Pastebin launched a little side project called HostCabi.net, check it out ;-)Don't like ads? PRO users don't see any ads ;-)

Untitled3 sec ago
Untitled3 sec ago
UntitledLua | 4 sec ago
Untitled7 sec ago
Untitled7 sec ago
Untitled7 sec ago
UntitledJava | 24 sec ago
Proxys29 sec ago

Anon and Chrysalis Ch27

By: HeshieokFasla on Jul 21st, 2012 | syntax: None | size: 50.24 KB | hits: 714 | expires: Never

download | raw | embed | report abuse | print

Text below is selected. Please press Ctrl+C to copy to your clipboard. (⌘+C on Mac)

The Marvellous Mishaps of Anon and Chrysalis
Chapter 27: Peace through Superior Firepower
>You awoke groggily the next day, having gotten fuck all for sleep.
>That’s what you get for staying up to... what was it? Two? Three? Who knows.
>It was early, though. Maybe seven. Your clock had been destroyed during the raid, so you couldn’t be sure.
>Oh well. Time doesn’t exist anyway.
>You get out of bed and head off to routine your morning. You can’t be assed to get an extension for today.
>Slowly, but surely, you brush your teeth to shiny perfection. Damn, though, if you don’t look awful.
>Protip: Get more than four hours of rough sleep at night.
>You do your best to look presentable. It doesn’t work.
>Whatever. You decide that you’ll spend today cleaning up your house to make way for Chrysalis’ impending return.
>Despite your home being sacked a few days ago, you’re certain she’ll still chew you out if it isn’t to her high standards.
>And that’s what you did, making use of every tool available to ensure the building was nice and clean.
>Derpy didn’t even mind. In fact, she was happy to see you being productive.
>If only this place had vacuums. You had mentioned the concept to Twilight a few times, but it’d be pointless if she couldn’t make one on a ball.
>Seriously. Fixed vacuums are useless.
>Instead you got a lovely rag and just dusted everything you came across, living or otherwise.
>Derpy gives you an annoyed look when you randomly start wiping any contaminants off her face.
“Just making everything is clean, Derpy.”
>Next was the laundry.
>You gathered up just about every piece of clothing in the house, which was quite a bit more than one might expect, and take all of it your dedicated cleaning facilities.
>Derpy came into the room, mostly to watch you silently.
>As you put the various goods into the various machines, she starts up some conversation.
>”So, Anon... How did you sleep?”
“Poorly.”
>You really aren’t in the mood for any chitchat. You hope she gets to the point soon.
>”Ah... Yes. I noticed. You look pretty bad, Anon. You should take a break; I can handle this.”
“I’ll be fine. Go relax. You’re in heat, aren’t you?”
>She blushes. “Er... Yes. I am. But it’s nowhere near as bad now! It’ll probably die off completely in a few days.”
“Better safe than sorry. Go relax. Or clop, if you’d prefer. I won’t judge you.”
>Your words pierce into the mare. You’re being much colder than usual.
>”Just get some rest, Anon...” She leaves you.
>You feed a handful of colourful shirts to the washing machine, but suddenly stop.
>Fuck, man. Why on earth are you doing on the laundry on a Thursday morning?
>It’s like you’ve lost control of your life...
>You sigh, and continue to load up the machines. May as well finish what you’ve started...
>Eventually Derpy dragged you off to Sugarcube Corner.
>She apparently just wanted you to get out of the house or something. That being all cooped up would be bad for your complexion.
>Of course, then she had the nerve to leave you there to go deliver mail.
>How dare she have stable employment! Who does she think she is?
>Grumbling, you enter the establishment, taking a look around.
>Pinkie and her sisters are all standing around the front, talking. From the sound of it, about last night’s play.
>Blinkie is the first to see you. “Oh! Hi, Anon!”
>You sigh and walk over, hands in your pockets.
>The trio all become silent as they notice your tired visage. Something was obviously on your mind.
>You stand there in silence for a few minutes, none risking to break the silence that had enveloped the room.
>None, besides Inkie. “Jeez, you look like crap. What happened to you?”
“I didn’t get any sleep. I also did the laundry.”
>Inkie gawks at this, absolutely horrified. “You poor thing! Come on girls, we have to help Anon!”
“...What?”
>Before you could even react, Pinkie and Inkie dragged you away to the kitchen of the confectionary, leaving Blinkie by herself.
>As it would happen, the Pink and Ink of the Pie trio were not fans of cleaning up things.
>And, to help you recover, decided to load you up with all manner of sweets and candies. For free.
>You then found yourself walking about town, looking for a good place to sit and eat your sugary foods.
>While a long time ago you’d be opposed to the sweet taste of most of the food, it had grown on you.
>You still made sure to get primarily donuts, which weren’t drenched in liquid diabetes.
>It was a wonder anyone could eat those cupcakes.
>Eventually you resigned yourself to a nearby park, sitting down on a bench with your goods.
>Unfortunately, you wouldn’t get to eat in peace, as soon enough a number of ponies noticed you.
>Apparently this was Lyra’s bench. How would you know that?
>”Anonymous? What are you doing on my bench?” That’s how.
“Lyra, you don’t own the bench. Please go away.”
>She glares at you. “No way, Anon! First you won’t help us out with our estrus, and now you’re sitting on my bench! Only Bonbon and I can sit on that bench!”
“Deal with it, Lyra.”
>She would stand there, glaring daggers at you for almost twenty minutes before you’d manage to get her to go away.
“If I give you a box of cupcakes, will you fuck off?”
>She blinks. “...An entire box?”
“Yes. Final offer. Take it or leave it.”
>After deciding that she could share them with her lovely marefriend, she took off, box tucked safely on her back.
>You honestly would have just given them to Derpy anyway. You’ve got too much shit here to eat.
>And eat you would, at least until another distraction reared its ugly head.
>Not that Pipsqueak was a particularly ugly colt.
>No, he was more... well, he wasn’t really adorable, at least in your eyes.
>Rainbow Dash had thought otherwise, but her sense of style has always been skewed.
>”Hi, Mr. Anonymous!”
>You sigh, slowly turning your gaze to face the small colt that had hopped onto the bench beside you.
“Hello, Pipsqueak.”
>You take a bite into a chocolate donut, savouring its deep and strong flavour. Mmm...
>This seems to creep out the colt just a bit, as he leans away from you, his smile faltering.
>”Um... what are you doing?”
“Enjoying delicious food. What can I help you with?”
>He blinks, just realizing his apparent reason for coming by. “Oh! Right! Well, I heard you were in a play yesterday! A play about Luna!”
>Oh boy. Just what you DON’T want to talk about.
>Ever since the Nightmare Night where he (and yourself) had met the Princess of the Night, he had become obsessed with the mare. Almost unhealthily so.
>It didn’t help you that as far as he knew, you were great friends with said princess.
>Sure, you were at least a bit more than acquaintances for awhile... But then she started to obsess over you.
>It makes you wonder if all of Luna’s followers were like this. It seemed likely.
>You had managed to get Pipsqueak to leave you alone by suggesting he mail the princess many months ago. Of course, you never expected her to write back, but hey, it worked.
>That of course, leaves the question of why he’s here now, though...
>Reminiscing clearly has its price. You had completely zoned out, forgetting what was going on at all.
>Pipsqueak, ever observant, brought you back to Earth.
>”Um, Mr. Anonymous? Are you okay?”
“No, Pipsqueak. I am not okay. What did you need again?”
>He smiles, bringing the subject back to his favourite princess. “The play, Anon! You were in a play about Luna!”
>Nightmare Moon, actually. But whatever, he’s a kid. He probably can’t even tell the difference...
“Yeah, I was. What about it?”
>”I heard the princesses came to watch! What was it like? Did you see Luna?”
>Right to the point, huh? [spoiler][/spoiler]”The play was fine, barring certain... technical problems.”
>And now for the touchy subject. You figure you’ll just lie. It’s not like anyone bar Luna actually knows about last night’s... antics.
“As for Luna, no. She had to go back to Canterlot after the show ended. I didn’t see her at all last night.”
>He looks sad. “Oh... That’s too bad.” He shuffles in his seat nervously.
>You pick up one of the many boxes of donuts and place one beside him, surprising him.
“Go nuts. I’ve got too many of these things anyway.”
>He gets this wide grin. “Wow! Thanks!”
>You just sit there for awhile, ending up sharing that box and the one you were already eating with the little pirate. You actually feel a bit better too.
>However, you can’t just sit here forever, and eventually depart.
>Pipsqueak, however, comes with, following you as you make your way back home.
>You really want to just ask him to go, but you also don’t want to hurt the little guy’s feelings. From what you’ve determined, he’s not exactly a popular fellow.
>Just like his idol. Why do those two have so many similarities?
>However, as your home comes into view, you eventually realize you need to cut him off eventually.
“Uh, Pipsqueak? Don’t you think you should be heading home?”
>He gives you a puzzled look. ”Why? It’s the middle of the day!”
“Because, Pipsqueak. My house is... dangerous. Yes. You might get hurt if you go there.”
>He falters. “Dangerous? But why is your house dangerous?”
>You turn to him, kneeling down. “Because, Pipsqueak, Chrysalis lives there. She’s the most dangerous creature in the universe!”
>That spooks him quite good. You can’t help but smile. “O-Oh...” he says.
>The colt shakes his head. “N-No, you’re right, I should get home. Thanks for the donuts, though!” You nod at him.
>And with that, the mildly annoying colt is gone, likely to go do whatever it is mildly annoying colts do.
>That leaves you with the ability to head right on to your house and hide there until your Queen returned.
>Except, now there’s a trio of royal guard standing about your home. They seem to be looking for something...
>And that something is you.
>Well, this is just what you need.
>Shaking your head, you walk over to the royal guards, who quickly become aware of your presence.
>One of them runs right at you, stopping maybe three steps in front of you. He seems upset.
“Problem, officer?”
>”Where have you been? You’re not supposed to wander the city on your own!”
>You laugh. [spoiler][/spoiler]”Sorry, Mom, I’ll be sure to tell you next time. What are you guys doing here?”
>”Princess Celestia has sent us to ensure your safety. The raid on your home cannot be allowed to be repeated.”
>You raise an eyebrow at him. Huh. So Celestia did care. That’s nice, at least.
“Um, okay? Well, I’m heading inside anyway. Have fun standing around.”
>The lead guard glares as you walk past, entering your lovely house.
>While perhaps in another mood you’d pester the guard, or at least try to chat them up, right now you just want eat your donuts.
>Or, more accurately, watch Dinky eat your donuts.
>Which she did, to the point where she was almost sick. You both agreed to not tell Derpy about that little misadventure.
>It would bring hell to every member of the household. And you can’t have that.
>Outside, the trio of guards did what they did best: stand around and look important.
>Ever since their humiliating defeat at Cadance and Shining Armour’s wedding, the remains of the Royal Guard had become increasingly paranoid, especially when it came to changelings.
>Or the human that was so close to their royalty. Something just seemed off about him.
>No matter. The Princess wanted him to be kept safe, and it would be so.
>Other than the Mailmare which also lived here, no ponies would be getting in or out.
>Not even a particular Rainbow Dash, who lingered for some time, trying to sneak by.
>However, a few empty arrest threats were more than enough to scare her off.
>Unfortunately, another pony would make their job even more difficult.
>Applejack, as she was known. The supposed organizer of the siege. She had been seen lurking nearby.
>”Should we remove the human from the site, sir?”
>The squad leader, a fairly twitchy pegasus, frowned. “If you see her again, we will. But for now...”
>His subordinate nodded, returning to his post.
>A few hours passed. A few more ponies came by. Most were redirected.
>That’s when the orange farmer came by once again.
>”Uh, what are y’all doing here? Ah’m... uh, just curious. That’s all.”
>She had been sent away, like many others.
>But their orders were specific. Ensure the safety of Anonymous.
>Even if it meant removing him from Ponyville entirely.
>You had enjoyed your day with Dinky. Unfortunately, the guard had determined that ‘Ponyville was no longer safe’ and that ‘you’d need to be taken to a secured location in Canterlot.’
“Yeah, uh, no.”
>”This isn’t negotiable, Mr. Anonymous. Please come with us; we have a carriage en route as we speak.”
“...You have a carriage en route? How exactly did you manage that?”
>The third squad member, a unicorn, gives you a disappointed look. You smile nervously at him. Oh. Right.
>”We’re doing this in your best interest. I assure you, nothing bad will come of this.”
“So why don’t I believe you? And what about Dinky here? You’d leave this filly all by herself?”
>”Considering you did exactly that a few hours ago, I am confident in her abilities to take care of herself.”
>We’re in check, Anon. What’s our next move?
>Shit man, I’ve got nothing.
“Fine. Be that way. Take me away from all my friends.”
>”And all your enemies. It’ll only be for a few days.”
>Grumbling, you say your goodbyes to the adorable filly, who had watched on silently.
>”Uh, goodbye, Anon. Have a safe trip?”
“Meh. I’ll try.”
>The guy leading this detachment groans when you head upstairs instead of outside with him.
>”What are you doing? The carriage isn’t stopping on your roof.”
“You cannot kidnap a man without also kidnapping his clothes.”
>He blinks. “I don’t believe I follow.”
>You shrug. [spoiler][/spoiler]”It sounded better in my head.”
>The trip to Canterlot was pretty dull. Nothing of interest happened at all, really.
>Just you, a carriage, a unicorn royal guard, and a quartet of pegasi.
“You know, I just want you to be aware that you’re technically kidnapping me.”
>The unicorn glances to you briefly, before returning his gaze ahead.
>That would be the fourth, and final, time you’d remind him of this fact. They clearly didn’t care.
>Or perhaps they thought they were in the right. It didn’t really matter much to you.
>You were still quite tired. You’d roll with it, and then make them regret it.
>Canterlot had no idea what was coming their way.
>You just hope Luna keeps her distance. Perhaps you can ask Celestia about that...
>That’s when you freeze up, not even realizing that Luna will be here too. Aw fuck. You can’t believe you’ve done this.
>The shining carriage touches down on a short runway, deep inside Canterlot’s castle.
>Well, there’s no turning back now. As the carriage comes to a stop, you take hold of the suitcase you had absentmindedly packed before leaving.
>The unicorn speaks. “Anonymous, we’re here. Please, follow us.”
>Fine, you thought. I’ll play your little game.
>They silently lead you over to a room, which they ensure you is ‘secure against all dangers’
>You take a look inside and immediately want to go stay somewhere else.
>There’s quite literally nothing in here.
>”Please, head inside.”
“Eh, actually, I was thinking of something else.”
>Your escort, this one another unicorn, frowns. Or does he? They always seem to have that face.
>”Sir, this room is designed specifically to keep high profile targets out of harm’s way. Please, go inside.”
“Nah. I think I’ll go say hi to Celestia.”
>The guard steps in your way. “Sir, go in your room.”
“Why? Are you implying that this entire castle isn’t just as secure as this specific room? Hell, considering the royal guard are based here, I’d expect the entire city to be nigh impregnable.”
>You pause, letting your words sink in.
“Or, is that not the case?”
>The guard cringes. “N-No. Of course not.”
>You smile, tossing him your suitcase before leaving to go explore the great celestial palace.
>You’ve never really had much of a chance to see this place. Though, that’s probably a side effect of not being particularly close to Twilight Sparkle.
