Anon and Chrysalis Ch 30 - Act 3

The Marvellous Mishaps of Anon and Chrysalis

Chapter 30: You still owe me that TV, Chrysalis

Act 3: The End

 

>Another fantastical day in the magical land of Equestria.

>Except, well, you have a black eye. But otherwise it’s a fantastic day!

>Well, expect everyone keeps asking you why you have a black eye. And by everyone you mean Rainbow Dash and Derpy.

>The source of it of course was Chrysalis, who was just a little pissed off that you’ve been talking to her mother without her knowing.

>Not that you told Dashie that. You instead made up a fancy story about how you had to fight off one of those giant terror ant things with your bear hands.

>Rainbow called out your bullshit, unfortunately. You, after all, don’t have bear hands, but human ones.

>Derpy got a similar story, with a similar result.

>Fuck these ponies, man. They wouldn’t know a good story if it bit them...

>Sitting in your couch, you glance down to the greyish pink filly sitting on your lap. She’s taking a nap.

>Now, of course one might wonder why you’re not in your armchair. The lovely Golden Throne of Ponyville.

>There are many reasons for this. The main one is Cocoona has been using it.

>And, not wanting a repeat of the ‘soapy water incident,’ she took matters into her own hooves and ripped the arms of the chair off, presumably with magic.

>Though for all you know she just fell on them. Considering how big she is, you wouldn’t be surprised.

>What is surprising is that the ex-queen has now taken up what she claims is temporary residence in your home, snatching up one of your spare rooms.

>Why?

>Because, according to her, Chrysalis will fuck up the paperwork involved in a diplomatic annexation and thus she needs to walk her through the process.

>While you offered to help, both Chrys and Cocoona were adamant that you keep your nose out of it.

>Fine then. You’ll just wait here.

>And plot against them. Muahahahah!

>Well, not really.

>”So, Anon. What’s the plan now? You grabbed a Hive and some hats. I’m pretty sure you’re set.”

“You’d think that, but it seems the queen o’ lard is even less big on the whole ‘me marrying Chrys’ thing.”

>The rainbow mare sighs. “Well, I don’t know. Looks like sucking up is getting you nowhere.”

“Which seems to be the usual thing. We’re pretty much still at square one.”

>Derpy shakes her head. “I’d say you’re deeper than before. The guard could arrest you if they get any proof of... what you did.”

“I’d say Pinkie’s the one who needs to be worried. I took one; she took a hundred.”

>She frowns. ”Anon, stealing is not a good thing!”

“I never said it was.”

>She rolls her eyes, shifting in her seat so she can see the TV.

>You know, when you look around this room, it really is pretty empty. There’s nothing anywhere.

>Some new furniture would be nice, though you can’t think of what isn’t already here.

>Maybe some tables.

>”Anon!”

>Blinking, you look over at the fast pony. “You need to focus! Obviously sucking up isn’t working. So let’s try something else?”

“Like? Threats will not end well and I doubt I can really threaten her anyway. All my blows will bounce off.”

>And not just because of the wall of lard. God, if she knew what you were thinking...

>Dash, thinks for a second and smiles. “Well, we can’t threaten her... at least not herself. But maybe her reputation?”

“Because I’m certain I can send mail to all the other changeling nobles I don’t even know the names of and be taken seriously.”

>”Use Perm?”

“I already owe him a girlfriend. He’s not going to do me another favour. That’s not how loans work.”

>She sighs, shaking her head with a shrug. We’ve exhausted all resources at this point.

>With a laugh, you ask, [spoiler][/spoiler]”I don’t suppose you’d be interested in a changeling boyfriend, either of you. He’s royalty and everything.”

>Rainbow blushes a little. “Nah, no thanks.” Derpy responds with a deadpan stare.

“I have to ask. I’m already getting angry letters about not delivering. Anonymous always delivers, so I need to get him something.”

>Derpy shrugs. “Well, you could ask Mrs. Rarity maybe. Oh! Maybe Fluttershy? Doesn’t she owe you a favour anyway?”

>Eh. Not kind of. She did, after all rat you out to the royal guard when Celestia found out all her shit was missing.

>Well, not quite rat you out. Just kind of point them toward your huge house. Because those are totally different things.

“I suppose I could just make Fluttershy go along with it. But I can’t see her and Permanence really sparking it off. He wants something permanent.”

>Derpy nods. “Right. Well... You could still try. It’ll calm him down at least.”

“True.”

>With that, you gentle move the little filly off of you and get up. Rainbow jumps up too.

>Derpy frowns. “You’re going now?”

“Yeah. Not like I’m doing anything else.”

>Rainbow nods. “Yeah. Speaking of which, what the heck? When are we going to actually do something again?”

“Eh. Tomorrow, I suppose.”

>The pony smiles, trotting up to you. “Nice save, Anon.”

>With that out of the way, you and the rainbow pony are off to the little cottage on the... other side of town.

>Damnit Fluttershy, why are you so far away?

>During the walk Rainbow brings up something you didn’t know.

“You got accepted into the Wonderbolts Academy?”

>”That’s right!”

“Ha, congratz. Good to see you’re living your dreams. Make sure to write.”

>She rolls her eyes. “Of course! Though I get the feeling I might be busy reading Pinkie’s mail instead. You know how she gets.”

“Come on, give her a bit more credit. Pinkie isn’t... that... okay, what the fuck is this?”

>In front of you on the road in Pinkie Pie, who is apparently making some sort of sculpture. An ice sculpture.

>In the summer. What.

>Beside her is a tired Ditto and those agents. They’re casting some sort of spell, which is probably keeping the ice from melting in the warm summer air.

>Pinkie from the top of her ice sculpture of... something, waves. “Hi, Anon!”

>Both you and Dash just weakly wave back. When you look to Ditto, he, without looking over to you, sighs. “She said the lighting in Sugarcube Corner was too poor to work in.”

“So you decide to make the sculpture a quarter mile out of town?”

>One of the agents  shakes his head. “A quarter kilometre, Lord Anonymous.”

>Yeah, whatever. Shaking your head, you continue on your merry way with Rainbow, going around the big ice sculpture. You can’t actually tell what it’s supposed to be; it’s too early in its construction.

>Pinkie will undoubtedly show it off to you later, though.

>A little more walking brings you over to Fluttershy’s cottage. She isn’t taking care of the landscape for whatever reason; the grass is all overgrown and everything is all shaggy.

>Ignoring the weeds, you give the door a firm knock.

>And after a few minutes, another more forceful one. Open the door, Fluttershy.

>After the 3rd knock, Rainbow suggests she just kick it in. You consider it, but the door opens up before you can give the order.

>At the door is not Fluttershy. Instead it’s that fucking goat that lives here. He’s got on Fluttershy’s pink bath robe, curlers in his ‘mane’ and what appears to lipstick on. What.

>He bleats angrily, likely to ask ‘what?’

“Hi. Sorry to interrupt your... you time. We’re look for Fluttershy. She home?”

>The Goat looks to Rainbow, who snickers at his ridiculous getup. It bleats twice; a yes.

“Perfect. Can I go see her?”

>Mr. Goat shakes his head.

“Fine. Bring her here then.”

>Another headshake. It’s always fucking something.

>Rainbow is officially fed up. She steps passed you, getting into the goat’s face.  “Move you stupid goat! We’re talking to Fluttershy and that’s that!”

>He flinches back, but refuses to move.

>You point to the side. “Look, it’s a sexy she goat.”

>The goat raises an eyebrow at you and then laughs, bleating out some nonsense.

>Your distraction proves effective enough, though, as Rainbow then smacks the fellow in the face, knocking him over.

>While he’s flailing about trying to recover, you slip into the building with your pegasus pal.

“You could have just pushed him. The punch was a overboard and you know it.”

>”Meh. Goat’s are made of iron or something. He’ll be fine.”

>From behind you there’s a weak bleat.

>”Trust me! He’ll be just fine.”

>Not wanting to dawdle any longer, you take the lead and begin up the stairs. When you reach the top though, you’re not even half prepared for what comes.

>There’s a lovely catapult set up, pointing right at you. On it is a pie. It fires.

>Safe to say you’re not augmented enough to dodge the pastry. It smacks right into your face.

>Rainbow yells out in shock, being right behind you. She manages to grab you in time so you don’t fall over.

>Once you clear enough of the banana cream out of your eyes, you immediately wish you didn’t.

>As, all around the catapult is an army of rabbits, little birds and other small critters.

>At the head is Angel Bunny, the world’s #2 motherfucker (losing to Gary Oak, obviously), who is riding on top of a beaver. He’s got a little toy sabre in one paw, a Napoleon hat on his head and a devilish grin on his face.

>Fuck that noise. Retreat!

>Which is what you tried to say, but there’s still pie in your mouth. Thus, Rainbow has no idea what’s going on when you turn tail and try the run passed her.

>Some tumbling later you’re trying to get up and run away. There’s a high pitched squeak followed by what sounds like a charge.

“Dash, come, now, GO!”

>You rush away, accidentally stepping on the goat on your way out.

>Outside are more birds you do flying runs overhead. An eagle drops a pie which narrowly misses you.

>A hawk does the same, but aims for Rainbow. The mare able to strafe away from it and before long you’re off Fluttershy’s lot.

>You look back and see that fucking rabbit on his steed. He raises his sword victoriously and there’s lots of cheering from the maybe 100 small animals gathered outside the building.

>”Anon, what just happened?”

“We got run out of Fluttershy’s house by a rabbit and his friends. Why do you ask?”

>Dash takes a moment to respond. “Just making sure.”

>Fucking Angel...

-

>You decided to visit Fluttershy another time. She’s probably busy.

>Going on home, Rainbow, who thankfully evaded any pie, couldn’t help but comment on how much of the stuff stuck to your face.

