Anon and Chrysalis Ch 08

The Marvellous Mishaps of Anon and Chrysalis

Chapter 8: When the Moon doesn't even, you know you're being a hipster.

 

>It had been a week since your adventure at Stone Falls. Blinkie had sent a letter already, telling you all about what she and her family had been up too.

>Having done nothing of note in that week, you had yet to respond.

>However, the coming Saturday would be a very special day. And probably an absolute disaster as well.

>It was, of course, your birthday.

>While the year before you had tried to keep the fact secret, Pinkie inadvertently found out, throwing you a party so huge you would still be engulfed even if you had stayed at home.

>Instead, this time you will face it head on, and host your own party.

>The meeting you had called would soon begin. Sitting in your overlord armchair, you glance to your troops.

>The mighty Queen Chrysalis was closest to you. She had sent off her second letter to Princess Celestia, though Twilight had berated her for talking about 'the dangerous of getting drunk out of your face' instead of the lessons she had learned because of it.

>Celestia was happy either way. And a happy sun meant no sunburn.

>Usually.

>Ditto sat beside Rainbro, who was furthest away. His 'relationship' with Pinkie had unfortunately fizzled out during the week. It seemed that by the time he realized his feelings for Pinkie, Pinkie had realize she wasn't really interested in anything more than a friendship.

>Ditto hadn't taken the news well. His sleep had become poor and he was more quiet than usual. No more fun times it would seem.

 

"Thank you all for coming on such short notice. As you know, on Saturday I will be celebrating my [spoiler]DATA EXPUNGED[/spoiler] birthday. Together, we shall ensure it will go off without a hitch."

>Chrysalis rolls her eyes at your drama, "Mhm. You know, it doesn't have to be a big party. That would cut down on potential disasters rather quickly."

"I'm not allowed to invite my friends to my own birthday party? Lets be serious, Chrys."

>Rainbro nods in agreement, "Yeah, everyp0ny Anon knows has to come. It's like, required."

>Ditto frowns at her, "Is it really now?"

"Yes. It is. If I don't invite them, they'll think I don't care about them. And that's terrible."

>Ditto nods understanding, "Well let's at least keep it reasonable. For example, we should not produce cakes above the number one."

>Chrysalis pouts sarcastically, "What? But I wanted forty cakes..." You laugh,

"Mhm. That's as many as four tens."

>Unfortunately your reference falls flat. To be expected, sadly.

"But Chrys, don't worry about the party being all big. Besides you three, I'm only inviting, Twilight, Rarity, Pinkie, Lyra, and Derpy. So it'll be the nine of us."

>Chrysalis shrugs, "Very well. I can't exactly stop you."

"No. You can't."

 

>With the guest complication out of the way, you delegate various duties to your faithful minions.

>Rainbro, who was superb at going fast, would give out the invitations.

>Chrysalis would decorate your home to an optimal manner. You'd assist her after obtaining the cake you commisioned from the cakes earlier that week.

>And Ditto's job was to keep Applejack and Fluttershy the hell away from your house while all this was going on.

>Only they would tastes the bitter sting of defeat. Your jimmies would be kept pure and stable.

>Though considering Ditto's lack of enthusiasm, you question how effective it'll be.

>If all else fails you figure you could have him turn into a machine gun or something. That would keep the dastardly duo away.

>Or well, Fluttershy. Applejack seemed to have disappeared off the radar, thus far. You should of spent the minerals required to upgrade it when you had them. Oh well.

>With the plans out of the way, you got busy signing the invitations you had gotten.

>Unlike Pinkie, you had no plans on actually making unique invitations by hand and then personally delivering them with a song. That wasn't your shtick.

>Signing the last one, you place the sack into a small bag, handing it to Rainbro.

"Good luck, soldier. The Empire is counting on you."

>Chrysalis rolls her eyes at your antics. Rainbro salutes, half seriously.

>"You can count on me, Anon. No worries."

>She hops up, slinging the bag over her shoulder like Derpy and is off.

>Now for the cake...

 

>You and Chrysalis head for the door. She felt it is "necessary to ensure your protection."

>Most likely just an excuse to not decorate until you got there. Then again, considering her room's 'design scheme...' Black and Green streamers were not really your idea of celebratory.

>So she came with you. P0nyville seemed pretty much incapable of getting over her, though. While you were accepted because you were known to not be evil, Chrysalis was notorious as 'the evil thing that tried to blow up Canterlot.'

>Political incorrectness aside, only your personal friends seemed able to accept her for who she was.

>Though she wasn't the friendless creature in the world, that much you'd admit. But she was at least nicer than before.

>And that's what counts!

>Travelling by a number of houses, other ponies doing their various chores kept their distance from the two of you. Or at least most of them did.

>Carrot Top has gathered quite a bit of bravery, clearly, approaching you. You look to her but maintain your advance.

>"Good morning Anonymous and uh... Chrysalis, was it?" The Queen nods in confirmation.

"Hi Carrot Top. What's up?"

>She walks with you. "Well, I heard from Pinkie that apparently your birthday is coming up..."

>You nod in confirmation, [spoiler][/spoiler]"Yep, this Saturday."

>She smiles at you, "Well congratulations! Hope you have a good time." She breaks off, heading in a different direct, "Anyhow, I'll see you later! I need to buy a few things..."

>You nod, and soon enough she's gone.

 

>You enter Sugarcube Corner. It's not particularly busy today, which is good.

>Chrysalis generally scares off a good chunk of their customers if she's around.

>You approach the the front counter. Mrs. Cake is running the show this time, "Hi Anonymous? Here for your cake?" You nod.