>That mare seemed to get dragged over here at least once a month. She didn’t even do much here when she came, either.
>But your trip would be different. Oh yes.
>Unfortunately, the endless halls of the castle all tend to look the same. Before you even realize it, you’re lost. Hrm.
>Well, there’s no harm in wandering around aimlessly for awhile. You might find something interesting.
>Or you could just remain lost. Who knows?
>But the time for talk is over. It’s adventure time!
>Yeah, well, that adventure wasn’t that great.
>You eventually ended up wandering into the royal archives, which had all sorts of literature that common folk didn’t get to read.
>Primarily ancient tomes some centuries old, or at least that’s what the librarian told you.
>That mare was probably the epitome of ‘jackass librarians’. Now if only she was a donkey...
>Whatever. You continue to wander some halls, turning a corner...
>And crashing right into Princess Celestia herself. Thankfully, you’re stable enough to not fall over, as is she.
>You both mutter out apologies to each other before silence overtakes you both.
>The Princess of the Day did a double take. “Anonymous? What are you doing here?”
“Your guard snatched me up, because my house ‘wasn’t safe.’ So now I’m wandering your castle. You really should put some road signs in here, Princess.”
>”Oh.” After a pause, she sighs. “That’s not what I meant when I told them to make your... Never mind.”
>She shakes her head, before continuing. “Well, since you’re here, welcome. I trust your had a nice trip?”
>You just shrug. It wasn’t anything really noteworthy.
>The princess smiles awkwardly. What’s on her mind? “Why don’t we... take this somewhere else?”
“Mmm, yeah. I’d like to ask you something, anyway.”
>She frowns at this, but you don’t elaborate. With a gesture from her head, you follow her through the castle.
>The guards you run into seem quite upset that you’re near their princess.
>They’ll just have to deal with it.
>Eventually you end up in some sort of study.
>It’s the spitting image of Twilight’s Library. Ha!
>Papers, books, scrolls, you name it, it’s on the floor.
>”Sorry about the mess. I’ve been... busy.”
>She takes a seat onto some sort of pillow. Seeing nowhere else to go, you sit down into another.
>That’s when Celestia’s horn lights up, her magic snatching up almost every object on the floor, placing them into neat piles.
>The magic stops, and the room is significantly cleaner.
“...Nice spell. I’m sure Twilight would love to learn it.”
>”It’s just levitation, Anon. Nothing she can’t handle.”
>You shrug again, adjusting yourself in the seat. Why is this pillow so lumpy?
>”So, well... Welcome to Canterlot, once again.” She seems to wearing some sort of royal pokerface.
>You can’t really tell what she’s thinking.
“Thanks, I guess. What’s up with the guard, though? They just showed up out of nowhere.”
>”Your home was attacked, Anonymous. I can’t stand by and let that continue.” A pause. “Tell me, do you know for certain who was behind that attack?”
“You mean you don’t know?”
>”I have my suspicions, but I’d like to hear from you before I make any decisions.”
“Yeah, well it was Applejack and Flitter. Go jail them or something. That shit’s annoying.”
>She frowns. “I see. Thank you for the information.”
>Silence fills the room, the two of you simply sitting around.
>”Didn’t you want to ask me something?”
>Oh. Right. Curse this tired mind.
>You nod, standing up. Something is wrong with this seat.
“Well, last night I was visited by a certain pony you know.”
>”I know about Luna’s visit. I assure you, she will no longer be bothering you.”
“You know about that, then? I’m guessing she told you?”
>The princess nods. “Yes. Last night, she stormed in and told me all about what she’s been up too. Again, you have nothing to worry about; she will not be bothering you anymore.”
>You cross your arms, looking off at the room’s walls. All sorts of books litter the various shelves.
“Yeah, I suppose that’s for the best. I personally doubt we could make a Fluttershy out of her...”
>Celestia frowns. “...Make a Fluttershy out of her?”
>Oh. Heh. You had said that out loud? Nice fucking going.
“Uh, well, Fluttershy has had a thing for me for awhile. But we’re friends now.”
>Celestia slowly nods. “And she’s alright with that arrangement?”
“Well, she might not be. But this is Fluttershy we’re talking about. She’s not exactly going to voice her concerns. Especially considering who I’m in a relationship with.”
>The princess nods. “Yes... Chrysalis does have that sort of aura around her.”
>Celestia floats a tome over to herself, opening it. She skims through it for awhile, while you stand around.
>”Are you sure you wouldn’t be able to just be friends with Luna?”
“I can be friends, sure. But can she?”
>Celestia slowly rises from her fluffy cushion. “Why don’t we find out?”
>Queen Chrysalis had grown impatient.
>While she had successfully manipulated the now finished meetings to go faster than usual, she now had another roadblock to deal with.
>Terror Ants, horrifying insects about the size of a little pony or a changeling, now blocked the road from Epsilon Hive to Anon’s home.
>That left her stranded, and angry.
>Thankfully she had lots of change marines to yell at for not being able to prevent such an issue from occurring in the first place.
>These were the toughest of the tough. Pure stallionliness flowed off of them.
>”Yet for whatever reason this group of ants is more than you can take! Absolutely disgusting! You sicken me! All of you!”
>She pauses, turning to her officers. “Not you, Ditto. You’re fine.”
>The Supreme Commander nods before giving the Change Marines a harsh glare.
>The queen continues. ”Well, I guess this is what I get for expecting some efficiency. Now how am I supposed to get to Ponyville?”
>One of the marines, either extremely brave or extremely stupid, raised a hoof.
>She lets out a cruel laugh. “Oh, this should be good. Tell me, ‘great warrior,’ what is it?”
>”Um... Your majesty, ma’am. Uh, couldn’t you just teleport? I’m s-sure your magical ability is more than capable!”
>The Queen rolled her eyes, turning away from him. Wait...
>Her eyes shoot open. That would work.
>”...Ditto, promote him. I have a spell to prepare.”
>She left them, angrily wondering how she had never thought of that.
-In Canterlot-
>The rest of the day was mostly uneventful.
>Celestia would give Luna the collective terms you had come up with, and you’d see what happens the next day.
>You half expected her to refute all of them and denounce Celestia for trying to make her not love you.
>However, a messenger had told you that the Night Princess was willing to try. Great.
>And so you spent the rest of your time sitting around in your fortress of a room. At least it had windows.
>The view was quite nice, actually. You could see right into Canterlot from here.
>Still, you couldn’t get any rest. You were too anxious. Celestia had the wonderful idea that you’d have to come up with things to do with Luna.
>Yeah, that wouldn’t go well. What was there even to do in Canterlot? Be rich?
>Well, on the bright side, perhaps Luna will think of something. Assuming she doesn’t immediately fuck everything up by trying to rape you.
>You’re quite aware of the fact that Equestria is still in heat. Even Celestia, with her thousand years of experience, couldn’t hide it that well.
>After sitting around doing nothing for another few minutes, you decide to take a look around
>As Chrysalis’ coltfriend, you felt obligated to annoy the Sun Princess as much as possible.
>Opening up your door, you intend on doing just that.
>However a certain black Alicorn is in your way.
“Princess Luna?”
>The mare screams in fear, jumping back a few feet. “Anon!”
>However, before she can say anything, the guard all flood into the hallway to protect their princess.
>”No! No, no, we’re fine! Leave us!” she stammers.
>You sigh, rubbing your temples a bit as the royal guard dissipate. They don’t linger like they usually do.
>Luna doesn’t make eye contact with you, instead doing her best to hide under her mane, which has reverted to its day appearance.
“I’m guessing you wanted to hang out?”
>She slowly looks to you, her eyes filled with... fear? You can’t find a drop of lust in there. Hm.
>That’s good, at least. “Y-Yes.”
“Well, I guess it’s better than sitting in here. Tell me, Luna... what exactly is there to do here?”
>She opens her mouth to speak, only to stop. She isn’t looking at you again.
“...Fine. Let ME do all the work.”
>You roll your eyes, walking past her. She lingers for a moment before rushing after you.
>”Anon! We’re sorry! Please don’t hate us!”
>You turn to her, raising a finger. [spoiler][/spoiler]”If I hated you, would I be hanging out with you? Honestly, use your head for once. Come on.”
>You begin to wander through the castle, looking for a way out. With a bit of redirection, you make your way out into the garden.
>Luna continues to follow you awkwardly as you look for a way out of the damn palace. You silently pray that Chrysalis’ palace isn’t this confusing.
“Alright, seriously, how do we get out of here?”
>Luna blinks, not expecting you to speak to her. As such, she can’t give you much of an answer either.
>It occurs to you that the mare is just as, if not more, tired than you.
>She probably hasn’t gotten any sleep either. Hm.
>”Oh... Well, yes... we suppose it can be... confusing...”
“Oh well. We can just sit around here. I guess. Unless you’ve thought of something to go do?”
>She looks away. That’s a no, then.
>You wander about for a bit, before taking a seat under a tree. It’s not particularly comfortable.
“Luna?”
>She looks over to you. “Y-Yes?”
“There’s one thing I’ve never quite gotten... Why me?”
>Her gaze falls down to the earth on which she sits. “W-What do you... mean?”
“Why, of all the stallions out there... would you pick me, the world’s only man? I just want to know.”
>She thinks on this for almost five minutes. You keep your eyes focused on her, but she seems unable to make eye contact with you.
>”Well... you recall when we first met, yes?”
>Yes... Yes, you did remember that. The Nightmare Night where Luna came to Ponyville.
>What a wild ride that had been. Pinkie sure had made it difficult for poor ol’ Luna.
>But with help from yourself and Twilight, the princess had eventually been able to interact with the town of Ponyville.
“And because I was nice to you then, you’re in love with me?”
>”Y-You don’t understand! No stallions are ever... like that. To us... Err, me.”
“Now don’t give me that. No one could get away with being a prick to you. Not even me.”
>She rolls her eyes. “You are not royalty; you wouldn’t understand.”
>The mare looks away. Both of you just sit in silence for awhile.
>Luna clearly isn’t enjoying the silence between you. “Would you like... to go flying?”
“Flying? Eh... I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
>She nods. “R-Right. Our apologies.”
>Silence again takes hold, as Luna tries to come up with something to do. “Aha! We could show you the royal art collection!”
“Eh... that doesn’t really sound interesting.”
>The mare glares at you. “Is it because the activities bother you? Or perhaps it is us? Do not play games with us, Anon!”
“Hey, there’s the old attitude I remember. Tell you what; if you can get me out of this castle, I’ll show you how to have some real fun. Deal?”
>The princess frowns. “...Real fun? Tell us, what exactly does that involve?”
>You laugh, confusing the princess even more. [spoiler][/spoiler]”Tell me, do you know where Blueblood is right now?”
>She slowly nods. “Err... yes. Yes. We do. Why?”
“Take me to him. So I may render judgement.”
>You rise from your seat under the tree, Luna hurriedly rising with you.
>You give her a mischievous smile. She responds with an awkward one.
>When Equestria goes into estrus, the inhibitions of most mares go out the window.
>Even here in Canterlot, that’s at least partially true.
>And for single, wealthy stallions like one Prince Blueblood, it made the job of a player all the easier.
>”And from that day forth, that colt never worked in Canterlot again!”
>The trio of mares around him all burst into laughter, despite the story not even being funny in the slightest.
>From across the room, one Fancypants rolled his eyes as he chatted up a bunch of other mares.
>”Oh, Blueblood, you’re so funny. Tell us another one, please!”
>”Yes, Blueblood, you must!” The prince chuckles at their attention.
>He’s about to start on another unfunny rant when the door bursts open, getting the attention of every pony at the party.
>And in walks one Princess Luna, followed right behind by one Anonymous.
>As if on instinct the majority of the room bows before the noble. Only Blueblood remains standing, as does a mare he had a leg around.
>”Rise, my subjects!”
>The subjects did as commanded.
>Luna turned to you, briefly. You give her a nod, and she continues.
>”Tell us, where is Prince Blueblood? We have an important message for his royal highness!”
>Almost the entire room points over to the Prince himself, who looks ready to shit his pants.
>His girlfriends seem ready to split as well.
>This is going to be fun.
>Luna, as you had instructed, trots over to him, all high and mighty.
>Any p0nies that were in the way quickly removed themselves from the premises.
>You try hard not to laugh at the Prince. The damn guy looks so nervous.
>However, he seems to realize that he’s a damn prince, and does his best to pony up.
>”Ah, Princess Luna. Hello... How can I help you?”
>”We have received an extremely important message for you, from the /grand/ house of Unicornia, noble Blueblood.”
>He flinches away, as do his girls. Alas, poor Blueblood. He wasn’t prepared for the Royal Canterlot Voice!
>”Err, your highness, could you turn it down a tad? I’m sure the rest of our little party can do without knowing what’s going on.”
>Luna glances to you briefly, before responding. Loudly. “Nonsense! This news is for the ears of all of Equestria!” The prince pales.
>She clears her throat. “It has come to the attention of thy royal house that thou, Prince Blueblood, hath failed to produce any viable heirs to your titles! As such, we doth decree that thou must initiate a search for a proper mare immediately!”
>She pauses, looking over the three mares hanging around the prince. They all take a few steps back.
>”Ah! You see to have already begun such! Excellent!” She gives him a pleased smile.
>You point to one of them, this one a cream color. [spoiler][/spoiler]”That one there seems adequate, wouldn’t you agree, Princess? Excellent birthing hips.”
>”Indeed!”
>You can hear a number of ponies nearby begin to chuckle, mostly the higher ups that actually know the Prince.
>You decide not to persist as he excuses himself. If his face gets any redder, he could drop dead from blood loss. Ha!
>The cream coloured mare says some unpleasant things to you before heading off as well, though not after her prince in shining armour.
>You share a look with Luna, and then laugh. She joins in, though it’s a bit more forced than you’d expect.
“Oh come on. You know he deserved that.”
>”Yes... I suppose that’s true.”
>”I say, that was quite a display...”
>You both turn to face Canterlot’s most noteworthy stallions, one Fancypants. “I take the two of you had some sort of score to settle with good ol’ Blueblood?” He chuckles.
“You could say that. Honestly, we’re just finding something to do. Fancypants, right?”
>”Yes, that’s me. And you are?”
“Call me, Anon. I’m guessing you know the Princess?”
>He turns to her, nodding. “But of course. Anyp0ny who’s anyp0ny knows of Princess Luna.”
>Fancypants' entourage quickly catches up, the majority of them thanking you for getting rid of Blueblood.
>Apparently he had been annoying the hell out of all of them with his awful jokes and egomania. You’re happy to have been of service.
>You spent much of the day just hanging around with Fancypants' crew. They’re all pretty nice folk, if a little stiff.
>Luna definitely enjoyed herself. She might actually get some friends out of this.
>And that’s not terrible.
-In Ponyville-
>Anon’s house has, in its years of service, taken a good amount of damage.
>However, a mass teleport spell blowing up the study is a bit more damage than it was really built for.
>The Queen of the Changelings gawks at the huge amount of damage her spell had caused.
