Anon and Chrysalis Ch 12

The Marvellous Mishaps of Anon and Chrysalis

Chapter 12: Where Anonymous fucks Apples

 

>Your new alarm clock rings out, driving you out from your slumber.

>You press its snooze button, cutting off its deafening cries. Good thing your walls are soundproof...

>Opening your eyes, you check the time. 4:26.

>Groaning, you get out of bed. If it were any other day, you wouldn’t try to get up this early.

>But today is not just any day.

>Heading downstairs you quietly obtain some fruit and some milk. You finish up your food quickly, then move on to the day’s other tasks.

>First and foremost, you would need to quickly pay back Applejack before she calls up any favours of sorts. You know all too well what sort ‘favours’ she might come up with.

>You yawn once more, getting up from your seat.

>Better to start earlier than later. You write up a quick note explaining where you are and head out.

>You pray your jimmies will survive.

 

>Ponyville is very quiet in the early morning. Not even the farmers who live in the town’s outskirts get up this soon.

>You let out a yawn as you make your way over to Sweet Apple Acres. It would take about an hour to get there. Then?

>Then it was time for apples.

>But until you arrived, you would enjoy the fresh air. You think of going for more walks like these, but know too well the dangers of Fluttershy and friends.

>You could always bring /your/ friends to counter them, though. That would make it a much safer affair.

>And Chrysalis even likes to go for walks. It’d be perfect.

“Definitely will do that sometime...”

>You continue towards the mighty apple orchard. You can make out the outskirts of it in the distance.

>Somehow you worry that Applejack won’t be willing to accept you helping at her farm for the day as a sufficient payment, but you push the thoughts back.

>You have to time for neigh saying.

 

>The farm is as you would expect at 5am in the morning.

>Quiet. Empty. Deserted.

>The Apples got up in and around 6am to get to work, as opposed to farmers of other crops, who got up anywhere from now to then.

>Time to get to work, you decide.

>You cross your arms, still tired from your poor sleep the night before. You know you’ll be feeling everything for the next few days. What could you say?

>Poker isn’t a very exhausting sport.

>You gather up a number of the apple buckets that carry, you guessed it, the apples. You figure you’ll start with the closest bunch of trees and work your way down.

>You are partially impressed with how organized the apple orchards are. Multiple rows stretch off into the distance, each a specific type of apple tree. Northern Spies, Golden Delicious... Even some Macintosh.

>You wonder if those are Applejack’s favourite, but mentally remind yourself to avoid making any incest jokes around anyone on this farm. Jimmies being rustled is one thing; broken bones are another.

 

>You quickly determine that kicking the trees is not going to work. The lack of hooves makes ‘bucking’ apples impossible.

>You also note that while you can usually reach up and pick some of the fruit, you can’t get most of them from the ground. Perhaps you can find a ladder?

>You look about the farm for a ladder, but there are none anywhere outside.

>You figure there’s probably one in the barn, but it has a fierce lock keeping it shut. You know damn well you can’t break the lock and you lack the key to get in.

>You actually think of sneaking into the farmhouse to get the key like a super spy golden eye guy. But you aren’t, so you quickly dismiss the idea. Surely there’s a ladder somewhere else on this farm.

>You decide to check the other fields. Despite their name, the Apple family didn’t grow only apples.

>It was just the stunning majority. Further past the hay field they have is a pasture of sorts with a few buildings to house the various sheep, cows and pigs that live here. Hopefully they’d have a ladder you could use.

>Knowing the cows of Ponyville to be almost irritatingly helpful, you hop the fence into their pasture. The big reddish pink building looms over you. Whelp, here goes nothing.

 

>You knock lightly on the doorway, but no answer comes. Unlike the Apple Family barn, this door isn’t locked. Maybe the cows are asleep?

>You slowly push open the door and walk inside. You marvel at how much better this place smells compared to farms back home.

>Clearly the farm animals took great pride in not smelling like shit.

>You look about, seeing numerous pens, full to bursting with cattle. Every last one is asleep.

>That explains the lack of an answer. Thinking better than to actually wake one up, you quietly sneak about the building, trying to find the ladder you require.