>Normally a pie like this would go play and fall off.

>Yes. Normally.

>But something was added to this pie, something adhesive.

>Thus, to ensure you don’t permanently have a pie stuck to your head, as soon as you arrive home you rush upstairs to your private bathroom, evading any awkward looks that would surely come from the ponies living here with you.

>Chrys isn’t upstairs either, which is helpful. Opening the bathroom door, you quickly set your sights on the bathtub.

>You may as well clean everything while you’re here. Efficiency and all that.

>However, it turns out Chrys IS upstairs, because sitting in said bathtub is the queen herself.

>This wouldn’t be a big deal, normally. Chrysalis does, in fact, bathe.

>The weird thing is she’s holding a rubber ducky in one hoof, and a toy boat in another. From the looks of it, the duck is just about to attack the poor boat.

>Chrysalis lets out an evil laugh, but it’s cut shot when she notices you standing there.

>Blushing, she stares at you and your pie covered face.

>”...Anonymous?”

“Hi, Chrysalis.”

>”...Why do you have pie on your face?”

“Why are you playing with toys in the bathtub?”

>She looks down at her children’s toys.

>”I’m not playing. This is a... simulation. For my navy.”

“You don’t have a navy.”

>She nods quickly. “Exactly! That’s why I need to... simulate. Things. You didn’t answer my question.”

“Angel. Mind adjourning your playtime? I’d like to get cleaned up.”

>”Angel? The rabbit? How does that have anything to do with a pie stuck on your face?”

“It has everything to do with it, my dear. Now...”

>You gesture for her to rise. She doesn’t.

“Chrys, come on. You can do this any other time.”

>”Yes, well, fine. You killed the mood anyway...”

>You shrug, not really caring that much about whatever mood she somehow created with a rubber duck and a toy boat in the bathtub.

>She rises from her seat, magically snatching up the room’s only towel.

“You’re going to bring me another, right?”

>”I’ll think about it. I am, after all, still mad at you.”

>Sighing, you watch as she trots off, giving you a ‘you’ve brought this upon yourself’ look.

>Yeah, okay Chrys. You’ll see.

-

>That evening found you in your backyard. Your barren backyard of nothing.

>Derpy spent a good amount of time complaining about the lack of any plants, and it turns out she’s not just whining.

>Sure, there’s grass, but other than that? Not much.

>So you set out to plant something or other.

>Though, considering the mailmare just so happened to have a large stockpile of flower bulbs and other saplings makes you wonder if this was her plan to begin with.

>Probably. But you won’t hold it against her. It’s your yard too.

>However, planting stuff isn’t exactly the easiest job. Experience, you lack.

>Oh well. If nothing sprouts in the next... year or so, you’ll just have Twilight magic up some plants.

>Or Chrysalis. But she’s upset with you right now. Never did bring over that towel...

>Figure this is enough for one day, you head on back inside, hoping perhaps for a nice cool drink of something non-alcoholic.

>You don’t make it to the kitchen.

>Because in your foyer is a gigantic statue. An ice statue, actually.

>Of Cocoona.

>What.

>No, really. What?

>You take a few steps toward the colossal construction, the point of which’s horn nearly touching the ceiling of your already big foyer.

>Seriously, what.

>It takes you a second to recall that Pinkie was making a similarily sized statue earlier this same day.

>In the summer heat, at that. How did it get in here? It wouldn’t fit through the door unless cut into pieces.

>As you make a loop around the ice, you spot Ditto and his agents sitting in a corner. They look completely out of it.

“Oh, hey Ditto. Ice statue you’ve got here.”

>”It is not mine, Anonymous.”

“Yeah, it’s Pinkie’s. Where’s she hiding this time? Between the legs perhaps?”

>”Actually, Anon, I’m not hiding at all! I’m right here behind you.”

>You do a fairly good job at not jumping in terror at the sudden voice, instead turning around to face her.

>She’s got a glass of something yellow on her head. “Thirsty?”

>Slowly you reach for the glass. If this isn’t lemonade...

>It is. Good.

“Thanks. So, why is there a giant statue of Cocoona in my foyer?”

>”Because we’re going to give it to her.”

>This time you do jump from the voice behind you, this one being Twilight.

>Her magic thankfully snatches up your lemonade before it falls to the floor, shatters, alerts Chrysalis who’s in the office nearby, and causes her to be even more upset with you.

>Which happens anyway since you just shrieked at a purple unicorn rather in a most unmanly manner. Fuck.

>”Anonymous, can you go scream somewhere else? And don’t leave this giant statue of... wait, what?”

“That’s what I said.”

>Pinkie frowns. “No, that’s what you thought. There’s a huuuge difference.”

>Twilight looks at the mare oddly. After a moment she sighs. “Right. Anyhow, Pinkie asked me to teleport this statue for her. Since, well, that’s done with, I suppose I should get going. Nice seeing you all again.”

>Chrysalis rolls her eyes. “Going so soon? Come now, Twilight, at least say hi to everyone here.”

“Yeah, Twilight, I’m sure Cocoona will love to know how her giant sculpture isn’t going to melt, and you’re the top mage here, aren’t you?”

>”Well, um...”

>Chrysalis raises an eyebrow at you. “Anon is right. You sit tight, I’ll go get mother.”

>She takes a trip up the spiral staircase as Twilight gives you a look. “Anonymous, what are you up too?”

“Nothing personal but someone has to take the blame for my new swimming pool and since you’re unlikely to see Cocoona ever again, I figure it should be you.”

>Ditto nods his head. “I approve of this solution.”

>Twilight tries to counter him, but Pinkie jumps in. “Sorry, Twi, but Anon’s right!”

>”But—“

>Even the agents are getting in on it. “We can see no potential error in this plot.”

>The purple unicorn just stares daggers into you. You shrug lazily.

“Don’t worry, she’s charming.”

>Ditto and his cronies join your group who stands off to the side, Twilight stuck in front.

>After a few minutes down comes Chrysalis, as does another voice complaining about everything and anything.

>”This better be important, Chrysalis. I was rather busy doing real work, though I wouldn’t expect you to understand such a thing...”

>”Mhm. Trust me, you’ll be quite... intrigued.”

>The old changeling eventually appears on the big stairs, making her way down ever so slowly. “Have I ever told you that I hate these stairs? Why a spiral? It’s just more hoof work.”

>She would probably continue to whine—pardon, complain—about something else, but by now had turned on a perfect angle to see the big ice sculpture of herself sitting in the middle of the room.

>The elder just sort of stood there for awhile, observing in silence the big block of frozen water before her.

>”...Who’s responsible for this?”

>You, Pinkie and more or less everyone in the room look to Twilight.

>Nervously, she steps forward. She’s about to speak but of course is cut off once again.

>”You got my legs wrong.” She continues down the stairs. “And my hair doesn’t flow like that. It’s also shorter.”

>When she gets to the floor, she glances over to Chrysalis, who puts on the most bullshit smile in world history. “Also, my fangs are wrong. They curve inward, not outward.”

>Pinkie faceplams. “Shoot! I knew it!”

>The fat bug continues to look at the structure, moving periodically to get a different angle.

>Twilight finally shouts out, “It was Anon’s idea! I just teleported here!”

>Ditto groans, and you can’t help but not be surprised.

“Yeah, well Pinkie made it. This isn’t all my fault.”

>Cocoona looks to you, then to Twilight, and finally to Pinkie.

>”Whatever. Good enough, for ponies.” She looks back to the sculpture.

>”Oh, and Anon?”

“...Yes?”

>”When it melts, you’re mopping it up. Just letting you know now, since you’re always SO busy.”

>Twilight sighs. “Anyway, I need to go... water my phoenix. Yes!” She takes a few steps back before galloping away. Once she’s far enough away she teleports away in a flash of light.

“Jeez, what’s up with her? I thought she’d be happy to see us again.”

>Chrysalis chuckles. “She’s probably just intimidated by how many powerful sorceresses there are here. Right, mother?”

>She raises an eyebrow at her daughter. “I wasn’t aware the pink one was a sorceress. Explains some things, I suppose.” Chrysalis sighs.

“Now, now, we don’t need to be throwing around petty insults.”

>Cocoona looks at you. It’s one of those piercing looks. “Anonymous?”

“Yes?”

>”Shut up.”

>You glare at her, but she ignores you, instead focusing back on her lovely statue of ice and ice.

>After a few minutes, she turns to leave, but is upset to see Chrysalis still hovering around her. “Why are you still here? Don’t you have work to do?”

>”Actually, I’ve been done awhile. Just a few signatures, really; nothing complicated at all.”

>The elder rolls her eyes. “Let me know when you want to go fix all your mistakes. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have important business to attend to.”

>She leaves, and there was much rejoicing.

>And by rejoicing, obviously you mean you going over to Chrysalis whose mood was once again not very good.

>”There’s just no pleasing some ponies, eh Anonymous?”

“Seems likely. What are we gonna do about her?”

>She stares deadpan at you. “We?”

“Yes. We. Seems kind of silly to work alone when we’re going for the same thing, right? I’m sure you have some ideas.”

>She shrugs. “Not particularly. I don’t think anything we can do in the near future is going to make that one change...” She stops, looking at the small group of changelings and pony standing in a mob nearby.

>”...Let’s relocate.”

“If you say so.”

>After relocating, to, where else, the office maybe five steps away, you begin to brainstorm some ideas.

>But not before filling the mare into a few of your earlier adventures.

>”...So you /did/ steal all those crowns?”

“I stole a crown. Pinkie... obtained the rest through some means. I don’t know, nor want, the specifics.”

>”Mhm. Right. Well...”

>You lean a bit closer from your seat across her fancy desk. [spoiler][/spoiler]“Well?”