>”...You know, I think I’m going to have to tone down the magic. Just a bit.”
>Ditto just sighs. “Anonymous will not be happy about this...”
>”No... No he won’t. But I’m sure I can just have it rebuilt later.”
>Chrysalis turns to the three change marines she had brought with her. Ditto honestly felt the escort unnecessary, but Chrysalis didn’t think Ditto would be capable of beating up Applejack if need be.
>Oh, how little that mare knew.
>”Well, we’d best go say hello... though, they’re probably on their way up now...”
>Her horn lit up, opening the room’s door, one of the only things here that hadn’t been destroyed from the backlash.
>Her minions followed her as they checked every room in the building. But no one was home.
>Not Derpy. Not Dinky. Not even Rainbow Dash.
>And most importantly, Anonymous. Where could he have gone, now?
>”Damnit! Ditto, fan out and find my King! Now!”
>The changeling saluted his queen before leading the change marines out.
>That left Chrysalis to wonder and worry. And to contemplate changing the name of her elite troopers.
>Why were they even called marines? They had nothing to do with water.
>She didn’t get have to wait for long before the change marines came back to report, giving her little time to dwell on the poor state of the home.
>Just what had happened here?
>”Your majesty!” The trio salutes her.
>The queen sighs, about to ask what they have to report, when she notices that her most competent minion is missing.
>”Where’s Ditto?”
>The troops pause, their acting leader eventually answering. “Captured by the Pie siblings. Our forces are insufficient to perform a counter raid.”
>She rolls her eyes. “Oh, of course. Well? You had something to tell me?”
>The speaker nods. “Yes. We have determined that Anonymous has been brought to Canterlot, but we do not know why. What are you—“
>”HE’S WHERE!? WHAT IS HE DOING IN CANTERLOT!?”
>The change marine that told her this bad news quickly found himself being held up in front of his queen’s face, her deep green eyes filled with fear.
>She drops him onto the ground before her. “We’re going to Canterlot. Now.”
>The queen gets off the sofa, walking about without another word. Her minions quickly fell in line behind her.
>Chrysalis was convinced it was Luna who had whisked him away, likely by force.
>After all, what would Celestia want with him? Even in heat, she wouldn’t infringe on her monopoly.
>The Princess of the Night had made a grave mistake.
>Oh well, Chrysalis thought. No one will miss Luna anyway...
>The party you had crashed continued on a similar tone for awhile.
>You spent most of your time talking with Fancypants, silently observing to see if Luna was interacting properly.
>You were glad to see that this was the case, and so felt no need to intervene on her behalf.
>Instead, you chatted up Fancypants and a handful of his fellows.
>You couldn’t help but notice the fact that almost all of them were more or less just parrots for the guy.
>He almost definitely knew this, and made damn sure to use it when he could.
>Not that he really had many times to do that. You weren’t having a debate, after all.
>Just some friendly storytelling. And, as it so happened, it was your turn.
“Well, Fancypants, I’ve been on all sorts of adventures...”
>You subconsciously swish the glass of wine you had obtained as you recall the tale of a certain trip of Vegas. Wisely, you leave a number of details about.
>The rich stallion seems quite surprised by how the tale ended off. “I had no idea poker chips could destroy a weather factory...”
“I don’t think anyone knew. Well, I guess they’ve learned their lesson!”
>The rich stallion nods. “Indeed.”
>You take a sip of your fine, expensive wine. You’re not certain, but you believe it’s probably some type of moscato.
>It’s a good thing you aren’t fitting the bill for it. Your wallet is notably empty at the moment.
>However, as you enjoy your drink, you notice a certain mare eyeing you...
>You hadn’t been properly introduced to this mare, as she kept her distance.
>But for more or less the entire party, she was around. And she watched.
>She was definitely a unique mare. Tall, skinny, with flowing pink hair. On her flank were three fleur-de-lis, which you remembered were on the flag of that Quebec place.
>For some reason, you can’t help but see this mare as some sort of secret separatist. One who eats cheese. And perhaps snails.
>You immediately feel bad for assuming such things, though. What did the French ever do to you?
>What did they ever do to anyone?
>Still though, it didn’t take a genius to quickly gather that this mare was highly attractive.
>A number of stallions had tried to get attention, though they tended to be so subtle and conservative that she never noticed.
>Alas, poor nobles. They will not be getting laid tonight.
>Except perhaps Blueblood. He needs to get an heir posthaste. You almost begin to laugh, thinking back to that prank of yours, but stop yourself.
>You doubt the nobility would like it if you found their wine funny. Or whatever story that gray stallion with the top hat was babbling on about.
>Hm? Hey, where’d that Quebecer mare go? Your eyes survey the room, but she seems to have disappeared. Weird.
>Oh well. You focus back on the conversation at hand, enjoying yourself thoroughly.
>Eventually you note the time. Jeez, it’s getting pretty late.
>And Luna is still here, enjoying herself quite a bit. She’d need to put up the moon fairly soon, though.
>You figure it’d be best to just head out now. While you did enjoy yourself, you can’t stay here forever.
>Hell, maybe you can try their food. Room service was free, after all.
>A quick search locates Luna, who’s off in her own group, speaking with some other nobles.
“Well, it’s been a blast. But Luna and I have royal business to attend to. I'm sure you understand."
>Fancypants waves you off. “Yes, go on. Don’t let us keep you. We’ve probably talked your ears off enough already!”
>You can’t help but smile, slipping away as the others all begin to laugh at the stallion’s sense of humour.
>You make your way to the Princess, only to bump into a rather tall pony on the way, the remnants of your wine splashing out onto it.
>”Ah! You imbecile!”
>You flinch back, realizing that this is the French pony from before. Oops...
“Uh, sorry about that, but I need—“
>”No! You’re helping me get this out!”
>She has a clear French accent, though it seems a bit strained, what with her being so upset right now.
>Her horn lights up, and she drags you away. Sighing, you roll with it.
>She takes you to what is quite clearly a bathroom. As one might guess, it’s about as big as your master bedroom.
>”Quickly, get it off, before it stains!”
“Yeah, yeah, give me a second.”
>You fetch a small cloth, wetting it slightly under the sink.
>It’s more tedious than anything, what with all the room’s devices being about half as tall as usual.
>Regardless, cloth in hand, you turn back to the Quebecer, seeing for the first time in major detail just how much wine had gotten onto her coat.
>Her pristine, white, almost glimmering coat.
>It would be perfect if it weren’t for the red glop of wine on her upper chest.
>”Well? Get to work, creature!”
>The amount of mad this mare radiates... It’s enough to make you laugh. However, you hold your tongue; there’s no need to cause more shit.
>You grunt, kneeling down in front of her to get your arms in reach. And then begins an even more tedious task...
>Despite your years in Equestria, you’ve never actually had to clean a pony. It was... unique.
>As you do your best to get the red wine out of her white coat, you decide to get some info out of her. May as well.
“So, uh, I don’t believe I got your name...”
>She looks down at you in horror. “You’ve never heard of Fleur-de-lis? Truly?”
“Uh, no. Are you some sort of model?”
>She does a fairly simple pose with a free hoof. “Only Equestria’s finest. And who are you, wine spiller?”
“Anonymous. Equestria’s only human. I’m surprised YOU haven’t heard of ME.”
>She shrugs, “Perhaps I missed that issue of biology weekly, then...”
“I don’t recall ever being in any of those... magazines?”
>She frowns, seemingly lost to how you couldn’t have been documented in one of her clearly favourite wastes of paper.
>”That is surprising... though I suppose it makes sense. You are quite an... exotic specimen.”
>She gives you one of those seductive grins. It’s not very effective.
>”Tell me, how do you know the princess?”
“Just a friend, I guess you could say.”
>You sigh. Despite your best efforts, the blemish on her perfect coat refuses to disappear completely.
>Luckily for her, it’d still be fairly hard to notice unless you look right at it.
>However, she isn’t very happy about this.
>”No! I am model, remember? We cannot have any flaws. This is your fault!”
“Accidents happen, Fleur. Just have a bath when you get home; I’m not going to get able to get the rest out.”
>”And what about downstairs? Am I to just let the public see this imperfection? No! You must make this up to me!”
“And what would you suggest? You want my jacket or something?”
>She takes a look at said jacket, but grimaces. “No. Your... human clothing will... ugh.” She shakes her head.
“Yeah well, I think I’ll just be going then. I was on my way out anyway.”
>Unfortunately, the mare has different plans. With a pull from her magic, you fall right onto your face.
>You groan, trying to get back up, but an actually not that heavy weight lands on your back.
>”Sacre bleu! You poor thing! Here, let Fleur help you...”
“Get off of me! Seriously, what do you want?”
>You manage to roll over onto your back, the mare slipping right off of your jacket.
>You still can’t stand though, because of a just barely pink glow holding you down. It’s not that powerful though; you could probably break it if you tried hard enough.
>”Look, Anonymous, I require some... special services of you. It is only fair, yes?”
“If this has to do with me having any contact with your genitals, you can count me out.”
>She laughs. “Don’t be so shy. Besides... how many stallions can say that they’ve rutted the beautiful Fleur-de-lis?”
“Probably half of Canterlot, if this is anything to go by.”
>Her eyes go wide. “...What did you...?” A twitch.
“Why don’t you just go to one of your regulars and call it a night? I won’t have any part in this.”
>Unfortunately it seems her magical grip has tightened. Way to go, Anon!
>Thanks brain! I do my best!
>The mare saunters over to you, giving you what you could only guess is some sort of French glare. “Oh... you naughty thing, you.”
>She steps over you. “How dare you insult me! Who do you think you are?”
“I’m right, that’s all.”
>She actually growls at you. “Oh, you must be punished. Hm... What shall I do with you...”
>The mare looks off, mumbling to herself various things she could do. “Hm ... peut-être un bout de corde?”
>”No..., no, that’s too nice. A pig like YOU deserves much wors—“
>”Anonymous? Are you in here?”
>The white mare’s eyes go wide.
“Yeah, Luna, I’m in here. Could you give me a hoof? I’ve got a bit of a problem...”
>The door opens up and Luna walks in. ”Anonymous, this best not involve you... What?”
>It’s quite a strange sight. You, magically bound to the floor, with a supermodel/rapist standing right on top of you.
“Oh hi, Luna. Nice of you to join us.”
>Fleur at this point shrieked, jumping off of you. “Oh, Princess! I’m glad you’re here! This pig was—“
>Luna ignores her as she tries to pin the blame on you, instead helping you to your feet.
“Good night, Fleur. Come on, Luna, let’s blow this popsicle stand.”
>She pauses. “We beg your pardon?”
“...Let’s just go.”
>You left the party, making your way back to the marvellous Canterlot Castle.
“Luna?”
>The Night Princess turns to you as you continue to walk down the streets of Canterlot. “Yes, Anon?”
“Thanks for the save. Crazy mare, am I right?”
>”Y-Yes. Glad to be of service.”
>The rest of the walk goes quite well. No one really approaches your duo. You can’t be sure if it’s because of you or if it’s because of Luna.
>As you enter the castle, a trio of guards begin to follow you, likely ensuring your protection, despite not needing to do so.
“Well, Luna, I think I’m going to retire early. You enjoy your... moon rise, I guess it’s called.”
>She smiles awkwardly. “Yes... And, thank you, Anon. For giving me a chance.”
“No problem, Luna.”
>Queen Chrysalis had waited patiently in the royal chambers of one Princess Luna.
>Celestia had been so kind as to let her know that Anonymous was out with the night mare, and had placed her trio of change marines in the perfect location to shadow Anonymous back to his room.
>That just left her to deal with Luna.
>While she had told Celestia that she only wished to talk, the changeling queen wasn’t afraid to resort to force to get per point across.
>Anonymous had proven again and again that he was incapable of ridding himself of stalkers.
>She saw it, as his special somep0ny, to ensure his protection against such mares.
>And so, she waited.
>As the sun set down in the horizon, she knew it wouldn’t be long until the Night Princess came this way.
>And when she did...
>Chrysalis resisted the urge to cackle madly. That would give her away. It was also bad form.
>The door to the room opened up, Princess Luna tiredly walking inside. It was dark; too dark to see the creature lurking in the corner.
>The princess smiled to herself. “You did it, Luna! Anonymous no longer hates you!”
>The smile grows wider as the mare begins to free herself of her regalia, undoubtedly planning to just enjoy herself for the night.
>”Having fun with my stallion, Luna?”
>Luna freezes in place, her magic failing her. Her black tiara falls to the floor, clattering as the changeling queen approaches.
>”Because I personally love it when ponies just snatch up my lover, and do who knows what with them. Honestly, Luna, what has gotten into you?”
>”C-Chrysalis, we didn’t...”
>The changeling grows ever closer, her face stone-like and unreadable.
>She stops a few feet away from Luna, almost towering over her. “You didn’t what?”
>”We’re s-sorry that... Please, Anon and I are friends now!”
>Chrysalis grunts. “Or so you claim.”
>”It is true! We spent today together, doing... friend things! There is no longer any need to worry for him!”
>”Except that you’re still obviously obsessed with him? Celestia told me you apparently teleported into his room last night. Explain?”
>The princess takes a few steps back. “T-That, that will not happen again. We... I was... not myself.”
>”Riiight. Well, Luna, we have an issue to take care of. And we’re doing it tonight.”
>Luna’s confidence seems to return, the mare standing tall to face the changeling. “Yes. And we shall.”
>”Good.”
>”Yes!”
>”That’s great!”
>”Wonderful!”
>Chrysalis rolls her eyes, “Well? What are we going to do? I don’t want you bothering Anonymous, and you want to have sex with him. Somep0ny is going to have to fall back. And I’m certain it’ll be you.”
>Luna glares at her, mildly surprising the changeling. “We... are no longer... interested, in that. With him.”
>”Is that a fact?”
>The princess nods. Chrysalis smiles. “Really now? That’s good to hear.”
>Luna continues, “But we would like to... be able to see him. You cannot just hoard him to yourself!”
>”Why can’t I? He’s my stallion, Luna.”
>Luna shakes her head. “He may be your stallion... but he is still a free... man. You cannot control who he sees.”
>Chrysalis frowns, trying to come up with a response. Seeing her inability, Luna continues.
>”So, if he wishes to see me, he can. It is up to him, not you! Now, leave us. YOU are not welcome here, Chrysalis.”
>She almost spits out the last word, as though it were a rotten cherry that got mixed into the bunch.
>Chrysalis laughs at her. “You’re funny, Luna. Very funny. See you around, I suppose. Try not to die of loneliness.”
>The changeling walks over to the balcony, before jumping over the rails, buzzing away.
>Luna sighs. “Oh, Anonymous... Why did you have to pick her?”
>She turns back to her vanity, looking at herself in the mirror for some time, deep in thought.
>”Is this what makes you happy, Anon?”
>The mare looks on, half expecting an answer to come to her. It doesn’t.
>”Well... if that’s the case, I will support you.” Her magic whips out, snatching up her discarded crown, which she places down onto the hard wood of the vanity.
>She begins to walk over to her bed, to rest, if only briefly.
>Luna pauses, turning to the open balcony door. She closes it.
>”Good night, Anonymous.”

