Anon and Chrysalis Ch26 - Act 2

The Marvellous Mishaps of Anon and Chrysalis

Chapter 26: Anonymous, Keeper of the Nope

Act 2: Springtime for Nightmare Moon

 

>The sun shines through the windows of Fluttershy’s cottage, Celestia’s morning light flooding your vision.

>You groan, slowly prying your ocular devices open. You didn’t get much sleep last night.

>Well, at least nothing has changed besides...

>Wait. Since when has your blanket been so warm? And furry. And... blue.

“Rainbow Dash?”

>Upon saying her name, the blue mare awakens. “Huh? Oh, hey, Anon.”

“Why are you cuddling beside me?”

>She blushes. “Oh, well... you looked a bit lonely. And warm. And, uh...”

“You know what, never mind. Thanks for the company.”

>You pat her on the head, getting a look of disdain from her. Too bad, Rainbow.

>Carefully, you manoeuvre yourself out of Fluttershy’s probably unsanitary beddings. Rainbow does much the same, exiting on the opposite side.

>She turns to you. “So, uh... what do we do now?”

“I’m guessing lay low until Pinkie figures out where we are. She’s going to be pissed, obviously.”

>Rainbow shudders. “Shouldn’t we try to escape? We could run to Appleoosa if you want.”

“We both know damn well how good that mare is at catching up.”

>She reluctantly nods. “I guess that’s true.”

 

“Yeah, so let’s get some food before she knocks the doors in. Hopefully her demands won’t be too insane.”

>Rainbow chuckles. “Anon, this is Pinkie we’re talking about.”

>As you exit the room, you turn to her, giving her a hopeful face.

“Can a man not dream, Rainbow Dash?”

>”No more than a pony can, Anonymous.”

>You share a laugh and head downstairs.

>Fluttershy is already awake, humming to herself as she makes some food. What kind, you can’t be sure.

>You also can’t be sure if she’s putting anything fishy in it.

>While the Flutterstalker has pretty much ceased to be, there’s no telling what she might try while hopped up on the drug called estrus.

“Morning, Flutters. What’s for breakfast?”

>She meekly turns to you, unable to resist the urge to blush. “O-Oh! Anon! Just some pancakes.”

“Sounds good. I’m going to go wake up Derpy and Dinky.”

>She nods as you leave her with the Rainbow mare.

>Rainbow glances about, not really looking at her. “So...”

>Fluttershy gets right to the point. “Did you have sex with Anon last night?”

>Rainbow rolls her eyes. “No, of course not. Why would I do that?”

>”J-Just checking. Do you think I have a chance?”

>Rainbow shrugs. “Is your name Queen Chrysalis?”

 

>”Well, no... darn. I really was hoping too. Since we’re all... you know.”

>Rainbow nods. “Yeah, I know what you mean. But we can’t just force him. What kind of friend would do that? A bad one, that’s who.”

>Fluttershy just nods, turning back to the pancakes.

>You return just in time with the gray ponies. The pancakes are all done.

>Fluttershy noticeably gives you way too many pancakes. You eventually share them with Derpy and Rainbow, who hungrily chow down.

>Dinky even manages two herself. Poor thing barely had a dinner last night.

>Derpy, after swallowing a pretty big bite, speaks. “What’s the plan for today, Anon?”

“We wait for Pinkie to show up, and then I apologize and try to work through her likely crazy demands. That’s about it, really. Feel free to do whatever.”

>She doesn’t really like this plan. “And what if Pinkie wants you to do some... unsavoury things?”

“I’ll probably be able to guilt her out of it. She’s in a relationship too, after all.”

>Derpy nods. “I suppose that will work. Still, don’t get yourself hurt.”

“Hey, don’t worry. Rainbow here is probably going to be following me around anyhow. Nothing can possibly go wrong.”

>Rainbow rolls her eyes. “Yeah, go ahead, Anon. Jinx it.”

 

>You were going to give her an extremely witty comeback when the door knocked.

>Hard.

>It has begun. The great shitstorm of our time...

“Let’s go say hello, yes?”

>Getting up, you slowly head over to the door. The trio of Pegasi hover or stand around you the entire time.

>Dinky watches on from afar as you open up to the door.

>There stood Pinkamena Diane Pie. As you expected, she looked pissed.

>”ANONYMOUS!”

“Pinkie Pie.”

>”YOU BROKE YOUR PINKIE PROMISE!”

“It was out of my control. Sorry about that.”

>She seems to calm down ever slightly. “Why would you make a Pinkie Promise you can’t keep?”

“I didn’t think it’d be a problem. I’m guessing you saw my house?”

>She nods, still glaring at you. “They took my cannon! That’s not what it’s for!”

>Rainbow raises an eyebrow at this. “Uh, it’s a cannon, Pinkie.”

>”A party cannon! You party with it! Not blow things up!”

“Well, again, sorry about missing the rehearsal. Are we cool?”

>She glares at you. “No! You still broke your promise! You must pay!”

>You reach for your wallet. She rolls her eyes when she sees it. “Not that kind of pay, Anon.”

“Then how may aid thee, in thy quest?”

 

>She frowns. “I think you’ve been spending too much time with Princess Luna, Anon.”

“Maybe just a tad. What do you need?”

>”Well, I talked to Blinkie, and then I talked to Inkie, and we’ve each come up with something that you can do for us to make up.”

>Silence. The mares behind and around you look to each other awkwardly.

>Rainbow is the first to respond. “Well? What do you want from hiM?”

>Pinkie blinks. “Oh! Well, you’ve got to come to Sugarcube Corner first!” She turns around, signalling for someone. Or perhaps something.

>However, nothing actually bothers to show up. Pinkie sighs.