>”I have absolutely no idea how to convince her. At this point we’ve done all the big things she’s complained about.”

“Those being you getting some new hives and me being competent?”

>”Yes. And... well, we’ve gotten nowhere.”

>You lean back into your seat, thinking. Hm...

“Eh. Maybe we can just ask her what she wants?”

>Chrysalis rolls her eyes. “Considering what she asked last time, I’d expect her to ask for a thousand Alicorn heads on a pike or something.”

>You pause, trying not to imagine that concept. It’s not working.

“...Are there even that many Alicorns in the world?”

>Chrysalis shrugs. “Probably not. I only know the three.”

>Well fuck. Here we are again, with nowhere to go.

>After sitting about for maybe five minutes, you hear the door creak open.  You lazily look over to see Pinkie sticking her head in.

“Yes, Pinkie?”

>”Derpy said to tell you two that dinner’s ready. Also, why not blackmail her?”

>Chrysalis rolls her eyes. “Yes, let’s blackmail my mother. Because that’s completely doable.”

>The earth pony shrugs. “Alright. Oh, and there’s a guy here to see you, Anon.”

>Fuck.

-

>Another day dawns on Hotel Anonymous, home of a billion and one sapient life forms.

>Seriously, you never actually thought you’d fill up all of your spare rooms.

>Now not only is Cocoona here, but so is Permanence. Great.

>He spent maybe twenty minutes lecturing you about the importance of paying back debts and so on. While you gave Chrysalis numerous looks begging for her to make him shut the fuck up, she never did.

>Damnit, Chrys...

>She at least made up for it later on, but still. Where does thy loyalties lie?

>Getting dressed, you think back to that weird dream you had. It had some weird music playing and Chrysalis was dancing like one of the Muppets or something.

>You really need to stop eating those cookies. There’s something in them, and not just turnips.

>After throwing on a shirt, the last part of your self-clothing ritual, you look back to Chrysalis who is still peacefully sleeping in your bed.

>”Mmm...” You smile.

“You chill here, alright? I’m gonna go deal with Permanence.”

>As soon as you open your bedroom door, Permanence is on you.

>Seriously, he was standing there for what looks to be some time.

“...Good morning?”

>”Morning, Anonymous. It is time for you to deliver.”

>You give him a look.

“You realize I’m not express, right?”

>Reaching back, you gently toss closed the door. “I don’t particularly care. My package is late and I want what was promised to me.”

“Yeah, yeah...”

>You head on down the fabulous spiral staircase. Cocoona can eat a dick; this thing is awesome.

“So, let me clarify. You want a marefriend, doesn’t matter who, what, how old or young, how skinny or fat and how intelligent?”

>”And single. You’ve forgotten that one.”

>You roll your eyes, sarcastically snapping a finger. [spoiler][/spoiler]”Darn! I was sure Ditto would be willing to share Pinkie too!”

>As you close the gap between the top and ground floors you begin to hear an argument echoing through the walls.

>A rather one sided one, it seems.

>Probably because it’s Cocoona bitching out the commander, Ditto. Oh boy.

>”I assure you, majesty, it is not a lie. She was able to use our magic just fine with limited negative effects.”

>Cocoona glares at him. “That is impossible. Ponies aren’t evolved enough to be able to cast such advanced spells, let alone a child.”

>Ditto takes a step back, likely in case the event the elder queen tries to step on him or something like that.

>He turns to the stairs, spotting you and Permanence just as you arrive at your destination.

>”Ah, Anonymous, excellent timing. Please tell Cocoona about when that filly used the transformation spell.”

“What? Which filly? What are... Oh. That. Yeah, Sweetie Belle managed it the one time. Why do you ask?”

>Cocoona shakes her head. “Honestly, Ditto, do you really think I’m going to fall for this? I’m too old to fall for such... childish pranks. You should be ashamed!”

>She harrumphs. Ditto sighs, looking to you.

“...I could always bring you over to see her. She’s definitely a thing, Cocoona.”

>”And why should I trust /you/?”

>You can feel Permanence’s angry glare in the back of your head.

“Remember the crowns? Anonymous always delivers!”

>Smile, Anon! It always works!

>She glances away, grumbling to herself, probably about the fact you’re right.

>However the two hundred year old virgin standing behind you decides to try making himself visible.

>”Ahem! Sorry to cut in, but I’m afraid Mr. Anonymous is helping /me/ with something right now! So, erm—“

>He doesn’t get to finish. “Very well, /human./ Take me to this... what was her name? Sweaty Belt?”

“...Close enough.”

>You walk over to the elder queen, leaving Permanence to grit his teeth in frustration.

>Ditto looks over at him as you lead the fat changeling around her big statue and out the door.

>The thing still hasn’t melted somehow. Weird.

>”Have you ever considered turning into a pony celebrity?”

>”I don’t turn into things, Commander.”

>Ditto shrugs. “Suit yourself.”

-

>Ponyville is still quite an active place, even if the changelings have moved a bit out of the place.

>As you lead the big changeling along, there are a number of ponies running about doing what ponies do.

>Most of them take one look at the creature behind you and keep turn the other way.

>Oddly enough, Cocoona chuckles at their rapid departures.

>”Yes, run little ponies. Stupid little things, aren’t they?”

“I’m going to withhold my opinion.”

>She groans. “You care too much about them, Anonymous. They are beneath us.”

>You pause, turning back to her. She’s looking down at you to the best of her ability, since you’re the same height.

“Us?”

>”Don’t get any ideas.”

>Eh. You shrug, and continue leading her down to Sweetie Belle’s home.

>As you turn a corner you nearly walk into Lyra.

>Bonbon isn’t with her this time around. From the looks of it, she’s out grocery shopping.

>You can tell because of the saddlebags full of groceries.

“Oh, sorry.”

>”No worries, Anon. Hi there, Chrys!”

>She smiles at the bowling ball of a changeling behind you, but suddenly frowns, looking at the bowling ball belly said changeling is sporting.

>”...Woah. Chrys, what happened? You really let yourself go.”

>Cocoona’s left eye twitches dangerously. “Excuse me?”

“Um, Lyra, you should probably go. Now.”

>”But, Anon! Look at her! She’s doubled in size since I last saw her!”

>The fat bug takes a step forward, growling even more dangerously. Lyra shrinks away from her.

“Lyra—“

>”What do you /mean/ by that, pony? That I’ve let myself go? I have /not/ let myself go!” Her horn begins glowing ominously as Lyra gallops away.

>You try to step in front of the creature, but she’s already let out a sort of magic bolt, though thankfully it comes up short.

“Relax! Relax. We’re nearly there. See?”

>You point off into the distance at a fairly tall building.

>The changeling’s horn stops glowing. “I’m not fat, Anonymous. Don’t ever think otherwise.”

“Of course not.”

>As you lead her down the rest of the way, you sigh. Yeah, she isn’t fat. She’s obese. It’s truly a miracle she can even walk.

>Cocoona is still steaming a bit when you arrive at the filly’s house. She decides to stand off to the side a bit, and likely not wanting another pony to think she’s Chrysalis.

>A very fat Chrysalis.

>You give the door a firm knock and wait. It opens up in maybe a minute or two.

>At the door stands Magnum, the father of said filly, and Rarity.

>”Eh? Howdy, Anonymous. What brings you this way?”

“Things. Is Sweetie Belle home?”

>The stallion raises an eyebrow. “Eh, no. She’s off crusadin’, if memory serves. Why?”

“I’ve got a... friend that wants to meet her. Any ideas where she’s at?”

>He thinks for a second. “I think they said something about Rarity. You best check there, eh?”

>You sigh. [spoiler][/spoiler]”Thanks.”

>As the door closes, you begin to feel a changeling glaring at you.

>”I suppose this means more walking?”

“Rarity’s place isn’t too far off.”

>The ex-queen groans. “I suppose it’s too much to ask you to carry me?”

>You just stare at her incredulously. She sighs.

>”I’ll never understand how you can live without magic...”

>Shaking your head you continue on your way.

>The boutique is, in fact, not very far at all and within maybe ten more minutes you’re at the door.

>As this store is, you know, a store, you’re saved from the knock-knock game and quickly enter, Cocoona right behind you.

>She takes a look around at the various outfits.

>The mare actually looks... mildly impressed. “Are these pony made?”

“Yep. Rarity’s good with this sort of thing. You wait here, I’ll go find her and Sweetie.”

>She grunts, not really listening to you. Her attention has been caught by some sort of hat. A big one, at that.

>Some searching eventually finds Rarity and the cutie mark crusaders. They’re...

>Plumbing? What.

>The fabulous unicorn is looking at them nervously, sweating up a storm. Scootaloo hands Apple Bloom some sort of wrench and the mare cringes.

>Her magic grabs some sort of handkerchief, using it to rub off the visible sweat drops.

>”Er, Apple Bloom, I don’t think that’s—“

>There’s a loud clang, followed by a spray of water which bowls over the pegasus filly.

>Rarity sighs, looking back, where she spots you.

>”...Anonymous?”

“Rarity?”

>She looks to the CMC who are working away, then back to you. “I don’t suppose you’d be willing to come by another time?”

“’Fraid not. Where’s Sweetie Belle?”

>The white as snow filly’s head pops out from the sink. “Hm?”

“Hey there. Mind coming with me for a second? I have someone who wants to meet you.”

>The other CMC look over to you, Apple Bloom successfully cutting off the water flow. “What sort of someone?”

>Scootaloo nods. “Yeah, is it a new recruit, maybe?”

“Eh. Not quite.”

>Apple Bloom raises a hoof. “One sec.”

>The trio walk off to the side, huddling up to... decide whether or not they’re going to come with you to literally the next room.

>Rarity smiles nervously at you.

“So, what’s with the plumbing?”

