Anon and Chrysalis Ch19

-Author's Note-

This paste has not yet been editted by Navarone, my editor. However, your purposes, this chapter is completed. Enjoy.

EDIT v4: Yeah I forgot to fix 'euthanize' from before. I couldn't find it. Soz Anon, it's fixed now.

EDIT vFinal: Meh. Ch20 is better. Completed.

-End Note-

 

The Marvellous Mishaps of Anon and Chrysalis

Chapter 19: Inspector Gadget’s theme song in text form

 

>You wake up in the early morning.

>Sadly, you feel nothing at all like P-Diddy. Lucky bastard had it all.

>Oh well, whatever. You get out of bed, quickly getting dressed.

>You check the time. Ugh. Of course you would wake up at 6:20.

>Well, damnit. Either way, since you’re already dressed, you figure you may as well just stay up.

>Resigned to your fate, you head downstairs.

>You somehow doubt that Derpy is up already.

>While she rose the earliest of your home’s little ponies, she didn’t get up with early.

>You grab a pear from your kitchen, quickly washing it off under the tap before entering your living room.

>Well, this is new.

>A change marine, or something along those lines, is loitering in the far end of your living room.

>You can already tell this is not going to be fun. Whelp. Here goes...

“Uh... Hello? Who are you?”

 

>The marine slowly glances over to you.

>”Aah, you must be the human I was told about. Greetings.”

“...The human you were told about? And who is telling you about me?”

>The change marine frowns. “You do not need to concern yourself with that, I assure you. But tell me, do you know of Ditto? I have been sent to... inspect him.”

“You’re here to inspect Ditto? I wasn’t aware you guys were machines.”

>You laugh at your joke, though the marine isn’t amused.

>”...No, human. I am here to inspect his performance as our commander.”

>Yeah bro, I know. It’s called a joke.

“Well, okay? He’s not awake, as you can probably guess. Come back later uh... What’s your name again?”

>”You may call me, Eliphas.”

“Hm. That’s an... interesting name you’ve got there. I’m Anon.”

>The creature nods.

“No seriously, please come back later. I’m not going to be able to eat with you watching me.”

>You hold up your fruit to make your point clear. He doesn’t seem to be buying it.

>”You are a strange one, ‘Anon,’ but I will respect your wishes. For now.”

 

>The marine glows briefly before teleporting away.

>You take a bite into your pear, happy that your plan had worked.

>In all honesty, you didn’t really care if he watched you eat.

>In truth, you wanted to give Ditto a heads up about his impending inspection, as you doubted he actually knew about these things.

>It reminded you of a story one of your old friends and told you. How he had an inspection dumped on him out of nowhere, and how he got canned because of it.

>Ditto was a pretty cool guy; you’d prefer him not getting replaced by someone else if you could help it.

>Thus, you make your way downstairs into your basement, quickly making your way to Ditto’s room.

>You knock on the door. There is no answer.

“Hrm. Is he still asleep then?”

>You try to push the door open. To your surprise, the door is unlocked.

>Unfortunately, there’s no sign of Ditto anywhere. Where had that changeling gotten too?

 

>At Sugarcube Corner, Commander Ditto’s magic levitated a few bags of flour to a kitchen’s island.

>Ditto smiles as he watches his trio of wives get to work on all manner of goods, helping them when he can.

>Despite none of the trio’s special talents relating to baking, all of them showed a good deal of skill doing so.

>It made the officer wonder about what his own talents were.

>Changelings didn’t have cutie marks to remind them of who they were, after all.

>Magically he cracks a few eggs into a bowl for Pinkie. She smiles gratefully at him.

>Soon enough, all manner of baked goods were in the oven, baking away.

>Pinkie bounces about happily.

>”Thanks for the help Ditto!”

>He smiles at her, “It was nothing. I was happy to help.”

>Inkie rolls her eyes, “Yeah, anyhow, since we’re done, you can go. With the Cakes out of town, we’ve got to run this entire place by ourselves.” She glances over to Pinkie.

>Her target flinches away from her gaze. “That means no distractions.”

 

>As ordered, Ditto quickly vacated the premises, buzzing home.

>Despite Inkie’s sandpaper like personality, he knew she was grateful for his help.

>Those bags were damn heavy, after all. Moving them around with only hooves proved to be difficult, even for mares like Pinkie.

>Soon enough, he was home, ready to continue is endless job to protect the Changeling Swarm’s queen.

>He didn’t mind though. He was good at it, after all.

>So into his home he entered, confident that he would succeed.

>You glance over from your chair as Ditto enters the living room.

“Oh, hey Ditto. You’re back. Good.”

>Ditto raises an eyebrow questioningly, “Did something happen while I was away?”