>”Don’t you just hate it when plans don’t go as you planned?”

“Yes. Definitely.”

>She lets out a fairly overdramatic sigh. “Fiiine. We’ll just walk. Come.”

>And walk you did, all the way through town.

>You were surprised how many regretful looks you got. Well, at least they’re sorry.

>Still, you’re really going to need a new door. It gets cold at night, after all.

>Pinkie let you into the confectionary. Both Derpy and Rainbow entered with you.

>It was a good thing Fluttershy was around to watch Dinky. Not that she really needs watching. But still.

>Better safe than sorry.

 

>Both Inkie and Blinkie are already there, presumably waiting for you.

>Inkie glares at you. “You know, lying isn’t a good way to get somep0ny’s trust.”

“You know, drugging parties isn’t a good way to get married.”

>Blinkie sighs. “Can we not start this already?”

“Sure. What do you guys want from me?”

>Inkie grins at you. “Guess.”

>You frown, slowly raising a hand to your chin. You loudly ‘Hmm.’

“Well, using my vast human intellect, I do believe you would like some of my people’s delicious egg sandwiches.”

>Blinkie smiles nervously, beginning to sweat.

>Rainbow stifles at laugh at that. Leave it to Blinkie to have a clean mind.

>Inkie, of course, fucks the mood up. “Actually, I was going to ask for a foursome, though I suppose I could eat some of those too. I’ve heard they’re great.”

“They are. Pinkie?”

>She grins. “Weeeell, you remember how I’m directing a play?”

“Um, obviously. Me not coming for a rehearsal is why I’m here.”

>She smiles meekly. “Oh. Right. Well, I did some research, and I forgot a really important pony who was around, and I want YOU to play him!”

“Me? Act? Haha, right. You realize I’ll stick out like a sore thumb, right?”

 

>Pinkie smiles at you, a bit creepily. ”Nothing a good costume can’t fix!”

>Inkie shrugs. “It’s your choice, Anon. Either you fuck all of us, or you’re in the play.”

>You consider the options briefly. On one hand, Chrysalis will murder you if you cheat on her.

>On the other hand, you’ll probably die from embarrassment if you take part in their play.

>You had been told what it was about already. Springtime for Nightmare Moon, they call it.

>It was supposed to be a historical retelling of the first coming of said villain. Except...

>Well, Inkie isn’t exactly a great writer. You let out a sigh.

“Fine, I’ll be in your silly play. What exactly am I supposed to be?”

>Pinkie smiles. “Don’t worry, it’s nothing major. Follow me!”

>And you did, with a bit of goading from Pinkie’s siblings. Inkie seemed a bit upset that you didn’t take her offer, though.

>Downstairs, you were filled in on your role. True to her word, it was indeed not major.

>You would be some sort of noble guy named Sirius, who had a grand sum of one line.

“So, I just stand around and then say ‘Look out!’?”

>”That’s right!”

“And then what?”

>Inkie grins. “Then Nightmare Moon hits you with a spell. And guess who’s playing her?”

“Twilight Sparkle?”

 

>A few hours passed as you rehearsed your apparently extremely important line.

>You had pretty much gotten it down in the first ten minutes, but Pinkie wanted to be absolutely certain. Typical.

>During that time you skimmed through the rest of the script. You weren’t feeling all that confident about it.

“Inkie, why are there so many innuendos in Nightmare Moon’s lines?”

>”Why wouldn’t there be?”

“Nightmare Moon doesn’t speak like this.”

>She laughs. “How would you know this?”

“Why would anyone speak like this a thousand years ago? How long did it take you to even write this? An hour?”

>She glares at you. “Three hours, smart one. Stop whining about my script and learn your lines. Rarity will be over in a bit to make your costume.”

“Yes, because it’ll be so easy to make me into a pony...”

>”Stop whining.”

>You decided against that, instead whining about any little flaw you could find. You’d make Rarity one proud mare. That much is certain.

>Rarity did show up, designing an outfit for you with Blinkie’s help. Rainbow did quite a nice job keeping the other two busy. You would NOT look like a clown out there.

>Of course, that still left you with a few questions.

 

>Like, for example, how two earth ponies were supposed to play the most magical Alicorns in the country?

>Pinkie assured you that she had a solution for this dilemma, but refused to elaborate. Whatever.

>It’s not your writing ability on the line here. It’s hers. Or, well, Inkie’s.

>Pinkie is just the director. Not even a producer. Ha!

>Later still, other ponies showed up to practice their lines. Caramel seemed... much more worried than he did the time before.

“Hey, Caramel. You seem tense.”

>”Anon? Oh, you’re okay! I heard your house got sacked yesterday...”

“No thanks to Applejack and Flitter. The nerve of some mares.”

>”Y-Yeah. Definitely.”

“Oh, don’t give me that ‘General.’ No one is going to smash your door in with a cannon.”

>He seems uncertain. “You sure about that?”

“Yes. Pinkie has the cannon’s ammunition stored somewhere else now. There’s no threat at all.”

>”...Right.”

>Things were uneventful otherwise, save perhaps the costumes.

>Some of them were outright gaudy. You, however, stilled your tongue. No need to cause a panic.

>The Celestia costume was nice, at least. Nightmare Moon’s... well, you can’t really judge. You’ve never seen the dark mare in person.

>Things eventually died off, with the helpers all heading home.

 

>That left you in a rather sticky situation.

>You couldn’t go back to your place. Its well, in ruins. Applejack could literally walk in and get you.

>A hotel could work, maybe. But security could prove troublesome.

>And then there’s the Rainbow option. What to do, what to do...

>You weigh the choices for awhile upstairs. Hm...

>That’s when some giggling behind you catches your attention.

