Anon and Chrysalis Ch 06

The Marvellous Mishaps of Anon and Chrysalis

Chapter 6: Hello, I am the law

 

>You awoke in a fantastic cloud bedroom, however this wasn't your room.

>Your bedroom was not made of clouds. So where were you?

>The memories of the previous day quickly return to you.

>You were in Rainbro's home.

>You stir, rising slightly, stopping as you notice something is hanging off of you.

>You look down, seeing Chrysalis holding onto your sides. Her face holds a worried expression.

>You slowly move a hand up, placing it on her disguised leg, trying to pry it off gently.

>Her grip holds steady. You sigh.

>"...Anon... No... Don't leave me..." You blink as she speaks.

>You frown, and noticing the turmoil on her face. What was she dreaming about?

>You decide reality would be preferable, placing a hand into her mane.

>You rub her head a bit, she quickly stirring. "Uh... Hm? Anonymous?"

"Good morning, Chrys."

>She rises slightly, meeting your face. She seems relieved to see you.

"How'd you sleep?"

>She looked off somewhere. "Poorly. Let's just leave it at that..."

"Alright."

 

>You get out of bed with Chrysalis, entering the next room. It was a fairly open living space

>There is a staircase upwards that leads to Rainbro's room and another path off to the bathroom.

>There is a kitchen visible though another door as well as dining room of sorts.

>You see Ditto. He is lying on the living room couch. You decide Rainbro's house had a rather odd layout.

"Hey Ditto, you up?"

>He groans at your voice. He doesn't get up. The other two guards were around here somewhere but you don't care right now.

>You look toward the bathroom, [spoiler][/spoiler]"Eh, I think I'll go get cleaned up."

>You walk towards it, but hear hoofsteps behind you. You turn to Chrysalis

"Chrysalis? What's up?"

>"You aren't the only one who has a morning routine, Anonymous. I have things to do as well."

>You give her a sideways glance, [spoiler][/spoiler]"I'm pretty sure there's only one toilet in here, Chrys."

>She pushes past you, "Good. I need one. I'll be out shortly."

>Before you can object, she's inside. You roll your eyes at her antics.

>Such was the price for living with royalty.

 

>Some time later, everyone has gathered into the living room.

>All your changeling companions have returned to their natural state. Rainbow gives the Queen a scrutinizing look.

>"So, Chrysalis... What exactly do you plan on doing now?" Chrysalis sighed.

>"Honestly, I do not know. Things did not go as I planned." Rainbro nods.

>Ditto yawns, only recently awakening. "We need to get into the tunnels, and lay low. It is the logical course of action."

>You shrug. [spoiler][/spoiler]"Running from our problems won't make them go away."

>He rolls his eyes. "Then what would you suggest, Anonymous?" You stood up.

"We go find Celestia, Luna and whoever is running this show, and work out a truce."

>Chrysalis looks away, "You seem quite keen on getting yourself captured."

>You can't be bothered to give her any fucks. [spoiler][/spoiler]"They wouldn't be expect us to just waltz back into town. It'd work. I'm sure."

>Ditto yawns again, "You do that. Let me know when you need to be broken out of jail again."

"I'll be sure to let you know, Ditto. 'Cause you're coming with me."

 

>You along with Rainbro's help, make a fantastic meal of eggs on toast.

>The Changelings enjoy it, the guards especially. They are not enlightened to the ways of your cooking.

>By the time you finished your food, Ditto had already come up with a 'battle plan.' It was simple.

>First, you would fly straight to the town hall with Rainbro and Ditto carrying you.

>Then you would enter, find Celestia and arrange a meeting.

>If she wasn't there you'd find the Mayor. She would fetch her.

>If the meeting was going to be right then and there, you'd work out an agreement for acceptance or at least neutrality between the two races.

>You regret not taking the politics course back in school, It would help now.

>You exit the house, Rainbro and Ditto flanking you. Ditto would go as himself; no need for bullshit.

"Well then. Time to go. Try not to drop me?"

>You smile at your partners in crime. Ditto is not amused at your remark.

>They lift you up, making sure you are secure. Rainbro smiles at you,

>"We're going to take you on a wild ride, Anonymous!"

 

>You did not get a chance to contemplate what she said to you though. They were already flying.

>Three times in one week, you thought. You could get used to this.

>You approached the town, but a problem manifested.

>Ponyville was surrounded by a pink shield of energy. God damnit Shining Armor.