“Yeah, nothing serious. Just some villainous turtles came and kidnapped the princess. I’ve got a red hat and some mushrooms upstairs for you though, so no worries.”

>Ditto blinks at you, your humour going right over his head. Typical.

>A thought comes to you to try and create Super Mario Bros for the ponies of Equestria, though you haven’t a clue how you’d even start. If only you had your laptop...

 

>You decided against telling Ditto of his inspection. You needed to find a few things out first.

>Specifically, you needed to ask Chrysalis what the heck was going on.

>Ditto didn’t complain when you left him to his devices. Why would he? He’s a soldier after all.

>Heading upstairs, you quickly trekked over to Chrysalis’ room. You knock.

>You wait for a few minutes, but there’s no answer. You knock again, harder.

>Ever since one incident where Chrysalis couldn’t be awoken during a household emergency, she was no longer allowed to wear ear muffs when sleeping.

>Something told you she was ignoring your demands. Again.

>You try the knob. The door is unlocked, surprisingly enough.

>Entering the room, you look about for the changeling queen. There’s no sign of her at all.

“What? Where did Chrysalis...?”

>Perhaps there’s a sign somewhere in the room?

>You begin to look around, seeing if you can find any clues.

>”Anonymous, what do you think you’re doing?”

 

>You turn to the doorway, seeing the queen looking down at you.

“...It’s not what it looks like?”

>You drop the clothing that you had been holding, raising your hands as though instructed by the police.

>Well, at least you weren’t rooting through her lingerie dresser.

>She’d definitely take that the wrong way. Chrysalis in socks... You shudder at the thought.

>”Well it looks like you’re searching my room for something. Or do my eyes deceive me?”

“Uh... Okay, yes, it’s what it looks like. But I was looking for clues of your whereabouts. Where did you go?”

>She rolls her eyes, “The bathroom? Or do I have to check with you to do that too?”

“...Nevermind. Anyway!”

>You walk over to her, and do your best to change the subject.

“Do you have any idea who Eliphas is? He’s apparently here to inspect Ditto’s performance.”

>She raises an eyebrow at you. “Eliphas? Uh... Oh. Him. Ugh.” She shakes her head.

“...So you do know him. Why’s he here to inspect Ditto then? It’s not on your schedule.”

 

>You point to the copy of her schedule that she had on the wall. Indeed, today was blank.

>”Why would I know that? I’m not the only changeling in the swarm who can call for an inspection, you realize.”

“Really? Huh. Isn’t your swarm supposed to be an absolute monarchy or something?”

>”And it is? Have you never heard of bureaucrats?”

“...Meh. Anyhow, Ditto’s being inspected today. Let’s go tell him?”

>She nods, “Sure, after you put my stuff away. Now.”

>...Yeah. You suppose that should get done first.

>Returning to the pile of junk, you begin to put things back in their proper spots. Glancing back to Chrysalis, you can see she’s already gone.

>Leave it to the royals not even try to help you out.

>You return to your living room shortly. Chrysalis didn’t exactly have a lot of clothes to pack up.

>Chrysalis is in her usual spot, waiting for you to arrive.

>Ditto looks over to you as you enter. Of course Chrysalis would expect you to do this.

“Congratulations Ditto, you’re having an inspection!”

 

>The officers blinks. “...I am? When?”

>Ditto actually seems to be panicking. It’s a bit underwhelming.

“Today. Some Eliphas guy is here to... do whatever an officer’s inspection consists of with you.”

>Ditto groans, “Why was I not told about this! This is something I should have been told about!”

“Don’t look at me, I’m not the changeling admin. Ask Chrys.”

>He turns to his queen. He’s already sweating a bit, undoubtedly from the stress.

>”Don’t give me that look, Ditto. I was never told about this; It is not my fault!”

>”But still, why drop this out of nowhere? I’m not supposed to be inspected for another few years!”

“Ditto, look, it’ll be fine. You’re not a bad... officer I guess, so you have nothing to worry about.”

>The changeling turns to you. He holds his ringed leg.

>”This is something to worry about, Anonymous.”

“...Huh.”

>That made sense, actually. It occurs to you that getting married on the job isn’t exactly a good thing.

>But he had never really mentioned this before. Hm.

 

“Ditto, if this has been such an issue, why haven’t you tried to fix it before?”

>He frowns at you, “I have been, Anon. I’ve sent out dozens of documents to get my... situation approved of by the nobility. Unfortunately, it takes awhile to go through.”

>Chrysalis narrows her eyes at him, “And you didn’t just bring this to me because?”

>He flinches away from her, “I didn’t want to be pestering you with my personal issues! We both know you don’t like paperwork.”

>Satisfied, Chrysalis nods. “Mm, yes. I really don’t.”