>You turn around, seeing nothing. It’s only until you look down do you find the sound’s orgin.

“Pumpkin Cake? What are you doing here all by yourself?”

>She just smiles cheerfully at you. Heh...

>You squat down, bringing yourself closer to her level.

“Well, you should probably get to bed. It’s late. Hrm...”

>She frowns at you, shaking her head. You’ve heard stories of how defiant these two are...

>Luckily, Pinkie was right about to snatch her up. Not so lucky for your heart, though. You didn’t need that scare.

>The party pony just smiles at you before bouncing away with Pumpkin. Hrm.

>Perhaps you could just stay here for a day or two. There’s more than enough room in that cellar.

>Some debating later got you exactly that. Mr. Cake sure is a nice guy.

 

>You get up pretty early the next day. Your ‘bed’ was not exactly comfortable.

>That’s what you get, though. Maybe you should have risked the hotel...

>Oh well, whatever.

>After shaking any lingering sleepiness out of your system, you head upstairs.

>Things are pretty quiet. Too quiet.

>Cautiously, you look about for any of the bakery’s many inhabitants.

>However, no one is up. And it’s 11am.

>Yes, the store is closed, but that doesn’t mean no one is here. A bad omen, to be sure.

>Oh well. You can’t dwell on it.

>A quick trip downstairs fetches you a fresh pair of clothes, which your friendly neighbourhood Rainbow Dash had so kindly fetched for you the previous day.

>She didn’t even make any innuendos or anything. What a bro.

>So, seeing nothing else to do, you go over to the bathroom and run a quick shower.

>Ah... nice a warm.

>The water feels nice on your chest. You haven’t had a chance to get cleaned up in awhile.

>But, alas, you know you can’t do this all day and try to hurry things up.

>You were so busy with your cleaning ritual that you didn’t hear the door open...

 

>But why would you? You’re busy getting clean. Showers aren’t exactly quiet.

>And since whoever is behind the curtains is being quiet, you’d have no reason to be suspicious.

>At least, that is until you finished up, grabbed a towel and attempted to step outside.

>”Hey there.”

>You quickly backtrack, hiding safely behind the curtains. Oh god what the fuck...

“Inkie? What the hell are you doing?”

>”Waiting on you. Come on, get out already.”

“W-What are you... are you...?”

>You’re obviously too flustered to come up with a proper response at the moment.

>Inkie notices this and laughs cruelly. “What? You gonna sit in there all day?”

“Can you leave? I need to get dressed.”

>”Dressed in what? I don’t see any clothes in here.”

“Inkie... What did you do now?”

>”You’ll see. I’ll be downstairs with some food when you’re ready.”

>You hear her chuckle as she leaves, the door closing behind her. Fuck.

>Why can’t you ever just have a normal day?

>You wrap yourself up in the towel. It’s... smaller than you’d like, but it will do.

>Hrm. Outside the shower is... everything you brought inside. Clothes included.

>Inkie was just fucking with you. Of course. You sigh, and get dressed.

 

>Inkie isn’t downstairs with food. Well fuck her shit.

>You are perfectly capable of obtaining sustenance on your own anyway.

>”Hey! What are you doing?”

>You turn away from the fridge you were just ‘raiding’ to see Blinkie Pie. Well, at least she’s nice.

“Eating some fruit. You want some?”

>”Who said you could have those?”

“My stomach. It’s just an apple; how much harm could it do?”

>”But it’s not your apple! What if that was my apple, or Cup Cake’s apple, or maybe Pound Cake’s apple?”

“Then they’ll just need to get another, because I’ve already bitten a chunk out of it. You need to relax.”

>”No, you need to replace that stolen apple!”

“Blinkie, care to explain what’s gotten into you?”

>”Nothing! Go get us another apple!”

“I’m not going to talk to Applejack if that is what you’re saying.”

>She pauses. “No, I’m not saying that. Sorry. I’m just... stressed. But still, ask next time.”

“So be it.”

>You turn into the fridge and grab another apple. Blinkie glares at you.

“You want this apple?”

>”Anon...”

“I’ll take that as a no, then. Anyhow, where is everyone at?”

 

>She rolls her eyes at your uncouth behaviour. “Inkie went downstairs, Pinkie is out inviting ponies, the Cakes are speaking to the mayor about food at the show and I’m here making sure you don’t eat the valuable goods we have in the fridge.”

“Valuable goods?”

>”Yes. Valuable goods.” She narrows her eyes.

“...Um, okay. And the twins?”

>”Asleep, upstairs. Shouldn’t you be rehearsing?”

“I have one line.”

>She raises an eyebrow at you. “Your point?”

“I’m confident in my ability to remember my one line. Don’t worry about it.”

>”Still...” She sighs. “Well, would you like to do something together instead?”

“...Something together? I don’t know, Inkie doesn’t like it when I spend time with you. Or Ditto. Or probably anyone.”

>She smiles sheepishly. “Uh... right. How about we watch a movie?”

>Something seems very fishy about this, though. She’s up to something. Hm...

>Should you call her on it? Or perhaps play her little game?

>Eh, you don’t want to go through this again. Five days in a row is enough.

“Honestly, Blinkie, I think I’ll just chill out by myself. Nothing personal.”

>She’s a lot angrier about this than someone normally would. Yep. She was up to something.

 

>”FINE! I’ll just go have fun upstairs all by myself!” She storms out.

>You roll your eyes. Fucking mares.

>A few hours of doing nothing later, Rainbow and Pinkie showed up to kidnap you.

>Or, more accurately, take you to Rarity’s to get fitted for your costume. Ugh...

>You got the usual longing looks, though not as many as you expected.

>Rainbow had mentioned that the mayor really chewed out that band of mares for trying to kidnap you.