create a new version of this paste RAW Paste Data

The Marvellous Mishaps of Anon and Chrysalis
Chapter 27: Peace through Superior Firepower

>You awoke groggily the next day, having gotten fuck all for sleep.
>That’s what you get for staying up to... what was it? Two? Three? Who knows.
>It was early, though. Maybe seven. Your clock had been destroyed during the raid, so you couldn’t be sure.
>Oh well. Time doesn’t exist anyway.
>You get out of bed and head off to routine your morning. You can’t be assed to get an extension for today.
>Slowly, but surely, you brush your teeth to shiny perfection. Damn, though, if you don’t look awful.
>Protip: Get more than four hours of rough sleep at night.
>You do your best to look presentable. It doesn’t work.
>Whatever. You decide that you’ll spend today cleaning up your house to make way for Chrysalis’ impending return.
>Despite your home being sacked a few days ago, you’re certain she’ll still chew you out if it isn’t to her high standards.
>And that’s what you did, making use of every tool available to ensure the building was nice and clean.
>Derpy didn’t even mind. In fact, she was happy to see you being productive.
>If only this place had vacuums. You had mentioned the concept to Twilight a few times, but it’d be pointless if she couldn’t make one on a ball.
>Seriously. Fixed vacuums are useless.
>Instead you got a lovely rag and just dusted everything you came across, living or otherwise.
>Derpy gives you an annoyed look when you randomly start wiping any contaminants off her face.
“Just making everything is clean, Derpy.”