>Or perhaps this is Twilight's. She is pretty rediculous when it comes to the whole magic thing.

>Either way, you can't proceed with this here.

"Rainbro, any idea on what the fuck this is?"

>Rainbow sighs. "Shining Armor put up one of these shields back in Canterlot. It's supposed to keep Changelings out."

>Ditto growls, glaring at the offending shield. "Or keep them locked within."

"Something tells me it's option 2. So now what?"

>"Well, he didn't catch us within. So we should leave. Probably soon, before someone notices us up here."

>You nod. Ditto is right, time to abort.

>You fly back to Rainbro's cloud home. Hopefully Ditto had a Plan B.

 

>He did not.

>You sat on Rainbro's couch watching a show about the mating habits of pigs. Why?

>You honestly did not remember.

>Chrysalis sits down beside you. Her magic is still out of commission. The guards explained that the spell they used the night before should chip away at Luna's until Chrysalis could break it herself.

>It would be awhile before that, though. For now, you had pigs.

>"Anonymous, why are you watching this?"

"I don't know Chrysalis. What should I be watching?"

>She leans into you affectionately, "Perhaps there are some programs about Changelings?"

>Rainbow flies overhead, "Not unless you want to watch the news, there isn't."

>She lands opposite of Chrysalis on the couch. Why was Rainbro's couch so much bigger than yours?

>Chrysalis doesn't give Rainbro a response, and instead reaches for the remote, which you held.

>Pony remotes you had learned, were much simpler than human ones. They had five large buttons, which combined controlled the channel, volume and power. You found yourself almost jealous of the simplicity.

>Chrysalis presses the channel button, switching to another channel.

 

>Rainbro blushes furiously at what Chrysalis had switched too.

>A rather adult show about p0nies doing... adult things to eachother in not very appropriate locations.

>You pale at what you came in on. Oh god, that stallion was huge. Your eyes wander to Rainbro.

"Why the fuck do you have this channel, Rainbro?"

>She looks around the room, looking for an excuse. She finds none. "Uh... I... Um..."

>Chrysalis shrugs as the stallion begins his 'duties.' "I have seen bigger."

>You and Rainbro look at her. Rainbro's eyes are wide. "Really? Where?"

>Chrysalis jumps at her question. She didn't realize she had said that out loud.

>"None of your business!" She slams a hoof into the remote, changing back to pig video.

>The pigs were doing much the same as the p0nies. Less yelling, though.

>Rainbro smirks at Chrysalis, "Alrighty then, your majesty. I won't pry."

>Chrysalis' blush grows more fierce. She steals a glance at you, then looks away.

>You laugh. Things had almost gotten back to normal.

 

>In P0nyville, a certain purple Unicorn placed books into their shelves in her library.

>She had learned Anonymous had returned from her brother that morning and thus why there was shield over the town.

>She found it difficult to avoid reading the books as she shelved them. She had recently gotten a whole new shipment from Canterlot and was unable to pry herself from them.

>However, a knock on the door was enough to tear her away from her book on Ants. Yes, ants.

>"Coming!"

>She quickly walks towards the door, opening it. Rarity walks in wearing her saddlebags. They had a number of novels inside.

>"Good morning Twilight! I thought I'd drop off these books I borrowed." Twilight nods at her.

>Rarity's horn glows, the books lifting off out of her Saddlebags. They land on a table, beside a number of other books.

>Twilight smiles at her friend, "So, how did the spell go?"

>Rarity blinks at her, "Spell? What spell?" Twilight raises an eyebrow.

>"...The cloud walk spell? You and Rainbow Dash came in last night. You said you'd test it and let me know how it went."

>Rarity frowns. "I'm afraid I have no idea what you're talking about. I didn't see Rainbow Dash at all yesterday."

>Twilight starts at this, "What? Then who was... Oh no!" She pulls Rarity close to her with her magic, "Rarity! We need to find Rainbow Dash! Now!"

 

>Some time after the TV fiasco, Ditto approaches you and your companions.

>You had found a much better show to watch. A children's cartoon about talking Fish. My Little Molly.

>"Anonymous, I have determined our next course of action."

>You continue to watch the show. That Pink Molly was hilarious. You laugh at her antics.

>Ditto's horn glows briefly, and the TV shuts off.

>You, Rainbro and Chrysalis all glare at him. He only flinches slightly.

>"This is important. It will not take long."

