Title: SimEquestria 2000 Author: Hamnonymous Pastebin link: http://pastebin.com/LADi7Jja First Edit: Monday 9th of July 2012 08:31:43 PM CDT Last Edit: Monday 9th of July 2012 08:31:43 PM CDT >Day 529 in Equestria. >Day 7 filling in for Mayor Mare while she's away in Canterlot. >Being Deputy Mayor is an easy job. >Approve increase to educational budget for Cheerilee. >Construct more water pumps around the reservoir. >Designate the areas around Fluttershy's cottage zoned for Heavy Industrial construction. >Applejack comes by looking for a grant to further develop more farmland. >Nope. "YA CAN'T CUT BACK ON FUNDING! Y'ALL WILL REGRET THIS!" >Click the Tornado button until all of Sweet Apple Acres is leveled to the ground. >Such is life in SimEquestria.   -----   >Day 8 in SimEquestria. >Griffin neighbors to the north want a road built connecting our two lands. >Cost 10 bits per roadway tile + 1000 bits to bridge connection. "Hmmmmmm, I don't know..." >It comes with a free sign. "HELL FUCKIN YES! LET'S DO THIS!" >Construction goes smoothly and soon you have both a new route of commerce and a cool new sign. >And that cool new sign reads: Gryphonia 1 >Nope. >Bulldoze that sign and have a better one constructed. WELCOME TO PECKERVILLE >Now that's a sign to be proud of.   -----   >Day 10 in SimEquestria. >Speak with Twilight Sparkle concerning educational needs of the city. "Our young colts and fillies could stand to read more, we need more libraries." >This seems like an easy enough fix. >Bulldoze the schoolhouse, hospital and fire station. >Erect libraries where they each stood. "No no, Anon! The town can't function without those buildings." >Fine. >Tear down all the new libraries and rebuild the school, hospital and fire station. >"Well Twilight, is that better?" "Our young colts and fillies could stand to read more, we need more libraries." >Women, just can't ever make up their minds.   -----   >Day 13 in SimEquestria. >This town is kinda boring. >We need a sports team. >Actually we need two sports teams, that way they can play against each other. >Begin construction on a new Hoofball stadium on an open plot of land and hire enough players to fill two teams. >Now what to name the teams? >Fluttershy suggests naming them after some of her animal friends. >Eh, it's as good a suggestion as any. >A few days later the first game is played between the two teams and the residents of Ponyville love it. >Headlines of the Foal Free Press tell the tale of the game the next morning. COCKS POUND BEAVERS 12-4   -----   >Day 14 in SimEquestria. >The days stuck in the office can get rather boring. >Fluttershy suggests getting an office pet. "Yeah sure, why not?" >She brings you over an ant farm. >The two of you sit watching the little guys dig tunnels for a while. "You know Flutters, these little guys really aren't all that different from the rest of us." "Running around in circles, doing busywork, just living life." >"I never really thought about it Anon, I guess you're right." "Hey Flutters, this was kinda fun. Thanks." >You two watch them work for a while longer. >Today was a pretty good day.     >Day 1 in Antquestria. >You are Yellow Antnonymous. >Just chilling out in your part of the ant farm. >There's a knock at the door. >It's Flutterant. >"Hi Antnon." >She's wearing a pair of wings and a crown. >"I thought maybe you preferred younger girls, so are new queens your fetish?" "No Flutterant, I'm not a larvae-lester, that's disgusting." >Flutterant starts sweating and mumbling something. >Pheromone trails fall out of her pockets. >Fucking Flutterant. >Then SpiderJack kicks in the door. >"IT'S SPIDER TIME!" "No SJ, no!" >Such is life in SimAntquestria. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4A1VAPb0fHQ   -----   >Day 17 in SimEquestria. >Just finished constructing the third police station around Zecora's hut. >Damn zigger needs to learn that crime doesn't pay. >There's a knock at the office door. >It's Fluttershy. >"Hey Anon, are Reticulating Splines your fetish?" "Fluttershy, do you even know what Reticulating Splines are?" >"Ummm, well... no." >Close the door on her and go back to work. >Looks like we might need a fourth police station near Zecora. >Urban development is not easy.   -----   >Day 20 in SimEquestria. >Ponyville has been growing by leaps and bounds ever since you bulldozed the Everfree forest and constructed dense residential and shopping malls over it. >Now your population is high enough to attract the military. >*The Royal Guard would like to construct a base in your city. This could mean additional revenues but could also raise additional problems.* >*Do you allow the Royal Guard to construct a base?* >[YES] NO "Oh I hope we get an Earth pony and Unicorn Army base, that would pump so much money into the local econ-" >*The Royal Guard has placed missile silos as your base.* "FFFFFFFFUUUUUUU!!!" >Well shit, now all that land is taken up by nuclear missiles, bombs and a few jets. >Hang on a second, maybe some good can come of this after all... "Hey Fluttershy! I just realized something!" "Dr. Strangelove is my fetish!" >This is going to be a great day after all.   -----   >Day 22 in SimEquestria. >It's a slow day as Deputy Mayor. >Seems a good a time as any to go over city ordinances and see if anything needs changing. >Volunteer Fire Dept? Might want to cancel that, if only to put a stop to CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS: FIRE MARSHALS! >Public Smoking Ban? Yeah let's enact that, maybe keep those dragons out of the city. >Homeless Shelters? Sorry Scootaloo, but you're going back to sleeping in the woods. >Nuclear Free Zone? Oooh look, it doesn't cost anything to implement. Let's do it! >And from that day forth, Princess Celestia and her radiation causing ass were banned from the town of Ponyville. >Still nothing to keep the Zebras out though. >Damn.   -----   >Day 27 in SimEquestria. >Finally you have a large enough population to access Arcologies. >But which one to build? DUH ALL OF THEM! >Set fire to Sweet Apple Acres to make room for them all. >Then let AJ rebuild and replant. >Then set fire to Sweet Apple Acres again. >Then piss on the ashes. >Fuck yeah. >Now construction can begin. >Once you have all 4 Arcologies finished it's time to populate them. >Send all the Apple Family to the Plymouth Arcology, why the hell would they care about pollution? >Fluttershy and her critters can go into the Forest Arcology and do whatever kind of tree hugging crap they do. >Move the entire Changeling horde into Darco Arcology, then send in Roid Rage after them with a machete. >And that wonderful mare Derpy Hooves can be in charge of the Launch Arcology. >Nothing can go wrong here. >*THE EXODUS HAS BEGUN* >*YOUR LAUNCH ARCOS HAVE DEPARTED INTO SPACE TO FOUND NEW WORLDS. YOU HAVE BEEN COMPENSATED FOR THEIR CONSTRUCTION.* "Derpy, what the hell did you do now?" >"I'm sorry, I just don't know what went wrong." "Oh you." >Just another day in SimEquestria.