>Next was the laundry. 
>You gathered up just about every piece of clothing in the house, which was quite a bit more than one might expect, and take all of it your dedicated cleaning facilities.
>Derpy came into the room, mostly to watch you silently.
>As you put the various goods into the various machines, she starts up some conversation.
>”So, Anon... How did you sleep?”
“Poorly.”
>You really aren’t in the mood for any chitchat. You hope she gets to the point soon.
>”Ah... Yes. I noticed. You look pretty bad, Anon. You should take a break; I can handle this.”
“I’ll be fine. Go relax. You’re in heat, aren’t you?”
>She blushes. “Er... Yes. I am. But it’s nowhere near as bad now! It’ll probably die off completely in a few days.”
“Better safe than sorry. Go relax. Or clop, if you’d prefer. I won’t judge you.”
>Your words pierce into the mare. You’re being much colder than usual.
>”Just get some rest, Anon...” She leaves you.
>You feed a handful of colourful shirts to the washing machine, but suddenly stop.
>Fuck, man. Why on earth are you doing on the laundry on a Thursday morning?
>It’s like you’ve lost control of your life...
>You sigh, and continue to load up the machines. May as well finish what you’ve started...

>Eventually Derpy dragged you off to Sugarcube Corner.
>She apparently just wanted you to get out of the house or something. That being all cooped up would be bad for your complexion. 
>Of course, then she had the nerve to leave you there to go deliver mail.
>How dare she have stable employment! Who does she think she is?
>Grumbling, you enter the establishment, taking a look around.
>Pinkie and her sisters are all standing around the front, talking. From the sound of it, about last night’s play.
>Blinkie is the first to see you. “Oh! Hi, Anon!”
>You sigh and walk over, hands in your pockets.
>The trio all become silent as they notice your tired visage. Something was obviously on your mind.
>You stand there in silence for a few minutes, none risking to break the silence that had enveloped the room.
>None, besides Inkie. “Jeez, you look like crap. What happened to you?”
“I didn’t get any sleep. I also did the laundry.”
>Inkie gawks at this, absolutely horrified. “You poor thing! Come on girls, we have to help Anon!”
“...What?”
>Before you could even react, Pinkie and Inkie dragged you away to the kitchen of the confectionary, leaving Blinkie by herself.
>As it would happen, the Pink and Ink of the Pie trio were not fans of cleaning up things. 
>And, to help you recover, decided to load you up with all manner of sweets and candies. For free.

>You then found yourself walking about town, looking for a good place to sit and eat your sugary foods.
>While a long time ago you’d be opposed to the sweet taste of most of the food, it had grown on you.
>You still made sure to get primarily donuts, which weren’t drenched in liquid diabetes.
>It was a wonder anyone could eat those cupcakes. 
>Eventually you resigned yourself to a nearby park, sitting down on a bench with your goods.
>Unfortunately, you wouldn’t get to eat in peace, as soon enough a number of ponies noticed you.
>Apparently this was Lyra’s bench. How would you know that?
>”Anonymous? What are you doing on my bench?” That’s how.
“Lyra, you don’t own the bench. Please go away.”
>She glares at you. “No way, Anon! First you won’t help us out with our estrus, and now you’re sitting on my bench! Only Bonbon and I can sit on that bench!”
“Deal with it, Lyra.”
>She would stand there, glaring daggers at you for almost twenty minutes before you’d manage to get her to go away.
“If I give you a box of cupcakes, will you fuck off?”
>She blinks. “...An entire box?”
“Yes. Final offer. Take it or leave it.”
>After deciding that she could share them with her lovely marefriend, she took off, box tucked safely on her back.
>You honestly would have just given them to Derpy anyway. You’ve got too much shit here to eat.
>And eat you would, at least until another distraction reared its ugly head.

>Not that Pipsqueak was a particularly ugly colt.
>No, he was more... well, he wasn’t really adorable, at least in your eyes.
>Rainbow Dash had thought otherwise, but her sense of style has always been skewed. 
>”Hi, Mr. Anonymous!”
>You sigh, slowly turning your gaze to face the small colt that had hopped onto the bench beside you. 
“Hello, Pipsqueak.” 
>You take a bite into a chocolate donut, savouring its deep and strong flavour. Mmm...
>This seems to creep out the colt just a bit, as he leans away from you, his smile faltering.
>”Um... what are you doing?”
“Enjoying delicious food. What can I help you with?”
>He blinks, just realizing his apparent reason for coming by. “Oh! Right! Well, I heard you were in a play yesterday! A play about Luna!”
>Oh boy. Just what you DON’T want to talk about. 
>Ever since the Nightmare Night where he (and yourself) had met the Princess of the Night, he had become obsessed with the mare. Almost unhealthily so.
>It didn’t help you that as far as he knew, you were great friends with said princess.
>Sure, you were at least a bit more than acquaintances for awhile... But then she started to obsess over you.
>It makes you wonder if all of Luna’s followers were like this. It seemed likely.
>You had managed to get Pipsqueak to leave you alone by suggesting he mail the princess many months ago. Of course, you never expected her to write back, but hey, it worked.
>That of course, leaves the question of why he’s here now, though...

>Reminiscing clearly has its price. You had completely zoned out, forgetting what was going on at all.
>Pipsqueak, ever observant, brought you back to Earth.
>”Um, Mr. Anonymous? Are you okay?”
“No, Pipsqueak. I am not okay. What did you need again?”
>He smiles, bringing the subject back to his favourite princess. “The play, Anon! You were in a play about Luna!”
>Nightmare Moon, actually. But whatever, he’s a kid. He probably can’t even tell the difference...
“Yeah, I was. What about it?”
>”I heard the princesses came to watch! What was it like? Did you see Luna?”
>Right to the point, huh? [spoiler][/spoiler]”The play was fine, barring certain... technical problems.”
>And now for the touchy subject. You figure you’ll just lie. It’s not like anyone bar Luna actually knows about last night’s... antics.
“As for Luna, no. She had to go back to Canterlot after the show ended. I didn’t see her at all last night.”
>He looks sad. “Oh... That’s too bad.” He shuffles in his seat nervously.
>You pick up one of the many boxes of donuts and place one beside him, surprising him. 
“Go nuts. I’ve got too many of these things anyway.”
>He gets this wide grin. “Wow! Thanks!”
>You just sit there for awhile, ending up sharing that box and the one you were already eating with the little pirate. You actually feel a bit better too.

>However, you can’t just sit here forever, and eventually depart.
>Pipsqueak, however, comes with, following you as you make your way back home.
>You really want to just ask him to go, but you also don’t want to hurt the little guy’s feelings. From what you’ve determined, he’s not exactly a popular fellow.
>Just like his idol. Why do those two have so many similarities?
>However, as your home comes into view, you eventually realize you need to cut him off eventually. 
“Uh, Pipsqueak? Don’t you think you should be heading home?”
>He gives you a puzzled look. ”Why? It’s the middle of the day!”
“Because, Pipsqueak. My house is... dangerous. Yes. You might get hurt if you go there.”
>He falters. “Dangerous? But why is your house dangerous?”
>You turn to him, kneeling down. “Because, Pipsqueak, Chrysalis lives there. She’s the most dangerous creature in the universe!”
>That spooks him quite good. You can’t help but smile. “O-Oh...” he says.
>The colt shakes his head. “N-No, you’re right, I should get home. Thanks for the donuts, though!” You nod at him.
>And with that, the mildly annoying colt is gone, likely to go do whatever it is mildly annoying colts do.
>That leaves you with the ability to head right on to your house and hide there until your Queen returned.
>Except, now there’s a trio of royal guard standing about your home. They seem to be looking for something...
>And that something is you.

>Well, this is just what you need.
>Shaking your head, you walk over to the royal guards, who quickly become aware of your presence.
>One of them runs right at you, stopping maybe three steps in front of you. He seems upset. 
“Problem, officer?”
>”Where have you been? You’re not supposed to wander the city on your own!”
>You laugh. [spoiler][/spoiler]”Sorry, Mom, I’ll be sure to tell you next time. What are you guys doing here?”
>”Princess Celestia has sent us to ensure your safety. The raid on your home cannot be allowed to be repeated.”
>You raise an eyebrow at him. Huh. So Celestia did care. That’s nice, at least. 
“Um, okay? Well, I’m heading inside anyway. Have fun standing around.”
>The lead guard glares as you walk past, entering your lovely house. 
>While perhaps in another mood you’d pester the guard, or at least try to chat them up, right now you just want eat your donuts.
>Or, more accurately, watch Dinky eat your donuts.
>Which she did, to the point where she was almost sick. You both agreed to not tell Derpy about that little misadventure.
>It would bring hell to every member of the household. And you can’t have that.

>Outside, the trio of guards did what they did best: stand around and look important.
>Ever since their humiliating defeat at Cadance and Shining Armour’s wedding, the remains of the Royal Guard had become increasingly paranoid, especially when it came to changelings.
>Or the human that was so close to their royalty. Something just seemed off about him.
>No matter. The Princess wanted him to be kept safe, and it would be so.
>Other than the Mailmare which also lived here, no ponies would be getting in or out.
>Not even a particular Rainbow Dash, who lingered for some time, trying to sneak by.
>However, a few empty arrest threats were more than enough to scare her off. 
>Unfortunately, another pony would make their job even more difficult.
>Applejack, as she was known. The supposed organizer of the siege. She had been seen lurking nearby. 
>”Should we remove the human from the site, sir?”
>The squad leader, a fairly twitchy pegasus, frowned. “If you see her again, we will. But for now...”
>His subordinate nodded, returning to his post.
>A few hours passed. A few more ponies came by. Most were redirected.
>That’s when the orange farmer came by once again.
>”Uh, what are y’all doing here? Ah’m... uh, just curious. That’s all.”
>She had been sent away, like many others.
>But their orders were specific. Ensure the safety of Anonymous.
>Even if it meant removing him from Ponyville entirely.