>”Well, they really wanted a shot, and I must admit there have been a few problems with the drains...”

>You look down at a random pipe sitting on the floor.

“Looks like there’s a few more, now.”

>Purplemane’s smile falters a tad. “Just a few. Nothing I’m sure the... real plumber can’t fix.”

>The crusaders break from their little huddle, turning to you. Apple Bloom speaks on their behalf, “Alright, Anon! The cutie mark crusaders will see your friend.”

“Fabulous. This way.”

>You head back to the main display room to find Cocoona wearing a rather big sunhat, with a necklace and green dress being magically held up to herself.

>She’s look into a mirror, and thus doesn’t notice you. “Hm...”

“Uh, Cocoona?”

>The ex-queen doesn’t even look over. “What is it, Anonymous? Can’t you see I’m busy?”

“I brought you Sweetie Belle. Whenever you want to say hi, feel free.”

>She blinks, looking over at the trio of fillies who are worriedly looking up at the hulking creature.

>Slowly, the mare places down her accessories, though she leaves the hat on.

>”Which one of you is Sweetie Belle?”

>The trio looks over to you, giving you fairly dirty looks. Rarity, who comes up on your other side, glances nervously at the elder.

>You sigh, pointing to the appropriate pony.

“The white one.”

>The colossal changeling walks over, looking down at the filly. Rarity tugs on your shirt with her magic.

>”Anonymous, is this who I think it is?”

“Yes.”

>”Why does she want to see my sister?”

“Don’t worry, she’s not going to eat her.”

>Rarity blinks. “Anon, changelings don’t eat fillies.”

>You shrug. Maybe Chrysalis doesn’t. And maybe the drones don’t, since they’re so small. But Cocoona might.

>The CMC do a great job at not looking completely terrified at the creature standing a few feet in front of them.

>Cocoona speaks, being ominous for whatever reason, “Sweetie Belle, we have been told that you can use the changeling’s transformation spell.”

>The filly takes a few steps back. “Um... Y-Yes?”

>”Despite, in fact, said spell being impossible to cast by non-changelings. Care to explain that?”

>The fillies friends step in to protect her, Apple Bloom being too spooked to actually say anything.

>Scootaloo is not, however. “Easy! Ponies /can/ cast the spell! You’re just... not aware of that!”

>Cocoona glares at the orange and purple speck on the floor. “I’m not not aware of anything, child. You, Sweaty Belle! Show me the spell.”

>The white filly shakes her head.

>The old changeling glares at her.

>The filly once again shakes her head.

>”Um, Ms. Cocoona, please. There’s no need to coerce my sister. She can cast the spell; surely our word is good enough?”

>Cocoona rolls her eyes. “You may make nice outfits, but your word means nothing. I didn’t come all this way just to be told the same thing I was told when I left.” She looks back at the fillies. “Now, show me the... Where did they go?”

>You look down at where the crusaders once were, and indeed they’re gone.

>From back in the kitchen, you hear shuffling. When you look over, you just barely catch a glimpse of Apple Bloom running away with a toolbox on her back.

>The elder queen is not amused.

>You can tell because she stomps the ground with enough force to crater the floor quite a bit.

>Rarity looks at the damage unhappily. “Erm...”

>”Anonymous! This is your fault! Why didn’t you stop them?”

“Not in my job description. Look, just leave it. I’ll get you some ice cream on our way back?”

>She glares at you.

>Rarity smiles nervously, using the same handkerchief to wipe away some more sweat. “How about we let you keep that fabulous hat? Free of charge.”

>The elder continues glaring at you.

“I’ll get you ice cream, and the hat?”

>The mare rolls her eyes, looking out where the CMC fled the scene. “This isn’t over...”

>She storms out, taking the hat with her.

>You quickly follow suit.

“Uh, sorry about the floor, Rarity. Just send the bill to the usual account.”

>She just sighs. “Wonderful...”

-

>For someone so big, the ex-Queen thing is pretty damn fast.

>Fast enough that it took you maybe a minute to catch up. But still pretty fast.

>The mare didn’t actually listen to anything you tried to say, which isn’t much.

>Eventually you’re back home. Permanence is still mad, of course, but is occupied with other things, thanks to your friendly neighbourhood mother-in-law.

>What sort of things? Who knows. It’s not something you feel like getting involved with.

>In your room of living you find Chrysalis and Derpy, who are just kind of sitting around.

>The changeling queen looks over to you. “Oh, there you are. What was all that about?”

“Oh, you know. Just changeling politics.”

>Chrysalis rolls her eyes. You smile.

“To be more specific, your mother was all uppity about Sweetie Belle being able to use that transformation spell of yours.”

>Derpy raises an eyebrow. “Huh? She can do that?”

>Both you and Chrysalis look over to her. It occurs to you that Derpy probably hasn’t heard this story.

>You head over, snatching up a seat that still has arms. Damnit, Cocoona...

“Well, it all started like this...”

-

>Meanwhile, in another room of the same oversized hut.

>The previous changeling queen, the most definitely not fat Cocoona, was angry.

>Not that this is new or anything, but today she has a reason to be angry.

>Anonymous and the generally trustworthy changeling commander had both told her something that was, quite frankly, not supposed to be possible.

>It was quite a conundrum, this. Changeling magic didn’t work like unicorn magic, as she understood.

>Taking a seat on the extremely poor quality bedding that Anonymous provided, she thought and plotted. Because that’s things evil people do.

>The spell was unique to her kind. But if two, more or less, reliable minions of hers both said the same, then it definitely needed to be looked into.

>But, then again, those ‘cutie mark crusaders’ weren’t exactly big on showing off their unicorns powers.

>The very old creature growled angrily. “Stupid ponies...”

>No matter. She’d just need to have a nice, friendly chat.

>Up close and personal. She turned toward the other changeling in the room, who awkwardly stood a few steps into the room.

>”Permanence, let’s talk...”

-

>The rest of the day went... quite nicely, actually.

>Cocoona’s big ice statue thing continued to not melt, for reasons unknown, and when you next saw the mare in question, she wasn’t even that angry.

>She almost smiled, even. It was a tad unnerving.

>”No, nothing is wrong, Anonymous. Continue with what you’re doing.”

>She looks at you for a moment, before continue on her way. That’s not suspicious at all...

>However, right now you’re busy getting the door, since there are most definitely not a dozen other people here who can do that for, like say, Ditto.

>Who, oddly enough, has disappeared since this morning. Oh well.

>Opening up the door, you instinctively look downward. The habit pays off, as standing in front of you is a yellow pony with a pink tail. She has a paper bag for a head.

“Oh, hi there, Fluttershy. What brings you all the way out here?”

>You give her a look that JonTron might give a fan of Star Fox: Adventures. A smile, but not a sincere one.

>The paper bag pony shrinks back. “Um... Well...”

“You’re here to apologize for your flock of animals trying to severely injure me and Rainbow Dash?”

>She just looks at you, her eyes easily visible through the excessively large holes in the bag. Eventually she nods.

“Great timing, since I’m pretty sure there’s a friend of mine standing behind me right now.”

>From behind you spoke Permanence. “I wouldn’t say we’re friends, Anonymous.”

>You ignore him, and continue. [spoiler][/spoiler]”Fluttershy, this is Permanence. He’s a baron or something of—“

>”I am a count, for your information.”

“Right. He’s a count. Of a big hive. Want to be his girlfriend? It pays well and you’d be helping me out a lot.”

>The pony takes a look at him, made easier as you step out of the way.

>Permanence glares at you. “Really? You can’t find anything better?”

“Weren’t you the one who, earlier today, said you didn’t particularly care what I got for you?”

>He blinks. “Er... Yes. But still, I don’t want to get a paper cut from this... paper creature of yours.”

>You just stare at him.

>Fluttershy stares at him as well.

>”...What?”

>The yellow mare pulls off the bag. “I don’t know, Anon... This one’s a little... silly.”

>Permanence blushes a tad when he sees that you in fact weren’t trying to hook him up with a talking paper bag girl. “Oh... Ooooh... Haha. It was just a joke, of course. I knew she was wearing a mask.”

“Mhm. I’ll let you too spark it off. Preferably not in the foyer. Cheers.”

>You quite remove yourself from the premises. While you’re sure watching the two of them try to spark it off would have hilarious results, you don’t want to miss whatever it was Chrysalis was telling you not to miss.

>As you return to the living room it turns out you’re just in time. Chrysalis, who has on her fabulous new beer can hat (with 100% no beer inside,) ushers you over. “Come on, you’re about to miss it!”

>Shrugging, you hurry over to see what the big deal is.

>Turns out it’s some sort of stupid commercial about some sort of wash cloth that can absorb 500 times its weight in water.

>Though it seems Chrysalis is more interested in the loud as hell guy trying to sell it.

>He seems so familiar. But you can’t seem to put your finger on it.

>Vince Offer, maybe? Eh. You’ll remember eventually.

-

>The next started off much better than the last, since Permanence wasn’t outside your door to bitch at you.

>Maybe those two will spark it off. It’ll at least solve a few problems.

>Though of course it’s beginning to occur that you may want to conserve whatever favours you have left. You’re still a few feet in debt to rather powerful figures.

>Primarily Luna, and maybe Permanence if he’s not a fan of the Flutterbutter.

>You decide today you’ll cook up some delicious sandwiches for your friends and... well, closer friends. You’re not quite family yet.

>That thought reminds you that you still have no real way to blackmail the queen mother. She’s an asshole, sure, but you’re pretty sure all of changelingkind is aware of that fact.

>If they don’t, then you have to wonder what hole they’ve been hiding in. Cocoona is what, three hundred years old or something?

>As you enter the kitchen, though, there’s an unusual sight.

>Pinkie, your good friend of sorts, is cooking up pancakes. Lots and lots of pancakes.

