Pastebin launched a little side project called HostCabi.net, check it out ;-)Don't like ads? PRO users don't see any ads ;-)
Public Pastes

FluffTV: Babies

By: Ginger_Fig on Jul 22nd, 2012  |  syntax: None  |  size: 3.08 KB  |  hits: 734  |  expires: Never
download  |  raw  |  embed  |  report abuse  |  print
Text below is selected. Please press Ctrl+C to copy to your clipboard. (⌘+C on Mac)
  1. 1/3
  2. >Production assistant for Fluff-TV.
  3. >You work on the worst show on the network:  "Babies."
  4. >Just hours of video...birthing, nursing, playing, hugging.
  5. >It's mind numbing work.
  6. >Not as easy as it looks either.
  7. >There's a strict policy; "Babies" never shows an unhappy fluffy pony.
  8. >It upsets your nitwit audience, fluffy & human.
  9. >If a fluffy takes a tumble and hurts his nose, the footage is scrapped.
  10. >A foal cries because it can't find momma's teat? Scrapped.
  11. >Bad poopies? Scrapped.
  12. >Anything bad happens...the footage is scrapped.
  13. >Gotta start all over again.
  14. >So you can't just set up a camera and chill out.
  15.  
  16. >First step is choosing candidates for the show.
  17. >Strays from the shelter work best.
  18. >Ferals are too headstrong, independent.
  19. >Pet fluffies tend to be too spoilt.
  20. >You want fluffies that know how miserable life can be.
  21. >You can always threaten them with a return to the shelter.
  22.  
  23. 2/3
  24. >Conditioning is next.
  25. >Start with several dozen mommas & foals.
  26. >You're not planning on using all of them.
  27. >About 75% are "example fluffies."
  28. >Put them in a well lit pen, similar to the TV studio.
  29. >Let the fluffies play.
  30. >If any fight...execute them immediately.
  31. >Yep, you heard it right.
  32. >Doesn't matter who started it.
  33. >If two fluffies get into even the smallest fight you cut their heads off.
  34. >Make sure all the other fluffies see.
  35. >For such dumb animals they learn quick.
  36. >Bad fluffies that fight get the worst owwies.
  37.  
  38. >Crank up the intensity.
  39. >Any fluffy that cries gets killed next.
  40. >All it takes is one mother watching her beloved foal get beheaded.
  41. >"Whhaaa! Why huwt babee? Nuu!"
  42. "Bad fluffies that cry lose their head."
  43. >You better believe the mommas pay close attention to their foals now.
  44. >They don't let foals do anything that could possibly get them hurt...not even a bump on the nose.
  45. >Mommas keep their babies nursing as long as possible.
  46. >They can't cry about being hungry that way.
  47. >Fluffy mares live in constant terror of seeing their foals executed.
  48. >Conditioning proceeds as planned.
  49.  
  50. 3/3
  51. >It's been narrowed down to 6 fluffy families.
  52. >These fluffies have been selected and conditioned to be perfect for "Babies."
  53. >Now to get them used to the soundstage.
  54. >Acclimate them to the noises, bright lights and strange people.
  55. >Be super-nice to them for a change.
  56. >This is the only place they get fed.
  57. >Treats, huggies, tickling.
  58. >You want them to consider this a happy place.
  59. >Fluffies are overjoyed to go to the studio soundstage.
  60. >Because their lives are miserable away from the studio.
  61. >You keep them in cramped, wet, rusty cages.
  62. >Loud scary music plays.
  63. >It stinks...litterboxes are rarely cleaned out.
  64. >The hungry fluffies cry for food...they get none.
  65. >Weaned foals are kept away from their mommas.
  66. >No physical abuse, but every effort is made to make them miserable.
  67. >That way they're happy when it's time to go film an episode.
  68.  
  69. >It's a perfect system.
  70. >"Babies" delivers episodes on schedule and under budget.
  71. >On screen, the fluffy ponies are perfectly 100% happy.
  72. >The grand illusion of television.
  73. >It's all about balance.
  74. >You still hate your job.
create a new version of this paste RAW Paste Data