>Your good friend awkward silence returns, leaving both you and Cadance sort of standing around.

“So…”

>”Yep…”

“You mentioned something about Celestia being your aunt?”

>The mare perks up. “Oh yes, that’s right. That’s part of why I’m a Princess too, actually.”

>Because making up titles for your relatives is completely legitimate. Hrm.

>Wait. But if Celestia’s her aunt, doesn’t that make Luna…

“Does this mean you’re Luna’s daughter then?”

>The pink pony princess gapes, perplexed by your preposterous proposition.

>”Wh-What? No. No! Luna’s my aunt too!”

“…But Celestia’s only sibling is Luna. Who are you related to then?”

>The princess opens her mouth, set to reply, but realizes she has no explanation.

>After a moment, “Uh… You know, I’m not actually sure. I’ll have to ask the Princess about that one of these days…”

“That’s probably a good idea.”

>Your conversation somehow ended up with the two of you in the living room again.

“Your hair still looks a bit silly.”

>She huffs. “You’re just saying that. My hairstyle is very popular.”

“Oh yes, I’m sure.”

>Cadance smiles sheepishly, breaking eye contact. “W-Well, that’s what I’ve been told.”

>You shrug, sitting down. “Hey, what do I know? I’m no horse.”

>She takes the seat on the other side of the big hunk of furniture. “Most ponies would probably be offended by that.”

“And why is that? The statement’s true last time I checked.”

>”There’s a huuuge difference between a pony and a horse, Anonymous.”

>Eh?

“…I don’t follow.”

>She sighs, shaking her head. “You really should do more research into these things. Horses live in Saddle Arabia, and look very different from us ponies. Assuming they’re the same is insensitive!”

"Well, shouldn't it be offensive to the horses that you ponies are offended being compared to them?  From where I'm from, that's racism through and through.  I thought you ponies were tolerant of almost everything..."

>She doesn’t have a clue how to respond to that one.

>After a moment, she shakes her head. “You’re right! I... I didn’t realize. I should have known better.”

“Eh, things happen.”

>”But they shouldn’t happen! We can’t just assume things about other ponies. Or, well, horses. I’ll have to do something about this...”

>You shrug. Honestly, you don’t see her becoming the next Martin Luther King Jr. Especially since you’re pretty sure there’s no horses living in Equestria.

>Besides, that black guy’s hair didn’t look anything like taffy. Not like it’d taste like it, or anything.

>In all of this though, it doesn’t dawn on you that you’re doing that staring thing once again.

>”…Anon, you’re staring at me again.”

“I do that sometimes.”

>She waits, hoping you’ll avert your gaze. Just to fuck with her, you do the opposite.

>The pony pouts, before standing up in her seat.

>”Fine! If you’re going to stare at me, I’ll just stare at you.”

>Slowly she walks over to you, staring intently into your eyes. You can’t help but grin.

>The two of you remain locked in your rather silly positions for almost a minute before you move.

>Your hand shoots out, grabbing one of the poofy curls that make up the mare’s mane.

>You hold it up in the small space between your heads, squeezing it.

“Have I ever told you your mane looks like candy?”

>She blinks, not sure how to respond. “What...?”

“Seriously, it’s like purple taffy.”

>The mare gawks, a light blush appearing on her face. “No it doesn’t! It doesn’t look anything like... taffy.”

>She jerks her head away, mumbling. You laugh.

>”I-It’s not funny.”

“It sort of is. Honestly it’s not that big of a deal. Cheer up.”

>She shakes her head, sighing.

>That’s when you hear what sounds like a bunch of Little Ponies® running around outside.

>You look over at your door, wondering what the fuck, when someone begins to knock on it.

>The princess flinches at the noise.

“Cadance?”

>She’s already on her way. “I’ll be in my room. Let me know when they’re gone.”

>You stand from the seat, waiting a moment for the princess to successfully make herself scarce. After a breath, you get the door.

“Yes?”

>You keep forgetting these horse creatures are barely waist length, and quickly look down at the scared pony.

>It’s none other than your good pal Lily, who seems only slightly more jittery than usual.

“Oh, hi Lily. What’s going on?