“Huh? Pinkie?”

>She turns to you, smiling. For some reason she has on both an apron and some pants. “Hi, Anon!”

>You look at her, watching as she flips another four or so pancakes onto a plate.

“...What are you doing?”

>”Just making a few pancakes! I know you’re probably really hungry!”

>You think about it, and, indeed, you’re a bit hungry.

>But first things first, why is Pinkie in your house?

>”Oh, I was spending the night with Ditto, silly. I know we didn’t, well, tell you, but I’m sure you don’t mind.”

>Ugh. Of course.

“Fine. But what’s with the pants?”

>The pony flips a few more pancakes, but your question breaks her concentration just enough for the delicious pastry things to land on the counter as opposed to onto the big stack nearby.

>She blushes. “Uh, well, I didn’t want to... well, drip everywhere.” She giggles nervously.

“...On second thought I’m not hungry.”

>You back the fuck out of the room, shaking your head in response to the apologetic glance the pink party pony sends your way.

>However, as you’re walking backwards, you most definitely don’t notice the unknown creature behind you, bumping into it.

>He, as you figure out, is about your height, and thus you don’t trip over them.

>That said, the being isn’t exactly in a great mood.

“Oh, hey Perm. How’d it go?”

>He stares at you, eyes a bit shaky. “Why would you recommend her of all things?”

“Eh? Did something happen?”

>”I’m not going to talk about it. I want another mare. Someone with less fetishes. Just... why?”

>You shrug, and continue on your way. Them’s the breaks, Permanence.

-

>Besides the creepy morning with one Pinkamena Diane Pie, nothing really happens today.

>Chrysalis does some royalty work, Permanence has a cold shower for a few hours, Ditto yells at his new group of drones, who he claims are much better than the last and Cocoona sat in your old chair.

>It’s pretty awkward, sitting about in the living room with her just sitting there. Watching with a look of pure contentment.

>Rainbow Dash, who came by later that day to help you plant a tree in the backyard, found her watchful eye especially disturbing.

>Finally, Derpy decides to figure out what the fuck is going on.

>”Um, Cocoona?”

>”Yes?”

>”Why are you smiling like that?”

>”Because I’m in a good mood, of course. Why do you ask?”

>The mare grins at her, looking right in the direction of you and Rainbow, who but of course are right behind the mailmare.

>Derpy frowns, only one of her yellow eyes actually staying locked on the big changeling. “Riiight. No reason.”

>Not wanting to have the changeling continue look at you with that... unsettling stare, you excuse yourself.

>On your way out you barely hear the elder chuckle to herself. “Soon...”

>A trip across the foyer brought you into Chrysalis’ office.

“Chrys, your mother is up to something?”

>”Excellent means of knocking, Anon. And? She’s always up to something?”

>You roll your eyes. [spoiler][/spoiler]”Chrys, she’s smiling. We need to figure out what she’s planning.”

>Chrysalis pauses, her magic setting down the mug of something, paper and quill she had floating in front of her.

>The mug is a gift, apparently. It says ‘#1 Queen’ on it. Cute.

>”Mother is smiling? Since when?”

“Since yesterday, actually. Didn’t you see her?”

>The queen shakes her head slowly. “I’ve been trying to avoid being yelled at, so no.” She ponders for a moment what could be putting her mother in such a good mood.

>”What did you do yesterday, besides that whole Sweetie Belle thing?”

“Eh. Nothing really. Not with me at least.”

>You think for a second. Didn’t Cocoona speak with Permanence?”

>Chrysalis frowns at this suggestion. “Go find him, then. I’m sure he’ll probably give you some info, what with you getting him a bit of action last night.” She smirks.

>You shake your head, though. [spoiler][/spoiler]”Last night was a bust. Fluttershy was too deep for him. You should come too.”

>She groans. “Anon, I’m busy with my work! You can do it on your own. Or did you forget?”

>The mare points over to a painting of you. In fact, it’s the same painting from your living room, moved here.

>Under it is a plaque which reads ‘Minion of the month.’

>You’d think that, as her fucking boyfriend you wouldn’t be eligible for ‘minion’ awards, but whatever.

“Fine...”

>Leaving the room, you search around for Permanence.

>After a few minutes you find the colt sitting in the bathroom, the tub specifically, a cold stream of water pouring onto him.

>You pull open the curtain to find he’s already staring at you.

>”This is your fault.”

“Maybe. But can you at least stop racking up my water bill?”

>”Are these the type of mares who go after you, Anonymous? Have I been deceived? I never asked for this.”

“Come on, surely it wasn’t that bad.”

>” You’re a horrible being, Anonymous. I think I would have preferred the paper bag staying on...”

“Suit yourself. Anyway, how about you get out of there and tell me what you and Cocoona are up to?”

>He shakes his head. “There’s not a thing in this world that will make me move from this spot, or tell you what her majesty wanted. Not a thing!”

>”What if I asked you to?”

>From behind you came the lovely voice of one Queen Chrysalis. Permanence pales.

>”...Maybe that thing.” He slowly stands up, shivering and dripping from the absurd amount of time he’s spent inside your little bathtub.

>You toss a towel onto his face. Why can’t anything just be normal in Equestria?

>Oh right. Because it’s full of Insectoid horse creatures with magic powers and seaweed hair.

>Though that’s just how it looks. It’s much silkier than that.

>Or at least Chrysalis’ is. You’re not going around feeling up manes, after all. That’d be creepy.

>The probably still two-hundred-year-old virgin steps out into the crowded bathroom. ”Well, she just wanted me to call on her, uh, guards. The Black Guard. That’s it. She didn’t say why.”

>Chrysalis frowns, narrowing her eyes at her loyal subject. Maybe. “Right.”

“Should we go ask her about it then?”

>”No. Not yet. I want to see what’s she’s planning. Mother is very good at the whole evil plot thing, as I’m sure you could guess. I learned everything I know from her.”

>Chrysalis is just a bit too enthusiastic about seeing her mother’s plot come to fruitition.

>But, if Chrys in fact learned everything she knows about evil plans from her mother, perhaps she also learned the failure part of it too.

>After all, Chrysalis /did/ beat Canterlot. She just didn’t properly hold onto it.

>Maybe you can use this to your advantage. Maybe. Just maybe.

>But you’ve got a bad feeling about this whole thing.

>You’re pretty sure it involves the CMC. And that’s no good.

-

>The next day, you found yourself wandering the halls. Mostly the ones under the building proper.

>Permanence, who, thank god, went home, said that the mysterious ‘Black Guard’ would be dicking around at the behest of Cocoona.

>Thus, you want to know when they show up, so you can, more or less, figure out what they’re doing.

>Unfortunately, there’s no sign that they’re coming at all. No carriages show up, no messages, nothing.

>Though not having to deal with everyone’s favourite messenger is a plus, it still doesn’t bode well. Are they already here?

>Your thoughts of the cutie mark crusaders being met with a terrible fate is, as is quite typical around here, interrupted by a friendly neighbourhood changeling drone thing.

>”Uh, sir? Why are you pacing back and forth like that?”

“Because. Why?”

>He blinks. “The commander has instructed us to monitor who is down in these tunnels. We would prefer if you stay topside, so we don’t need to watch you, well, pace back and forth.”

>You pause, glancing passed the changeling to see a handful of others hiding poorly in the shadows.

“Ah. Right. Well, I guess there’s no point in stay here anyway. Bye.”

>Sighing, you make your way back upstairs. If you’re hearing correctly, there’s much rejoicing amongst the minions downstairs.

>It’s nice to know Ditto finally has some competent troops to work with. It’s a wonder the old ones didn’t break anything up here while they were around.

>Arriving on the ground floor you’re greeted by the ice cold stare of Cocoona’s ice cold statue. It still hasn’t melted.

>Ditto, who appears to be on his way down to where you just were, pauses upon seeing you. “Anonymous.” He nods.

“Hey, Ditto. Hey, uh, do you know why this thing isn’t melting?”

>”Specially enchanted. Twilight did it, though she never got a chance to mention it when she was here.”

“Ah.”

>He scurries downstairs, likely for his daily dose of yelling at changelings. Oh boy!

>You instead look about for Cocoona, Chrysalis or some other friend of yours. Derpy is out doing her mail thing, but Dinky is home today, since today’s a fabulous Saturday.

>The filly waves at you from a puzzle she’s assembling on the ground. “Hi, Anon!”

“Hey there. Have you seen Chrys around? She’s not in her office.”

>”Where else did you check?”

>You pause. Well, she’s not here, and not in the office...

>Oh. Of course.

“I think I know where she’s hiding. Thanks, Dinky.”

>As you turn tail to go find the queen, the filly blinks at you sceptically. “Uh, your welcome?”

>She sticks another pair of puzzle pieces together, sighing as she glances over at the other nine or so hundred pieces sitting in the box, waiting to be used.

-

>Upstairs, in your bathroom, you found Chrysalis once again playing with a rubber ducky and what appears to be a rubber swan.

>She’s quite upset that you once again didn’t knock before entering.

“Chrys, there’s nothing in here you could be doing that I haven’t already seen.”

>She glares at you. ”Yes there is, Anon. You don’t even know.”

>You shake your head, rolling your eyes as you do.

“Just tell me where your mom is hiding. It’s kind of important.”

>Chrysalis blinks. “Eh? I think she said she was going for a... walk. Oh.”

>You give the mare a look, which is more than enough to get her out of the tub. “We should go find her, then.”

“Yeah. We should.”

>Downstairs, you once again find yourself staring into the dead icy stare of Cocoona’s ice sculpture. If Pinkie did anything right with this colossal pile of frozen water, it was the eyes.

>So realistic. You can almost hear the unfounded complaints.