>Who would have guessed she’d actually be on your side?

>Entering the boutique, you find Rarity standing about.

>Obviously, she was waiting for you. “Ah, good! You’re here. Come, quickly. We have work to do!”

>You turn to Rainbow who gives you a confident look. “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.”

“...Right.”

>Pinkie adds, “And we’ll be right over here if you need us! Right, Dash?”

>”Yep!”

“Why can’t you just come inside with me?”

>Pinkie frowns at you. “Anon, we can’t cum inside! Period! Only stallions can do that!”

>Both you and Rainbow give her a fairly creeped out look. Pinkie smiles nervously.

>”Oh, uh, never mind. Go on! Get clothed!”

>Which is exactly what you did. No funny business. Not even a sex joke.

>Rarity really wasn’t interested. You found it hard to believe, really.

>It just goes to show. Not all ponies want to fuck the human. Only most of them.

 

>That left you with all day to do whatever you wanted to do.

>So, logically, you went back to your home to see just how fucked up it really was.

>Rainbow had warned you. She clearly didn’t warn you enough.

>Everything was a damn mess. They had even knocked over your lovely armchair. Fiends!

“Damn, Rainbow, you weren’t kidding.”

>”When do I ever kid about this stuff, Anon?”

“Still, I didn’t think it’d be this... bad.”

>You take a few more steps around your obliterated residence. The kitchen is surprisingly intact.

>Derpy’s room, however, is not. You aren’t certain, but you can probably guess someone was looking for something in particular here.

>Next off is upstairs.

>Your room is... well...

>Safe to say, it will require quite a cleanup before you’ll even consider living in there again. Damn mares...

>Chrysalis’ Room, or the study, was similar, though not quite as bad.

>Though, it could be argued that the hole in the wall was more damage than what your room had received. Not much more, though.

“Rainbow, how do you do it?”

>She frowns. “Do what, Anon?”

“You know. Be in control. Not try to fuck everything that moves. I swear, this town... If I didn’t have friends here, I’d probably have moved.”

>She smiles nervously. “We’re pretty tame, actually. You should see Cloudsdale.”

“Let’s not, and say we did.”

 

>You return back to Sugarcube Corner, the sun now just beginning to set into the horizon.

>You shudder, thoughts of the two celestial princesses coming to you.

>Luna was quite annoying most of the time. In heat, though? God help us all.

>Thankfully you wouldn’t have to deal with her anytime soon.

>It’s general policy for the upper nobility to stay in Canterlot unless they have a good reason to leave.

>The confectionary was much more lively than when you left.

>You could hear the Cakes busy at work in the back. You think Inkie is there too.

>In the main room is Pinkie, Blinkie, and interestingly Twilight. Curious, you approach.

“Hey, girls. What’s up?”

>Twilight starts a bit, not seeing you coming. “Oh! Anon! Really sorry about before, I uh, was-“

“Don’t worry about it. I’ve dealt with worse.”

>Pinkie nods. “Yeah, you really have. Poor thing. Maybe I should throw a party so you can relax?”

“I’ll pass, thanks. Anyway, what brings you to this /closed/ store, Twi?”

>She smiles giddily. “Oh, well, you’ll never guess who I’ve convinced to by and watch the play!”

>You let out a grunt of disappointment, throwing your hands into the air. Fuck.

>Twilight frowns at you. “What? I haven’t even told you yet.”

>Rainbow rolls her eyes. “Like you need too. Why exactly do you want the princesses to see this...” she pauses, thinking of a word, “...unique performance?”

 

>Twilight gives her that look where she thinks you should know something already.

>Thankfully, you don’t need to prod her to get a response.

>”Well, Pinkie believes this play will help mares in heat relax. Considering that every mare in the play had no part in the siege on Anon’s home, I think it’s working.”

“Except they probably didn’t come because they were being indoctrinated here, by Pinkie herself.”

>Pinkie gives you a sideways look. “Me? Indoctrinate? You’re thinking of Inkie, Anon.”

“I wouldn’t put it past you...”

>Rainbow sighs. “Well, Anon, looks like I’ll be keeping you safe for a bit longer. Don’t worry; I can take Luna, no problem.” She does a flex. It doesn’t really... work.

>Alas, the flaw of being a hoofed creature.

“Well, anyhow, what exactly do you guys eat around here? Besides apples and candy, that is.”

>Pinkie frowns. “Why would we eat anything else?”

>Blinkie frowns at her, uttering her first words in this encounter. “Because you don’t want your teeth to fall out?”

>Pinkie turns to her. “No, that’s what brushing is for!”

>”But if you eat lots of sweets it won’t matter!”

>Pinkie glares at her. “Are we having this argument again? Why can’t you just let me enjoy my cake?”

>”Because it’s bad for you, Pinkie! You need more vegetables.”

“Yeah, well then. I think I’ll just go somewhere else. To rehearse. Yes. Bye.”

 

>Rainbow follows you as you head downstairs into the dark, dark cellar.

>Though, to be honest, it’s not all that dark, nor that creepy.

>It’s just a bit eerie if you’re not used to it.

>You can easily hear some chatter in the far room. Rehearsals, clearly.

>Barring Caramel, you didn’t really click with most of the mares in the play. They couldn’t stop... staring.

>It creeps you out. You’re fully dressed but as far as they can tell, you’re butt naked.

>Not exactly a healthy work environment.

>So, you chill with your faithful bro in your personal living quarters.

>Yeah, this bed fucking sucks. Have you mentioned that yet? Because it really does. No seriously.

>”Nice bed?”

“I know, right? Highest quality shit right here. Princess Celestia would be jealous of it.”

>She laughs at your joke while you take a seat cross legged on the pitiful surface.