>Chrysalis, looking away from him, "It best not be. I was enjoying that fish show. The White one is most amusing."

>She liked the White one? She needed to get on your level. You turn to Ditto, [spoiler][/spoiler]"What's the plan?"

>"Changelings are unable to actively enter the shield. This likely applies to you as well. However..." He turns to Rainbro.

>"Ponies are likely capable of moving right through. So I have prepared a letter for Celestia. I need you, Rainbow Dash, to deliver it."

>She groans, look up at the ceiling, "Can't you just have Derpy do it? Today's my day off."

>Ditto narrows his eyes. His horn glows, and the letter is slapped into Rainbro's face. It is quite thick.

>"You can relax later. Go."

 

>Rainbro sighs, but complies. She took off towards P0nyville, leaving you with the Changelings. You turn the TV back on.

>The show had ended. God damnit. Chrysalis shares your feelings, growling at Ditto. He smiles uneasily.

>"My apologies." He turns to the TV, pointing a hoof at it, "Look, another episode is airing."

>Chrysalis glaces at the TV, seeing this was true. Her anger evaporates as the theme song begins to play. Not bad for a children's cartoon.

>You sit with your friends watching the show. Even the stoic Ditto got into it.

>It was an interesting episode; the orange molly, Mariajack entered some rodeo contest to win prize money for her hometown, Mollyville.

>Unfortunately, she got her shit wrecked, fleeing to the far edges of the reefs, where her friends found her and brought her home.

>Wait. What?

>Didn't that exact same thing happen with Applejack a few months ago?

>You shake your head to dispel the thought. What the fuck were you watching?

 

>A knock rang out. Who the fuck was at the door?

>Chrysalis turns to you, "Go get it." You turn to Ditto.

"Go get it."

>Ditto raises an eyebrow at you and turns to one of his subordinate guards, "Go get it."

>The guard nods, turning into Rainbow Dash. It tries out a few faces and moves its body about, getting used to it. The knock persisted.

>Another look from Ditto sent the guard running. You smile at his antics.

>You hear the door open. "Hi, Rainbow Dash! May I come in?"

>DEFCON ONE.

"Oh shit. That's..."

>Chrysalis' eyes widen as she finishes your sentence, "...Twilight Sparkle."

>"We must make ourselves scarce. To Rainbow's room?"

"Seems like a plan."

>You turn to the other guard. He jumps a little, and turns into a potted plant. What?

"I didn't know you could do that..."

>Ditto blinks at his minion, "It's not really an on command thing. Stress or shock can mess up transformations."

"Will he be alright?"

>"Probably."

 

>You head up into Rainbow Dash's room quickly. You really hoped the guards would be able to satisfy her curiosity. What the fuck was she doing here anyway?

>Maybe to ask about the Cloudwalk spell? But she'd go to Rarity for that.

>Unless she had already...

>You try to occupy your mind with less apocalyptic thoughts. You look about Rainbro's room. It's bigger than yours as you expected.

>You sit beside Chrysalis on the edge of the bed. It wasn't made up, or even recently washed. There's a strange smell to it, though you can't put your finger on what.

>Ditto sat in a corner. "You should sit over here. If he comes in, it'll be easier to hide."

"Why would your guards bring Twilight up here?"

>He pauses, thinking it through. "I don't know. But he might."

"Then he's a pretty damn stupid guard."

>Chrysalis nods at this, but says nothing. Her hooves dangle idly off the bed. She swings them lightly, but bumps into something. "Hm?"

>She reaches down, pulling out a black box. It has a lock on it.

>"Hm. What could this be? Ditto?"

>He quickly walks over. What was she planning?

 

>"Use that x-ray spell of yours on the box. Tell me what's inside."

"Woah woah, hold up. That's not your box. It's Rainbro's. She'll be pissed if you look through it."

>Chrysalis pauses at this. She didn't think of that possibility, some how. It seems rather obvious to you.

>Ditto's horn was already glowing, "We aren't going through it. We're just going to take a look."

"No. Stop."

>Chrysalis places the box back under the bed. Ditto cuts off his magic and returns to his perch in the corner.

>About half an hour later, the guard walks into the room. "All clear." He is visibly sweating.

>The four of you return to the living room. Chrysalis is the first to speak.

>"So how'd you get her out? I trust she is unaware?"

>The guard wipes his forehead, "She asked about the spell last night. I just denied everything. I believe we are off the hook, for now."

