First Time

First Time

 

        Neither of us said anything for a while. After a long discussion about his troubled past, and the numerous issues that had followed him through it, Luka no longer seemed to be in the mood to talk. He sat just a few feet away from me, legs crossed, staring out at the horizon. Thankfully, he had calmed down considerably since our confrontation with Lazarus, but he was clearly just as troubled as he had been before, even if he wasn’t showing it. It was easy for me to recognize this behavior, since I was doing the exact same thing.

 

        He’s going to have to kill me. We both want peace between monsters and humans, and my death is the only way to make it happen. I’ve come to terms with that issue, but I’m still quite afraid. To make matters worse, I’m fighting some very strong feelings for him. I want to tell him how I feel, but doing that could potentially ruin everything.

 

It’s for the best, though. If I communicated even half of the thoughts going through my head to him, it would only create more unnecessary problems. Besides, he already has enough to deal with. Forcing him to listen to my conflicts in addition to all of that would be unfair. Still, part of me wants to believe that he would care if told him how I feel about him.

 

        I push the thought out of my head quickly. At this point especially, I can’t afford to let my emotions take over. I glance over at Luka, and he notices almost immediately. Our eyes meet for a moment, but I quickly break the stare. My face becomes warm with embarrassment and my heart starts racing as I try to focus on something else, and an awkward silence dominates the formerly calm, quiet atmosphere.

 

“You know, Alice, I really do appreciate you bringing me up here. After what happened with Lazarus, I needed to take some time to figure my feelings out, even if I didn’t realize it at the time. Thanks for that.” Luka says with a warm, genuine smile, breaking the silence after what felt like an eternity. Being careful not to let my emotions become visible again, I keep an expressionless face and simply nod at him.

 

“It would have been unwise of me to let you do anything else after such a stressful encounter, that’s all.” I explain.

 

“Well, I’m glad that I have you around to help me control myself.” He replies with a chuckle. “Seriously though, you’ve helped me with so many of my problems. I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate it.” He adds, still smiling.

 

“Somebody has to help you figure these things out. It might as well be me.” I respond. “You would go crazy if you didn’t have anyone to talk to about your problems.” I quickly realize that I should probably take my own advice more often.

 

“You’re right.” He says, his smile slowly fading. “Alice, don’t you ever want to talk about your own problems? You’ve seemed troubled lately, what’s wrong?”

 

        His concern is genuine. My heart begins racing again, and a strange combination of joy and nervousness fills me. It’s nice to know that he cares, but I wouldn’t be able to tell him much without revealing my plans in the process. Still, he can tell that something’s bothering me. It might seem suspicious if I don’t tell him anything.

 

“I’ve been thinking about my mother lately.” It takes me a moment to realize that I just said that. I regret it instantly, but Luka simply sits there, waiting for me to continue. “She felt that she had to die to improve relations between humans and monsters, and I ruined all of that in seconds.” I reluctantly explain.

 

“Alice, don’t think like that.” Luka says in a comforting tone. “You were only a child, you didn’t know any better.”

 

“That means nothing. Regardless of how young I was at the time, it was still my fault. I destroyed my mother’s dream immediately after it had finally come true.” I’m fighting back tears at this point. Just thinking about my mother makes me emotional, but it’s even harder to talk about her. I can’t let him see me cry. “I’ve had to deal with this guilt since I was a child, it won’t simply go away.” I continue, barely containing my emotions.

 

“We’re going to make everything better, I promise.” Luka replies. I can feel his gentle eyes studying my face closely, but I still keep my vision focused on the ground beneath me and say nothing else. “Your mother’s death wasn’t for nothing, you know.” He assures me.

 

“But if I don’t fix my mistakes, it will be!” I quickly shout at him before lowering my voice again. “I just don’t want her sacrifice to be pointless, that’s all.”

 

“Alice, don’t you understand what I’m fighting for? I want to see your mother’s dream become a reality.” He moves closer to me, and I turn to face him. “We’re going to finish this together.” He says, looking me in the eyes.

 

        His words do nothing to change my mind about anything, but they are comforting. For a moment, I simply look at Luka. Not long ago, he was just a young, ignorant child with unrealistic dreams, but travelling with him and watching him grow has helped me grow as well. His stupid dreams began to make more sense to me, and his desire to unify the world reminded me of my mother and her own dreams of coexistence.

 

As I began to look at him as more of a friend and a companion than a child, my feelings for him grew stronger. He was maturing so quickly, both physically and emotionally, and eventually it started to feel like I was learning from him, instead of teaching him. It was probably only a small crush at first. I didn’t even realize that I had feelings for him until they became very intense, and at that point I had already decided that he should be the one to kill me. I ignored and repressed my emotions in a desperate attempt to make them go away, but that only made it worse.