“Well, can’t you just have Chrysalis deal with it now? It’s not like she’s doing anything.”

>”That will take time to go through, even if from the queen directly.”

>Oh the joys of bureaucracy.

“Huh. Well, guess you’re totally fucked then. Guess I’ll see you at bootcamp?”

>Ditto glares at you, “First and foremost, I won’t be sent to bootcamp. That’s absurd.”

>The changeling buzzes up, hovering to you. “I’ll simply be reprimanded. Badly.”

“So you take a pay cut. It’s not that big of deal. At least you won’t get fired.”

 

>Chrysalis shakes her head, “You clearly don’t know how severe our reprimands are.”

“No, I’m not. Enlighten me?”

>And so she does. Safe to say, you definitely do not want that to happen to poor Ditto.

“Alright, let’s put together a plan. No one is losing a leg on my watch.”

>Ditto nods gratefully. “We’re going to need to hide this thing here.”

>He shakes his ringed leg. Chrysalis smiles, “Well you’re in luck, Ditto! I’ll be riiight back.”

>She heads off to her room, leaving you alone with Ditto.

>”Anonymous? Thanks for helping with this.”

“No problem, Ditto.”

>You sit in silence with the commander, waiting on Chrysalis’ probably humiliating solution.

>She returns, finally. Ditto’s eyes widen when he sees her solution.

>A white and yellow bodysuit. It looked pretty cool, actually, but it was definitely a mare’s outfit.

>Reluctantly, Ditto throws it on. It covers up the ring, which is good.

>However, it also covers up his wings, grounding him.

 

>”...Do you not have any other colors?”

>”Stop complaining Ditto. You’re lucky I’m even helping you with this.”

>He looks down, quite unhappy. ”Yes, your majesty.”

“Don’t feel bad Ditto. You look... stylish.”

>”I don’t feel stylish.”

>Regardless of his displeasure, he was stuck in the outfit.

>Chrysalis’ ‘foolproof plan’ was also the only plan. That wedding ring of his was far too distinct to just play off.

>And just in time too, because everyone’s favourite change marine was back.

>”Greetings, your majesty.” He said.

>Chrysalis frowned at him. Something told you they had history working together.

>”Mhm, hello Eliphas. Any reason you decided to drop in unannounced?”

>”I am working under direct orders from Epsilon administration. I assure you, they should have contacted you about this long before I came by.”

>Chrysalis rolls her eyes, “Yes, of course. Whatever.”

>Ditto continues to watch his inspector, like a hawk would a mouse... Thinking it through, you conclude your similes need work and vow to take a crash course when you get the chance.

 

>But for now, you would sit around in your house, watching TV with Chrysalis, Ditto, and the pesky inspector, Eliphas.

>But not without him asking everyone’s favourite question...

>”Ditto, what is /that./ You realize that is not your uniform, correct?”

“You realize that Chrysalis expects him to wear it, correct?”

>He glares at you, hissing out, “No one asked /you,/ human.”

>Chrysalis glares at him now. Unlike with Ditto or most of her subjects, he doesn’t flinch away.

>Alpha male status confirmed.

>”You would be wise not to mistreat my human, Eliphas.”

>”Of course not. I would never.”

>Chrysalis turns back her children’s cartoons. In silence you sit, only briefly leaving a few times to obtain something to drink.

>And no, not something alcoholic. That stuff was banned.

>You take a sip of your sweet lemonade. Ooh, how sweet it was. You were still curious to where it was made, what with there being no lemon farms anywhere near Ponyville, but you never remembered to ask when you purchased it.

 

>Things went this way for maybe twenty minutes before Chrysalis’ border caught up to her.

>Sadly, the effects of cartoon mollies swimming around and being cute had diminished.

>And so, it was up to you to entertain the queen, usually by taking her out to do things.

>However, that was out of the question. If Eliphas were to see Pinkie’s ring...

>Yeah, that’d fuck everyone over to an impossible degree.

>”Anon? Come here, would you?”

“...I’m right here Chrysalis. What is it?”

>”Give me a back rub with those hands of yours. Everything’s all /tight./”

>Tight. Of course she would choose that word to describe it...

“Can’t you ask Ditto or Eliphas? They have magic.”

>”But you have /hands./ It’ll be special.”

“No. I wouldn’t even know how to do one anyway.”

>Eliphas glares at you. “Your human is defying you, my queen. Shall I euthanize him?”

>Chrysalis ‘hmm’s. She seems angry enough to consider it.

“Fine, fine...”

>She grins as you walk over, taking a seat behind her where Rainbow usual sat.

 

>Ditto cautiously watches as you try to work out the kinks in Chrysalis’ back.

>Chrysalis is enjoying it much more than she seriously should. Eugh.

>”Ooh yes... right there... Mmmm...”