>Fortune would smile down upon you this day. Near the far end of the cow’s home is a medium sized stepladder. It’s even has a pair of wheels for easy transport

>You snatch it up, slowly moving it out as you make your escape. Ha, completely undetected!

>”Mm... Excuse me? Who are you?”

>You freeze. In your head, a loud chime sounds. You’ve been spotted!

 

>You slowly turn your head to the source of the sound. Sticking its head through the middle of its pen is a young cow. It lets out a soft yawn.

>Clearly you aren’t the only person here up earlier than normal.

>”Mister? Who are you?”

>You smile nervously. Better make this quick.

“Uh, I’m Anonymous. I need to borrow your ladder. Alright?”

>The calf lazily blinks, nodding slowly. “Well, I’m Besse. Nice to meet you mister...”

>It lets out another yawn, this one much louder. It retracts its head back into the pen. You sigh inwardly, preparing to continue on with your pilfered ladder.

>However, you only get a few steps before you hear a pen open up from behind you. You turn to spot Besse. She slowly makes her way over to you, standing just behind you.

“Um... Hello? What’s up?”

>She yawns once more. She glances upwards to the ceiling, “Nothing I can see, mister.”

>You sigh. Great. Now you have a calf following you around...

 

>Despite the unexpected complication, Besse otherwise doesn’t cause any trouble.

>She stays quiet as you wheel the ladder out of her home. She doesn’t even say anything when you take it out of the pasture proper.

>Unfortunately, she too, stays right by you the entire time, even as you make your way back to the orchards proper. There’s clearly no getting rid of her...

>You arrive back at the tree from before and set up the ladder underneath it. You put a basket in a good spot so you can easily dump apples you pick into it.

>You get to work, quickly clearing a number of branches of their ripe fruit. Before Applejack had become Applerapist, she taught you that you need to twist the stems to get the fruit off without hurting the tree.

>Of course, she usually just kicked the trunk until the apples fell off.

>Despite her sage advice though, these apples seem keen on remaining in place. Blasted things...

>Besse lets out another yawn. Despite being the size of applejack herself, she was apparently only barely Applebloom’s age.

>Regardless, you are making good progress with the fruit. You’ll be done the whole tree in no time!

 

>Some time later you clear off the entire tree of its fruit. This is definitely not easy work...

>Besse yawns for the nth time. She glances over to the baskets of fruit, licking her lips.

“You hungry?”

>She glances over to you, “Uh... Well a little.”

>You lean over the basket snatching up one of the red orbs. You pass it to her. She smiles happily as she chomps the entire thing in a couple bites, core and all.

>You grab another for yourself, wiping it off onto your shirt before you take a bite.

>Ugh... Sour as all hell. What kind of apple is this?

>Perhaps Applejack over there could tell you. Wait. Applejack?

>You turn towards the orange mare. She wears, besides her trademark hat, a very confused expression.

>You smile nervously at her.

“Uh... Good morning Applejack? Nice weather, wouldn’t you say?”

>She frowns, “Mm, yes, Ah suppose so. What exactly are y’all doin’?” You chuckle nervously,

“Helping um... Harvest the apples?”

>Applejack chuckles, “Y’all realize those apples aren’t even ripe, right?” Guess that explains why they’re so sour.

“Yes. I definitely knew that. I was uh... Testing you. Yes.”

 

>She lets out a friendly laugh, “Ah’m sure. Well, since you’re here to help out, why don’t we put these away and get to work on the actual chores?”

>You nod, a bit nervous. You pick up the very heavy basket. It’s definitely a strain on your poor arms.

“Where do you want...”

>”Right this way, partner.” She trots off towards the entrance of the Apple cellar.  With some effort you manage to keep up the pace.

>You place the basket down beside the cellar as she instructs. You let out a sigh of relief. Fucking apples man...

>”Alrighty then, Anon. First an’ foremost, we don’t start the day by harvesting up all the apples. If y’all will follow me...” She begins to trot down back to the pastures and fields where you picked up Besse.

>You shrug. Whatever, as long as you get even.

>”Ya see, Anon, we need to first off make sure all the livestock an’ whatnot ain’t starvin’. So we first off gotta set some food out for ‘em.”