>”C-Canterlot’s exploding! Where’s your shovel? We need to get into the air raid shelter!”

>You blink. What? When was this?

>That can’t be right. It was fine the last time you checked!

>First things first, though. A shovel.

>For reasons not known to anyone in particular, you happen to keep a shovel on your coatless  coat rack. You snatch it up.

>The mare happily takes it. “T-Thanks! The five shovels I have all went missing from my coat rack!”

>...

>You close the closet before she can notice those ‘missing’ shovels of her’s.

“Uh, yeah. Have fun. And watch that second step. It’s probably still wobbly.”

>She nods and runs off.

>Who would have thought you’d be recruited to build an air raid shelter under Lily’s house. Or was it Daisy’s house? Eh, it doesn’t matter.

>Now then, Canterlot.

>You calmly close the door and rush upstairs to the one room you excluded from Cadance’s initial tour of the place.

>Just a storage room, this one, nothing of consequence lies within, besides a few more boxes.

>However, the window here is in a perfect position for looking toward Canterlot.

>Wielding your binoculars, you push aside the curtains and turn toward the mountain city.

>And, lo’ and behold, the shield is gone.

>While the zoom isn’t some sort of telescopic bullshit, you can definitely tell something’s blowing up, though you don’t know what’s causing the blowing up.

>You sigh.

>Shouldn’t the royal guard be stopping them? Where you’re from, blowing up things is strictly against the rules.

>Well, unless you have a permit, and you highly doubt the changelings have enough for all of them.

>Either way, Cadance’s stay has definitely been extended.

>Though, that’s not exactly a bad thing. Thus far she’s been more than friendly and only mildly annoying.

>You turn to return to Cadance, but she’s already standing at the doorway.

“You know, the idea behind hiding is not to leave until someone gets you.”

>”Anonymous, what’s going on?”

>Straight to the point. Great.

“Do you want me to butter it up? It’s not good news.”

>She flinches back, thinking for a moment.

>The pony shakes her head. “What happened?”

“Canterlot is sort of exploding. I’m pretty sure you can guess why.”

>”W-What!?”

>You try to force a smile. “I-It just means, well, that the changelings are fighting and stuff. And then the guard will beat them and everything will be alright. Maybe.”

>”Anonymous, Canterlot shouldn’t be exploding! If the city’s being damaged th-that means the guard are losing...”

>Yeah, no kidding.

>The question is, what happened to Shining Armour? He’s the one running, or was running that big shield.

>If it’s gone, where’s he?

>The same thoughts seem to going through Cadance, though she’s taking it significantly worse.

>She clenches her eyes shut, rushing over to the window, but you step in the way.

>”Move! Let me see!”

“Cadance, there’s nothing to see.”

>The princess looks just about ready to try ordering you around, but stops.

>She backs away, but her legs give out before she gets too far.

>You kneel down, taking a hoof to help her up. “T-Thank you.”

“No problem.”

>The mare takes a few breaths. “I... What do we do now?”

>You shrug.

“We continue as planned. You stay here, I buy you pizza—or salads, I guess—and we wait it out.”

>”B-But Shining Armour! He could be hurt, or worse!”

“And you’ll get hurt or worse if you go to save him. We have literally no idea what’s happening.”

>She lowers her head, thoroughly defeated.

“Come on, it’ll turn out fine.”

>”How can you say that? You’re the one who’s always being paranoid about everything going wrong.”

>You cross your arms, glancing toward your boxes. There’s at least a few emergency tools in there, in the event you need to flee the country...

>But if you think about it, you’d probably never have to actually do that. The ponies aren’t about to run you out of town.

>It’s not like you’re some blithering alcoholic or something.

“Cadance, just between you and me, my paranoia’s, well, I expect things to happen all the time. That’s not saying they will, though. During my time in Equestria, things have gone wrong maybe once, and even that turned out fine.”

>She looks up. You give her another smile, this one a bit better.

“Besides, I’m a fun guy aren’t I? I know we haven’t, well, done anything at all, but you’ll see. The days will fly by!”

>Her eyes slowly gaze behind you, to the window.

>”I hope so, Anonymous...”