>You really want to just tell her to shut up, but you doubt the inspector would let you off the hook that easily.

>Though, he actually seems more upset that you ARE doing it. Whelp, you can’t please everyone.

>”Anon, a bit lower please.”

>You comply rubbing your fingers through the touch carapace like shell that covered her back.

>Chrysalis continues to moan in pleasure as you reach about halfway down her back.

>Learning for your experience with Rainbow’s wings, you avoid them like the plague. Even if Chrysalis didn’t seem to have wingboners, you were certain they would set her off if you touched them.

>”Mmm... Lower...”

“Chrysalis, if I go any lower I’ll be rubbing your ass.”

>”...And?”

“...Chrysalis, no. I won’t do it.”

>Eliphas growls at you, “You will. And you’ll enjoy it.”

 

>Haha. No.

>You cross your arms, ending your massage. Come at me bro.

>Chrysalis sighs. “Anon, stop being a baby. I could have asked for much better.”

“I’m drawing the line. And it’s here or above.”

>You draw an invisible line right below her wings. [spoiler][/spoiler]”No exceptions.”

>Chrys pouts, “Not even if I give you a present?”

>A present? From Chrysalis? Hm... Well, you could always go for another plate of spaghetti.

>Though, you really doubt that’s what she has in mind. Better safe than sorry...

“What sort of ‘present’, Chrysalis?”

>She smiles seductively, “What’s your favourite position?”

>Yeah, nope.

“Chrysalis, how many times have been over this? I will not ha-“

>She shimmers, transforming. Oh god no, please god...

>You already knew what she was turning into. You didn’t even have to look.

>And there she was, the nude human Chrysalis. “Come on. It’ll be fun!”

“Chrysalis, seriously, stop doing that. I won’t do it.”

>”Why not? I’m a human, you’re a human. Isn’t this what you want?”

>Ditto shakes his head, taking pity on your poor soul.

 

“...Chrysalis, just stop. Really. It’s not funny anymore.”

>”I’m not joking, Anon. You always say no. No is such an ugly word, don’t you think Eliphas.”

>The changeling was so busy staring in mild horror at his queen’s new form that he didn’t even hear her.

>Chrysalis rolls her eyes. She adjusts herself in her seat, sitting cross legged beside you.

>”Well? What do you say?”

“...I say no.”

>You look away, though it’s hard to really hide your blatant arousal. You could never say it to her face but...

>Human Chrysalis is a total babe. If she wasn’t a changeling under the smoke and mirrors, you’d probably tap that. But for now, nope.

>Deciding against just forcing herself on you, she grumbles, changing back into everyone’s favourite bug horse.

>”Fine! Be that way!” You get up, heading over to your seat.

“Alright I will. See? I’m being this way.”

>You take your seat. Chrysalis doesn’t even look at you, her frustration being visible from orbit.

>Too bad. She’d just have to deal with it.

 

>Eliphas eyes glance from you to his queen, returning to you once before settling on Ditto.

>”Ditto, is there a reason you did not intervene in that scenario?”

>”It is the way their relationship works. Interfering would only make things worse. They will cool off shortly and be back at it in an hour or so.”

>Eliphas is sceptical of this. “...How... Unique.”

>The worst part about Ditto’s prediction was that it was true. By the time the My Little Molly marathon ended, Chrysalis was again on your case.

>”Well, if you won’t have sex, which I might add will be enjoyable for us both, can we at least go out and do something?”

“Why? We went out a few days ago to the movies.”

>”Yes, with /Fluttershy/ and Rainbow Dash! That is not a date, Anon.”

“I don’t recall ever agreeing to date you.”

>The mare grits her teeth, rage building once more.

>Ditto finally steps in, “Your majesty, please. It is not something you need to get angry over.”

 

>”Yes it is Ditto! I haven’t gotten any action in forever, and you w-“

>You look over to her, shocked. She had almost let it slip.

>”N-Never mind. Never mind! Forget it. Sorry Anon. Ha. Yes...”

>Eliphas however is not about to let it drop. “Your majesty? What is this about Ditto?”

>”Nothing. Nothing!”

“Are you questioning your queen, Eliphas?”

>He narrows his eyes at you. “...Of course not. I would never.”

>Chrysalis was quite torn up about almost dropping the ball. You couldn’t help but feel bad for her.

>Well... while you didn’t really like the prospect of dating the changeling queen, you could at least do something with her.

>And you knew of a good place, far, far away from where Pinkie Pie could be to ruin everything.

“Hey uh... Chrysalis?”

>She slowly makes eye contact. “Yes?”

“...How about we... go out somewhere nice? I know a good spot to chill...”

>She smiles gratefully. “Yes, that would be nice. Where to?”