“So, what do we do now I wonder. I have no cards, so no games. Not that you’d win anyway, but still.”

>Rainbow laughs. “Is that a bet? I’ll be right back with cards; you’re going down!”

“Make sure the check doesn’t bounce this time, alright?”

>She blinks. “What?”

“Never mind...”

>The mare shrugs and flies off, making sure to not bash her head into the wall or ceiling.

>That leaves all alone with your thoughts...

 

>It doesn’t last long, of course.

>Blinkie seems to want to pester you some more. Hrm.

>Perhaps Pinkie saying she had a crush on you had something to it. She wouldn’t be so persistent if it wasn’t.

>But she knows all too well about your relationship. What’s she up to?

>”Uh, hey, Anon.”

“Fair Blinkamena Pie, greetings!”

>She blinks. “...Blinkamena?”

“Your full name, is it not?”

>”Uh, no. No it’s not.”

“Well fuck. Anyhow, what can I do for you? I trust nothing too racy?”

>”Uh... well... heh...”

“If it’s sexual, the answer is no.”

>She pleads with you, desperate. “Oh come on, please? You’re the only one I can trust!”

“Look, I know what you can do. There’s this guy I know, name’s Ditto. He’ll hook you up when he gets back.”

>She flinches away from the mention of Ditto. “N-No! He scares me! And he’s too rough!”

“And I would be better? Remember who my marefriend is? Chrysalis?”

>She rolls her eyes. “She doesn’t count. Besides, isn’t she always on top anyway?”

>You almost say yes. Almost.

>But you know all too well what extreme embarrassment can do to a person.

>You read it in a book, so it had to be true!

 

“Look, Blinkie, I can’t do anything of that nature with or for you. I have a marefriend.”

>”But she’ll never know! Come ooon!”

“Stop being so annoyingly persistent. Aren’t you in the play anyway? Go do your role and enter an eternal state of peace and bliss. Become one with the stage!”

>You make a dramatic gesture with your hands. She doesn’t seem to get it.

>”Uh... what are you doing?”

>You groan. Why do these mares never get your body language?

“Human thing. This is why I shouldn’t be in the play. Also, seriously, who the hell is ‘Sirius?’”

>”You’d have to ask Pinkie about that. I don’t actually know.”

>You sigh. [spoiler][/spoiler]”Why do I get the feeling Pinkie just made him up to mess with me?”

>”I don’t know. Maybe she did. It’s too late to back down anyway; the show’s tomorrow night.”

>That’s something you didn’t know. Why didn’t you know that? Fucking hell guys.

“You know, it’d be nice to know that in advance.”

>”Well, you know now, and it’s tomorrow.” She glares at you. “And thanks again for being sooo accommodating.”

“No problem. Try not to turn into Inkie while you’re at it, okay?”

>”I will make no promises.”

>And with that, she was gone, leaving you alone once more. Alone, with your awful bed.

>Have you mentioned how bad it is yet? Well, better safe than sorry.

 

>You woke up the next day fairly early, still wearing the shiteating grin you had gained from obliterating Rainbow in every card game known to ponies.

>Seriously, it was as though she didn’t even try. Oh well.

>You got out of your already-established-to-be-bad bed, and got dressed.

>However, a problem quickly presented itself.

>You have no shirts. All of the shirts you had nabbed from your house the day before are gone.

>You clench your fists, angry on the rise. This shit again? Aren’t you a guest?

>Is this the price you pay for eating a single apple? You wonder what sort of horrors would await he who ate a cake or pie.

>Ugh. You get dressed as best as you can and storm upstairs. Inkie will pay.

>Pinkie is in the front, doing... something. She sees you immediately as you exit the confectionary’s much larger than expected cellar.

>”Hi, Anon!” A pause. “Nice... abs?”

“You flatter me. Where’s Inkie? I know she has my shirts.”

>”Why would Inkie have your shirts, Anon?”

“Because she likes to fuck with me, constantly. Where she at?”

>Pinkie gasps. “You’ve been having sex with Inkie? But what about Chrysalis, Anon? She’s going to be furious!”

“What? No... Fuck it; I’ll just go check upstairs.”

 

>You leave her, heading right upstairs. However, you run into Carrot Cake on the way to the Pie’s room.

>”Oh, good morning.” He tries to force an awkward smile. He knows something is up.

“Inkie has my shirts. Just going to get them, that’s all. I’ll try not to get blood on the carpet.”

>He nods. “Right, right, well you... wait, what was that about blood?”

“Probably nothing. Inkie can probably kick my ass anyway, which is kind of sad.”

>Dejected, you slip past him, continuing your approach on the fabled pink room.

>Yeah, you really do need to work out a bit. Perhaps Snowflake could help with that.

>You’d just need to make sure to never call him Roid Rage. You prefer your face NOT smashed in.

>Arriving at your destination, you knock on the door.

>There’s no answer. You knock a bit harder.

>A groan. Hoofsteps. The door opens.

>Inkie glares at you. “What?”

“Where are my shirts?”

>”Why would I know that?”

“Because obviously you took them to piss me off. Where are my shirts?”

>”I don’t have them. Go away.” She seems... nervous? What is she hiding?

>She tries to slam the door shut, but you stick your foot out to block the wall of wood. You wince, quickly wishing you didn’t.

>She tries to repeat the process, but you stop that by using your lovely hands. God bless them.

 

>You force your way into the room, seeing quite obviously a pile of shirts on Inkie’s bed.

“Now, how about you explain this bullshit?”

>She rolls her eyes. “I didn’t take them, for your information. Blinkie did.”

>You grab one, and begin to put it on.

“And why is that? Has she fallen madly in love with me too? Because I’m sure Applejack has a club for that sort of thing now.”