"Yep. We'll be out of your mane as soon as we get it."

>Mrs. Cake glances to Chrysalis, nodding. She heads off to the kitchen to get your cake. Mmm... You can imagine how delicious it will be.

>Instead of the blue mare though, Pinkie shows up, cake balanced on top of her head. She better not drop your cake...

>"Hi Anon! Here's your cake. Extra icing and everything!" You snatch up the cake from her poofy mane.

"Extra icing? I don't remember asking for extra icing..."

>Chrysalis smirks, "Oh that was me." You turn to face her. She smiles. "I figured such a big boy would want lots of icing on his cake. Don't want to disappoint the mares, right Anon?"

>Pinkie giggles at your plight. You don't even give Chrysalis a response, instead turning towards the door.

>Chrysalis follows you out, laughing the entire way home.

>Fucking Changelings.

 

>As you approach your home, you spot Ditto speaking with Fluttershy. Of course.

>Fluttershy is apparently trying to woo Ditto to get inside. She's got a box on her back. Some sort of gift?

>"...So if you could let me in really quickly so I could put Anon's gift inside..." She looks down, blushing, "I could make it worth your while."

"Hello Fluttershy. Got me a gift, I see. Thank you."

>She turns to you, surprised. Ditto probably saw you coming, as your words elicted no response.

"Chrysalis, could you grab that for me?"

>She sighs, horn lighting up. The Box floats over to her, landing between her wings. She shoots Fluttershy a cold look, causing her to flinch.

>"Oh Anon! I... Uh... Your welcome! I hope you like it!" She looks down at the ground, backing away.

>She shoots you a last smile then flies off. Bad sign.

"Ugh. We'll deal with her 'present' later. Right now we have decorations. Chrys?"

>"Yes, yes. I'm coming." She trots inside after you, nodding at Ditto.

>Your earlier doubts of his performance dismissed, you quickly store your cake inside the fridge.

>You turn to Chrysalis.

"Let's get decorating!"

>She grunts, "Well, if you insist."

 

>Despite Chrysalis' lack of effort and general inability to understand your brilliant and superior human sense of style, you managed to get everything set up.

>You sit down into your armchair. Now you'd just have to survive until tomorrow. You glance towards Chrysalis,

"Thanks for the hand, Chrysalis. That would have taken forever without you."

>She smiles, "Mmm. Yes. I'm quite useful, aren't I?" Ego or not, she was extremely helpful. Who knew another two feet of reach would go such a long way. You yawn, streching out your arms.

>"So, Anonymous, what would you like to do now? The day is still young, and it's your birthday tomorrow."

>You think about her offer. What could they do? Ditto was on guard and generally unhappy. Rainbro was going fast. Hm.

>You look at Chrysalis. She smirks at you. "Anything you want, Anon. Absolutely anything."

"Hm..."

>You smile deviously at her. This would be good. You rise, heading upstairs. Chrysalis follows.

>In your room, you open up a drawer, accessing a number of photos you had taken while in Ponyville. You pull out one of a specific yellow mare in a blue jumpsuit.

>Spitfire.

"Turn in to her."

>Chrysalis raises an eyebrow at you, but complies. She tests out her voice a bit, to see how she sounds. "So now what?"

"Now, we wait."

 

>Rainbow Dash smiles, finally finished with all of Anon's invitations. Reaching his house, she spots Ditto.

>"Hey Ditto. Anything interesting happen while I was out?"

>He shrugs, not really focusing on her. "Fluttershy visited. Had a gift. She's gone now."

>Rainbow pats him on his back, "Come on Ditto, cheer up. There's lots of fish in the sea!"

>He looks at her, confused. "What does that have to do with anything? I don't eat fish."

>Rainbow Dash takes a second to comprehend his statement. She rolls her eyes, finally understanding. "No, that's not what I meant. I'm talking about... Oh nevermind." She sighs, exasperated.

>She looks off, "Look, how about we go inside. I'm sure Anon has something that can cheer you up."

>"I'm on duty."

>She grabs on of his hooves, pulling him from his stance. "Not anymore, Ditto. Come on. I'll get you a drink."

>He seems uncertain about this. "Uh... I'm not supposed to drink anymore..."

>"You'll be fine."

>She knocks on the front door, Ditto right behind her. It opens.

>You look down at Rainbow Dash, [spoiler][/spoiler]"Oh hey there, Rainbro. We have a 'visitor.'"

>"Hm? What?"

"She's in the living room. Go say hi."

>You stifle a laugh. Oh this would be good. Rainbow Dash hovers off to the living room.

"Hey Ditto. What's up?"

>"I am not sure, honestly. Apparently I've been relieved."

 

>"Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!"

>You laugh a bit. Hook line and sinker.

"Come on in. You'll want to see this."

>You turn back towards the inside, Ditto hovering beside you.

>Inside your living room is a glorious sight. Rainbow Dash is gushing over the fact 'Spitfire' is in your home. Oh man.

>"Who is that?"

>Rainbow gives him an disturbed look. Chrysalis, now that Rainbow was distracted, changes her eyes to her natural colors. Ditto seems to understand.

>"This, Ditto, is Spitfire, captain of the wonderbolts? You know, the greatest flying team in all of Equestria?"

>Ditto looks at her uncertain, "I have never heard of them."

>'Spitfire' stiffles a laugh. Oh, the joys of trolling.

>Rainbow Dash just looks at him, shocked. You take a seat beside Chrysalis, laughing.

>Rainbow glares at you, "That isn't funny, Anonymous! This is a serious problem!" You manage to stop laughing for long enough to spit out,

"A serious problem, huh? Well, better start teaching Ditto then!"