 

        I’m tired of hiding my emotions. I want to be happy, and I want him to be happy, and I also know that he won’t want to kill me, even if it would make our dream a reality. Convincing him to actually do it is going to be hard enough, but telling him that I have feelings for him would probably just make it harder for him, even if he doesn’t feel the same way. As I start to consider the fact that he might not reciprocate these feelings, I feel a strange sensation in my chest, and I start to get emotional again. I want him so badly.

 

        Honestly, if I could live to see a world where monsters and humans exist together peacefully, I couldn’t imagine living in it without him. That’s an impossible outcome, though. We can’t both see this dream come true, only he can. I suddenly realize that this will probably be the last time that we can sit down together as friends, or companions, or whatever it is that we are, and I feel an overwhelmingly strong urge to be as close to him as possible. Without thinking, I rest my head on his chest and close my eyes.

 

        Immediately, I feel a strong sense of happiness and safety. For a moment, though, everything becomes very quiet, and I feel like I’ve made a huge mistake. As I feel his hand run through my hair and towards my shoulder, however, it all feels fine again. I look up at Luka, who appears to be quite surprised and nervous. He’s even blushing.

 

        As wonderful as it feels to be this close to him, I know that the moment must end. I’ve expressed my feelings as much as I possibly can without telling him that I love him. Am I in love with him? At this point, I’m honestly not sure. I can’t let this continue for much longer, though.

 

        With some difficulty, I remove my head from his chest and his hand leaves my shoulder. My cheeks turn red with embarrassment once again as I attempt to think of a way to change the mood. I keep my eyes focused on the ground, but I can tell that he’s looking at me with a confused expression. It’s entirely understandable, of course, but I can’t let it continue any longer. Without thinking, I grab his arms and pounce on him.

 

        I’m not even sure what I’m doing at this point, but I need to distract him from what just happened. As I try to think of something to do to him, I realize that we’re both still virgins. If I was going to lose my virginity to anybody, it would be him, of course, and the experience would likely distract him from that brief moment of vulnerability I just had. I still can’t believe I did that. Regardless, I see an opportunity here.

 

        The more I think about it, the better the idea of fucking him right here becomes. I would give my virginity to him, and he would give his to me. My heart is racing as I realize that I’m about to have sex for the first time. It’s a strange combination of nervousness and excitement, but I know that it’s something I want. This is as close to him as I’m ever going to get.

 

        He opens his mouth, but says nothing. As I run my hands down his chest, I can feel his heartbeat quicken, and his crotch grow warmer. After so many encounters like this one, his body already knows what to expect. I can’t help but smile. There’s something so satisfying about having this kind of power over him.

 

        During our previous encounters, he would typically try to resist or hold back. This time, he doesn’t seem nearly as reluctant. His futile attempts at resistance have always been amusing at the very least, but there’s something about that eager look in his eyes that is quite arousing. I want a closer look at those eyes. I coil around his legs with my tail and bring my face closer to his, still smiling deviously.

 

“Alice, stop!” Luka says, rather unexpectedly. “We shouldn’t be doing this right now.” There is no reluctance or fear in his voice. He wants this. He needs this. It’s time to take things a little further.

 

“You know, Luka, it would be rather pitiful to die without losing your virginity.” I say as softly as I can, slowly running my hand down his cheek. His eyes widen, but he says nothing. “Things are going to get quite dangerous soon, and survival isn’t exactly guaranteed. Let me give you this, Luka.” A terrible feeling forms in my chest as I consider the possibility of losing him. I push the thought out of my head.

 

“No, Alice.” He replies.

 

        I roll my eyes and sigh. I was hoping to lose my own virginity to him in this form, but this seems to be the only way that I’ll get him to give in. For a moment, I close my eyes and concentrate, changing into my human form. My tail disappears, and two smooth, soft legs appear where it was once wrapped around the boy below me. He should be a little easier to convince now.

 

        To my surprise, he says nothing. I decide to make the most of his silence, and begin undressing him. I can tell that he’s barely trying to resist at this point. Probably because I had acted so suddenly, but maybe he’s finally starting to really want me? I can’t know for sure, but it’s a satisfying thought, and one that I’m more than happy to believe right now.

 

        His breathing quickens as I remove his shirt and run my hands down his chest. I stop at his stomach, and I catch a glimpse of noticeable disappointment in his eyes. Unable to hide my amusement, I look him in the eyes and grin, causing him to become red with embarrassment. Not wanting to humiliate him too much, I continue to tease him with my fingers, and forcefully grind my hips into him. I can feel his member growing beneath me, and my own crotch begins to react to this.

 

        Soon enough, my juices are quite visible on his pants, and I’m too aroused to continue teasing him like his. I quickly remove his pants and underwear to reveal his cock. Eager to taste it, I tightly grasp it and begin to stroke it slowly. I lick my lips as I watch his sticky, clear fluids emerge from the tip. I can feel him surrender to me a little more with each stroke.