>She rolls her eyes. “I think she’s just horny. She’ll get over it once Ditto gets here. Where is he anyway?”

“Hell if I know.”

>At this point you’re properly dressed. You grab up all the shirts, holding them in a bit of a ball.

“Anyway, thanks, I guess.”

>”Yeah, whatever. Go get ready, we’re going over to the threatre in a little bit, and you’re not bailing on us.”

“Why would it matter? I have one line.”

>”Trust me when I say it’s more important than you know. Now get out; I have porn to watch.”

>A pause. She continues to glare at you all stone-faced.

>She suddenly grins. ”What, do you want to watch? I didn’t know you liked dongs, Anon.”

“Yeah, no. No no no no. I’ll go. Bye.”

>You hear her laugh as you quickly vacate the premises. Oh god, why you?

>Hours later, you found yourself at a dingy theatre stage.

 

>It was the only outdoor theatre in town. The school used it for their plays.

>You feel like a damn idiot here, sitting about in the audience, doing more or less nothing.

>Rainbow sits beside you, Derpy, her daughter and Fluttershy scattered about nearby.

>At least you’re safe. But how long will that last? You’ve gotten confirmation that Luna is coming.

>Applejack will also be there, likely having been plotting against you for the last few days.

>And Chrysalis was still pretty much missing. You haven’t even heard from her.

>Though, that’s more Boreale’s fault. Where the hell did he go, anyway? He just vanished after the siege...

>”Anon, you alright?”

“Yeah I’m fine, Rainbow.”

>”You don’t look fine. You look stressed.” You shrug.

“Well, I guess I am. This play is... well, you can see for yourself the quality of the writing.”

>Inkie from all the way on the other side of the audience glares at you. You turn to her.

“It’s true, Inkie. It sucks.”

>Rainbow rolls her eyes. She speaks a bit quieter. “Yeah, it kind of does. But you’re still in it.”

“Thems the breaks. I can’t really opt out now, can I? I still think I’m going to fuck up the suspension of disbelief. I’m not a pony.”

>Derpy pipes up. “I’m sure you’ll be fine.” She flies over, softly rubbing a hoof through your hair.

“...What are you doing?”

>She flinches, retracting the appendage. “Oh, well, you always do that with me...” You sigh.

“I should probably stop that...”

 

>Deep underground, in the mysterious hive cluster known as Alpha Hive, Chrysalis sighed.

>She had, after rushing her meddlesome meeting with every shitfaced noble in her kingdom, finally begun to prepare for her departure.

>Unfortunately, no one in the swarm seemed to get the hint that you want to be alone, and so she now was entertaining an annoying little thing.

>Who else, but Princess Nympha?

>”So, Sis, why are you going away again so soon? You just got back.”

>”I have things to deal with in Ponyville. Now, please leave me alone.”

>She pouts. “But I wanted to play a game with you. Come on, don’t you like your little sister?”

>”Of course I like you. But I need to get home. Anon is in trouble.”

>She rolls her eyes, trotting over to her sister’s massive bed, hopping into it.

>”Nympha, get off my bed.”

>She rolls over onto her stomach, placing her fore hooves onto her cheeks. “You can’t make me!”

>With a flick of green magic, she made her. The queen gets a glare as her sibling gets up.

>”You just want to go fuck him some more. I knew I shouldn’t have given you that Supra book!”

>”Sutra. Now go. I have work to do.”

>The queen was plotting. Plotting to strike down her foes, this time for good.

>She would not fail. Not again.

 

>The play had begun. You almost wanted to cry.

>It would be a full house. Apparently every single fucking mare in Ponyville had come down for this.

>Like you needed any more reason to be fearful. Fuck.

>Thankfully, you aren’t on for quite some time. Hell, you only have one line.

>You still think the helmet thing they gave you was absolutely ridiculous. It was like a pickelhaube, but with the spike facing forward.

>Why exactly are you playing a unicorn again?

>From the sound of it, the show is finally starting up. You cringe, expecting eternal humiliation.

>The entire universe would weep for your poor, pulverized jimmies.

>The narrator begins. Of course, it’s fucking Pinkie, which kills the mood.

>”Long ago, in the ancient era of Equestria, there was only friendship! But the friendship, like all things, didn’t last!”

>She went on to explain the basic feud between the royal sisters, which everyone pretty much knew already.

>You find yourself wondering how much of the modern interpretation is really true.

>Perhaps you could steal a glance at the royal sisters to watch their reaction? You could generally tell if they knew something was bullshit.

>But, honestly, right now you’d prefer to not be in the spotlight. Hell no.

>So you sit back and watch your crew make fools of themselves.

 

>Maybe forty five minutes later, after many weird dances, about a dozen songs and all sorts of things that almost definitely never happened, it was time for you to go on.

>You sigh. Pinkie had, of course, made quite a big deal about you being in the play.

>There was no way you could just slip back and escape the world. Nope, there’d be none of that.

>You sigh once again, and head on stage, right behind ‘Celestia.’

>She begins to say some stuff, but you’re too busy looking out at the crowd to really care what.

>Caramel, the general, answers a question ‘Celestia’ gave him.

>Oh god, everyone is looking right at you... Are they even paying attention to the ‘princess’?

>Clearly not. But no matter, you’d have your line, die, and be done with it.

>And then it comes. The marvellous, magical line.

“Look out!”

>You point off to the other end of the stage, your fellow actors gasping in horror.

>At this point a magic thunderbolt is supposed to show up and zap you. You had tested beforehand how not painful it was.

>Ah, there it is. Right on cue. ...And very slow.

>You stand there, watching as the lightning bolt slowly weaves its way over to you.