>Rainbow smiles, "Good idea Anon! Ditto, come on!"

>She flies off, Ditto being dragged behind her. Oh man, this was hilarious.

 

>Chrysalis and you share a glorious laugh. Oh man, her face when.

>You feel a bit bad for using Rainbro's love of the Wonderbolts like this. But you figure she'll be a good sport about the prank anyhow.

>Besides, it gave her an excuse to show off her plethora of Wonderbolts merchandise and informational videos. Better Ditto than you.

>Especially since you'd probably fall out of her house without that cloudwalk spell.

>Calming your ass down, you feel hooves on your chest. You look down at 'Spitfire, who has taken a seat in your lap.

"So 'Spitfire,' who should we go prank next?"

>She smiles up at you, "Why's it gotta a prank? why can't we have some... 'Fun' together?"

>...Wait a sec are you trying to rustle my jimmies?

>You laugh awkwardly for her, her form flickering back into the real Queen.

>With her in your lap she's actually a bit taller than you. She smiles deviously.

>"Anonymous, do you think I'm pretty?"

>Yep, definitely trying to rustle your jimmies. Two can play this game.

"Eh, you look okay. I think Twilight has a better manecut, personally."

>Chrysalis pouts, shimmering into Twilight Sparkle.

>"How about we do some 'studying' upstairs, Anon? I'd love to do some research on you humans."

>You frown. You were defiantly not having sex with Chrysalis. Especially not while she was fucking Twilight Sparkle.

"...Do those voice impressions come with the spell, or are you just really good?"

>She smirks, "Perhaps a bit of both."

 

/Meanwhile at the Cutie Mark Crusaders clubhouse/

>Applebloom found herself pacing. She usually did not pace unless she was thinking.

>And today she was thinking about a good number of things.

>However, one thought stood out from the others; Scootaloo's master list of 'things to try' to obtain their cutie marks had finally run out. They had quite literally tried everything.

>Even being royalty. Applejack wasn't exactly fond of being bossed around by 'Queen Bloom.'

>Scootaloo was sitting on a beanie chair in a corner. Just like Applebloom, she was unhappy at the turn of events. "Man... Now what do we do..."

>As if to answer her prayers, Sweetie Belle then burst in. Smiling madly, she quickly ran up to her friends. "Girls! I've got it!"

>Applebloom was not so quick to share her friend's enthusiasm. "Got it? What exactly have ya got, Sweetie Belle?"

>"A way to find our cutie marks!" She grins happily, but Scootaloo simply groans.

>"Sweetie Belle, we've been through this. Every possible thing we could get a cutie mark for has been tried. There's /nothing/ left."

>Sweetie gives her comrade a smug grin, "By the contrary! I know one thing we haven't tried yet! And since we've tried everything else, this one /has/ to be our special talent!"

>Applebloom seemed somewhat interested now. "Alrighty then; what's your idea?"

>Scootaloo joins her friends, their united happiness cheering her up somewhat.

>"It's simple girls! We have to be Cutie Mark Crusaders Changelings!"

 

>Somehow, you had spent the entire afternoon watching Chrysalis do impressions of every mare in town. And a few stallions.

>Chrysalis wasn't particularily comfortable doing those, though. Probably had to do with having the wrong privates.

>...She had been sure to make those parts rather visible, actually. It was actually a bit annoying.

>Your door bell rings out, your previous thoughts dispelled. Time for feathers!

>Quickly heading over you open the door. The sight you find is... Not what you expected.

>It was most definately not Fluttershy. Or a pegasus at all for that matter.

>It was your friendly neighborhood mint colored Unicorn. Lyra Heartstrings

>But that wasn't the worst of it. For whatever reason, she was wearing a rather peculiar outfit.

"Uh hi Lyra. Nice shirt? ...And pants."

>Lyra smiles, "Oh! You noticed! Ha, thanks Anonymous!" You notice her 'hands' are gone. Bonbon probably smashed them into paste.

"So, what brings you over this way? The party isn't until tomorrow, you know."

>She nods, "Yeah I know. I uh... Wanted to ask you something first, though."

>Oh good. Rustling.

"Uh... I guess. What's up?"

>You cross your arms, your face questioning. She smiles shying, look away. "Well, you know how you wear pants, right?"

>Despite your rustling detector blaring, you nod. Where was she going with this?

 

>"Well uh..." She shifts her hindquarters slightly, "Wearing these, it doesn't seem... Right."

"Ponies generally don't wear pants, Lyra. That might be why."

>She shakes her head, "N-No! I mean... I think I'm missing something." Uh...

>"So um... Is there something you like wear underneath them?"

"Uhh... Like underwear?"

>Lyra nods, "Yeah! Stuff underneath!" ...Did ponies seriously not know what underwear is?

>Actually no, they did not, considering you had to explain what the fuck boxers were to Rarity back when you had first arrived.

>You actually had to give her your only pair so she could replicate it. It was not exactly a comfortable proceeding.

"...Lyra. Under my pants I wear clothes called underwear."

>Lyra nods. "Okay. Could you show me?"

>Bitch did you just ask that shit?

>Clearly a mind reader, she catches what she said, "Uh... You know like, other pairs you have upstairs!"

>That's better. Not much, but still.

>You sigh. [spoiler][/spoiler]"I guess. Follow me."

>You lead her inside. Chrysalis, who was actually Bonbon at the time gazes questioningly at you.

>...Lying on her back, all spread out, you're lucky Lyra didn't see you. That would of been a Mass Effect 3 ending level shitstorm right there.