>You nod. These guards were most definitely not idiots. You turn to the other one. Still a plant.

"You can turn back anytime, you know."

>The plant shimmers and is a Changeling once more. "That was not enjoyable."

"I doubt it was. I would not like to be a plant."

>The changeling raises an eyebrow at you. "Not even a tree?" You shudder.

"Especially not a tree."

 

>You all returned to watching random shows. Rainbro's cable was much better than yours; she had almost twice as many channels.

>A lot of porn ones as well. You weren't sure you really wanted those for yourself. The guards were interested in those ones, but Chrysalis vetoed it. Children's cartoons all day, every day.

>At your suggestion, Ditto goes to the kitchen to fetch some popcorn.

>"Anonymous? How exactly do I prepare this?"

>You facepalm, [spoiler][/spoiler]"How about you read the instructions?"

>You hear him fumble with the device, followed by the soft hum of his magic.

>An explosion rings out. You all look towards the Kitchen.

>Popcorn. Popcorn everywhere.

>You get up, walking to him. What a mess.

"What happened?"

>He sighs. "It said cook on high for 5 minutes. It didn't even last 5 seconds."

>You hear Chrysalis giggle from the couch. You smile, looking for a broom.

>Sadly, there wasn't one. You left Ditto to clean up himself. You had shows to watch.

 

>In a different part of p0nyville, Rainbow Dash went fast.

>She had to get to Princess Celestia, and deliver Chrysalis' letter. She had previously worried about being questioned about the letter, but she had solved that issue.

>Having obtained a mailbag from Derpy, as well as all other mail for Celestia, she would just show up and give all the letters to her at once.

>Celestia would never be the wiser.

>She landed outside Town Hall, walking inside. The secretary was at her desk doing something unimportant.

>She looked up at Rainbow Dash. "Hey. Where's Celestia at?"

>She pointed towards a room and return to her unimportant business.

>Rainbow walks to the room, knocking on it.

>"Enter." She does.

>The Princess is sitting at a desk inside. Rainbow notices a few documents on it, which she was no doubt reading. The Princess does not smile at Rainbow Dash, but she doesn't take it as a sign of anything.

>"Hello Rainbow Dash. What brings you here?"

>Rainbow smiles at the Princess, "Just brining some mail. Derpy's buried under her letters." She laughs.

>The Princess' horn glows and the door closes.

 

>Rainbow walks to the desk, placing the bag of letters beside it.

>She smiles at the Princess, "Well I guess I'll see you later! Good luck with the who-"

>"Rainbow Dash, why are you hiding Anonymous?"

>Rainbow dash chokes at that statement. She knew? "What are you talking abou-"

>"Don't lie to me, Rainbow Dash. You aren't in trouble. I just want to know."

>Rainbow Dash looks down, glancing around, "How did you know?" Celestia takes in a deep breath and speaks

>"My sister came up with a spell to track Anonymous. She used it last night, and it pointed right to your home. Besides her, no one but I know this."

>Rainbow Dash nods sadly, "Look, I'm just trying to help him out. He's been through a tonne lately."

>Celestia nods. "Yes. He has. And I promise, no harm will come to him." Her horn glows, the bag of letters opening. The various letters flow out and Celestia quickly glances through them. She stops as she finds a specific letter. Chrysalis' proposition.

>She opens the letter, skimming though it. She places it down on the table in front of her, eyes closed.

>"Return to your home. I will be there shortly to discuss terms." Rainbow Dash nods and nervously leaves. Celestia is alone.

>She shakes her head, "Oh Anonymous. What have you been up too?"

 

>Ditto had eventually cleaned up the popcorn. It took him almost an hour, even with his magic.

>You got to spend some quality time with Chrysalis, watching various shows. Most of them were ripoffs of shows you had at home.

>The door opening, followed by a worried p0ny rushing in broke your concentration though. You turn to it

>Rainbro. You wave at her, smiling. When she looks up at you, you see she's not happy.

"Rainbro? What happened down there?"

>She pants, getting her breath. She's usually not this tired. She must have gone /really/ fast. Shazbot would be proud.

>"Celestia... Knows... Coming... Here..." You blink. Chrysalis gasps. Ditto frowns.

"How long?"

>"About now, actually."

>You all turn to the door, which was still open. There stood the mighty Solar Empress, Celestia of Canterlot. Fuck.