>You glance over to Ditto, who is having trouble not showing how worried he is about this.

“You’ll see. Come on.”

 

>Heading outside, you quickly lead your group out of Ponyville.

>You were aware of the fact that Pinkie and her siblings were running Sugarcube Corner all by themselves this week; they wouldn’t be able to run off all that far.

>And as such, the logical place to go is then outside of town. You mentally pat yourself on the back for being so wonderfully clever.

>Chrysalis smiled the entire trip, returning to her usual boisterous self by the time you arrived at your destination: The Lake.

>Thinking back, the last time you had been to this lake, Cadance had tried to get you arrested.

>Not exactly great memories. But hey, at least everyone has moved on.

>You take a seat under a random tree, Chrysalis sitting beside you.

>You look over to her. You figure she’s probably thinking back to those times too.

>Man, how things had changed.

>But thinking it over, you honestly didn’t really mind that much what the world had thrown at you.

>After all, you still had your friends. And your stalkers, but your friends helped with that.

>You look over to Chrysalis, and smile.

 

>She smiles back at you.

>Now if only she could always be this nice to you.  She was so abrasive at times...

>You consider telling her this, but aren’t really sure.

>After all, Rainbow has dibs. Giving Chrysalis points to get ahead wouldn’t be fair to your resident weathermare.

>...Were you actually considering actually going out with them?

>Yes Anon, you really were. Congratulations.

>Thankfully, before your mind suffered a critical failure, Chrysalis spoke.

>”It’s been so long since we last came here Anon.”

“...Yeah, it has hasn’t it.”

>She turns to you. ”I’m surprised you even remember. How many months has it been?”

“That I couldn’t say. Awhile though. Heh...”

>She leans onto you. You think of possibly shrugging her off, but...

>It didn’t really bother you as much as it used too. She did it so much already, you had grown used to it.

>You look over at Ditto and Eliphas, who were standing about, watching for threats.

>And that’s when Ditto’s eyes go wide.

 

“Ditto? Something wrong?”

>He simply points off into the distance. You look to see what he’s on about.

>And there you see it. Off in the distance is Blinkie Pie.

>She hasn’t spotted your group yet, but it wouldn’t be hard for her to do so.

>What the fuck is she doing here? Shirking her responsibilities, that’s what.

>Eliphas rolls his eyes, “Are you so inept that you can’t scare off one pony, Ditto? Honestly, you sicken me.”

“Yeah, Ditto why don’t you uh... send her off. In fact, why don’t I help.”

>Chrysalis doesn’t comment as you get up. She seems quite content with sitting in place worriedly.

>Rising, you quickly head over to set Blinkie straight before she inadvertently causes your favourite changeling bodily harm.

>She smiles when she spots you coming, begin to trot closer where Eliphas could see her.

>Ditto glares at her, “Stop. What do you think you’re doing?”

>”Oh. I was looking for you, actually...”

>Ditto pauses, waiting for an answer. You can tell he wants a damn good one.

 

>”You see there was... an accident at Sugarcube Corner... Flour everywhere! Inkie asked me to get you to-“

>”Help clean up her mess? I am not her maid.”

>”Well... No, but you said you happy to help earlier and well...”

>The officer took a few steps forward, “Look, I can’t leave here right now. I’m being inspected.”

>”You are? Uh... Huh. Well, I could put a good word in for you if you’d like.”

“Blinkie, look, you should really get back to Sugarcube Corner.”

>She smiles, “Actually, I’m on lunch. Don’t worry Ditto, I’ll make sure you get a good uh... Grade I guess it is?”

>She attempts to trot past Ditto, only for him to step into her path.

>”No. You are not talking to Eliphas.”

>”Is that your inspector’s name? Come on, I can help!”

“Honestly, you’re making it worse by staying...”

>”What? That doesn’t make any sense? What’s the big deal? Does he not like ponies or something?”

>You glance over to Eliphas, who is watching intently despite Chrysalis’ efforts to chat him up.

>You really hope he can’t hear this conversation.

 

“Yeah, probably not. Look, you can hang out with Ditto later.”

>She frowns, obviously upset about this. “...I guess so. Hrm...”

>Eliphas stands up, trotting over. Chrysalis cuts him off.

>”See you later, okay Ditto?”

>Ditto nods quickly, doing his best to shoo her away. It fails.

>Especially when he quickly bounces over to him and kisses him passionately.

>He yells out in surprise, pushing her off of him. She lands on her flank pretty hard.

>She mad. “Hey! What was that for?”

>”Get out of here Blinkie! I asked nicely! Now!”

>The unexpected volume scares the shit out of her. There was no doubt in your mind Eliphas heard that.

>Blinkie backs away from him, quickly turning into a gallop back toward Ponyville.

>”...That didn’t go as planned.”