 

>Up in your room, you open up one of your drawers. You pull out one of the many boxers Rarity had created.

>Considering how awkward the first time was, you bought them in bulk. You had enough underwear to last you three months before needing to clean them.

>You hold up the boxers in front of Lyra. You can't believe you're seriously doing this shit.

"This is a pair of boxers. It's a type of underwear."

>She nods, soaking in the knowledge. If Lyra were Twilight, you knew for certain she'd be taking notes.

>"So that's just one type? What are some others?"

>You roll your eyes. Of fucking course. [spoiler][/spoiler]"There's a bunch of other types, but I don't wear them, so it doesn't really matter."

>She seems confused at your statement, "It doesn't?" You shake your head.

"Well, you're only wearing clothes to be more like me, the world's only human. So you don't need to wear other types of underwear."

>She blushes as you unravel her oh so devious plot. It wasn't exactly hard to figure out.

>She glances off, "Well... Could I have a pair, maybe? I uh... Will need a reference to have more made." She smiles up at you.

>Never in your life did you think you'd have a female of any species /asking/ for your underwear. You can't tell if you should be honored, disturbed, or gusta.

>So instead, you toss the underwear onto her face, feeling a mixture of all three. But primarily disturbed.

>Seriously, what the fuck?

 

>...Actually, no. Withdraw that what the fuck.

>Lyra took the boxers in mouth, getting them off her face. Blushing, she stands up onto her hind legs. Most ponies couldn't actually stand like this for more than a few seconds. You are mildly impressed.

>For the first time, you see her horn light up, giving off light greenish yellow glow.

>Crossing your arms, you watch the mare undo her pants button. Why did she bother with pants that had buttons?

>You had seen Rarity's mother that one time; her pants had no such contraptions.

>Though her pants were specially designed pony pants, being actual pants as opposed to your mighty jeans.

>But regardless, you intently watch the mare take off her jeans. She glances up at you, her blush growing.

"You could have asked me to leave, you know..."

>She squeaks a tad, but continues in her quest. She drops the boxers onto the floor, stepping into them. She tries to reach down for them, but they are beyond her forehooves abilities.

>Sighing, her horn lights up again, slowly pulling up the underwear. They were...

>Big. Way too big. But she seemed happy.

>"So uh... This is how you wear them, right?" Her horn's magic cuts out, the boxers falling right off with them.

>You laugh at her plight,

"Only if you're a gangster."

 

>Regardless, Lyra was confident she could wear them out. Your rustles only suffered minor jimmies damage, everything went better than expected.

>Walking down the stairs, you lead Lyra towards the door, but she finds herself distracted.

>"Huh? Bonbon? What are you doing in Anon's house? ...What are you doing...?"

>You pause, looking into the room. Chrysalis, who had seen no reason to return to her normal form, was sitting on her back, watching something on TV.

>...Considering where that hoof was, it was probably those 'special' channels Rainbro had gotten for you, despite your objections.

"That's not Bonbon, Lyra. That's Chrysalis."

>She turns to you, confused. 'Bonbon' seems unable to move from the position she's in.

>"But... Why is she Bonbon? There's no reason for her to be Bonbon..."

"She's practicing impressions. We should uh... go."

>Lyra blinks, "Wait, impressions?" She smiles, "Cool! Bonbon has been trying to get a voice acting job for ages! Think you could let me hear a few voic-"

>Lyra yelps as you pick her up. Grunting, you manage to get a grip on her and begin to walk towards the door.

>She blushes as you walk. You were holding her like you would a baby; one hand on her back, another on her...

>You shake your head. The feels that much be going on in her mind...

>You open the door, but are intercepted by Rainbro and Ditto, who was actually smiling for once.

>...Though it didn't last.

 

>"Uh... Anon? Lyra? What's going on?"

>You ignore her, walking right past. You place Lyra on the ground, pat her head, and walk back inside.

>Ditto and Rainbro just shrug, walking in after you. Lyra's blush does not subside.

>"...Oh man... I gotta tell Bonbon about this one for sure." She trots off.

>Inside, it was time to confront the Queen of Darkness. You enter your living room, giving her a 'bitch are you for real face.'

>She's returned to her normal form, sitting up slightly. She's blushing furiously, looking away. The TV is now off.

"Have fun?"

>"...That wasn't what it looked like."

>You cross your arms, not buying it. Rainbro and Ditto quickly followed in behind you.

"Then what exactly were you doing?"

>She shifts, "I'm not really sure. I think it had to do with that Stallion on TV..."

>Curious, you turn the TV back on.

>You spot a very masculine pony in a towel. He starts talking about what your colt could smell like.

>You glance to Chrysalis, who's eyes were locked on the being.

>Rainbro was much the same. Ditto looks up at you,

>"Anonymous? What exactly is going on?" You shrug

"I have no idea."

 

>With much effort, you were eventually managed to pry the two away from the TV. Chrysalis had pretty much fused with the remote; you couldn't just turn it off.

>Now sitting in the kitchen, you pour yourself a glass of scotch.

"Now, can someone explain what the fuck all that was about?"

>The two mares share an awkward glance. Rainbro is the first to speak, "That guy... Is..."

>"Incomprehensible." You roll your eyes

"Rainbro, I wan't that channel gone."

>She smiles up at you, "Uh, you sure, Anon? It'd probably be great for distracting Fluttersh-"

"Get rid of it. In fact, go do that now."

>She sighs, "Fine..." She hops up, flying off.

>You take a drink. Ah, good times.

>You notice Ditto is eyeing your drink uncomfortable. You pour him a glass.