 

        I look up at him for a moment. Luka always makes such cute faces when he’s feeling this kind of pleasure. Sure enough, his cheeks are red and his mouth is open, and it’s adorable. I want to see more of his cute expressions. I stop stroking him for a moment, and guide his member into my mouth, closing my eyes as I taste every inch of it.

 

        Despite the fact that he’s already a complete slave to my mouth, his resistance to my skills has increased considerably. Since I no longer have to worry about him instantly reaching climax, I can focus on my own pleasure as well. I sneak a finger between my new pair of legs, gently teasing my moist crotch. I’m surprised to feel such an intense burst of pleasure from such a light touch, and even more surprised at how wet I’ve become just from teasing Luka. Perhaps I should move things along a little faster.

 

        I remove his member from my mouth, giving it a wet kiss before letting go of it and positioning my soaking hole over it. Luka says nothing, but the urgent twitching of his cock tells me everything that I need to know. I grasp it once again and guide it into me. At this point, I’m too aroused to continue teasing him. His penis slides between my lips and into my tight hole with very little effort, and he lets out a soft moan as soon as he enters me.

 

        Suddenly, I am surprised by at the sharp pain inside of me. In my excitement, I had completely forgotten about the discomfort that comes with losing your virginity. My eyes widen for a moment and I pause completely, giving my body a moment to get used to the feeling of being penetrated. Luka looks up at me for a moment with a concerned expression on his face, but I decide to keep things moving along. His concern makes me feel happy, though.

 

        Having him inside of me felt strange and rather painful, but I could feel the pain rapidly being replaced by pleasure and desire. I begin to move faster, and it immediately has a very obvious effect on Luka. His eyes close and he lets out a quiet moan, and I almost vocalize my own pleasure as well. After struggling to keep myself quiet, I feel him begin to twitch inside of me, and I let out a loud gasp as he fills me with semen. It’s a wonderful feeling, but I’m more focused on distracting him from my loud moan.

 

“What a pitiful first time. You didn’t last very long at all!” I say to him in an effort to motivate him to get going again. “You’re not done already, are you? I know you’re not. Give me more!”

 

        Predictably, he begins to thrust into me again. His movements are tired, slow, and almost unwilling at first, but as I begin to move with him, he quickly becomes erect inside of me and his thrusts get harder and faster. He seems much more motivated and willing than usual, consciously thrusting into me as deeply as he can and letting out the occasional moan. Suddenly, I feel his hands on my waist, slowly moving towards my butt as his movements become more urgent. He pushes into me as much as he can, and squeezes my ass, not letting go as he releases his semen inside of me again.

 

“You can’t possibly be done yet, can you?” I ask him. “I need more!”

 

        In an effort to get him to release as much semen as he possibly can, I begin to manipulate my pussy again, squeezing his member and forcing every last drop out of him. I feel him let go of my ass, simply falling back and moaning in pleasure. His mouth is open, but eventually the noises stop and his eyes close. Regardless of how strong he has become, he always seems to do that after I’ve had my fun with him. It’s actually rather cute.

 

        I remove his softening penis from inside of me, and return to my normal form. At this point, I would normally use his unconsciousness as an opportunity to extract more semen from him, but I feel no desire to do that right now. Instead, I get him into his clothes again, and give him a quick kiss on the cheek. My heart is racing, and I feel my face become warm with excitement and embarrassment. I’ve given up on fighting my feelings.

 

        For a while, I sit there and look up at the darkening sky. Even though I’m in my normal form now, I can still feel a dull ache down below, a reminder of what had just happened between me and Luka. It was a very bittersweet situation, now that I think about it. I’m glad that I was able to lose my virginity to him, but in the end it only served as a distraction from an embarrassing moment. I would have liked it to be a little more meaningful and less impulsive, but in the end, I’m just glad that it happened.

 

        I’m in love with him. I’ve been fighting it for a while now, and I don’t think that I even truly realized it until I put my head on his chest, but the way I felt just being close to him made it quite clear that I’m in love. There’s no point in fighting it, though. Even if it’s just going to make things harder on both of us in the end, I’m not going to lie to myself. I move closer to him, and rest my head on his chest again.

 

        His heartbeat quickens as soon as the side of my head touches him, and I can’t help but smile. It probably has nothing to do with me, though. His body’s simply reacting to the sudden physical contact. I decide to get a little more comfortable, and I move even closer to him as I do so. After repressing my desires for so long, it feels good to finally be right next to what I want most.

 

        It can’t last. I know that, but I want to enjoy this moment. Even if it was impulsive and forced, I still got to experience some physical and emotional closeness with him, and that makes me feel incredibly fortunate. Soon enough, things are going to get very difficult for both of us, but right now, my existence seems almost peaceful. I can only hear the sound of his heartbeat as I look at the stars above us.