>”I’ll say as so, ‘commander.’ First you need a... human to help you deal with it, and even then you sit here for ages babbling about.”

>Eliphas trots past him, towering over the Changeling. “And then she for whatever reason decides to kiss /you/ of all creatures, and somehow that’s enough to make you lose your cool? I didn’t realize you were so popular with the worms, Ditto.”

>He trots off, heading to your home. “I’ve seen enough. Don’t expect to pass.”

 

>Ditto sits down in the dirt, defeated.

>While he hadn’t lost a leg, thankfully, he had still bombed his inspection.

>Chrysalis quickly trots over to her officer.

>She gives him a poke before speaking. “Come now Ditto. I’m not about to let him demote my prized commander.”

>He stands, shuffling away from her a bit. While you know he wouldn’t say it, you could tell he blamed her for all of this.

“Ditto, cheer up. You aren’t losing a leg!”

>”No Anon, I’m not. But what about Blinkie?”

“Don’t worry about Blinkie. She’ll be fine.”

>”No she won’t! Blinkie is not Pinkie Pie! You can’t just apologize and everything is better.”

>Chrysalis frowns, uncertain. “But she’s Pinkie’s sister. I’m sure you can work things out.”

>”Well I am not sure.”

“Come on Ditto, I’ll go with you. Everything will work out. But first things first.”

>Chrysalis nods. ”Yes. I’ll get Eliphas off of your case and then we’ll chat up the Pie siblings.”

>Ditto rightfully seems sceptical of this. Regardless he follows his queen back to Ponyville.

>And to think, you expected today to be boring.

 

>You walk in silence, quickly arriving at your home.

>You look back at your companions. Ditto’s morale hasn’t improved in the slightest.

>Thankfully, Chrysalis seems ready to raise hell. And boy would there be hell.

>Entering the house, you quickly determine Eliphas’ location.

>At least he wasn’t hiding off somewhere obscure. Then again, why would he?

>He didn’t exactly realize that he had done goofed and brought Chrysalis’ wrath on his head.

>He turns to you, watching you carefully as you enter your living room.

>Obviously he considers you his greatest threat.

>”Aah, you have returned. I was beginning to worry that Ditto’s incompetence had endangered you.”

>The officer in question glares at him, but he says nothing.

“I’m surprised you’re so worried about my wellbeing...”

>”I was referring to the queen, worm. You can go.”

“I think I’ll stay, thanks. Now then, Chrysalis?”

>She nods, trotting closer to the marine, who had the nerve to sit in her spot.

>”Eliphas.”

>”Your majesty?”

 

>You watch as they stare each other down. You could cut the tension with a knife.

>It made you wonder what tension tastes like. Poor Ditto was likely drowning in the stuff.

>”Tell me, Eliphas, what exactly do you think should be done with Ditto?”

>He rolls his eyes, “Honestly, I’d throw him out like the trash he is. He will never bring you victory...”

>”Oh? And let me guess, you believe /you/ should replace him?”

>He smiles devilishly, “That would be a most wise choice, your majesty. “

>”Well, I have a better idea, Eliphas.”

>She trots over to your seat, planting her behind into its cushions.

>”First of all, you are going to get out of this city. You annoy me.”

>That line did a great job at pissing off her minion. “Annoying? Me? My mannerisms are outright tame compared to your own. I of all changelings would know that.”

>She ignores him. “Second, you’re going to throw your little report in the trash; consider your inspection authorization revoked.”

>”You really have taken a liking to Wesker’s chew toy haven’t you? Hmph.”

>He stands up, beginning to walk off.

>“Very well.” He shakes his head, “Your incompetence is spreading, Ditto. I would look into that if I were you.”

>And with that, he’s gone.

 

>Chrysalis removes herself from your seat, moving back to her own.

>You don’t bother sitting down though, instead heading over to Ditto.

>He glances to his sovereign. He smiles at her. “Thank you.”

>”Don’t worry about it. Eliphas is just jealous that he doesn’t have your prestigious ranking.”

“Yeah, I can see that. He seems upset that Ditto here is pulling the strings.”

>Ditto nods, “He has never been able to get over me taking over after my superior’s... demise.”

>You nod. Ditto had mentioned this some time ago, didn’t he? You weren’t really sure.

“How’d that happen anyway? You’d think he’d just turn into a rock to hide or block attacks.”

>Chrysalis gazes away from you. “He fell into a volcano. It’s a long story.”

>A long story huh? You’d have to ask about that later.

“Well, now that he’s out of the way, how about we get out of that chicken suit?”

>Ditto backs away from you when you reach for it. “I... Actually kind of like it. It is very comfortable.”

>His queen rolls her eyes. “Take off the suit Ditto, you look ridiculous.”