>You decide any attempts at ignorance would be pointless. She could quite blatantly see Chrysalis right beside you. She enters the building, mane flowing endlessly.

>"Hello Anonymous." She narrows her eyes at Chrysalis, "We have much to discuss."

>Chrysalis stands, determination flowing out of her form, "Yes, yes we do. Come."

 

>The two head into your bedroom. There wasn't really anywhere else to chat.

>You sat, wondering. What was going to happen. Rainbow flapped about impatient. Eventually she came up with an idea.

>"Hey, Ditto. Anon. Come here." She hovered right beside the bedroom wall.

>You made your way over to her, Ditto right behind. She brought you in closer, and then placed a hoof inside the wall.

>She pulled it downward ever so slightly and suddenly other voices could be heard, though somewhat muffled. Rainbow turned back to you and Ditto, placing a hoof on her mouth to make certain you stayed quiet. You did.

>"Thank you for giving us the opportunity to speak, Chrysalis. I'm not one to resort to violence if other options are available."

>You could hear the sarcasm and distrust in Chrysalis' voice. "I'm certain." Ditto cringed; he could probably taste it.

>"Well then. On to business. You and your military have done significant damage to the Kingdom in the last month and a half. There are thousands of outraged p0nies who demand justice, some more radical than others." There is a pause, Chrysalis probably nodding, then she continues. "However, I am not one for radical carnage and bloodshed. I believe we can come to a fair and productive settlement, which will help forge eventual acceptance between our peoples."

>"Yes, right. So, what humiliation must we endure to secure peace? Absurd monetary reparations? Perhaps take a bit of our land? Oh yes, and blame the entire conflict on us."

 

>Chrysalis laughs bitterly, "Go on. Enlighten me."

>Celestia sighs, "There is no need to be so hostile. I have three terms for peace. I am willing to negotiate all but the last, which is the most important. Understood."

>"I'm not a foal, Celestia. I am over two hundred years old!" You could hear she was growing angry. Celestia at least was insanely patient. She wouldn't end negotiations so quickly.

>...You hoped.

>Celestia cleared her throat, and began, "First and foremost, you will claim responsibility for all the damages that you or those under your command have incurred in the last two months in the cities of Ponyville and Canterlot and will pay for all repairs to structures and any medical charges to those you injured."

>"Alright, fine. I'll wire some chunks over." Chunks? Celestia seemed to share your thoughts, "I take it that is your currency, then? Hm."

>"Yes, it is, fair Princess. Is that a problem?" A pause, then Celestia,

>"No, it won't be an issue. I will have one of my economic advisers determine an appropriate exchange rate." You hear her shuffle in her seat, whatever it was.

>Celestia said something under her breath, but you didn't know what.

 

>"Next off, I would like the identities of all the various spies you've been hiding inside my country."

>Chrysalis' response is delayed, "What do you mean?" Celestia seems happy to explain,

>"When we starting putting up the Jammers in our cities, we stumbled upon a number of Changeling spies or other agents lurking about. We only have four of them up, and we've found six already. I am certain there are more. I want to know where."

>"...You would have me sell out my own people?" She growls at Celestia, "What are you going to do with them?"

>"They will be given the option to stay in their new places of residence, if they so choose." Chrysalis grunts, not buying it. You shared her feelings; Celestia was unlikely to leave them unmolested.

>Did you really just think that?

>"Fine. Make me the villian. Ditto will send you the details." A pause. "I hope you're happy."

>Celestia sighs, "They will forgive you, Chrysali-"

>"No. They won't. Not this time. Now what else do you want from me?"

 

>Once more, Celestia shifts in her seat. "This last portion has to do with Anonymous." Oh shit Princess, what are you doing...

>Chrysalis' voice rises with her temper, "Oh? And what exactly, do you want with /him/? He has done nothing!"

>Celestia remains ever patient, "That is not true, Chrysalis. Anonymous has had a quite profound effect on you, from what I've noticed." Chrysalis' growls dangerously.

>"Is that a fact? Well, get on with it. Spit it out."

>Celestia actually laughs, "Alright, Queen Chrysalis, I shall."

>"The last few times we've interacted, you were unflinchingly hostile. You wouldn't so much as speak to me in a constructive manner. The wedding last month was not much different."

>Chrys 'hmph's at her. "My hostility is not without reason. You have been an unending boon to my family's plans for centuries."

>Centuries? No wonder she was against this shit.