"Go nuts, kid."

>He takes it, unamused, "I am older than you, Anonymous." You roll your eyes,

"Pony years are not the same as Human years."

>He takes a drink, "Excuses."

>Chrysalis glances at you, confused. "I thought he wasn't supposed to drink anymore..."

"Right now, he's earned it. Besides, when he drinks, he ends up with mares. The only mare around here is you."

>She blinks, slowly nodding.

"So yeah. Nothing can possibly go wrong."

 

>The next morning, you got up. You wore a smile. Today /was/ your birthday.

>You trot downstairs, not a damn care in the world. You turn to your living room; everything was all good.

>Decorations were intact, appliances all intact, Ditto passed out on the couch, another Changeling beside him.

>Yep, everything was exactly as you expected it to... Wait. What?

>Who the hell was Ditto sleeping with?

>Actually, you decide it's better if you don't know. You slowly walk up, tapping the other Changeling.

>It awakens slowly, glancing towards you. "Hm...?"

"Good morning. You're late for your patrol."

>It's eyes go wide, "What? No!" It jumps up, running off towards your basement. Well then.

>Ditto stirs, finally awakening. He looks up at you, groaning. "Ugh... My head..."

"Morning Ditto."

>He frowns, sitting up slightly, "Uh... Good morning..." He turns to you, focusing, "Happy Birthday, Anonymous."

"Thank you. So, have fun last night?"

>You laugh, taking a seat in your chair. He raises an eyebrow at you, not understanding at all.

>"What do you mean, Anonymous?"

"Ask your soldiers."

 

>Ditto returned about 15 minutes later. He was quite pale, though having a black coat made it hard to really tell.

>"...How did this happen, Anonymous?"

"I don't know Ditto, but don't dwell on..."

>Ditto had hoped onto your chair, curling up in your lap. He was shaking a bit.

>"Anonymous... This is becoming a serious problem. Whenever I drink, I..."

"Become a very competent stallion and get all the mares?"

>He frowns, considering this.

"As long as you avoid mares I know, I don't really care. Well actually I do. Stop having sex on my couch."

>After what seems like forever, he nods. "Yes... I will avoid that. Hm."

>He gets up off of you, fluttering down to the ground.

"Plus, Ditto, that time it was your own species. Surely it's more acceptable than random ponies?"

>He frowns at you, clearly not sharing your beliefs, "I would prefer not becomming a father in the near future. I am far too busy as Commander to also raise a foal."

>You think on this. Having a foal changeling messing up all your shit would not be fun. You sigh, conceding,

"A valid point."

>"Yes." He shifts somewhat, glancing about at your brilliant decorations. "So, when does the party start?"

>From the doorway, another voice arrives, "Right now, of course!"

 

>Somehow Pinkie was already in your house. You had planned to start things up at about 2pm.

>...She was four hours too early.

"Uh... Good morning Pinkie... How exactly did you get into my house?"

>She giggles, as she often does, "That's simple, silly!"

>You wait for an explaination, but she seems more content to just smile, smile, smile. Ditto is clearly not amused by the gap in his perfect security.

>"Pinkie, please elaborate."

>She rolls her eyes, "Oh come on, it's so obvious! I went down to the Diamond Dog gem fields, went down a hole, found their bosses, they sent me down the tunnel to the Changeling place, I found some miners, who showed me the way to the outpost, which let me through the tunnel to your basement!"

"...So why exactly are you over there when my basement is behind me?"

>She giggles once more, "Well duh! I did that a few hours ago!"

>Both of you pale at this. What sorcery was this?

>Pinkie gives Ditto a smug grin, "Oh, and Ditto, congratulations on your new marefriend! I knew you could do it!"

>Ditto shrinks at her mention. Who was that Changeling anyway?

"Well, uh... Pinkie. The party isn't scheduled to start for a few more hours..."

>"No worries, I can wait!"

>And so she did. Four hours of standing around, doing more or less nothing while you got prepared properly. Chrysalis had asked what was going on but you summed it up quite well,

"It's Pinkie Pie, Chrysalis. You can't explain it."

 

>Soon enough though, the party was almost upon you. Rainbro had already shown up, claiming that, "Work is boring, so I'm taking an extended lunch."

>It was a miracle the mare had not been fired for shirking her duties so often. Then again, besides Roid Rage, there wasn't a Pegasus in town that could keep up with her.

>And Roid Rage isn't in the weather patrol.

>Regardless, Rainbro had gotten you a fancy box of something, which you'd open with the rest of the gifts. Even Fluttershy's despite Ditto's warnings not too.

>So, you had broken out the board games, cards, and other fantastic entertainment devices and gotten too it. You were smashing Rainbro into dust at Go Fish! when the door bell rang.

>Checking your clock, you find it's still a bit early; though not on Pinkie Pie levels. You rise, moving to find out who it could be.

>You open the door, used to glancing down at the ponies who would be there. However, your line of sight did not include the face of a pony; just it's chest. You look up...

>"Greetings Anonymous! We have come to wish thee a Happy Birthday!"

>Oh shit bro, get out of there!

>Hold on brain, this might not be that bad.

>Son, are you out of it? The only thing that would be worse is if Chrysalis' Mom showed up to berate you... Or try to hook the two of you up.

>...What the hell have you been smoking, brain?

>Before your brain can respond, Luna pulls you into a 'bit to friendly' hug. Slowly you return the gesture before quickly breaking free.

"Well uh... Thank you. Come on in?"

 

>You lead the Princess of the Night into your living room. Your uncertain smile conveys quite clearly that your jimmies are not in the best of shape.