>You nod, understanding. While livestock weren’t ‘bought’ per ce by farmers, they still needed to be kept healthy. A sick cow will not give any milk. At least not drinkable milk.

“Alright. So what do they eat?”

>You look over to Besse, who smiles happily. Guess you’ll soon find out...

 

>Applejack brings all of you back over to the pastures, though this time you’re heading to the pig one first. It is noticeably smaller than the other two.

>Now in the pasture she brings you to a silo of sorts. It has a rather large, blue valve on it, which is locked up by a chain. High security much?

>Applejack flips her hat over, catching it with a hoof. She sticks her face into it, pulling out a keychain.

“Huh. So that’s where you keep your keys...”

>She nods, “Mhm. Amongst other things.” Other things?

>She undoes the lock, granting one access to the valve. She turns to you.

>”Ah need ya to turn this here valve to the right. Normally Ah do it, but...” She holds up her hooves,

“Something tells me your mouth isn’t the best at spinning?”

>She nods somberly. You move in past her to the valve, taking hold of it. With some effort, you spin it to the right as instructed. You can hear numerous things shift from within the silo.

>You turn back to Applejack, who’s silently counting down  the seconds.

>”Alright, Anon, turn it back now.” You quickly comply.

 

>You repeat the process with the other two silos, pouring out food for the various livestock of Sweet Apple Acres.

>Besse departs to go get breakfast, leaving you alone with Applejack. You are a good deal less certain this whole thing is a good deal now that she’s gone.

>Applejack however makes no advances as she brings you over to the vegetable fields.

>She looks up at you, fairly stoic. Like a boss to an employee, actually. “Alright. Now we’ve got to water these here plants. We ain’t rich ya see, so we’ve only got the fancy irrigation whatsits on the big sellers further out.” You nod, looking to the hoses that she points too.

“So we’ve got to do with the old fashioned way. Right.”

>You suppress the urge to groan in dismay. What happened to harvesting the apples?

>You pick up a hose, which Applejack turns on. Water starts to come out of the end. It’s coming out like a sprinkler, actually. Strange.

>Upon closer inspection, they apparently have a nozzle on the end of all the hoses.

>Well, time to work. Hopefully you won’t get too wet...

 

>Unfortunately, you did indeed get wet. It could have been much worse, but either way, your shirt is now sufficiently soaked.

>Applejack laughs, nervous, “Ah’m really sorry about all that that, Anonymous. Didn’t see ya there.”

>You roll your eyes. I’m sure, bro. ‘Cause the tall human with a hose is that hard to miss when you’re watering potatoes.

“Let’s just move on. It’ll dry out in the sun.”

>Applejack nods and you both move on to the next chore of the day. On your way over you spot Big Macintosh doing something in the apple fields, but he’s far too distant to wave to.

>Applejack brings you back over to the pastures. They’ve become quite active since your last visit; everyone is up and mobile

>Applejack leads you around the back of the cow pasture. You wave to Besse when you see her and she mirrors your actions.

>The orange mare brings you into another room with some sort of contraption inside. The milking room.

“So now we milk all the uh... Cows outside?”

>Applejack nods, “Mhm, that’s right. Thanks to this here contraption it’s easier than ever.” She gestures to it proudly.

“I bet it cost quite the pretty penny...”

 

>”Anyhow, Ah’ll get this thing up and running. I need you to get the ladies lined up for milkin’.”

“Um, so just bring them down the path here?”

>Applejack nods. You shrug, heading out. Hopefully they’d cooperate.

>As you reenter the pasture, the many, many cows all turn to you.  You give them a friendly smile,

“Good morning everyone. If all the uh... milk cows could follow me?”

>It seems to work, more or less. The cows fall in line in front of you in some sort of mystical ordering system you didn’t understand.

>The farmers back home would be so jealous of Applejack’s army of talking cows. Herding was a synch!

>The cows ultimate seem all grouped up. You look off to see if there’s any stragglers, but besides some bulls, calves like Besse and a handful of old cows, everyone is present.

>You turn back, leading the herd of bovines down to the milking machine. Inside you spot Applejack who appears to have been waiting on you.

>”Ah see you’ve arrived.”

“So, uh... Now what?”