>You had enjoyed your day with Dinky. Unfortunately, the guard had determined that ‘Ponyville was no longer safe’ and that ‘you’d need to be taken to a secured location in Canterlot.’
“Yeah, uh, no.”
>”This isn’t negotiable, Mr. Anonymous. Please come with us; we have a carriage en route as we speak.”
“...You have a carriage en route? How exactly did you manage that?”
>The third squad member, a unicorn, gives you a disappointed look. You smile nervously at him. Oh. Right.
>”We’re doing this in your best interest. I assure you, nothing bad will come of this.”
“So why don’t I believe you? And what about Dinky here? You’d leave this filly all by herself?”
>”Considering you did exactly that a few hours ago, I am confident in her abilities to take care of herself.”
>We’re in check, Anon. What’s our next move?
>Shit man, I’ve got nothing. 
“Fine. Be that way. Take me away from all my friends.”
>”And all your enemies. It’ll only be for a few days.”
>Grumbling, you say your goodbyes to the adorable filly, who had watched on silently.
>”Uh, goodbye, Anon. Have a safe trip?”
“Meh. I’ll try.”
>The guy leading this detachment groans when you head upstairs instead of outside with him.
>”What are you doing? The carriage isn’t stopping on your roof.”
“You cannot kidnap a man without also kidnapping his clothes.”
>He blinks. “I don’t believe I follow.”
>You shrug. [spoiler][/spoiler]”It sounded better in my head.”

>The trip to Canterlot was pretty dull. Nothing of interest happened at all, really.
>Just you, a carriage, a unicorn royal guard, and a quartet of pegasi.
“You know, I just want you to be aware that you’re technically kidnapping me.”
>The unicorn glances to you briefly, before returning his gaze ahead.
>That would be the fourth, and final, time you’d remind him of this fact. They clearly didn’t care.
>Or perhaps they thought they were in the right. It didn’t really matter much to you.
>You were still quite tired. You’d roll with it, and then make them regret it.
>Canterlot had no idea what was coming their way.
>You just hope Luna keeps her distance. Perhaps you can ask Celestia about that...
>That’s when you freeze up, not even realizing that Luna will be here too. Aw fuck. You can’t believe you’ve done this.
>The shining carriage touches down on a short runway, deep inside Canterlot’s castle.
>Well, there’s no turning back now. As the carriage comes to a stop, you take hold of the suitcase you had absentmindedly packed before leaving.
>The unicorn speaks. “Anonymous, we’re here. Please, follow us.”
>Fine, you thought. I’ll play your little game.
>They silently lead you over to a room, which they ensure you is ‘secure against all dangers’
>You take a look inside and immediately want to go stay somewhere else.
>There’s quite literally nothing in here.

>”Please, head inside.”
“Eh, actually, I was thinking of something else.”
>Your escort, this one another unicorn, frowns. Or does he? They always seem to have that face.
>”Sir, this room is designed specifically to keep high profile targets out of harm’s way. Please, go inside.”
“Nah. I think I’ll go say hi to Celestia.”
>The guard steps in your way. “Sir, go in your room.”
“Why? Are you implying that this entire castle isn’t just as secure as this specific room? Hell, considering the royal guard are based here, I’d expect the entire city to be nigh impregnable.”
>You pause, letting your words sink in. 
“Or, is that not the case?”
>The guard cringes. “N-No. Of course not.”
>You smile, tossing him your suitcase before leaving to go explore the great celestial palace.
>You’ve never really had much of a chance to see this place. Though, that’s probably a side effect of not being particularly close to Twilight Sparkle.
>That mare seemed to get dragged over here at least once a month. She didn’t even do much here when she came, either.
>But your trip would be different. Oh yes.
>Unfortunately, the endless halls of the castle all tend to look the same. Before you even realize it, you’re lost. Hrm.
>Well, there’s no harm in wandering around aimlessly for awhile. You might find something interesting.
>Or you could just remain lost. Who knows?
>But the time for talk is over. It’s adventure time!

>Yeah, well, that adventure wasn’t that great. 
>You eventually ended up wandering into the royal archives, which had all sorts of literature that common folk didn’t get to read.
>Primarily ancient tomes some centuries old, or at least that’s what the librarian told you.
>That mare was probably the epitome of ‘jackass librarians’. Now if only she was a donkey...
>Whatever. You continue to wander some halls, turning a corner...
>And crashing right into Princess Celestia herself. Thankfully, you’re stable enough to not fall over, as is she.
>You both mutter out apologies to each other before silence overtakes you both.
>The Princess of the Day did a double take. “Anonymous? What are you doing here?”
“Your guard snatched me up, because my house ‘wasn’t safe.’ So now I’m wandering your castle. You really should put some road signs in here, Princess.”
>”Oh.” After a pause, she sighs. “That’s not what I meant when I told them to make your... Never mind.”
>She shakes her head, before continuing. “Well, since you’re here, welcome. I trust your had a nice trip?”
>You just shrug. It wasn’t anything really noteworthy.
>The princess smiles awkwardly. What’s on her mind? “Why don’t we... take this somewhere else?”
“Mmm, yeah. I’d like to ask you something, anyway.”
>She frowns at this, but you don’t elaborate. With a gesture from her head, you follow her through the castle. 
>The guards you run into seem quite upset that you’re near their princess.
>They’ll just have to deal with it.

>Eventually you end up in some sort of study.
>It’s the spitting image of Twilight’s Library. Ha!
>Papers, books, scrolls, you name it, it’s on the floor.
>”Sorry about the mess. I’ve been... busy.”
>She takes a seat onto some sort of pillow. Seeing nowhere else to go, you sit down into another.
>That’s when Celestia’s horn lights up, her magic snatching up almost every object on the floor, placing them into neat piles.
>The magic stops, and the room is significantly cleaner. 
“...Nice spell. I’m sure Twilight would love to learn it.”
>”It’s just levitation, Anon. Nothing she can’t handle.”
>You shrug again, adjusting yourself in the seat. Why is this pillow so lumpy?
>”So, well... Welcome to Canterlot, once again.” She seems to wearing some sort of royal pokerface.
>You can’t really tell what she’s thinking. 
“Thanks, I guess. What’s up with the guard, though? They just showed up out of nowhere.”
>”Your home was attacked, Anonymous. I can’t stand by and let that continue.” A pause. “Tell me, do you know for certain who was behind that attack?”
“You mean you don’t know?”
>”I have my suspicions, but I’d like to hear from you before I make any decisions.”
“Yeah, well it was Applejack and Flitter. Go jail them or something. That shit’s annoying.”
>She frowns. “I see. Thank you for the information.”
>Silence fills the room, the two of you simply sitting around. 
>”Didn’t you want to ask me something?”

>Oh. Right. Curse this tired mind. 
>You nod, standing up. Something is wrong with this seat. 
“Well, last night I was visited by a certain pony you know.”
>”I know about Luna’s visit. I assure you, she will no longer be bothering you.”
“You know about that, then? I’m guessing she told you?”
>The princess nods. “Yes. Last night, she stormed in and told me all about what she’s been up too. Again, you have nothing to worry about; she will not be bothering you anymore.”
>You cross your arms, looking off at the room’s walls. All sorts of books litter the various shelves. 
“Yeah, I suppose that’s for the best. I personally doubt we could make a Fluttershy out of her...”
>Celestia frowns. “...Make a Fluttershy out of her?”
>Oh. Heh. You had said that out loud? Nice fucking going. 
“Uh, well, Fluttershy has had a thing for me for awhile. But we’re friends now.”
>Celestia slowly nods. “And she’s alright with that arrangement?”
“Well, she might not be. But this is Fluttershy we’re talking about. She’s not exactly going to voice her concerns. Especially considering who I’m in a relationship with.”
>The princess nods. “Yes... Chrysalis does have that sort of aura around her.”
>Celestia floats a tome over to herself, opening it. She skims through it for awhile, while you stand around.
>”Are you sure you wouldn’t be able to just be friends with Luna?”
“I can be friends, sure. But can she?”
>Celestia slowly rises from her fluffy cushion. “Why don’t we find out?”

>Queen Chrysalis had grown impatient. 
>While she had successfully manipulated the now finished meetings to go faster than usual, she now had another roadblock to deal with.
>Terror Ants, horrifying insects about the size of a little pony or a changeling, now blocked the road from Epsilon Hive to Anon’s home.
>That left her stranded, and angry. 
>Thankfully she had lots of change marines to yell at for not being able to prevent such an issue from occurring in the first place.
>These were the toughest of the tough. Pure stallionliness flowed off of them.
>”Yet for whatever reason this group of ants is more than you can take! Absolutely disgusting! You sicken me! All of you!”
>She pauses, turning to her officers. “Not you, Ditto. You’re fine.”
>The Supreme Commander nods before giving the Change Marines a harsh glare.
>The queen continues. ”Well, I guess this is what I get for expecting some efficiency. Now how am I supposed to get to Ponyville?”
>One of the marines, either extremely brave or extremely stupid, raised a hoof.
>She lets out a cruel laugh. “Oh, this should be good. Tell me, ‘great warrior,’ what is it?”
>”Um... Your majesty, ma’am. Uh, couldn’t you just teleport? I’m s-sure your magical ability is more than capable!”
>The Queen rolled her eyes, turning away from him. Wait...
>Her eyes shoot open. That would work.
>”...Ditto, promote him. I have a spell to prepare.”
>She left them, angrily wondering how she had never thought of that.

-In Canterlot-
>The rest of the day was mostly uneventful.
>Celestia would give Luna the collective terms you had come up with, and you’d see what happens the next day.
>You half expected her to refute all of them and denounce Celestia for trying to make her not love you.
>However, a messenger had told you that the Night Princess was willing to try. Great.
>And so you spent the rest of your time sitting around in your fortress of a room. At least it had windows.
>The view was quite nice, actually. You could see right into Canterlot from here.
>Still, you couldn’t get any rest. You were too anxious. Celestia had the wonderful idea that you’d have to come up with things to do with Luna.
>Yeah, that wouldn’t go well. What was there even to do in Canterlot? Be rich?
>Well, on the bright side, perhaps Luna will think of something. Assuming she doesn’t immediately fuck everything up by trying to rape you.
>You’re quite aware of the fact that Equestria is still in heat. Even Celestia, with her thousand years of experience, couldn’t hide it that well.
>After sitting around doing nothing for another few minutes, you decide to take a look around
>As Chrysalis’ coltfriend, you felt obligated to annoy the Sun Princess as much as possible. 
>Opening up your door, you intend on doing just that.
>However a certain black Alicorn is in your way. 
“Princess Luna?”

>The mare screams in fear, jumping back a few feet. “Anon!”
>However, before she can say anything, the guard all flood into the hallway to protect their princess.
>”No! No, no, we’re fine! Leave us!” she stammers.
>You sigh, rubbing your temples a bit as the royal guard dissipate. They don’t linger like they usually do. 
>Luna doesn’t make eye contact with you, instead doing her best to hide under her mane, which has reverted to its day appearance. 
“I’m guessing you wanted to hang out?”
>She slowly looks to you, her eyes filled with... fear? You can’t find a drop of lust in there. Hm.
>That’s good, at least. “Y-Yes.”
“Well, I guess it’s better than sitting in here. Tell me, Luna... what exactly is there to do here?”
>She opens her mouth to speak, only to stop. She isn’t looking at you again.
“...Fine. Let ME do all the work.”
>You roll your eyes, walking past her. She lingers for a moment before rushing after you.
>”Anon! We’re sorry! Please don’t hate us!”
>You turn to her, raising a finger. [spoiler][/spoiler]”If I hated you, would I be hanging out with you? Honestly, use your head for once. Come on.”
>You begin to wander through the castle, looking for a way out. With a bit of redirection, you make your way out into the garden.
>Luna continues to follow you awkwardly as you look for a way out of the damn palace. You silently pray that Chrysalis’ palace isn’t this confusing.