>Considering Ditto and Chrysalis' reaction, neither are theirs.

"Uh hey guys... Luna decided to stop by... Uh... Say hello?"

>Pinkie, oblivious to the tension rising waves at her, "Hiya Princess Luna! Come on, we're gonna play Monopoly!"

>Luna seems... uncertain about the game. She glances to you and you nod encouragingly. Despite your somewhat fearful expression, it works and she moves to join them.

>"Hm... What are these metal devices for?"

>Pinkie laughs, "Those are the player pieces! Here, you can be the Iron!"

>Luna's face actually gets Chrysalis to laugh. This might not be as bad as expected...

>Yes it will.

>No one asked you, brain.

>I'm your stomach, growling from hunger, and it will. You'll see.

>Ignoring your organ's omen, you snatch up some hay chips (which were like Potato chips but annoyingly fragile.) and continue your match with Rainbro.

>She clearly hadn't invested the Skill Points in Card Playing; she was smashed into dust every single time. You considered Poker, but you were the Emprah of poker.

>Oh well, no big deal. You glance to see the monopoly game. Chrysalis and Luna seem to be going horn to horn while Pinkie and Ditto face off.

>Ditto has a mansion on Boardwalk, though. You figure he's doing pretty good.

 

>Soon enough, the other invited ponies arrived. Lyra, in her... unique outfit, Derpy who had brought two whole boxes of muffins for herself (and another four for everyp0ny else,) Twilight who was floating the gifts everyone had brought and of course, Rarity. She was wearing a dress, though not stupidly fancy at least.

>"Afternoon Anonymous. What sort of things do you have planned?"

"Well if you'd follow right this way, I'd be happy to show you."

>Taking them to the living room, you forget all about Princess Luna. Twilight's jaw drops when she spots her, though her magical grip on the gifts luckily held fast.

>"Princess Luna? What are you uh... Doing here?"

>Luna smiles at her sister's student, "We are here to celebrate the occasion! Come! Let us do battle on the square board of monopolies!"

>Chrysalis chuckles at her theatrics. Ditto simply nods at the mares who enter. Lyra notably is unable to make eye contact with the Queen.

>And for good reason.

>Twilight and Rarity joined you in your card games (though not on motorcycles, sadly.) Twilight had apparent been doing 'additional studying' on poker theory.

>It would not save her from your infinite power.

>The party, now in full swing, was quite enjoyable. Ditto eventually won the game of Monopoly, to Luna and Chrysalis dismay, and you won every match of Poker. Just as planned.

>By the time Derpy had finished her first box though, the doorbell once again rang out. Ditto volunteered to get it, probably predicting a skirmish with Fluttershy. You went with him.

>It was your damn house, after all.

 

>You open up the door, Ditto right beside you. You look to see who it is.

>It's Applejack? What the fuck is Applejack doing here?

>"Uh... Howdy Anonymous..."

"Applejack? Uh... Hi. Can I help you?"

>She shifts, failing to meet your gaze. Ditto's hostile growl probably doesn't help matters, but you choose to let him continue.

>"Ah... Just wanted ta wish ya a happy birthday, is all. Uh..."

>She sidesteps, revealing a wagon with a box. A gift? How nice.

"And you got me a gift too? Hey, thanks Applejack."

>You gesture towards it. Ditto quickly snatches it up with his magic, placing it in your hands.

>Applejack forces a smile, though the Element of Honesty's ability to lie is not exactly great. You sigh. You know you will regret this, but...

"Do you want to come in or something? I'm going to open up all the gifts and stuff in a bit."

>Ditto silently gasps at you, Applejack almost perfectly mirroring him.

>"Ah... What?" You shake your head

"You seem to at least be trying to make up for your previous bullshit. If you promise to stay on your very best behavior, you can stay."

>She looks down at the ground, thinking. Looks like her claims to be 'done with you' weren't exactly accurate.

>Eventually she looks up to you, smiling genuinely this time, "Thank ya, Anonymous..."

"Mhm. Don't think we're going to be all buddy-buddy or anything. I may be willing to forgive, but I never forget."

[spoiler](Author's Note: LOLOL0L W3 R LEJUNNN FGT!!!11)[/spoiler]

>You turn, moving inside with your new gift, Applejack following, quickly storing her wagon inside, Ditto glaring up a storm the entire way.

 

>Your stomach groans, but not from hunger this time. Even you could tell this was probably a terrible idea in the making.

>At least Fluttershy wasn't here. She was definitely /not/ getting inside your house.

>After introducing Applejack to the party, Chrysalis saw fit to drag you over to the kitchen. Since you were going to get your cake anyway, it raised no eyebrows.

>"Are you out of your mind, Anonymous? Applejack?"

"She's on probation."

>Chrysalis rolls her eyes, her magic opening your fridge, "She won't last. You know how she is around you."

"Yes, I do. I've known of her mannerisms awhile. Perhaps she's realize how futile it is and just wants to try being friends? It's not like I'm going to be hanging out with her or anything."

>Chrysalis considers your statements, your cake hovering over to the table.

"Plus, for all we know, it's not even for me. It might be for her other friends. You know how tense it is when all of us are together. Maybe she wants that to stop?"

>"I don't like it, Anonymous. She will try something. I know it." Her magic sticks [spoiler]DATA EXPUNGED[/spoiler] candles into your cake, green flames crowning each of them.

"Well if she does, then I guess you told me so, didn't you?"

>Your cake rises once again, the two of you moving back to the party across the hall.

>Applejack was sitting by Twilight, highly nervous. Twilight seemed to be comforting her at least partially, though not all that much.