 

>”Now we gotta make sure the ladies are all secure. Just repeat what ah do.”

>You watch as Applejack and the first cow get set up on the strange machine.

>The cow stands over what appears to be an open hatch. Out from it comes two suction cups, which applejack secures to the cow’s udders. Applejack presses a button on the control panel in front of where she’s standing and the cups seem to stick to the cow.

>She’s clearly done this many times, as she doesn’t reach in the slightest when she’s hooked up.

>Applejack turns to you, gesturing to the control panel, “Y’all will need to press the yellow button ‘ere to secure the girls, alright? Once they’re all set up, press the green button. When they’re done, press the red. Think y’all can handle that?” You nod,

“Seems simple enough. Let’s get started?”

>She nods and starts the suction on her cow. Another one walks over to you, placing itself above the opening like the one before.

>You hook her up and begin the milking process. You note the milk seems to be heading off to a big container in the next room. Hopefully it’s refrigerated...

 

>You both continue to milk the various cows as they shift. Things are going quite smoothly, actually.

>Applejack is focusing solely on the task at hand. While you’re making a good pace, she’s still done far more than you.

>Whatever though. You’ve never done this before.

>Another cow walks up. This one appears a good deal younger than the others.

>”Uh... Howdy. Please be gentle... I’m still not used to this whole thing...”

“I’ll see what I can do...”

>You softly hook her up to the machine. She shudders as you lock the suction cups in place.

“You okay?”

>She nods, “Yes, yes... Let’s just get this over with.” You notice how brightly red her face is painted. Heh.

>You activate the machine and the suction begins. The cow gasps as milk comes out of her big udders.

>Heh. How erotic. Soon enough she’s out of milk and you shut off the machine.

“You alright there?”

>She moos softly, “Yes, I’m good.” She smiles at you, “Same time next week, stud?” You blink, opening your mouth to object, but she’s already off.

 

>Soon enough though, all of the cows are happily milked.

“So, Applejack. What happens to the milk?”

>She stretches out her neck, a loud pop sounding out. “There’s a nice stallion who takes it off our hooves for a nice price. He comes by Fridays. For now, it’ll just rest in the fridge.”

>So it is a fridge. Good to know.

“Alright. So, what’s next?”

>”Well, that depends on how much Big Mac’s gotten through. Let’s find out?”

>You nod, following her out of the milking room.

>She heads down towards the Apple Orchard itself, leading you towards where Big Macintosh had been earlier. As you might expect, he’s not there anymore.

>He’s close though. A quick walk off from his old position is his new position. He’s got a wagon hitched up to himself, full of apple baskets.

>”Mornin’ Mac. How much did ya get through?”

>Macintosh just grunts, “Ain’t many apples this season. Already done for t’day.”

>Applejack seems fairly surprised, but only nods. Well then, guess you’re done?

 

>You relax with Applejack and her brother at a picnic table off from their farmhouse. It’s not even noon and you’re exhausted.

>Farm work is hard stuff, what can you say? Applejack has earned your respect.

>Though that doesn’t mean she’s forgiven in any way for trying to rape you some hundred times. That shit is hard to forget.

“So, that’s all the chores for today already? I figured there’d be uh... more to do.”

>Applejack smiles, “Well for now, not really. Fall’s comin’ though, which means Applebuckin’ season. We’re really busy round then.”

>You nod, faintly remembering the previous Applebuck seasons. The first was... interesting to say the least.

>The second involved a pesky gambit to get you to have sex with Applejack. Thinking about it, you haven’t been at Sweet Apple Acres since then...

>You couldn’t be blamed for that, though. You saw Big Mac in town often and Applebloom more often than not game to you. The only apple you didn’t see much was Granny Smith and you don’t really know her at all.

 

“So Applejack, uh, is it fair to say we’re even?”

>She raises an eyebrow at you, “Even? You mean from yesterday?”

>You nod. She knows then, good. A cyptic thought came to your mind that Ditto or some Black Guard turned into Applejack and saved you, as they can’t just smash the Princess in the face and keep their head.

>Big Mac raises an eyebrow, but like usual, says silent.

“Yeah, from that. That’s uh... why I came by to help out.”