>Caramel lets out a barely audible sigh as you roll your eyes and walk into it.

 

>You then proceed to do a very melodramatic and over the top death sequence.

>You almost want to barely whisper ‘Rosebud’ but think better than it.

>Inkie had warned everyone about straying from her ‘absolutely genius script.’

>You were quite surprised by the horrified looks the audience now wore. Jeez, they really are upset that you walked into a painless electric spell.

>You wonder how many of them were involved in sieging your house. Probably most of them.

>Whatever, that’s over. As long as Applejack doesn’t try anything, you’ll be happy. Relatively speaking.

>The play continued for another hour or so. It was very long, and it took a toll on the ponies watching it.

>But, alas, all things come to an end eventually, and after giving a quick bow, you did your best to escape into the night.

>Yeah, that didn’t happen.

>Pinkie, being her pink party pony self, went ahead and planned a huge after party, which you, of course, got roped into.

>Rainbow and Derpy would make sure you were safe, though. Still, you couldn’t help but feel a bit paranoid; Luna had vanished.

>”Calm down, Anon. She probably went home or something.”

“Luna? Go home? When I’m here? Have you been drinking, Dash?”

>She rolls her eyes. “You’re being paranoid.”

“Rightly so. My house got sacked.”

>Derpy shakes her head. “Come on, Anon, no one would do anything like this in a public place.”

 

>You cross your arms, agreeing with her. No one was that stupid.

“Perhaps we should float around Celestia? For extra security?”

>Rainbow frowns, glancing over to where she’s sitting. “Eh, she’s a bit far from the food...”

“If you’re hungry, feel free to grab something. Derpy and I will go say hello.”

>”Alright. Be careful.” You chuckle.

“Didn’t you just say I had nothing to worry about?”

>She rolls her eyes and flies off. You turn to Derpy, who smiles at you.

>Silently, you make your way to the little booth Celestia was sitting in. You notice Twilight there, rambling on about something to her favourite princess.

>Celestia, while smiling, seems quite stressed out, and would probably like a break. Anon to the rescue!

“Ladies.”

>You nod at them, their attention now on you and you slide into the booth.

>Celestia frowns. “Ah, hello, Anon. Enjoying the night?”

“Yeah, I suppose I am. You?”

>She forces a smile. “Yes. That play of yours was... quite something.”

>Derpy slides in beside you, sandwiching you between herself and Twilight. Great.

“You know, there’s no need to lie about not liking it. I didn’t like it either.”

>Twilight gawks at you. “WHAT!? How could you not like it? You were in it!” You shrug.

“Opinions, Twilight.”

 

>Celestia smiles again... almost nervous, actually. How strange.

>”It was definitely an interesting depiction... Unique, I should say.”

“Come on, we both know it was silly. You don’t sing like that.”

>She smirks. “You’d be surprised how many things I’ve done.”

>Derpy gasps. “Wait, you’re an opera singer? Wow! That’s so cool!” Celestia visibly cringes.

>Leave it to Derpy to yell something out much louder than necessary. Safe to say, it gets your group more than a few curious glances.

>Celestia however dismisses their interest with a cold glare.

>Turning back to you, she sighs. “Well, not like that. Just... a hobby. A long time ago. Anyway...”

>She gives you one of those looks that conveyed quite well the words ‘Please go.’ You smile nervously, rising out of your seat.

“Well, if you’ll excuse us, Princess.”

>She nods and returns to her conversation with Twilight. Something seemed off about her though. Perhaps it was your costume?

>You’d probably never know.

>The rest of that night went well enough, and you returned to your home. Yes, YOUR home.

>While it wasn’t the highest quality job ever, the building was repaired enough to be liveable.

>And that’s exactly where Fluttershy and Dinky had been that night. Unlocking the door, you enter.

>Now you’d just have to wait for Chrysalis to arrive. Day 6 of 7.

>You made it. No rape. Not even molestation. Sure, some property damage, but meh.

>Better your house than you.

 

>That night, you slept quite soundly, finally back in your own personal bed.

>It didn’t smell of marehood like Fluttershy’s.

>Now was it lumpy and uncomfortable like the Cake’s.

>In fact, it was made specifically to your tastes.

>However, an incessant tapping starts up. Someone is at the window.

>You groan, but stay firm in your bed, ignoring it. You are rewarded with the noise going away.

>Ha! That’ll serve them right for interrupting you lovely sleep.

>About five minutes pass before anything else comes to disrupt you. And this time you can’t ignore it.

>In a bright and loud explosion, whoever wanted to bug you teleports into your room.

>You jump, yelling out. Oh fuck, what is this shit. Why is Luna in your...

“Luna? What the fuck are you doing!?”

>”Anonymous... oh fair, Anonymous...” She shakes her head, eyes full of remorse. “We have come to help you break free from your changeling masters.”

“...My changeling masters? Are you still on about that? Look, Luna, I am not interested in you.”

>She grits her teeth, angrily glaring at you. “Perhaps you are not. But how can you be sure of anything when that vile witch continues to pour her mind altering magic into you?”

>Not this shit again. Honestly, you’re trying to get to sleep.

>Groaning, you get out of bed, walking over to her, fatigue showing on your face.

 

>Right now, you really are wishing you were wearing more clothes.

>That’s probably stop her from glancing down at your boxers. You clear your throat, her eyes rising to meet your own.

“Luna, I am going to tell you this one more time.”

>She narrows her eyes. You do the same.

“Chrysalis, said ‘witch,’ is a nice pony. I love her and she loves me. There is no mind control involved. That shit doesn’t work on me anyway.”

>”...That’s exactly what we’d expect you to say, were you under her control...”

“Luna, cut the crap. We both know she isn’t doing anything. Go home.”