“Alright, seriously, how do we get out of here?”
>Luna blinks, not expecting you to speak to her. As such, she can’t give you much of an answer either.
>It occurs to you that the mare is just as, if not more, tired than you. 
>She probably hasn’t gotten any sleep either. Hm.
>”Oh... Well, yes... we suppose it can be... confusing...”
“Oh well. We can just sit around here. I guess. Unless you’ve thought of something to go do?”
>She looks away. That’s a no, then.
>You wander about for a bit, before taking a seat under a tree. It’s not particularly comfortable. 
“Luna?”
>She looks over to you. “Y-Yes?”
“There’s one thing I’ve never quite gotten... Why me?”
>Her gaze falls down to the earth on which she sits. “W-What do you... mean?”
“Why, of all the stallions out there... would you pick me, the world’s only man? I just want to know.”
>She thinks on this for almost five minutes. You keep your eyes focused on her, but she seems unable to make eye contact with you. 
>”Well... you recall when we first met, yes?”
>Yes... Yes, you did remember that. The Nightmare Night where Luna came to Ponyville.
>What a wild ride that had been. Pinkie sure had made it difficult for poor ol’ Luna.
>But with help from yourself and Twilight, the princess had eventually been able to interact with the town of Ponyville. 
“And because I was nice to you then, you’re in love with me?”

>”Y-You don’t understand! No stallions are ever... like that. To us... Err, me.”
“Now don’t give me that. No one could get away with being a prick to you. Not even me.”
>She rolls her eyes. “You are not royalty; you wouldn’t understand.”
>The mare looks away. Both of you just sit in silence for awhile.
>Luna clearly isn’t enjoying the silence between you. “Would you like... to go flying?”
“Flying? Eh... I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
>She nods. “R-Right. Our apologies.”
>Silence again takes hold, as Luna tries to come up with something to do. “Aha! We could show you the royal art collection!”
“Eh... that doesn’t really sound interesting.”
>The mare glares at you. “Is it because the activities bother you? Or perhaps it is us? Do not play games with us, Anon!”
“Hey, there’s the old attitude I remember. Tell you what; if you can get me out of this castle, I’ll show you how to have some real fun. Deal?”
>The princess frowns. “...Real fun? Tell us, what exactly does that involve?”
>You laugh, confusing the princess even more. [spoiler][/spoiler]”Tell me, do you know where Blueblood is right now?”
>She slowly nods. “Err... yes. Yes. We do. Why?”
“Take me to him. So I may render judgement.”
>You rise from your seat under the tree, Luna hurriedly rising with you.
>You give her a mischievous smile. She responds with an awkward one.

>When Equestria goes into estrus, the inhibitions of most mares go out the window.
>Even here in Canterlot, that’s at least partially true.
>And for single, wealthy stallions like one Prince Blueblood, it made the job of a player all the easier.
>”And from that day forth, that colt never worked in Canterlot again!”
>The trio of mares around him all burst into laughter, despite the story not even being funny in the slightest.
>From across the room, one Fancypants rolled his eyes as he chatted up a bunch of other mares. 
>”Oh, Blueblood, you’re so funny. Tell us another one, please!”
>”Yes, Blueblood, you must!” The prince chuckles at their attention.
>He’s about to start on another unfunny rant when the door bursts open, getting the attention of every pony at the party.
>And in walks one Princess Luna, followed right behind by one Anonymous.
>As if on instinct the majority of the room bows before the noble. Only Blueblood remains standing, as does a mare he had a leg around.
>”Rise, my subjects!”
>The subjects did as commanded.
>Luna turned to you, briefly. You give her a nod, and she continues.
>”Tell us, where is Prince Blueblood? We have an important message for his royal highness!”
>Almost the entire room points over to the Prince himself, who looks ready to shit his pants. 
>His girlfriends seem ready to split as well.
>This is going to be fun.

>Luna, as you had instructed, trots over to him, all high and mighty.
>Any p0nies that were in the way quickly removed themselves from the premises.
>You try hard not to laugh at the Prince. The damn guy looks so nervous.
>However, he seems to realize that he’s a damn prince, and does his best to pony up.
>”Ah, Princess Luna. Hello... How can I help you?”
>”We have received an extremely important message for you, from the /grand/ house of Unicornia, noble Blueblood.”
>He flinches away, as do his girls. Alas, poor Blueblood. He wasn’t prepared for the Royal Canterlot Voice!
>”Err, your highness, could you turn it down a tad? I’m sure the rest of our little party can do without knowing what’s going on.”
>Luna glances to you briefly, before responding. Loudly. “Nonsense! This news is for the ears of all of Equestria!” The prince pales.
>She clears her throat. “It has come to the attention of thy royal house that thou, Prince Blueblood, hath failed to produce any viable heirs to your titles! As such, we doth decree that thou must initiate a search for a proper mare immediately!”
>She pauses, looking over the three mares hanging around the prince. They all take a few steps back.
>”Ah! You see to have already begun such! Excellent!” She gives him a pleased smile.
>You point to one of them, this one a cream color. [spoiler][/spoiler]”That one there seems adequate, wouldn’t you agree, Princess? Excellent birthing hips.”
>”Indeed!”

>You can hear a number of ponies nearby begin to chuckle, mostly the higher ups that actually know the Prince.
>You decide not to persist as he excuses himself. If his face gets any redder, he could drop dead from blood loss. Ha!
>The cream coloured mare says some unpleasant things to you before heading off as well, though not after her prince in shining armour.
>You share a look with Luna, and then laugh. She joins in, though it’s a bit more forced than you’d expect. 
“Oh come on. You know he deserved that.”
>”Yes... I suppose that’s true.”
>”I say, that was quite a display...”
>You both turn to face Canterlot’s most noteworthy stallions, one Fancypants. “I take the two of you had some sort of score to settle with good ol’ Blueblood?” He chuckles. 
“You could say that. Honestly, we’re just finding something to do. Fancypants, right?”
>”Yes, that’s me. And you are?”
“Call me, Anon. I’m guessing you know the Princess?”
>He turns to her, nodding. “But of course. Anyp0ny who’s anyp0ny knows of Princess Luna.”
>Fancypants' entourage quickly catches up, the majority of them thanking you for getting rid of Blueblood.
>Apparently he had been annoying the hell out of all of them with his awful jokes and egomania. You’re happy to have been of service.
>You spent much of the day just hanging around with Fancypants' crew. They’re all pretty nice folk, if a little stiff.
>Luna definitely enjoyed herself. She might actually get some friends out of this.
>And that’s not terrible.

-In Ponyville-
>Anon’s house has, in its years of service, taken a good amount of damage.
>However, a mass teleport spell blowing up the study is a bit more damage than it was really built for.
>The Queen of the Changelings gawks at the huge amount of damage her spell had caused.
>”...You know, I think I’m going to have to tone down the magic. Just a bit.”
>Ditto just sighs. “Anonymous will not be happy about this...”
>”No... No he won’t. But I’m sure I can just have it rebuilt later.”
>Chrysalis turns to the three change marines she had brought with her. Ditto honestly felt the escort unnecessary, but Chrysalis didn’t think Ditto would be capable of beating up Applejack if need be.
>Oh, how little that mare knew.
>”Well, we’d best go say hello... though, they’re probably on their way up now...”
>Her horn lit up, opening the room’s door, one of the only things here that hadn’t been destroyed from the backlash.
>Her minions followed her as they checked every room in the building. But no one was home.
>Not Derpy. Not Dinky. Not even Rainbow Dash.
>And most importantly, Anonymous. Where could he have gone, now?
>”Damnit! Ditto, fan out and find my King! Now!” 
>The changeling saluted his queen before leading the change marines out. 
>That left Chrysalis to wonder and worry. And to contemplate changing the name of her elite troopers.
>Why were they even called marines? They had nothing to do with water.

>She didn’t get have to wait for long before the change marines came back to report, giving her little time to dwell on the poor state of the home.
>Just what had happened here?
>”Your majesty!” The trio salutes her.
>The queen sighs, about to ask what they have to report, when she notices that her most competent minion is missing.
>”Where’s Ditto?”
>The troops pause, their acting leader eventually answering. “Captured by the Pie siblings. Our forces are insufficient to perform a counter raid.”
>She rolls her eyes. “Oh, of course. Well? You had something to tell me?”
>The speaker nods. “Yes. We have determined that Anonymous has been brought to Canterlot, but we do not know why. What are you—“
>”HE’S WHERE!? WHAT IS HE DOING IN CANTERLOT!?”
>The change marine that told her this bad news quickly found himself being held up in front of his queen’s face, her deep green eyes filled with fear.
>She drops him onto the ground before her. “We’re going to Canterlot. Now.”
>The queen gets off the sofa, walking about without another word. Her minions quickly fell in line behind her.
>Chrysalis was convinced it was Luna who had whisked him away, likely by force.
>After all, what would Celestia want with him? Even in heat, she wouldn’t infringe on her monopoly.
>The Princess of the Night had made a grave mistake.
>Oh well, Chrysalis thought. No one will miss Luna anyway...

>The party you had crashed continued on a similar tone for awhile. 
>You spent most of your time talking with Fancypants, silently observing to see if Luna was interacting properly.
>You were glad to see that this was the case, and so felt no need to intervene on her behalf.
>Instead, you chatted up Fancypants and a handful of his fellows.
>You couldn’t help but notice the fact that almost all of them were more or less just parrots for the guy.
>He almost definitely knew this, and made damn sure to use it when he could.
>Not that he really had many times to do that. You weren’t having a debate, after all.
>Just some friendly storytelling. And, as it so happened, it was your turn. 
“Well, Fancypants, I’ve been on all sorts of adventures...”
>You subconsciously swish the glass of wine you had obtained as you recall the tale of a certain trip of Vegas. Wisely, you leave a number of details about.
>The rich stallion seems quite surprised by how the tale ended off. “I had no idea poker chips could destroy a weather factory...”
“I don’t think anyone knew. Well, I guess they’ve learned their lesson!”
>The rich stallion nods. “Indeed.”
>You take a sip of your fine, expensive wine. You’re not certain, but you believe it’s probably some type of moscato. 
>It’s a good thing you aren’t fitting the bill for it. Your wallet is notably empty at the moment.
>However, as you enjoy your drink, you notice a certain mare eyeing you...