>"Anonymous, is thy cake prepared? We wish to sample it's layers post haste!"

>You almost want to tell her to lower the sound by a few hundred decibels, but you can't give a fuck right now. It's time for motherfucking cake.

 

>And cake, it was.

>You have to give your compliments to the cake family. That shit was fantastic.

>Even Applejack seems to have called down, the sweet, sweet cake soothing her nerves.

>At last, the best part had arrived. Gifts!

>You reach for Twilight's gift first. All your companions had gathered around you, Ditto and Rainbro acting as makeshift guardians on your left and right.

>You tear open the various paper layers (to Twilight's dismay, as she had spent a good deal of time setting it up so the paper could be removed without damaging it. Oh well.) to get at what lies within.

>You pull out telescope in a box. It's not assembled clearly. You weren't one for stargazing, but Luna is ecstatic.

>"What a fantastic gift, Twilight Sparkle!" She smiles brightly at her, pulling her in closer. You smile uncertainly,

"Heh, thanks Twilight. Perhaps I'll go uh... Stargazing some time?"

>Luna winks at you, "That would be wonderful. Let us know if thou would perfer a skilled astronomer to show you the sky!"

>Uh... No. Definitely no. Chrysalis being the glorious mind reader she is, shoots Luna a threatening glare. Moving on...

>You snatch up Rarity's gift next. Quickly opening it you find a nice dress shirt. This might prove useful.

"Thank you Rarity."

>She smiles, proud of her work, "Your quite welcome!"

 

>Next up was Rainbro herself. She passes you a sloppily pasted together box. Inside you find a number of books.

>Wait what? You can expect Twilight to give you a book, but Rainbro? You inspect the novels. Wait...

>Daring Do? Oh. That explains it. You turn to your friend, grinning

"I didn't realize you were so big on novels, Rainbro."

>She smiles, either ignoring or being oblivious to your sarcasm, "Trust me, Anon, these are sweet. You'll thank me later!" You all share a friendly laugh; even Ditto managed a smile.

>Next up was Pinkie Pie. You were a bit nervous actually; she was notorious for very... interesting gifts.

>Oh well, here goes nothing. You open up the box she had... pulled from somewhere. You didn't even see her with it that morning. Strange.

>You reach inside, locating... Another box? You give Pinkie a 'seriously' face, but she urges you onward. Welp, here goes.

>Inside the box you find a... Monocle? A very fancy, gold plated monocle encrusted with Rubies and Sapphires. Down from it came a similarly gold chain. You glance at her, as does everyp0ny. Jeez.

"Uh... Thank you?"

>She giggles, "Well? Try it on!"

>You place the monocle onto your left eye, adjusting it so it fits properly. You instantly feel sophisticated, but so to not offend Rarity you don't try out an accent.

>Chrysalis gives you a smug grin, "Quite something, aren't you?"

 

>After Pinkie had explained where she had gotten the strange monocle (which didn't really explain anything at all,) Lyra had brought her gift out.

>You are rather curious of what obscure reference to human culture she would have dug up for this occasion.

>Opening the box (which was, like her, a minty green) you find a... TV remote? You glance at Lyra, confused.

>She smiles nervously, "It's uh... Universal remote! It's got buttons that are the right size for you, and stuff... Heh..." Upon further inspection, you find this is indeed the case.

>Pushing such big Pony buttons had actually been a pain in the ass. This was a great gift.

"Thanks Lyra, I'll be sure to make use of it."

>She smiles brightly while Derpy brings out her gift for you. This would be good, you could tell.

>Her grey and yellow striped box seemed a bit battered, but otherwise intact. Derpy bit into another one of her muffins in anticipation. You took off the box's lid to reveal...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AA_dMjRSSLk

>...A frying pan. Erm. Well that was interesting.

"Uh, thank you Derpy. I can always use another... Frying pan."

>"No problem Anonymous! This one is non-stick!"

>Chrysalis chuckles, her laughter sparking a torrential chain of laughing ponies. Of course.

>"Well, guess I'll be having even more eggs, eh Anonymous?"

"...Right."

 

>Next up was... Fluttershy. You involuntarily shudder at the thought.

>What sort of disgusting thing did she think of giving you now? Didn't she realize you had no fetish?

>You quickly open it up, the lid coming off quickly. Inside is not what you expect.

>It was a framed photo, of Fluttershy and yourself. She had convinced you to take it ages ago in an attempt to woo you with a Photography fetish.

>Standard shenangins aside, it was probably the least... dangerous or otherwise annoying of her attempted fetishes. You smile.

>Well at least she seemed to know about the good times. While Chrysalis is a bit miffed at the photo, everyp0ny finds it otherwise harmless, and a nice gesture, really. You almost wanted her to show up, so you could thank her in person.

>But yeah. That wasn't gonna happen. Ditto had made certain of it.

>Speaking of Ditto, he had produced a box now. You are actually surprised that he even got you a gift. Military types didn't seem to be big on the whole concept. You take it from him.

>"Anonymous, do you remember when I told you that you'd never be a Changeling officer?" You did, and nod. He gestures to the box.

>You quickly open it, finding a helmet much like his own, though a bit bigger to fit your head. "Well, Anonymous, I'm afraid that's still in effect. But you can still be an Honorary Changeling trooper. Congratulations!"

>You smile slowly, trying to laugh it off. He definitely wasn't the best gift giver in history, but at least he tried. You put on your new helmet; it's a snug fit, but not too uncomfortable.