>She nods uncertainly, “Ah see. Well Anon honestly Ah cain’t say that you helpin’ out on the farm for a day really makes us even. Ah did save yer life...”

>Well shit. This entire plan just went down the toilet.

>Silence brain! I’ve got another idea.

“Well, I think I know another way we can get even...”

>Applejack raises a curious eyebrow at this. You rise and outstretch a hand to her. She moves over.

>”Anon? What exactly are ya talkin’-“

“It’s a surprise. You’ll see.”

>She seems unsure, but follows you regardless.

 

>As you return to Ponyville, things are now all in full swing.

>Seeing no reason to marvel in the going-ons of the settlement, you quickly lead Applejack down towards your Plan B.

>You arrive outside the building in a few minutes. You turn to the country mare and gesture to it.

>She doesn’t seem particularly impressed. “The Spa?”

“Yes. The Spa. Last time I checked, you mares loved the Spa.”

>She shrugs, “Ah don’t really go to the Spa all that much, Anon.”

“Exactly, which is why I’m taking you, to get even. Come inside?”

>You put on a smile for her to hide your desperation. She seems to buy it.

>”Well, Ah guess. But I don’t really think this will mak-“

“You’ll change your mind after the deluxe treatment. On me.”

>You head inside, Applejack right behind you. You wonder how much this ‘Deluxe’ treatment will cost. Not that it’d be an issue. If worst came to worst, you’d just play poker with Chrysalis.

>She wouldn’t stand a chance.

 

>Inside is what you would expect. The counter is staffed by Aloe, who waves as you enter.

>While in no way a user of their facilities, the twins have taken quite the liking to you.

“Good morning, Aloe.”

>You wait for Applejack to catch up to you. She smiles nervously at Aloe who just smiles brightly. You look over to their specials.

>After spending a few seconds determining the most in depth (and of course, most expensive) treatment, you turn to Aloe

“My friend here is in need of your best treatment. Leave absolutely /nothing/ out.”

>Aloe nods, getting out from behind the counter. She stands before the path downstairs, “If you would follow me?”

>Applejack reluctantly walks down the steps to the Spa proper. Considering you can’t just sit around up here all day, you go with.

>Downstairs, everything is more or less how it was the last time you were here.

>Except without the customers.

>Clearly the Spa Twins are having a slow day. Or perhaps their customers come in later on.

>It’s not like you actually come here for treatment.

 

>You sit down on a bench of sorts while Aloe passes Applejack over to Lotus.

>Lotus seems quite impressed that Applejack is getting the deluxe package. You swear Lotus said to her, “I see you’re warming up to us!”

>Applejack denies such claims, earning herself a cute pout from Lotus. Ha, what a silly pony.

>You let out a sigh as they get started. This would probably take awhile to get through. You turn to your side, spotting Aloe.

“So, how long do these treatments usually take?”

>”For what you’ve got planned, a few hours at least. You’re really spoiling her, Anonymous.”

“I owe her a favour, so this is it. From what I’ve heard, the mares love this place.”

>Aloe nods, “Mm, yes.”

>Aloe takes a seat beside you, looking you over. You raise an eyebrow in response.

“Um... What’s up?”

>She frowns at you, “We do have colt specialties I think you would like. You could use them.”

“Me? Get Spa treatment? Seriously? Haha. No.”

 

>She rolls her eyes, not ready to surrender quite yet.

>”Are you sure, Anonymous?” She pokes your chest, “I am a veteran of this industry; I know when someone needs some treatment...”

“Well I’m the master of my body and I say no.”

>She chuckles, “How about we play cards then? If I win you go through the same thing Applejack’s going through.”

“And if I win?”

>”Then both treatments are free, assuming you go through it too.” You chuckle.

>The fool. She’s already lost.

“If you’ve got cards, then sure. But don’t think I’ll go easy on you. I always play to win.”

>She gets up, leading you to a table. She fetches a deck of cards from a desk and sits with you. She turns to look at another pony you haven’t seen before.

>”Roxie, go take over upstairs, yes?” The purple maned mare nods and trots off upstairs.

“So, what shall we play?”

>”Hm... I think I know exactly the game...”