>You hadn’t been properly introduced to this mare, as she kept her distance.
>But for more or less the entire party, she was around. And she watched.
>She was definitely a unique mare. Tall, skinny, with flowing pink hair. On her flank were three fleur-de-lis, which you remembered were on the flag of that Quebec place.
>For some reason, you can’t help but see this mare as some sort of secret separatist. One who eats cheese. And perhaps snails.
>You immediately feel bad for assuming such things, though. What did the French ever do to you?
>What did they ever do to anyone?
>Still though, it didn’t take a genius to quickly gather that this mare was highly attractive.
>A number of stallions had tried to get attention, though they tended to be so subtle and conservative that she never noticed.
>Alas, poor nobles. They will not be getting laid tonight.
>Except perhaps Blueblood. He needs to get an heir posthaste. You almost begin to laugh, thinking back to that prank of yours, but stop yourself.
>You doubt the nobility would like it if you found their wine funny. Or whatever story that gray stallion with the top hat was babbling on about.
>Hm? Hey, where’d that Quebecer mare go? Your eyes survey the room, but she seems to have disappeared. Weird.
>Oh well. You focus back on the conversation at hand, enjoying yourself thoroughly.

>Eventually you note the time. Jeez, it’s getting pretty late.
>And Luna is still here, enjoying herself quite a bit. She’d need to put up the moon fairly soon, though.
>You figure it’d be best to just head out now. While you did enjoy yourself, you can’t stay here forever.
>Hell, maybe you can try their food. Room service was free, after all.
>A quick search locates Luna, who’s off in her own group, speaking with some other nobles. 
“Well, it’s been a blast. But Luna and I have royal business to attend to. I'm sure you understand."
>Fancypants waves you off. “Yes, go on. Don’t let us keep you. We’ve probably talked your ears off enough already!”
>You can’t help but smile, slipping away as the others all begin to laugh at the stallion’s sense of humour.
>You make your way to the Princess, only to bump into a rather tall pony on the way, the remnants of your wine splashing out onto it.
>”Ah! You imbecile!”
>You flinch back, realizing that this is the French pony from before. Oops...
“Uh, sorry about that, but I need—“
>”No! You’re helping me get this out!” 
>She has a clear French accent, though it seems a bit strained, what with her being so upset right now.
>Her horn lights up, and she drags you away. Sighing, you roll with it.
>She takes you to what is quite clearly a bathroom. As one might guess, it’s about as big as your master bedroom.
>”Quickly, get it off, before it stains!”

“Yeah, yeah, give me a second.”
>You fetch a small cloth, wetting it slightly under the sink.
>It’s more tedious than anything, what with all the room’s devices being about half as tall as usual.
>Regardless, cloth in hand, you turn back to the Quebecer, seeing for the first time in major detail just how much wine had gotten onto her coat.
>Her pristine, white, almost glimmering coat.
>It would be perfect if it weren’t for the red glop of wine on her upper chest.
>”Well? Get to work, creature!”
>The amount of mad this mare radiates... It’s enough to make you laugh. However, you hold your tongue; there’s no need to cause more shit.
>You grunt, kneeling down in front of her to get your arms in reach. And then begins an even more tedious task...
>Despite your years in Equestria, you’ve never actually had to clean a pony. It was... unique.
>As you do your best to get the red wine out of her white coat, you decide to get some info out of her. May as well. 
“So, uh, I don’t believe I got your name...”
>She looks down at you in horror. “You’ve never heard of Fleur-de-lis? Truly?”
“Uh, no. Are you some sort of model?”
>She does a fairly simple pose with a free hoof. “Only Equestria’s finest. And who are you, wine spiller?”
“Anonymous. Equestria’s only human. I’m surprised YOU haven’t heard of ME.”
>She shrugs, “Perhaps I missed that issue of biology weekly, then...”

“I don’t recall ever being in any of those... magazines?”
>She frowns, seemingly lost to how you couldn’t have been documented in one of her clearly favourite wastes of paper.
>”That is surprising... though I suppose it makes sense. You are quite an... exotic specimen.”
>She gives you one of those seductive grins. It’s not very effective.
>”Tell me, how do you know the princess?”
“Just a friend, I guess you could say.”
>You sigh. Despite your best efforts, the blemish on her perfect coat refuses to disappear completely.
>Luckily for her, it’d still be fairly hard to notice unless you look right at it.
>However, she isn’t very happy about this.
>”No! I am model, remember? We cannot have any flaws. This is your fault!”
“Accidents happen, Fleur. Just have a bath when you get home; I’m not going to get able to get the rest out.”
>”And what about downstairs? Am I to just let the public see this imperfection? No! You must make this up to me!”
“And what would you suggest? You want my jacket or something?”
>She takes a look at said jacket, but grimaces. “No. Your... human clothing will... ugh.” She shakes her head. 
“Yeah well, I think I’ll just be going then. I was on my way out anyway.”
>Unfortunately, the mare has different plans. With a pull from her magic, you fall right onto your face.
>You groan, trying to get back up, but an actually not that heavy weight lands on your back.

>”Sacre bleu! You poor thing! Here, let Fleur help you...”
“Get off of me! Seriously, what do you want?”
>You manage to roll over onto your back, the mare slipping right off of your jacket.
>You still can’t stand though, because of a just barely pink glow holding you down. It’s not that powerful though; you could probably break it if you tried hard enough.
>”Look, Anonymous, I require some... special services of you. It is only fair, yes?”
“If this has to do with me having any contact with your genitals, you can count me out.”
>She laughs. “Don’t be so shy. Besides... how many stallions can say that they’ve rutted the beautiful Fleur-de-lis?”
“Probably half of Canterlot, if this is anything to go by.”
>Her eyes go wide. “...What did you...?” A twitch. 
“Why don’t you just go to one of your regulars and call it a night? I won’t have any part in this.”
>Unfortunately it seems her magical grip has tightened. Way to go, Anon!
>Thanks brain! I do my best!
>The mare saunters over to you, giving you what you could only guess is some sort of French glare. “Oh... you naughty thing, you.”
>She steps over you. “How dare you insult me! Who do you think you are?”
“I’m right, that’s all.”
>She actually growls at you. “Oh, you must be punished. Hm... What shall I do with you...”
>The mare looks off, mumbling to herself various things she could do. “Hm ... peut-être un bout de corde?”
>”No..., no, that’s too nice. A pig like YOU deserves much wors—“
>”Anonymous? Are you in here?”

>The white mare’s eyes go wide. 
“Yeah, Luna, I’m in here. Could you give me a hoof? I’ve got a bit of a problem...”
>The door opens up and Luna walks in. ”Anonymous, this best not involve you... What?”
>It’s quite a strange sight. You, magically bound to the floor, with a supermodel/rapist standing right on top of you. 
“Oh hi, Luna. Nice of you to join us.”
>Fleur at this point shrieked, jumping off of you. “Oh, Princess! I’m glad you’re here! This pig was—“
>Luna ignores her as she tries to pin the blame on you, instead helping you to your feet. 
“Good night, Fleur. Come on, Luna, let’s blow this popsicle stand.”
>She pauses. “We beg your pardon?”
“...Let’s just go.”
>You left the party, making your way back to the marvellous Canterlot Castle. 
“Luna?”
>The Night Princess turns to you as you continue to walk down the streets of Canterlot. “Yes, Anon?”
“Thanks for the save. Crazy mare, am I right?”
>”Y-Yes. Glad to be of service.”
>The rest of the walk goes quite well. No one really approaches your duo. You can’t be sure if it’s because of you or if it’s because of Luna.
>As you enter the castle, a trio of guards begin to follow you, likely ensuring your protection, despite not needing to do so. 
“Well, Luna, I think I’m going to retire early. You enjoy your... moon rise, I guess it’s called.”
>She smiles awkwardly. “Yes... And, thank you, Anon. For giving me a chance.”
“No problem, Luna.”

>Queen Chrysalis had waited patiently in the royal chambers of one Princess Luna.
>Celestia had been so kind as to let her know that Anonymous was out with the night mare, and had placed her trio of change marines in the perfect location to shadow Anonymous back to his room.
>That just left her to deal with Luna. 
>While she had told Celestia that she only wished to talk, the changeling queen wasn’t afraid to resort to force to get per point across.
>Anonymous had proven again and again that he was incapable of ridding himself of stalkers.
>She saw it, as his special somep0ny, to ensure his protection against such mares.
>And so, she waited.
>As the sun set down in the horizon, she knew it wouldn’t be long until the Night Princess came this way.
>And when she did...
>Chrysalis resisted the urge to cackle madly. That would give her away. It was also bad form.
>The door to the room opened up, Princess Luna tiredly walking inside. It was dark; too dark to see the creature lurking in the corner.
>The princess smiled to herself. “You did it, Luna! Anonymous no longer hates you!” 
>The smile grows wider as the mare begins to free herself of her regalia, undoubtedly planning to just enjoy herself for the night.
>”Having fun with my stallion, Luna?”
>Luna freezes in place, her magic failing her. Her black tiara falls to the floor, clattering as the changeling queen approaches.

>”Because I personally love it when ponies just snatch up my lover, and do who knows what with them. Honestly, Luna, what has gotten into you?”
>”C-Chrysalis, we didn’t...”
>The changeling grows ever closer, her face stone-like and unreadable.
>She stops a few feet away from Luna, almost towering over her. “You didn’t what?”
>”We’re s-sorry that... Please, Anon and I are friends now!”
>Chrysalis grunts. “Or so you claim.”
>”It is true! We spent today together, doing... friend things! There is no longer any need to worry for him!”
>”Except that you’re still obviously obsessed with him? Celestia told me you apparently teleported into his room last night. Explain?”
>The princess takes a few steps back. “T-That, that will not happen again. We... I was... not myself.”
>”Riiight. Well, Luna, we have an issue to take care of. And we’re doing it tonight.”
>Luna’s confidence seems to return, the mare standing tall to face the changeling. “Yes. And we shall.”
>”Good.”
>”Yes!”
>”That’s great!”
>”Wonderful!”
>Chrysalis rolls her eyes, “Well? What are we going to do? I don’t want you bothering Anonymous, and you want to have sex with him. Somep0ny is going to have to fall back. And I’m certain it’ll be you.”
>Luna glares at her, mildly surprising the changeling. “We... are no longer... interested, in that. With him.”
>”Is that a fact?”
>The princess nods. Chrysalis smiles. “Really now? That’s good to hear.”

>Luna continues, “But we would like to... be able to see him. You cannot just hoard him to yourself!”
>”Why can’t I? He’s my stallion, Luna.”
>Luna shakes her head. “He may be your stallion... but he is still a free... man. You cannot control who he sees.”
>Chrysalis frowns, trying to come up with a response. Seeing her inability, Luna continues.
>”So, if he wishes to see me, he can. It is up to him, not you! Now, leave us. YOU are not welcome here, Chrysalis.”
>She almost spits out the last word, as though it were a rotten cherry that got mixed into the bunch.
>Chrysalis laughs at her. “You’re funny, Luna. Very funny. See you around, I suppose. Try not to die of loneliness.”
>The changeling walks over to the balcony, before jumping over the rails, buzzing away.
>Luna sighs. “Oh, Anonymous... Why did you have to pick her?”
>She turns back to her vanity, looking at herself in the mirror for some time, deep in thought.
>”Is this what makes you happy, Anon?”
>The mare looks on, half expecting an answer to come to her. It doesn’t.
>”Well... if that’s the case, I will support you.” Her magic whips out, snatching up her discarded crown, which she places down onto the hard wood of the vanity.
>She begins to walk over to her bed, to rest, if only briefly. 
>Luna pauses, turning to the open balcony door. She closes it.
>”Good night, Anonymous.”

Pastebin.com Tools & Applications

iPhone/iPad

Windows

Firefox

Chrome

WebOS

Android

Mac

Opera

Click.to

UNIX

WinPhone