>"Perhaps. But that is not the point. Here we sit, negotiating peace. And in my favor. Do you think you would have done any of this a month ago?"

>Chrysalis pauses, remaining silent.

>You already knew the answer.

 

>As did Celestia. "You would not. But here we are." You figure she made some mundane gesture. "Anonymous has had a positive effect on your interactions with other beings. I do not know the full extent of your relationship with him, but I want it to continue. As such, you are to remain here, in P0nyville, with Anonymous."

>"What?" Chrysalis rises up. "That is your last demand? You want me to stay in p0nyville with Anonymous?" She couldn't believe this shit. You couldn't either.

>"Correct. You will stay with him; where Anonymous goes, so shall you. But there's one last part to this request."

>Oh boy, here we go.

>Chrysalis scoffed, "Oh yes. I figured. Well, go on. Tell us. Make my day." She didn't sound angry anymore, though. It was as though she was humoring the Princess.

>"I'd like you to periodically send me letters, either though Twilight's assistant Spike or through standard mail, on any lessons you learn relating to Friendship."

>All of you pause. You hear a slow trot. The door opens. Oh shit.

>You back away from the wall. Chrysalis doesn't even look at you. She walks to the far wall.

>She proceeds to bash her face into it, over and over. Celestia walks out after her. She glances to you, smile painted plainly on her face.

"Seriously, Princess?"

>She laughs, "Seriously."

 

>Eventually you managed to get Chrysalis to stop bashing her face into the clouds. She glared at Celestia, who simply smiled.

"Celestia, doesn't Twilight already give you friendship reports? What possible reason would there be for Chrysalis to send you them too?"

>She smiles kindly, "I simply would like to be kept aware of the progress she makes in this field." She glances towards Chrysalis, who was still glaring at her, "Perhaps you should ask Twilight for a few pointers."

>Asking Twilight for pointers. Bitch that's double heresy.

"I'll think about it."

>You turn to Ditto, then back to the Princess, [spoiler][/spoiler]"How about you get our Princess some popcorn?"

>He raises an eyebrow, but Celestia raised a hoof, shaking her head, "No thank you. I'll be alright."

>Chrysalis laughed, "Trying to lose weight, I see? Ha!" She moves a hoof through her mane, "It's not worth it; You will never have my figure." She strikes a pose.

>Rainbow laughs a bit, stopping when Chrysalis glares dangerously at her.

>Celestia nods, "No, I suppose not. Though I don't know if I could dig the holes."

>Chrysalis gawks at her, Ditto narrowing his eyes. Princess Celestia laughs and her horn glows.

>"If you need me, you know how to contact me. Good day to you all."

>In a bright flash, Celestia vanishes.

 

>Some time later the shield around p0nyville subsided. Celestia had already sent a letter saying that the Guard were to stop being full retard about Changelings.

>That didn't mean you were going to be welcomed with open arms (since they can't really do that anyhow) but at least you could go to town if you wanted.

>Chrysalis however, prefered her cartoons. There was some marathon about a Spanish filly going on. It was actually pretty bad, but hey, everyone has different tastes.

>Some tastes were just better than others.

>Eventually, you manage to pry her away from Rainbro's TV long enough to get everyone onto the ground. You figure the sooner you introduce the Queen, the sooner the imminent shitstorm would subside.

>That didn't stop Chrysalis and Ditto from forcing you down the side roads, though.

>Soon enough, you arrive at Twilight's Library. The various p0nies walking about town who spotted you kept their distance. A few even tried to get the guard. Clearly the Princess' message hadn't reached the ears of every stallion, mare and foal.

>You knock on the door, it quickly opening to reveal everyp0ny's favorite purple dragon; Spike.

>"Anon? Woah, hey! Are you alrigh-"

>He stops when he notices Chrysalis right beside you. He takes a few steps back.

"Spike, please go get Twilight. We need to talk."

 

>You walk inside, Chrysalis, Ditto and Rainbro following right behind. They take up various seats inside the Library. Ditto closes the door as everyone sits.

>Spike runs up the staircase, calling out to Twilight as he goes.

>Upstairs you overhear their conversation. "Twilight? Twilight! Twilight where are you."

>"Ah! Spike, what are you doing! I said to stay out of here!" You hear her quickly get up,

>"Sorry Twi... I uh... What were you doing here anyway? What's that smel-"

>"None of your business! What is it?"

>"Anonymous is uh... here. He brought 'friends.'" A gasp.