 

>One painless game of ‘Asshole’ later... [spoiler] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asshole_(card_game)[/spoiler]

>You smile deviously, victorious.

>Despite Vera and Quake both joining in, you still managed a total shutout in the first five rounds.

“Don’t be sad girls... and Quake. It’s not that you’re bad, it’s just I’m way too good.”

>Aloe rolls her eyes, gathering up the cards, “You just got lucky.”

“Guess I’m always lucky then. Anyhow, thanks for the game.”

>Vera, mysteriously mute the entire game, lets out her first noise of the day: a sigh.

>Quake just grunts and moves over to his post. Seems Applejack’s about to get a massage.

>Aloe stretches herself out, “So, I guess you’ll just be sitting about then? Or have you changed your mind?”

>You place a hand on your chin, thinking it through. Well hey, it was free.

“Eh... Well I suppose just a little wouldn’t hurt. But I’m not getting undressed for nothing, alright?”

>She nods, “Mm, yes. Probably a bad idea with... You know who here.”

>Finally, someone who knew of your eternal suffering. You’re almost certain Aloe if trying to become your next bro. Hey, a Spa bro could be useful.

 

>She takes you over to one of the multiple chairs customers lounge in while getting various things done to them. You sit down.

>She snatches up some sort of kit, opening it up. After some digging, she pulls out a nail file. A big one, at that.

>”Give me one of your hands.”

>Reluctantly, you pass a hand over to her. She starts to go through various motions to clean up the nails themselves and more or less everything.

>Ten minutes later, you find yourself staring at your dextrous constructs in awe.

>”Anonymous? Are you alright?” You shake your head

“My hands have never been clean and pristine. You are a champion, my friend.”

>You pat her on the head with your newly restored hands. She smiles awkwardly at your touch.

“...Seriously. How did you do that?”

>”It is part of our training.”

“But ponies don’t even have hands...”

>She giggles, “We don’t serve only Ponies, you know.”

>That makes a good deal of sense, actually. Gryphons for one are known for their big hand-like claws. Perhaps there are other ‘handy’ races out there.

 

>Some hours later both you and Applejack happily left the Ponyville Spa.

>You turn to your unlikely companion, smiling. [spoiler][/spoiler]“So, Applejack...”

>”Yeah Anonymous?”

>”Are we even now?”

>She looks off, frowning. “No.”

>You groan, pretty much expecting this answer, though you still had hoped...

>Great. What else would you be able to do for this mare to get even without going against your morals?

>Well, clearly there is nothing else you can do. Time to face the inevitable.

>”Anonymous?”

“Applejack?”

>”Ah know what Ah want from you, Anonymous. Would you like to know?”

“If it’s /anything/ sexual in nature, I’m walking. I’ve told you before, Applejack...”

>She shakes her head, “Nothin’ sexual, Ah promise.”

>Somehow, you doubt that.

“Alright, what is it?”

>”Heh. Lets head over to yer place and Ah’ll tell you all about on it on the way there. Sound good?”

>You shrug. It actually doesn’t sound good at all.

“Fine.”

 

>Reluctantly, you bring Applejack to your house of... well, nothing really comes to mind. You take a note to determine a valid adjective to describe your home with later.

>”Yaknow Anon, y’all never told me how you ended up with this here house...”

“Yep.”

>She frowns, “Well aren’t ya gonna tell me?”

“Nope.”

>She rolls her eyes, somewhat disappointed.

>You arrive and quickly enter inside. Through some divine miracle none of the ponies you knew saw you as you walked through Ponyville.

>Or they did and didn’t try to help you. What wonderful friends you have!

>The foyer is primarily empty. Except well, Ditto in transit to the kitchen. He turns to you...

>...And immediately spots Applejack. “Anonymous! Look out!”

>You try to hold up a hand in protest, but Ditto is already holding Applejack down with his green magic. It’s not holding up very well from the Earth Pony’s struggling.

“Damnit Ditto! Cut that shit out!”

>He looks at you incredulously. “But Anonymous, she is the enemy!”

“Not right now, she isn’t. Let her go, or I will tell Pinkie about the pictures you have of her!”

>The commander pales, magic dissipating. “Right away.”