>Out the door you go, and only maybe a few minutes into town you run into Ponyville’s local hairspray maned fashion designer, Rarity.

>”Oh, Anon, Chrysalis, perfect timing!”

>Chrysalis glances over to you. Uh oh.

“Hi, Rarity. What’s up?”

>”Well, I don’t suppose you’ve seen Sweetie Belle, have you? Or her friends? They seem to have done a little vanishing act...”

>Oh fuck no. Fuuuuck no.

“I think I may have some ideas. But first we’re going to need to find Cocoona.”

>Rarity raises an eyebrow. “Cocoona? You mean Chrysalis’... Oh.” Her eyes go wide. “You don’t think?”

>Chrysalis takes a step back, not exactly happy to hear that her mother may have snatched up a bunch of fillies and a flightless bird.

>That poor bird! How could she?

>”Anonymous, you go with Rarity. I’m going to go fetch Ditto.”

>You nod, turning to the fashionista. She’s growing more anxious by the minute.

“Lead the way.”

>She does, breaking off into a gallop deeper into town. Hopefully you’re wrong about this.

>But it seems unlikely. Cocoona hasn’t exactly done anything to prove her innocence.

>As you chase after the purple mare you run into numerous other ponies all doing their own little searches for the trio of fillies.

>You wonder if Chrys would mind much if her mother had a most unfortunate ‘accident’ after she’s found. Probably a little.

>But she’ll get over it.

-

>A few hours of searching still gave you effectively no sign of the mare, or her captive fillies.

>Not even a Black Guard to be arrested. It was starting to look bleak.

>Especially once the town exhausted the entirety of Pinkie’s ‘list of places in Ponyville.’

>If your mind weren’t sort of preoccupied with a mix of dread and mad, you’d probably ask the pink party pony where in the hell she found the time to discover all these places.

>Who knew Rarity had a false wall covering up a room full of her less than successful works? Well, Pinkie did.

>Even Chrysalis’ drones, who did what you can only guess is a good job since Ditto didn’t yell at them (which he seems to being a lot these days,) were unsuccessful in their searches. And they had the most likely spots too.

>All that was left was your house and the vast tunnels underneath it.

>Which didn’t exactly bode well. As you recall from that lovely tunnel map Chrysalis and you peered over a week or so ago, the tunnels spread on and on in all manner of directions.

>If Cocoona is hanging out somewhere down there, it could very well take days to comb the whole local network to find the bitch.

>Assuming she didn’t just vamoose back to her silly little Alpha Hive with them. Though you have a feeling she wouldn’t do that.

>She’s big and evil, sure, but you find it unlikely she’d do something that stereotypical.

>So here you are, standing about in your foyer, watching angry pony’s whale on the big ice thing in the middle of the room.

>Pinkie herself actually fetched her party can from somewhere, though you made her put it away.

“Look, I know you’re mad, especially since you made her this lovely ice cream cone and stuff, but the last time someone fired a cannon into my house’s general direction, I had to move.”

>The pony glares at you. “You’re taking all the fun out of this, Anon!”

“Tell you what, when we find her you can fire your cannon at the real thing.”

>She lights up. “Really?”

“Sure. Just don’t miss.”

>The pony bounces away, grinning... a bit creepily. Yeah, Cocoona really goofed today.

>Eventually the sculpture is naught but a pile of snow sitting a heap on the sleek white floors of a material you can’t remember right now.

>However before you have a chance to pacify the crowd of ponies out for blood, they charge down your stairs into the basement, to the dismay of Ditto.

>”This is going to be a mess...”

“Probably. You should probably, you know, go stop them.”

>”I can’t risk being injured in the storm. Hopefully the others downstairs will be enough to stem the flow.”

>You cross your arms.

“You think some special agents and half a dozen drones is seriously going to stop almost two thirds of Ponyville’s population?”

>He shakes his head. “No. But they’ll try.”

>You shrug and look to Chrysalis who is busy vaporizing the snow. “I could use some help, you know.”

“I think I left my shovel upstairs under the floor boards. I’ll go get it.”

>She shoots you an angry glare, but quickly focuses on her commander who is sort of also standing around. With a sigh Ditto begins to give her a hand.

>Or, well, horn.

>In all seriousness though, you do have a shovel upstairs somewhere. It’s not under the floorboards, obviously, but it is, admittedly in a peculiar location.

>On your way up, you’re glad Ditto put up that weird shield of shorts to stop the bloodthirsty crowd from pouring into the upper levels.

>They would have ripped this place apart.

>Fetching the shovel from behind the vanity mirror, you begin the trek back downstairs.

>But you hear something. Nothing distinctive, but odd nonetheless.

>Especially since it’s coming from the room Cocoona was using.

>And especially since there’s not supposed to be anyone up here. You had checked before you left.

>Should you get the others? Probably.

>But, like any unpredictable beast of the Earth, you don’t always make the best decisions.

>And, so, gripping the sort-of-plastic shovel, you slowly stalk over to the door.

>So help her god. Because you won’t.

>Quietly, you grip the knob of the spare bedroom, turning it as silently as you can.

>Pushing it ever so slightly, you take a look inside through the crack you’ve forged, but can’t see anything.

>But the muffled noise is most definitely Cocoona.

>”Now then. As I’m sure you’ve noticed, you are my prisoners. I’ll give you a moment to be honoured by the fact I would bother with something like this personally.”

>The unmistakable voice cracks of Sweetie Belle cry out next. “W-What do you want? We didn’t do anything to you.”

>”Yeah! Is this about that dumb spell? Leave Sweetie alone!” Scootaloo...

>”Why can’t you pick on someone your own size!” And Apple Bloom.

>You hear the giant changeling scoff. “Please. Don’t start. Now, Sweetie Belle, we can do this the easy way, or the hard way.”

>Hoofsteps as the mare paces, presumably in a circle. You catch a glimpse of her through the crack in the door.

>You narrow your eyes, taking a step back.

>”The easy way is, of course, you use your spell, reveal your true form, and apologize for insulting the swarm’s most important member.”

>Silence.

>”Or, I can use my much more refined and skilled magic to force the transformation. The choice is yours.”

>The mare grunts after a moment. “I should, of course, point out that if you’re in fact not a changeling that me forcing the spell is very likely to break a few things. But, since you can use our lovely spell, I’m sure that won’t be a problem, right? Now, choose. I don’t have all day.”

>”U-Um...”

>This is the lovely moment in which you kick open the door, take a few steps in, and, in Cocoona’s surprise, smack her in the face with the shovel.

>Though, well, it’s plastic and all, so it doesn’t actually do anything but surprise her further.

>Perhaps you should have gone for the horn. Too late now.

>Pulling your impromptu weapon back, you glare at her.

>She slowly opens her eyes, staring at you in utter disbelief. The crusaders, who appear to be fine, all stare at you with similar looks.

>Sweetie Belle is stuck on the bed with some of that green goop the changelings use for everything, while Scootaloo and Apple Bloom are stuck in what seems to be a little cocoon. How fitting.

>Slowly, the changeling speaks. “Anonymous, I don’t suppose there was a reason for you to hit me in the head with a /plastic/ shovel?”

“I don’t suppose there was a reason to kidnap the Cutie Mark Crusaders?”

>She rolls her eyes, taking a step back. “Obviously. Unlike /you/, I do not do anything without a reason.”

“Uh huh.”

>”Now, since I am in an ever so generous mood, I’m going to excuse your little assault. Begone.”

>You attempt to smack her again with the shovel, but her magic catches it before it gets even close. She tosses it to the side.

>”That was the /wrong/ choice, human.”

“Every choice that isn’t yours is wrong in your eyes, Cocoona.”

>She narrows her eyes. “Yes. Because unlike you, I know what’s best. Now leave!”

“Actually, Cocoona, you’re the one who should be leaving.”

>You match her death glare with one of your own. While she’s got hundreds of years of practice, you’re fucking pissed off.

>”Oh, really? And why is that?”

“Oh I don’t fucking know, because you kidnapped some of my /friends/? They’re just fillies, for god’s sake. What’s wrong with you?”

>She shakes her head. “You act like you’re surprised. In case you didn’t notice, we changelings are /evil/. Chrysalis would, if she had the brains to, have done the same in my situation.”

“No, she wouldn’t have, because she has to brains to see how stupid it is. Now, how about you fuck off before I call the angry mob downstairs to come rip you to shreds?”

>She raises an eyebrow, not breaking her gaze. Then she laughs.

>You grit your teeth in frustration. “You really think I’m afraid of an angry mob of ponies? /Really/? Have you learned /nothing/, Anonymous?”

“You think I’m bluffing. Are you willing to take that risk?”

>She chuckles once again, taking another step closer.

>Before you can react, you’re slammed into a nearby wall. It’s not exactly the most enjoyable sensation.

>Though you expected it to be a lot rougher than it was.

>Groaning, the ex-queen laughs. “You really have learned nothing, haven’t you, Anon? It’s kind of sad, really. Someone like you could be quite useful. A shame you don’t know your place.”

>You struggle against the magical hold, glancing over to the fillies who are just watching on in fear and silence.

“I think it’s you who doesn’t know their place, Cocoona. You can’t just kidnap whoever you want!”

>”Except I can, because nothing is ever going to come of this. You should have kept your mouth shut, Anon; this is your fault anyway.”

“My fault!? How is any of this my fault?”

>She sarcastically springs a hoof up to her chin(s). “Oh, I don’t know. You’re the one who offered to introduce us, are you not?”

>You don’t respond. That’s true.

>”And, now that I think about it, I wouldn’t even still be in this horrible country if you hadn’t constantly pestered me about wanting to ‘prove yourself’ so you can marry my daughter.”

“Which I did quite nicely, at that. Remember the lovely crowns? Remember the Tau? That was /me/, Cocoona.”

