Cop Mabel and Waddles in: Cocaine Frenzy

        It was a quiet, chilly night in Gravity Falls, Officer Mabel's favorite type of weather to conduct patrols in. Enjoying the cool breeze, she rolled down the roof of her drop-top, low-ride pig mobile. Blasting some funky MF DOOM shit out of her ride, she lit up another rainbow colored joint for her her partner Waddles, who was riding shotgun, baked as all hell. “Jesus, this night's been a fucking bust”, the officer muttered to herself as she passed by the haunted convenience store for the 3rd time that night. Waddles oinked his agreement as he saw various colors and shapes fly by pass in the moonlight.

        Checking her clock, she got ready to pack it up for the night when she smelled a very familiar smell. A smell that once helped her fight her way through Detroit with only a handgun, razor wire, and a bottle of whiskey. The purist Colombian cocaine that even money can't buy. To get some, you have to submit yourself to a hard life's labor as a guard for Don Pedro “Dirty Sanchez” Chalupa Gringo Hernandez, the most ruthless and cruel drug lord the world has seen, and will ever see. Mabel met this man in his birthplace of Peru while taking a vacation. At that time, Mabel was a recovering coke addict, so being a guard for a guy to get free coke was much more enticing than having to suck dicks to get it. She still sucked dick for the coke, though. Old habits are hard to break. This partnership ended when Mabel stole 10000 kilos of his product. She need the coke to feud her rampages all throughout every ghetto in America. After taking down the last hood, she officially became the Big Boss Bitch of every hood.

        She thought that Hernandez wouldn't be able to find her in such a small and insignificant town, but she knew he knew she was here. She drove over to the aroma, looking to settle the score betweem herself and the kingpin. She pulled up to the source, the offices of the Gravity Falls Gossiper. Cutting off her jams, she grabbed her shotty and got out of her cruiser, Waddles accompanying her with his dual magnums. “You ready for some action, man?” Mabel whispered to her partner-in-crime. Waddles nodded, rotating the barrels of his gun. “Alright, let's show these fuckers what happened when they don't cut me in a coke deal!” Using her law-given right to blast punk bitches with no regard for human life, she kicked the front door off its hinges, sending it flying towards the occupants of the room. Flying at massive velocity, the door cut 5 guards in half mid-flight before finally colliding with the wall. The impact of the wall caused the door to splinter into wooden shrapnel and kill 21 more guards as if a grenade had been thrown in the room. Deftly strutting in, Mabel started gunning down anything that looked as if it was related to the coke deal. As she blasted open the dealers' cover, Waddles finished them off, busting magnum slugs all over the place. Shit was crazy, man. A few of the fools tried to fire back, but their guns, and then hands, were instantly blown off and filled with lead.

        After a minute of wrecking the room with gunfight, she noticed Toby Determined lying in a broken desk, gasping for air. Mabel and Waddles stepped over the rubble and confronted the reporter, grabbing him by the collar and choking him with a microphone laying on the ground next to him. “WHERE IS HE?”, Mabel screamed into Toby's ears, headbutting him every time she repeated her question. “GOBBLING GOOSEFEATHERS! MY HEART CAN 'T TAKE THIS!” He soon passed out, convulsing furiously. At first, it seemed her headbutts had done too much damage, but then she noticed the copious amounts of cocaine that has been shoved into his nostrils. All of a sudden, she heard a black truck starting outside. Diving out of the window, she caught a glimpse Don Pedro in the back, jerking his gherkin to beastiality on his laptop. Officer Mabel and Waddles dove for their car to take down the fat bitch once and for all.

        Chasing after the fearsome drug dealer, she realized that needed even more help. The first person she thought of was her dear brother Dipper, and she knew where to find him. She floored it and drove back to the Mystery Shack, knocking over cars like bowling pins as she made her way to her sibling. When she arrived, she took out her gold plated grappling hook and shot it through the upstairs bathroom window, propelling herself up to see her brother. As she had expected, Dipper was in the shower getting his dick groped by 3 neckbeards, 5 middle-aged men who all looked like textbook pedophiles and a duck hastily scribbling down the events that where occurring right in front of its eyes. Dipper did not to fight back, instead moaning out of character that he wanted to be fucked.