>There's a bright flash of light in front of you. You raise your arm, shielding your eyes.

>You feel two hooves press into your chest. Looking down, you see Twilight, a worried expression on her face. "Anonymous? Anonymous! Are you alright?"

"Yes Twilight I'm fine."

>You catch of whiff of some smell. What /was/ she doing up there? You realize it was similar to the smell on Rainbro's bed.

>Speaking of Rainbro, "Uh, hi Twi. What's up?"

>Twilight blinks, slowly turning her head towards Rainbro. And Chrysalis. And Ditto.

>She looks back at you. You smile nervously,

"Uh... Surprise?"

 

>Twilight backs up off of you, her eyes unable to stay on one person for more than a few seconds.

>Eventually her gaze locks on you. "Anonymous, why is the Changeling Queen and her... soldier in my house?"

>Ditto rolls his eyes, "I am more than a meer soldier, purple one." He is ignored.

"Chrysalis here has been given a task by Celestia. Isn't that right?"

>You turn to her for emphasis. She sighs.

>"Yes, yes I have." She shifts in her seat. "Your /wonderful/ Princess wants me to write her letters about 'Friendship.' I am told you are the expert?"

>Twilight starts at this. You predicted her brain was completely full of fuck.

>Spike, who had arrived downstairs just in time to hear Chrysalis, raised an eyebrow in confusion. "What? Why would the Princess ask you to do that?"

>Chrysalis shrugs, "Considering you're a living mailbox to her, I think you'd know better than I." Spike frowns at her remark.

>Twilight regains her composure, looking at the Queen. "Well... What did you want to know about Friendship? Its a pretty big subject."

>Chrysalis rolls her eyes, "I personally doubt that. Tell me everything."

>You sigh. This was going to be a long night.

 

>You awoke the next day in the same chair you were in. You look about, looking for your memories.

>You recall that Rainbro had picked up some Daring Do books, reading through them. She eventually got bored and bailed.

>Ditto had sat patiently, watching the conversation play out. You asked him to fetch some Icecream from Sugarcube Corner. He still wasn't back.

>Spike had cleaned up the books Rainbro left sitting around and eventually went to bed.

>Chrysalis and Twilight were actually still talking. What the fuck, man.

>That feel when a purple horse can stay up longer than you can.

>You stand up, stretching your ancient human tissues. The stiffness slowly dissipated. You look towards Twilight's clock.

>6:23am. You blink.

>You haven't been up this early since... Who knows.

>You realize Chrysalis and Twilight haven't even noticed you.

>You figure they will be content to talk about friendship for the next few years. Better go get Ditto.

>You slowly walk around Chrysalis to the door. You open it and step outside.

 

>It was as you might expect. Everyp0ny was still inside, sleeping. The only p0nies even up were the farmers and they weren't in Ponyville.

>Ditto had gone to Sugarcube Corner. You don't remember if he picked a disguise or not.

>Knowing him, he did. That made this that much harder.

>You walk down the main road to Sugarcube Corner. The door is closed, but you can see movement inside. What?

>You knock on the door.

>About two minutes later, it opens up. Carrot Cake, duke of Cake, stands in front of you. He blinks as  he spots you.

>"Uh... Anonymous? What are you doing up so early?"

"I'm looking for a friend. He came here yesterday for Icecream. He never came back. Any ideas on what happened."

>He backs up inside, you following him in, "Well, there was one strange thing yesterday..."

>You politely close the door. You turn back to him.

>"Yesterday another Pinkie Pie had strolled in. She was looking for Icecream, like you said. Our Pinkie found her and well, they started to party or something. Pinkie fed her all the Icecream we couldn't use anymore."

"Why couldn't you use it?"

>"Oh well it had gone bad. It was still edible, sure, but Icecream can ferment if it gets too old. Can't be selling that to the kids after all."

>A pair of screams ring out. Carrot Cake sighs. "The Pinkie Pies went up to Pinkie's room with the icecream. I don't think they left. Now if you'll excuse me..."

>He walks off to take care of his children. That is why you'd never have kids.

 

>Pinkie's room was easy to find. It was the one with the Pink door. You knock on it, but there is no response.

>You had been in there before. You had learned Pinkie had nothing to hide. You shudder, remembering that day.

>Her collection of chainsaws was not something you expected. Nor her collection of rifles. Where did she even get an M-16?

>Pushing those thoughts to the back into your mind, you place a hand on the nob, turning it.