>”Mhm. And that’s all fine and dandy. But it doesn’t mean I think you’re worthy of anything. You’re still just an ugly ape creature who happens to know a few ponies in good places at the perfect times. That’s not worth, it’s luck.”

>You frown. She does have a point, really. She’s been using you this entire time.

>”Luck doesn’t make a kingdom, Anonymous. Skill, does. And I have all the skill. Between you and Chrysalis, it’s a wonder this house hasn’t collapsed in on itself.”

>She chuckles. “Oh right, you have that mailmare and her daughter to fix all your problems. I completely forgot about miss googly eyes. Ha, what a joke.”

“Shut your damn mouth, Cocoona! Derpy has nothing to do with this!”

>”You will not tell /me/ what to do!”

“It’s my fucking house!”

>”I paid for it!”

“No, Chrysalis paid for it! With the Swarm’s money!”

>”And I run the Swarm! I’ve always run the Swarm! Even before Chrysalis, I’ve run the Swarm! Everything has always been me! ME!”

“...Then what was your husband? Just another pawn for you to play with?”

>She freezes up, her magic shorting out. You fall the few inches down to the floor, managing well enough to not fall into a heap at the changeling’s hooves.

“Well? What was he then? Perhaps, since clearly it must be changeling tradition for the mother to choose he daughter’s mate, he was forced onto you by your mother?”

>”N-No, that isn’t true at all! Shut up!”

>You take a step forward, she taking a step back in return.

“No, I don’t think I’ll shut up. Because just like how you want to know about Sweetie Belle’s fancy magic trick, I want to know about your husband. You were pretty mad when Chrys gave me his old ring. Isn’t it bad form to get attached to your minions?”

>”Shut UP! You don’t know anything about us!”

“Then tell me what’s the big deal about me using his ring? You don’t even like Chrysalis, the way to sound.”

>”He’s /my/ husband! It’s not your ring to take!”

“And who made you his ringkeeper? I’d like to see the part of his will that declares this.”

>”Didn’t I tell you to be quiet! I will not have this!”

“Then what will you have, Cocoona? You’re just gonna sit on Chrys’ throne forever, then? Why did you even bother giving her the title if you were going to keep pulling the strings?”

>”I had my reasons! I thought she was ready. But she wasn’t. She’s never going to be ready.”

“And whose fault is that?”

>She pauses, staring into your nonspecific coloured eyes. They stare into her like spears, prodding and poking and waiting for an answer.

>After a minute of silence. “It’s your fault. You’ve corrupted her with your stupid pony culture.”

“Nah. It’s obviously your fault.”

>”How is this MY fault!? I’m not the one practically holding her hostage in a foreign nation!”

“It’s your fault because you never raised her to be the amazing administrator you expected her to be! Which is funny, too, since she’s damn good at it regardless.”

>”No she isn’t! She’s hopeless!”

“That’s your opinion. And your opinion is wrong. I’ve been with her much more this last year than you have. I think I would know.”

>”Except you don’t! You’ll never know! She’s two hundred and twenty six years old, and you’ve known her for a year! You don’t know anythin—“

>”Actually, /mother/, I’m two hundred and twenty seven. Not that you would know.”

>From the door walks in Chrysalis. How long has she been standing there?

>She gives the old mare that is her ‘loving’ mother a cold glare.

>Cocoona glares right back. “Hrmph. Here to side with your coltfriend, are you? I’m not surprised.

>”Mother, I’m all for kidnapping fillies and doing over evil things, when they serve some ulterior purpose. But there’s no reason for you to snatch up these three.”

>She points to the cocoon pod that holds Apple Bloom and Scootaloo, who are still staring silently.

>Cocoona rolls her eyes. “You’re not going to lecture /me/. I’m the one who taught you that rule.”

>”Yes, I suppose so. Perhaps you should follow it?”

>The ex-queen glares at her again. “Perhaps you should mind your own business? Don’t forget who runs this kingdom!”

>Chrysalis continues to stare at her. “Oh, I haven’t forgotten.” Her horn begins to glow, and, gently, you’re pulled over to the changeling queen.

>She wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you in close. “We do.”

>We do?

>Her mother’s old neural processor takes a few moments to realize what Chrysalis has just said.

>”Excuse me?”

>”Mother, I’m tired of this shit, you’re probably tired of it too. So I’m ending it.”

“Ending it?”

>Chrys nods. “Indeed. Mother, while I’m sure I’m never going to hear the ends of this, you’re fired.”

>The ex-queen’s eye twitches. “Are you out of your /mind/? You can’t fire me! I am the Swarm!”

>Pff. Yes. Because you’ll definitely let them eat cake, Cocoona.

>”Mhm, that’s nice and all. And I’m sure if you want to challenge me for the nation you’ll go ahead and do so. Because I’m sooo certain the Swarm’s nobles will be confident in supporting someone who kidnaps young undercover agents-in-training.”

>The queen looks to Sweetie Belle, who raises an eyebrow in confusion. “W-Wha?”

>Cocoona rolls her eyes.”Please, they won’t believe that at all. Her story will never fly, especially since she’s not a changeling!”

>”It’s not what they know, mother, it’s what they think. Sweetie, if you would be so kind.”

>The filly blinks. “I... what?”

>She’s obviously not exactly in a mood to comply. Hrm...

“If you transform for us we’ll tell you what your special talents are. Come on.”

>Scootaloo and Apple Bloom’s eyes widen at this, and they turn to Sweetie Belle expectantly.

>After a few more moments of staring, the unicorn falters. “U-Um, well, I can try. What am I supposed to be turning into again?”

>Chrysalis’ horn glows and pulls Ditto out from the hallway, holding him up in between the dumbfounded Cocoona and herself. Her magic pulls off his helmet.

>”This but smaller. No pressure.”

>The commander glances over to you, thoroughly confused at why he, of all of Chrysalis’ numerous minions, was chosen to be the model.

>Cocoona eventually laughs, though there’s a good bit of desperation in her tone. “Looks like you’re the nutjob, dear. Non-changelings can’t use our spells!”

>”Mother, do me a favour and pay attention. Any time now, Sweetie Belle.”

>The filly looks the drone commander over for a few more moments. Finally, she quietly squeaks out, “H-Here I go...”

>The filly closes her eyes, and slowly her horn begins to spark to life, settling into a light blue.

>Cocoona rolls her eyes.

>However, she’s rolled too soon, as the filly’s concentration and appropriate screwed up face slowly turns the horn’s glow a greener color, until it’s become a bright emerald.

>You smile. Good fucking night, Cocoona.

>The elder looks on in utter disbelief. Around her on the bed a round spiral of energy begins to rise up.

>After a few seconds the energy envelopes her entirely. Her friends in the cocoon watch on in awe.

>Finally, the magic dissipates, and Sweetie Belle has definitely had quite the makeover.

>Her appearance is reminiscent of that colt you met in Tau Hive, though a bit smoother and with more leg holes.

>Cocoona just stares.

>”H-How do I look?”

>From his magic perch, Ditto nods. “Perfect. Now, can I please be put down?”

>Chrysalis abliges, primarily by dropping him right onto the floor. She turns to her mother.

>”Mother, contrary to popular belief, you do not know everything. Now, if you would be so kind as to get the fuck out my house? Thanks.”

>The mare stares at her for a moment, before turning to you, eyes still on Chrysalis.

>”He won’t last, Chrysalis. You’ll lose him, and you’ll end up just like me.”

>Chrysalis shrugs. “I’ll take my chances.”

>Cocoona shakes her head, horn glowing. From under the bed comes a black box with a strange symbol burned into the top.

>A bolt of magic strikes the symbol, and the box is quite tossed to you. “I doubt this will last long. Don’t expect me to bail you out the next time you bite off more than you can chew.”

>Chrysalis laughs. “Mother, he’s not that big. I’ll be fine.” She smiles vacantly at the mare. “Now get out.”

>With a glare, Cocoona’s horn lights up once more and in a flash she’s gone.

>You look to Chrysalis, giving her a look that asks, quite simply, why?

>”Don’t feel bad, Anonymous. You’re not /that/ small. Besides, you’ve got—“

“Chrysalis, you realize there’s three children here, right?”

>She sighs. “I figure you’d be happier that I got rid of her.”

“Oh, I’m happy, Chrys. Though I’m wondering why you didn’t just do that, oh I don’t know, a decade ago.”

>The mare glances away, sad. “She’s still my mother, Anonymous. And she does have a lot of sway amongst all my minions. She could cause quite the uprising if she wished.”

>You cross your arms.

>”But I don’t think they’re going to honor her call to arms after this little fiasco. Though obviously we’re going to need to hold a conference of sorts. I’m sure that’s alright with you though, right Sweetie Belle?”

>”W-What? You didn’t say that!”

“Well it takes a week for the spell to go away, doesn’t it? Not like you have anything else to do.”

>Apple Bloom cuts in from her gooey prison. “Yes we do! We’re building a flying machine!”

>Scootaloo nods. “And it’s magic powered! Sweetie Belle has to come!”

>Ditto rolls his eyes. “Are you even going to need this machine if we’re going to tell you your talents?”

>The two pauses, thinking. “Um, maybe not. But still...”

>Chrysalis shakes her eyes. “Anyway, Anon, we should go round up the angry soccer mares and company. I’m sure Rarity is worried sick.”

>She turns to the door, but stops. Down in the doorframe stands a thinly built colt. He blinks, raises the camera up from its perch around his neck on some sort of contraption and takes a picture of Sweetie Belle before scurrying away.

>The filly turned changeling pales, sort of. “Did he just...?”

“Probably. Anyway, how about that rounding, Chrys?”

>”Indeed!”