 

>You turn to the country pony, putting on your best apologetic face.

“Sorry about that. You know how uh, military people get.”

>She grunts, shooting Ditto a dirty look. “Not particularly.”

>You sigh, moving deeper into your home. Applejack follows right behind you.

>You enter the living room, noting the lack of a certain Changeling Queen. At least that makes it easier to do this...

>You take a seat in your mighty chair of unbreakable indestructibility. Applejack remains standing, more or less in front of you.

“Tell me, oh grower of fruit. What can Sensei Anonymous teach to you?”

>She raises an eyebrow at your bad attempt at a Japanese accent. “Well, Anonymous. You know how Ah’m considered one of the best cooks in all a’ Ponyville, yes?”

“I’d probably say /the/ best, but yes. What about it?”

>She breaks eye contact, looking downward sheepishly. “Well, Ah have a confession to make...”

“That your coat isn’t naturally orange?”

>She gives you a deadpan stare. “...Ah don’t even want to know.” You shrug in response.

“Well then, what?”

 

>She sighs, “Ah haven’t the slightest clue how to cook eggs...”

>She closes her eyes, awaiting your disapproving remarks. Honestly, if there’s anything you’d comment on, it’s her tactics when trying to get a stallion.

>She opens an eye, looking towards you. She opens the other.

>”Aren’t ya gonna say anything ‘bout that?”

“Not particularly. Why?”

>She just blinks, absolutely lost. Clearly this is much more important to her than you initially believed.

“So, what does being inept at eggmaking have to do with the fav-“

>Oh. Well that answered itself.

“You want me to teach you how to make eggs.”

>Despite being a statement, not a question, she still nods. You groan. And to think! You might have actually gotten through this week without running out of fucking eggs.

>You go through those things way too fast for your own good.

>Perhaps you should consider getting alternative breakfast foods. Dinky and Derpy would undoubtedly get tired of eggs eventually.

>”Uh, Anonymous? Y’all alright?”

>Slowly, you nod. You take another note to stop dazing off when talking to someone.

 

>You take Applejack into your kitchen. Knowing firsthand the strength of her kicks, you don’t make any jokes about mares in kitchens.

“Alright, eggs are in the fridge. Fetch me a pack, yes?”

>She nods, opening up your fridge and retrieving the eggs as commanded.

>You take the objects from her, placing them onto the counter.

“Alright, so what exactly did you want to learn about cooking eggs?”

>She smiles nervously, “Everything, Anon.”

>You sigh. This would take a while. And a lot of fucking eggs.

/Hours Later/

>After an exhausting afternoon of cooking nothing but eggs, Applejack finally became capable of making the simplest of egg concoctions.

>Good timing too, you’re out of fucking eggs.

>”Applejack, by order of Princess Nympha, you are under arrest!”

>You both collectively blink, slowly turning to the doorway of your kitchen.

>There stands a trio of Black Guard change marines. These fuckers again?

“Can’t let you do that, change marine.”

>”And why is that, human?”

“Because you need to eat all the food we made.”

>You gesture to the two plates full of various egg meals of highly varying quality. The change marines turn away, huddling up in discussion.

>”Very well. You are pardoned. This time.”

 

>You sit back into your armchair, Applejack snatching up a seat on your couch.

>For whatever reason, Changelings seem completely unable to resist cooked eggs. Didn’t they have chickens down in their Hive Clusters?

>Either way, you and your ex-rapist are getting along fairly well, watching some stupid shows about stupid ponies doing stupid things, often to other stupid ponies.

>”Oh man, look at him run.” Applejack laughs at the newest stupid activity. You chuckle, partially happy to see she’s happy without needing to violate your space to do so.

>What happened to you two? When you first came to Equestria Applejack was always friendly, but not out to fuck you.

>Clearly something changed. You want to know why she’s after you so badly, but you doubt any good will come of asking her. Ignorance is bliss, after all.

>Applejack calms down, still smiling happily. She turns to you.

>You manage to give her a smile of your own, but she can see how strained it is.

>She sighs. “Anonymous, Ah suppose Ah may as well say this now...”

>You remain silent as Applejack gets up, walking over to your seat.