"As long as you don't call me up for battle, I'm sure it'll be fine. Thanks"

>Ditto seems about to object, but Applejack clearing her throat is enough to stop him. Oh boy...

 

>"Well uh... Thanks again for letting me come and everything... Uh."

>She passes the box towards you. You hadn't really noticed before, but the box she had gotten you is actually pretty tall. What did it mean?

>You take a box, unraveling it's ribbons and taking apart it's paper wrapping. You open up the box...

>And it reveals a sapling. What is this, I don't even...

>"That there's Bloomberg Jr.! He's uh... The first sapling we got from him..."

>Well that was... Interesting. Hm. Where would you even put an Apple tree sapling?

"Um... Thank you Applejack. Any suggestions on where to plant... him?"

>She smiles at you, happy that you are... not horribly furious and upset about her gift, "Ah can think of a few spots. How about ah show ya them later? Ah'll even plant it if ya want!"

>You nod slowly, [spoiler][/spoiler]"Uh... Sure. Thanks."

>Ditto puts 'Bloomberg Jr.' off to the side. Only two more gifts to go through.

>You turn to the mighty Queen of the Changelings, who then gestures to Luna. Guess she wants to go last? You turn to Luna, who is grinning madly. Uh...

>"Anonymous! We have prepare a most wonderous gift for you! Behold!"

>Her horn began to glow as she focused, her eyes turning white. In a bright flash, you felt something heavy land in your lap. Hm?

>The lightshow dying down, you move to inspect the strange thing before you. It was some sort of...

>What the hell was this thing? It looked almost like an old radar antenna, but it had a cloud with some sort of runes imbued to it. You look to Luna for an explanation.

>You pray your jimmies will survive it.

 

>"This, Anonymous, is a Weather Regulator! Before our... banishment, we had looked into a way to control weather remotely! However, the project was not continued... Until now!"

>Her smile brightens, but you say nothing thus far, "This is our newest prototype! Simply install it into thy home, and it will allow you to control the weather nearby! Thy will never need to fear of clouded skies when thou chooses to look upon our works!"

>Everyone looks at the Night princess incredulously. That was some pretty heavy shit...

>Literally. It weighed at least a hundred pounds. And it was sitting in your lap.

"Well uh... Thank you, Princess. This is... quite something."

>She nods, smiling, "Indeed, Anonymous!"

>However, Rainbro seems a bit upset about the whole thing. You suppose that makes some sense; the weather was her job, after all.

>But regardless, there was one gift left to receive. You and your various companions all turn to the mighty Queen of the Changelings, who smiles seductively at you. Your preemptive move your jimmies to DEFCON 2, to be safe.

>"Well Anonymous, you and I have become quite close, what with living in the same home and all." You nod, then she continues, "We know eachother quite well, I'd say. Despite our quarrels, we've remained /good/ friends." Mhm. Where was she going with this?

>"And while Ditto here saw fit to grant you an honorary role in my army, for whatever reason..." She shoots him a mock-hostile glare, "...What I've decided to grant you is much more real than anything like that."

>She trots over, Rainbro moving as she takes her old seat. She smiles at you, shortly giving Luna a 'you mad bro' grin.

 

>"Now, close your eyes, and think of something you've always wanted... And I'll make it so." Her horn lights up. Oh boy, what would this be?

>You decide to comply without incident, closing your eyes.

>Her horn pokes into your forehead, though not from the tip, as that would fucking hurt.

>She grunts, "Hm. You humans are... set up quite differently, aren't you. Anyhow, think of something."

>You consider what you've always wanted to have here in Equestria that you could never get. It comes to you.

>Your computer. You want your computer. While Equestria had managed television, it wasn't exactly HDTV. Not even sattelite. Most people would kill themselves with what you had.

>So you think of your old Laptop. Because fuck the police, you wanted your music.

>However, as you tried to visualize your precious computer, other thoughts leaked through.

>You were, after all, quite hungry. You open your eyes, then look down toward your lap.

>On it, is, instead of a computer, a plate.

>But not just any plate. No!

>This plate was full of Grade A Italian Spaghetti. It was a gigantic platter, you realize. You turn to Chrysalis, not sure what the fuck.

>"Ugh... Ow. I am definitely /not/ doing that again." She groans, placing a hoof on her head. Ditto buzzes over to her, but is swatted away.

>You sigh. No computer for you. You didn't ask for this spaghetti.

>But damnit, you would enjoy it.

 

>It was ultimately alright spaghetti, and as the party died down, you felt quite satisfied.

>You had tonnes of new stuff to do... things with, and Applejack was even on her way to becoming an actual friend. But probably not.

>You sigh, leaning back in your chair. You switch to a different channel, your fantastic remote doing the job perfectly. You yawn, but some chatter from the next room distracts you from your show.

>Getting up, you head to your main hallway to spot Ditto at the door. Three small Changelings in armor are standing before him.

>You shrug and head back to your TV. Changeling politics were not your forte. In fact, they were actually quite lame.

>You make a mental note to never tell Chrysalis that though. She'd gouge your eyes out with that horn of hers. That much, was certain.

/Outside/

>Ditto was not in a great mood. While yes, the party had gone on without a hitch, he was now being annoyed by a trio of Changelings he didn't even know. In fact, he was almost certain they were not Changelings at all.

>"So, Commander, sir! When shall we begin Changeling duty, sir!" The one with green eyes salutes him. He groans.

>"I will ask this one more time. Who are you, and what do you want?"

>The one with the bow gave him an annoyed look, "Mr. Commander sir, we already explained! We're changelings and we want to help you do Changeling things!"

>Ditto put a hoof to his face, sighing. This would be a very, long night.