 

>Ditto reluctantly complied, removing his monkeysuit. He magically tosses it onto the arm of your couch.

>You thought of possibly asking him to put it somewhere else, but it doesn’t really matter right now.

>What does matter is that you help Ditto apologize to Blinkie.

>Mr. Cake had once mentioned how scary his wife was when she was angry, and he only had one wife.

>Inkie alone would probably rip Ditto in half. You shudder at the thought.

“Well Ditto, you got a plan? Or are we winging it?”

>”We don’t have time to make a plan. The sooner we arrive, the sooner I can begin damage control. Let’s go.”

>Chrysalis rises, “Don’t worry too much. They aren’t going to hurt you or anything. I’ll make sure of that.”

>Ditto doesn’t look like he wants Chrysalis to come. She can definitely be intimidating, that’s for sure.

>But he’d need all the backup he could get, so you don’t relay this to her. She probably already knows anyway.

>Heading out, you lead your crew to the site of today’s final battle: Sugarcube Corner.

 

>The bakery itself seemed depressed as you approached the poor thing.

>Something told you Ditto’s harsh words had done more damage than you originally thought.

>You glance over to him. He’s just about as nervous as you are, if not more so.

>The front door of the bakery is closed shut; a rarity for this place.

>”Well? Open it.”

>Leave it to Chrysalis to boss you around. As if you weren’t going to do that already.

>Approaching the door, you politely knock on it.

>You wait for a minute or so for a response. There isn’t one.

>Pushing on the wood, the door slides open. Someone forgot to lock.

>The Pies had seen fit to shut every blind and turn off the lights. You couldn’t see anything.

>Ditto stepped in past you. “Hello? Is anyone here?”

>Out from the darkness came a voice. “Oh, I’m here alright!”

>The sound of a mare throwing something wisked by. You wise stepped away from the doorway, her projectile flying past you...

>...Right into Chrysalis’ face.

>Well, at least she liked Apple Pie...

 

>Ditto’s magic turned on the lights.

>It’s a good thing he spends so much time here; Inkie Pinkie, your assailant, was about to toss a few more pies at you from a wagon beside her.

“Wait wait wait! No! We’re here to talk!”

>”I’m done talking with you and your changelings! I told her he’d hurt her, and now he has! What can he possibly say to change my mind?”

>”Well, I’m sorry about all of it, for starters. Please, just give me a chance to explain...”

>Inkie mock considers this for a few moments before tossing a pie into Ditto’s face. Blueberry...

“Inkie, don’t be like this. Where’s Pinkie and Blinkie? I’m sure they want to talk too.”

>You duck down below a banana cream pie. Chrysalis is still trying to wipe the sugary mess off of her face, making her useless.

>”Sis, stop.”

>Inkie pauses, sparing your poor human face from what appeared to be a cherry pie.

>She turns back to the sound of the voice, “But Pinkie, you heard what he did! She was crying for Celestia’s sake! You want me to just let it go?”

 

>”Look Inkie, just let me talk to him? I’ll fix everything up, don’t worry.”

>Inkie rolls her eyes, dissatisfied with her sister’s forgiving nature.

>”Don’t say I didn’t tell you. I’m checking on Blinkie.”

>Pinkie slowly trots over to your group, handing Ditto a napkin to wipe off the pie.

>He smiles nervously at Pinkie, who’s missing her trademark smile. That’s a bad sign.

>”Uh... Hello Pinkie Pie.”

>”Hi Ditto.”

>Chrysalis trots over to you, her face mostly free from the apple sauce. She watches the duo with you silently.

>”Pinkie, I... “ He chokes, not really sure what to say. “I’m sorry that I yelled at Blinkie...”

>She nods. “Yeah, I know. But why’d you do that? She was just trying to be nice.”

>”...She caught me at a bad time. I was being inspected and well... she was going to blow my cover.”

>She raises an eyebrow at him, “But Ditto, you’re a bodyguard, not a superspy. What sort of cover could she even blow?”

>”Uh... Well...”

 

>He glances down to the ring covering his leg.

>Pinkie’s eyes follow his, locking onto his ring.

>This upsets her a good deal. ”...Your ring? You mean she having one too would blow your cover? But why would that matter?”

>Ditto flinches back, “Well, I’m not supposed to be married... It’s against protocol.”

>”But why didn’t you say something before then?”

>Ditto opens his mouth to speak, but blanks. You could probably guess why.

>While Ditto wasn’t all that comfortable with having a trio of wives, the concept grew on him.

>If he told them that he couldn’t do it, they’d try much harder to get out of it.

>And thus, less fun times in the wee hours of the night. Crafty.

>You were almost impressed.

>Unsurprisingly, Pinkie has put the pieces together too. She’s very good at puzzles after all.