        “You jive ass motherfuckers, you BEST not be diddling with my brother's ding-dong!” Mabel yelled in authoritatively, pulling out her bloodstained shotty out of her cunt, the place she made her personal armory. She blasted the pedophiles into giblets by bouncing the shotgun blasts off of the bulletproof shower walls. Grabbing the duck, she stuffed its mouth with some shitty opium that she had grew in her backyard. Turning to her boy whore twin, she grabbed him by the cheeks and jumped out of he window into her sweet ride. Unfortunately, Waddles had felt like being an asshole, so he had put the retractable roof back up right before his partner and owner jumping back in. Hitting the roof hard, she lost sight in both eyes for a minute, reminding her of that one really bad acid trip she had went on with Soos. After a minute, she could see again, and decided to lay down a beating on a pig. She opened up the passenger's door, pulling her partner out. Incensed, she stomped a mudhole in her pig's ass, teaching the fucker to never pull any dumb shit like that again. She hopped over the roof of car, sliding into the driver's seat. Dipper was already fastening himself into his seat, ready to do the incredibly dangerous things that his sister always dragged him into. She drove like a maniac to the arcade, a hot spot for narcotic dealing in this town.

        Arriving, she jumped out of her car and shoulder charged the entrance door, kicking it off its hinges. The resulting chain reaction killed everyone in the arcade except for the boss, the dirtiest of all Sanchezs. He held a minigun at the duo who had just run in, revving it up. As soon as the massive bullet spewing machine shoot its first bullet at the kids, Mabel decided to put her plan into action. She had knew from past experience that the sick fat bastard enjoyed plowing little boys, so she pushed Dipper in front of the sex offending coke lord, knowing that he couldn't resist Dipper's cheeks. The man also had an affinity for all things illegal, so Mabel was 100% certain that the man would take this opportunity to fondle Dipper's illegal amount of ass. The man pounded on the boyslut, humping  the living fuck out of him because he couldn't bother to whip his dick out. Using this distraction, she pulled a corkscrew out of her snatch and tossed it to her shameful bro. He shoved it down his throat, with the screw pointing out of his mouth. He then whipped out the gangster's GLORIOUS 1 incher, shoving it down his throat. In less than a second, the crook's dick was mangled, sending the boss bruiser into a frenzy. He knocked away the boy and charged Mabel.

        The gangster's punch knocked Officer through 3 buildings before hitting a lamp post. As blood rushed into her eyes, she saw the shadow the hefty druglord sprinting towards her. Head spinning, she did the only thing that any other rational human being would do. She pulled an AK-47 out of her cooch and fired it wildly at the hulking pedophile dashing towards her. He was dead after taking a few shots, seeing as he was just a fat fuck pedo that just happened to run fast. Getting up slowly, she wiped the blood from her face as Dipper ran up to her. “Mabel, what the fuck, man?” Dipper yelled furiously at his sister. “You go on a fucking rampage every time I get gangfucked by 8 guys in the shower, but you're cool with letting some Bueno Excellente looking muthafucka feel me up?” Mabel light up a joint, slowly inhaling, then exhaling. She looked his square in the eyes, and gave him a cold stare that froze him to the bones. “You're goddamn right.”

        It was a helluva night for Officer Mabel, and a helluva stash she got from Toby Determined's office and the arcade. Chilling in her drop-top, doing lines on the steering wheel as she swerved into cars, houses, and stray animals, she knew that she had done a good job. And she knew the best way to cap off the night. She had filled the entire back seat of the car with a mountain of the product and was snorting handfuls of the stuff. Waddles was polishing his magnums, still pissed about getting the shit stomped out of him, but he cooled down when promised with tons of illicit consumables. Dipper was out of the hood of the car shirtless, shaking his hips suggestively. As soon as he started this, crowds of kiddy diddlers ran out into the streets, clamoring for Dipper's cock and balls. Mabel smiled at this showing, happy that her plan had worked. She and Waddles each pull up mounted machine guns, while tossing Dipper a flamethrower.

        The pimped out cop car speed down the streets of Gravity Falls, machine guns blowing holes in the pedestrians running for Dipper, and the flamethrower scorching everything in the death-mobile’s path. As Officer Mabel, Dipper, and Deputy Waddles tore through the streets of Gravity Falls, causing an exorbitant amount of collateral damage, killing hordes of pedophiles, Mabel relished the fact that she was, now and forever, the mack daddy of Gravity Falls.