>She steps forward, pushing her face into yours. You do your best to not fall over. “Please! We MUST be certain! We have fixed the spell! That is why it failed before!”

“If I let you cast your stupid spell, will you leave me alone?”

>She opens her mouth, but closes it, gazing away to a window. “I trust you know of the early estrus?”

“No fucking kidding. Or did you not hear about my house getting attacked?”

>She turns back, actually surprised. “N-No. We did not hear of this. Are you alright?”

>The mare rushes over to your side, inspecting you. With a gentle palm, you push her away.

“I’m fine. And to answer the question I know is coming, no, I will not have sex with you.”

>She grits her teeth, anger rising. “Oh? And why is that? Are we not attractive enough for you?”

>She takes a few seductive strides, giving you a nice view of her flank, which she shakes.

 

>You roll your eyes, doing your best to ignore her advances.

>You’d rather not make her think anything she does is working. Sadly, it actually is.

>She just had to be a black pony... Luckily, Chrysalis’ actually knew what she was doing. This princess is an amateur.

>”Do you like what you see, Anon?”

“Not really.”

>She frowns, her flowing mane ever so slightly shrinking down. She takes a few steps over to your side.

>You back away from this, but she persists, her eyes looking right into yours.

>”Then tell us how we can please thee. Anything!”

“You can, oh I don’t know, go back to Canterlot and run the country.”

>She doesn’t get it, instead smiling. “Then you would be our King?” She giggles to herself. “Oh, how we have longed for this day! When shall we be wed?”

“What? No, I did not agree to that. Luna, can you just go away? Please?”

>That gets the proper response, the mare clearly hurt by your harsh words. Her mouth hangs open just barely. “But... But, Anon... We love thee! We’ll do anything!”

“Then do what I just asked? How hard is it to understand? I’m not interested and never will be.”

>She glares, raising her voice. “But WHY!? What can she give you that we cannot!? We are skilled in all manner of sexual activities! We have unfathomable magic that overpowers hers on every level! We rule the lands most prestigious kingdom! Why? WHY!?”

 

>You ended up being pushed back to your bed during her rant, now sitting on the edge furthest from the wall.

>This is clearly not going as it should be. “WELL!? It cannot be because we are not beautiful. We claim the hearts of thousands of stallions the world over!”

“Luna, please, just stop. I’m not interested...”

>”LIES AND SLANDER!” Oh god, your ears! “WE KNOW QUITE WELL YOUR ABILITY TO BE ATTRACTED TO MARES SUCH AS OURSELVES!”

“Please... the volume...”

>The mare’s horn glows, lifting you up and slamming you far too roughly onto your bed. She gets onto the bed as well, hovering over you.

>”Now, tell us the truth, Anon. Why will you not mate with us?”

“I have a marefriend? There’s a word for that you know. Maybe you’ve heard of it? It’s called cheating.”

>She rolls her eyes. “We know all too well of your little affair with Rainbow Dash. Chrysalis doesn’t care about that; she won’t care about this.”

>She leans closer, likely to try kissing you, but stops. “Or perhaps thou hath not told her? Hm...”

>You simply stare on, horrified. The mare grins, making you even less comfortable.

>”Oh, you naughty stallion. She doesn’t even know, does she?”

“Luna, my thing with Rainbow was a one time thing. A favour. I owed her. This is rape.”

>She pauses. “...Rape? No, no this is...” She falters. “It is, isn’t it? Is this what love does to us, Anon?”

“No, just lust. But you don’t have to do this. Just get off...”

 

>”But what about us? We are stricken by estrus. We must mate with somep0ny.”

“Didn’t you say ‘thousands of stallions the world over’ are smitten with you? Go fuck one of them?”

>She falters. “Er... Well, we are simply guessing. We do not... know any of them personally.”

“How about Sunshine?”

>Her face screws up, scrunched into a look of disgust. “You would have us mate with one of our own royal guard? For shame, Anon.”

“You’re the one dripping onto my boxers, Luna.”

>Her face turns a beet red. “We... we’re... oh... ha...” She mumbles out an apology.

>You just glare at her. [spoiler][/spoiler]“How about you get off of me?”

>”B-But then you will flee. We need... some assurance. Something... to...” She clenches her eyes shut, sniffling. “You’ve never loved us... Are we... right?”

>The mare sits down, inadvertently planting her behind just south of your personal areas.

>You feel awful, but it has to be said. [spoiler][/spoiler]”No, I have never loved you. I’m sorry, but... that’s just how it’d always been.”

>The Royal Canterlot Voice returns, this time as a partially wail. “THEN WHY DID YOU NEVER TELL US!? WHY DID YOU LET US FALL IN LOVE, IF YOU KNEW YOU DID NOT FEEL THE SAME!?”

>You can’t think of an answer that will make her feel better, and remain silent.

>The mare begins to sob, “Why... Why don’t you love us?”

 

>She leans onto you, pulling you into a very tight hug, lying beside you. [spoiler][/spoiler]”Luna...”

>She lets go, quickly getting up. “...We shall leave you alone. We are not... welcome here anymore...”

>You almost want to reach out to her. To comfort her. To make her feel better.

>But you can’t. You won’t. It wouldn’t be fair to anyone.

>So you let her leave. You let her cry.

>For you are Anonymous, the Keeper of the Nope.

>The master of card games. Future King of the Changelings.

>Equestria’s only man. Coveted by all, but the property of only one.

>And you just broke a princess’ heart. You wouldn’t sleep that night.

>You ignore your fatigue, rising up out of bed again. You walk to the window, and glance up at the night sky. At the moon.

>Out of respect, more than anything else. Things had changed.

>And the consequences would never be the same.