>You enter inside, surprised at what you saw.

>There were dozens on empty Icecream cartons. Dozens. You pick one up. It had gone bad a week before. They still ate it, though. You look to the bed.

>There sat two Pinkie Pies. Their mouths were both covered in Icecream. A lot of their bodies were, actually. One was resting in the chest of the other.

>Something told you that one wasn't Ditto. You sigh, close the door and take a few more steps inside.

"Uh... Pinkie Pie?"

>The resting one's eyes immediately open and look to you. She smiles, "Hiya Anon! Sorry, but we're all out of Icecream."

>You blink. Of course.

>As she rises, a box falls out from under the covers to the floor. Condoms. You resist the urge to gag

"I don't even want to know. God damnit Pinkie..."

 

>You threw Ditto over your shoulder, his pink tail soaked in browns, whites and different shades of pink. You even spotted a bit of green.

>Mint Icecream was great. But still. What the fuck.

>Pinkie had smiled nervously at you when he noticed the box fall. That nervous smile had become a sorry grin after you told her who the fuck she was sleeping with.

>She insisted on following you back to the Library. She kept saying sorry. It was actually annoying now.

"Pinkie, look, it's fine. I'm sure... Lots of p0nies have a selfcest fetish."

>She shakes her head, "Nope! I did a survey! Nop0ny in Ponyville, Stone Falls, Cloudsdale or Canterlot has one! It's just me!"

>You pause. What the fuck was Stone Falls?

>Actually nevermind. You didn't even want to know.

"Pinkie, go home. Go have a shower. Please. Go."

>You point back to Sugarcube corner. She looks down, giving you an adorable sorry face. You look away; your heart unable to take much more.

>"Tell Ditto I'm sorry, okay?" You nod.

>She turns and starts her trek home. She stops, looking back at you.

>"And let him know he's welcome back anytime." She winks and is gone.

>Fucking Pinkie Pie.

 

>You push the door to the Library open. You walk in.

>Chrysalis and Twilight pause in their discussion, looking at you. They see the Ditto-Pinkie Pie's ass dangling beside your head.

"Where's your shower?"

>Twilight slowly points upstairs. You walk upstairs to the bathroom. You turn on the shower, and throw Ditto in. He jolts awake.

>"Ack! We're under attack! Charge! Charge! Charge...?" He looks up at you. You laugh. Hearing Pinkie Pie talk like a soldier had made your day.

"Morning Ditto. Did I ever tell you about how much of a player you are? Seriously, cut that shit out. You're making me look bad."

>You laugh again but he doesn't get it. Whatever.

>He notices the icecream, finally. "What exactly happened?"

"Get cleaned up."

>You walk out, leaving him to clean. You catch him revert to his natural state as you exit.

>Two down. How much longer until he gets the other four?

>You hoped never. For your sake, not his.

 

>Downstairs, Twilight and Chrysalis had moved onto a different topic: What the fuck you were doing with Ditto.

>You walk in past Twilight reclaiming your throne. You frown. Twilight and Chrysalis didn't even look tired. What the shit.

>"Uh..." Twilight looks downward, twiddling her forehooves, "What was all that about?"

>You decide to just be blunt with it.

"Ditto got drunk and fucked Pinkie as Pinkie. There was icecream. No I will not elaborate."

>Twilight's face becomes a deep shade of red as she nods quickly. "Oh! Yes! Right, of course. Ha ha..."

>She turns to Chrysalis, "Where were we?" She is ignored though, as Chrysalis glared at you.

>"Why did you give him more of your nasty Scotch? I told you that stuff is bad for us!"

>You roll your eyes, "He didn't drink any scotch and I wasn't even there. Pinkie and Ditto were eating lots of fairly spoiled icecream. That stuff ferments when it's aged. I don't know how he got drunk off it... Though they definitely ate a lot of it.

>Her anger dies down as you explain. "Very well." She turns to Twilight, "Well, anyhow. Thank you for the information, Twilight. I will keep this in mind."

>She stands, and turns to the door.

"Where are you going?"

>She turns back to you, smiling, "I have a letter to write."

>You smile back nervously. As she leaves you reflect on your adventure thus far. Things had not gone as planned. You definately didn't think Celestia would force Chrysalis on you. Now you couldn't get rid of her if you even wanted too.

>But hey. Being friends with royalty had it's perks. Things might work out after all.

>But probably not.