>You rush out of the room, leaving Ditto behind to deal with the bullshit that will undoubtedly be the horrified shrieks of the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

>Good thing they’re still bound, or they’d probably be chasing the camera colt as we speak.

>As you arrive in the foyer, you spot... Cocoona?

>She’s walking out of your fridge with a metric fucktonne of extra pancakes and cookies. She glares at you, shovelling a bunch of them into her mouth.

“Really?”

>Her glare intensifies. ”Shut up, Anonymous.”

>She begins to make back up a bit, her horn beginning to charge for another teleport. It’s taking quite some time, so it’s likely a long range one.

>However, up from the basement comes Pinkie with her canon. Everyone stares at the mare, a bit confused.

>”Aha! There you are!”

>Cocoona takes a step back as Pinkie points the cannon at her.

>”Point that somewhere else. Who even are you anyway? The statue builder, right?”

>Pinkie growls at her. “I’m Pinkie the changeling slayer! Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?”

>Cocoona blinks.

>”Yeah, it does! And I’m going to slay you! No one kidnaps Pinkie’s friends and gets away with it!”

>Cocoona turns to you.

>You shrug.

“Don’t look at me. I hated that game.”

>She has no idea what the fuck you were talking about as she’s engulfed in cake batter, streamers, and CDs.

>One such CD slides across the melting snow to you and Chrysalis’ feet.

>On it is clearly printed: ‘DmC: Devil May Cry.’

>You reach down a pick up the circular device, and, upon closer inspection see it also reads: ‘For the real ending, buy the new DLC package off of the Playstation download center for $49.99.’

>Chrysalis stares at the disc. “What?”

>You toss it over your shoulder and shrug again.

“Don’t worry about it.”

-

>The next day, things are finally back to normal. Mostly.

>Cocoona, covered in batter, ended up still being able to teleport away, though not quite as far as she would have liked.

>She ended up right in the middle of a mob composing of Rainbow Dash, Rarity, her parents and Applejack.

>A shame you missed that scene, though you didn’t have popcorn anyway.

>So, in the end Cocoona ended up not even having a chance to bitch out to her apparent noble friends, which was nice. It also meant Sweetie Belle didn’t have to play changeling for political reasons.

>Though like last time, the spell had this nasty habit of not going away.

>Ditto said he’d show her how to turn it off, but Pinkie kept him fairly busy that night.

>As it turns out, she and her siblings needed a fourth player for their Dragons and Dungeons game, and those are quite time consuming.

>So, here you are, sitting in a chair in the living room, fumbling about with the black box Cocoona tossed you the night before.

>You knew what was in it. Everyone knew what was in it.

>In fact, sitting in the living room was not just you, but Chrysalis, Derpy, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Twilight, Ditto, Dinky and even fucking Applejack.

>And, besides the Queen, they were all staring at you expectantly.

>Chrysalis smiles to herself, happily watching some children’s cartoon about some mare and her pet shop.

“So, Chrysalis...”

>The numerous ponies lean toward you, watching.

>It’s a tad unnerving.

>Without looking to you, the queen asks, “Yes, Anonymous?”

>The ponies lean in further. You roll your eyes.

“I was just wondering something, is all.”

>Your friends lean in a bit more. Derpy, comically enough, slips out of her seat, landing face first into the ground below.

>She gets up, shaking herself off. “I’m fine!”

>Her daughter sighs. “Come on, Anon, just ask her!”

>You smile. Fine then.

“Well, Chrys, as I’m sure you’ll remember, we met about a year or so ago now.”

>”That’s right, we did. It was quite a smashing experience.”

“Mhm. Do you remember what I told you when we first met?”

>She blinks, turning to you. “Eh?”

>You clear your throat and recite the fateful line.

”’You smashed by TV, lady. You owe me.’”

>Everyone gives you a look as you laugh to yourself. Chrysalis crosses her forelegs in disappointment.

>”Ugh, you and your TVs. I’ll buy you one tomorrow then. Baby.”

“Glad we’re on the same page. By the way.”

>You hold up the fucking box, shaking it a little.

“When are we doing the whole wedding thing? I figure we’re going to want to do that before the Fall drops by?”

>Chrysalis shrugs. “Whenever you’re ready, Anon. To be perfectly honest, I’m not sure a huge ceremony would be ideal anyway.”

>She turns back to the TV.

>”Besides, no one likes weddings. It’s all about the honeymoon!”

>Everyone gives the changeling queen one of those looks. “What?”

“Come on, Chrys, after all this shit we’re not even going to have a ceremony?”

>Rainbow nods. “Y-Yeah! You can’t just rip him off like that!”

>The others nod in agreement.

>Chrysalis lets out an exaggerated sigh. “Well obviously there’s going to be a ceremony. But a small one. That’s very private. In an undisclosed location.”

“And you’re all invited!”

>The ponies cheer, though a certain apple farmer raises an eyebrow at you.

>”Even me?”

>You frown, thinking about it. Should Applejack come?

>After all, all she’s done in the last few months is try to rape you, try to gang rape you, and try to rape you some more.

>To be perfectly honest, bringing her to the wedding would be a very silly thing to do. Especially considering how silly this pony is.

“Hrm...”

>And trying to make a Fluttershy out of her went poorly.

>Even though she seems to be showing some sort of regret for her actions, it could very easily be a ruse.

>Fool you once, shame on you. Fool you twice, shame on her. Fool you three times?

>Well, then she’d be in fucking jail for a long ass time, if Celestia’s word is to be taken seriously.

>Chrysalis sighs. “I guess you can come. If only because we need someone to pull the carriages.”

>The mare blinks in confusion at the changeling queen.

>”Uh... thank you?”

>Chrysalis turns to Rarity. “You’d best get to work on my dress, then. I expect to shine like no one ever has.” Your lover grins happily, turning to you.

“Not like you’d need to try. You’re always shining.”

>The mare blushes. “Stop! Everyone is watching!”

>You shrug, not giving a fuck.

>You have your changeling queen. And a wife. Won’t mother be so proud?

-

>Somewhere dark and sticky, the queen mother Cocoona sat.

>This dark and sticky room was, but of course one of the antiwarp cells that Celestia built in the Canterlot dungeons.

>Cocoona, still woozy from the numerous kicks that fucking orange pony delivered, groans in pain.

>”Uugh... Where am I?”

>”You are in my dungeon, Cocoona.”

>The mare glances up to see the bright and majestic white mare. An alicorn whose mane shines bright in the poorly lit dungeon.

>Around her neck is a brilliant golden necklace, a large purple gem embedded into its center.

>At the bottom of the creature’s sleek white legs were golden shoes, each custom fitted to fit around her delicate hooves.

>And upon her head, tucked neatly behind a long, stiff and pointed horn, was a small black tiara, which clashed spectualrily with the entire look the mare was trying to put on.

>The kind ruler looked down at the battered changeling, who glared back.

>”You! You’re Celestia.”

>Celestia smiled cheerfully. “Yes, I am. The ruler of the kingdom of Equestria.”

>The queen sneers. “Yes. Because princesses rule kingdoms. Let me out, or else.”

>The princess rolls her eyes. “All in good time. But first, I do believe there’s something of mine you have, and I would like it returned.”

>The fat changeling rolls her eyes. “I wouldn’t even if I could. I had those stupid hats of yours melted down to make a much better looking crown for myself.”

>”And where is this crown?”

>”Not here, and not finished. Now, let me out.”

>The princess shakes her head. “I’m afraid I cannot let you out until you’ve paid in full for the damage you’ve caused. Right, sister?”

>From the shadows behind comes another alicorn, this one shorter, bluer and wearing a scowl instead of the passive smile that her elder sibling has on.

>”That is correct, sister.”

>Cocoona laughs. “Oh yes, because I’m so capable of paying you anything from here. Why not let me out, and I’ll think about it?”

>Celestia nods to her sibling, and walks off. Luna grins devilishly, as her horn glows and pulls out some sort of weapon.

>At first glance it seems to be a baseball bat. But as the lunar princess approaches it comes clear that the device is in fact covered with numerous large feathers.

>”In the times of old, it was with this device that traitors and spies were made to share their secret information.”

>Cocoona’s eyes slowly widen as she begins to try and move away from the approaching doom.

>”Since you refuse to pay in bits, we have no choice to but to exact the appropriate sum through... other means.”

>Cocoona gulps. “You wouldn’t dare!”

>Luna smiles wide. “We would.”

>And so it became a tradition of the Equestrian royalty and royal guard to periodically exact just revenge against the meddlesome changeling queen that dared have their property stolen.

>And with a conversion rate of one gallon of tears to one bit, it would indeed be many a year until the mare’s debt was finally paid.

>At the very least, she did not go hungry, with a wonderful supply of amusement pouring forth from the guards and occasionally the night princess that came to pay her visits.

>Indeed, it was a unique existence.

>Chrysalis and her fiancé never did figure out what happened to Cocoona. They never asked.

>And why would they? They had other things to worry about.

>Like which shade of green to use on the bride-to-be’s dress, how big the tables and their centerpieces should be and what to do if they ran out of toilet paper.

>Indeed, it would be awhile before the long, drawn out preparations for the queen’s wedding were completed.

>And longer still before all the guests managed to arrive at the venue. While Anonymous’ friends were all in the great Alpha Hive for the event long before it was to occur, the few beings Chrysalis invited were ‘fashionably’ late, to say the least.

>Anonymous wasn’t exactly a fan of the weird ponies that kept bothering him during the reception, but he did well to not piss them off.

>Even if that yellow one kept trying to eat his bow tie.

>After all, he was a King now! Well, Queen-consort, but close enough.

>And the marvellous mishaps of Anon and Chrysalis came to a quite happy ending.

>Though on his way down south for his honeymoon, Anon couldn’t help but feel he had forgotten something...