>”Ditto, really?”

>He smiles sheepishly, backing away from her.

> She rolls her eyes, shaking her head. “That’s really gross, Ditto.”

 

>She sighs, “Well Ditto, I’ll let Blinkie know you’re sorry about before. But I think you need to get your priorities straightened out.”

>He laughs nervously. “Yeah... D-Don’t worry, I’m working on it.”

>She smiles widely, “I know you are! You’re Ditto! You’re always have a plan.” She does some... interesting motions, briefing hoping onto her hind legs during the display.

>Was she trying to be a spy or something? You really couldn’t tell.

>Or maybe that... Was it Ken? You hadn’t played Street Fighter in forever.

>Either way, everyone was chuckling at her antics, even Ditto.

>She smiles at all of you, her state required duty to spread joy and cheer completed for the day. She turns back to Ditto, still smiling.

>”It’s weird how we got pushed together, eh Ditto? I bet nop0ny would think we’d be compatible!”

>”Yes, that’s true. We’re quite different.”

>”But here we are! We’re married and everything!” She giggles.

>He nods, “Yes... Though your sisters aren’t that big on the whole thing...”

>”Yeah, we really need to get these things off. It’s not like I don’t like you but... still, we’ve only been a couple for a little while!”

>Chrysalis takes a step back to avoid attention. The opposite occurs.

 

“Hey Chrysalis, what’s up?”

>”What do you mean by that? Nothing is up! Well, the ceiling is up, but... Shut up Anon!”

“You’re leaving out information aren’t you. In fact, I bet you know how to get those rings off. Well?”

>Ditto and Pinkie perk up at this, turning to the queen.

>”...I may have done a bit of reading on the subject. But the spell is experimental and extremely draining!”

“It’s not like you use your ‘vast magic powers’ for anything else. Just do it.”

>Pinkie nods, “Yeah! Inkie and Blinkie will come pester you about it until you try it!”

>Chrysalis groans, “Of course. Fine, Fine. Whatever. Rings, front and center.”

>They quickly comply, holding out the rings.

>While Pinkie seems excited, mostly for her sister’s sake, Ditto appears just slightly reluctant about the whole ordeal.

>Then again, now Pinkie was free to do whatever she wanted.

>”Alright, hold still. This will take a second.” She closes her eyes. “And your welcome.”

>Her horn lights up, shining with its usual green color.

 

>You wisely take a few steps back as she gets to work.

>Her horn continues to shine, magic crackling off of its surface.

>She lowers her head, pointing roughly into the direction of the not-supposed-to-be married couple.

>A large discharge rips out, flowing toward them.

>Pinkie’s excitement wavers just slightly as the magic lashes out at... Only Ditto’s ring?

>Chrysalis pants heavily, her horn as black and long as it usually was.

>Despite claiming to be such a powerhouse, whenever you saw her cast a serious spell she was pretty much out of breath instantly.

>You consider sending her off to Roid Rage. Some muscle mass never hurt.

>Looking to Ditto, you can see the spell chipping away at the ring. By the time the magic wears off, the loop is pretty much completely destroyed.

>Pinkie’s however, is exactly the same. Rightfully so, she’s quite confused.

>”Hey, what gives? Why didn’t it hit mine too?”

>Chrysalis is still trying to recover, and thus says nothing to the pink party pony.

“Uh... Maybe the spell can only do one at a time?”

 

>Pinkie frowns, considering your suggestion.

>She wasn’t really happy with the conditions though. She could see how worn out Chrysalis was.

>It didn’t take a genius to see that Inkie and Blinkie would want to get fixed up at the same time. Perhaps Twilight could cast the spell?

>Hell, maybe Sweetie Belle could too. Hell, she managed to cast that transformation spell on the second try.

>Ditto cautiously prods his damaged ring, the entire thing turning to dust at his touch.

>”...The ring is gone.”

>Chrysalis, now recovered, elaborates. “Yes, it is. The spell... no longer... affects you either. Sorry Pinkie, you’re... out of luck. But on the bright side, now... you’ll have to stay close... to your... siblings. Ha... Ha...”

>Her bright smile returns. “Really? That’s great news! It’s been so great being with my sisters again!”

>She hops over to Chrysalis, doing her best to hug her. It’s... not the most effective method, but gets the job done.

>She hops to Ditto next, stopping before him.

>He smiles nervously, not sure what to expect. “So... What now?”

>She leans forward, quickly pecking her mighty trooper. “Well, I’m gonna go tell my sisters. Come by tomorrow, alright? We’ve still got lots of cupcakes to make!”

>You smile as she bounces away, leaving Ditto in a daze. He watches her bounce away.

“Quite the mare, eh Ditto?”

>He nods. “Yes. Yes she is.”