 

>She gets up onto her hind legs, fore hooves placing themselves on the arm of your chair.

>She looks up at you eventually. Your jimmy deflector shields are at full power. You can handle anything at this point.

>”You know, after everything, Ah still have uh... Feelings for you, right?”

“I figured as much.”

>She nods, “Well... Ah know I probably don’t deserve anything like this, after what Ah’ve put you and yer friends through...”

>You expression remains stoic as she speaks, but you already know where she’s going with this.

>And your answer would be the same.

>”...But do you think y’all could maybe give me a chance? Just once?”

>She gives you her version of the puppy dog look, though it’s not really effective. A bit cute, but not enough. If you don’t taste the sugar then clearly she’s not doing it right.

>You place a hand onto your chin, mock contemplating her offering. Who the hell does she think you are?

>”Anonymous? Please?” Begging now? Oh boy, here we go.

>You hear her shuffle a bit and as you turn back you see she’s now sitting up on your chair’s arm. You’re face to face...

“Applejack, I...”

 

>She cuts you off with a fairly desperate kiss. God damnit Applejack!

>She falls into your lap, holding your head in place as she tries to break past your teeth with her tongue. Nope.avi.jar.exe

>She continues to push forward, pushing you into the back of your chair. Enough is fucking enough.

>You push the mare’s chest, attempting to throw her off of you. It isn’t as effective as you hoped.

>The kiss is at least broken. You glare at the orange mare who glares back at you. However, her hind legs are locked tightly just above your waist. She isn’t going anywhere.

“Applejack, what the fuck!”

>”Anon, Ah knew you would say no! Ah can’t let that happen!”

“Well too fucking bad. No. I will /never/ give you a chance.”

>She groans in dismay, face contorted into a furious display of fury. “Damnit Anonymous! Ah ain’t budgin’ till you fuck me!”

>Oh really? Let’s see about that.

“Hey! Ditto! Change Marin-“

>You’re cut off from a sudden headbutt from the pesky countrypony. Your vision goes blurry from the strong attack. You look up at Applejack who’s glaring at you.

>She seems to glow green before you pass out.

 

>You awake some time later. You honestly have no idea how long it’s been.

>Groaning you attempt to sit up, but your head makes clear that your ass ain’t goin’ fuckin’ nowhere.

>”Anonymous? Guys, he’s waking up!”

>A voice. So familiar? Who is that?

>You turn your head slightly to try and get a good luck at who’s yelling in your... wherever.

>You spot a familiar, cyan face, crowned with a mysterious Rainbow coloured mane.

“Rainbro?”

>She smiles at you, clearly worried for your safety. Good thing you have your bros...

>But she’s not the only pony in the room. No, indeed, most of your friends are here to make sure you’re alright. Twilight, Derpy, Rarity, Pinkie, Ditto...

>And Chrysalis. Unlike the others, who are happy to see you are alive, she seems actually upset.

>Though upon closer inspection, it’s not entirely angry upset. In fact, it’s more ‘worried upset’ than anything.

“Hey, Chrys... What’s up?”

>She sighs, “Anonymous, you are such a foal.” You let out a bitter chuckle.

“Baby, you’re just mad that you aren’t on my level.”

 

>Eventually you manage to sit up properly without your head exploding from the pain.

>Who would have guessed Applejack has such a thick skull. Well, then again...

>Either way, she’s gone.

>Soon enough your friends all filed out, no longer needing to chill out, max and relax all cool at your house. That left you with Derpy, Rainbro, Ditto and of course, Chrysalis.

>You let Derpy take your armchair, as you didn’t want to bother getting up to go to it. She seems comfy inside it.

>Chrysalis as you’d expect is right beside you, though closer than she usually is. She’s practically leaning onto you.

>Your bro is on your other side, Ditto beside her.

“So, anyone care to explain what happened after I passed out?”

>Ditto nods, “The Change Marines removed Applejack from your person and delivered her to the proper authorities for punitive treatment.”

“Which authorities?”

>Ditto blinks at your inquiry. “Uh... The Ponyville ones. Why?”

>You sigh, disappointed. You half hoped they’d deliver her to Nympha so she could make her actually pay for her crimes.

>And to think. The two of you were getting along so well...