Title: Curse these Fluffy Ponies, they drive me to drink: Part 1 Author: Giant_Neckbeard Pastebin link: http://pastebin.com/D5eZustH First Edit: Thursday 28th of June 2012 09:19:08 AM CDT Last Edit: Thursday 28th of June 2012 09:19:08 AM CDT >After six months, the Fluffy Pony Foal you found abandoned on your front lawn has been house-trained, can swim a little and is generally the only bright spot in your otherwise endless grind of a life.    >Found him the day after you gave up drinking. Took it as a sign from Above and called him 'Vodka'. A beautiful pure-white Earth-Fluffy Pony.   >Decide that, working 6 days a week, you really do need another pony or two to keep little Vodka happy during the day.    >Drive for three hours to find a nice adoption center. Most of the local ones make Guatanamo Bay look like Hawaii.   >Little Vodka is waving like the damn Pope to the other ponies.    >"Hewwo! Oh! So many Fwiends!"   >You asked the giant black man behind counter if you can adopt one or two ponies for Vodka as friends.    >Asked if ponies really do explode and/or die during sex and pregnancy.    >Giant Black Man said "Fucking internet. No, they don't." and laughed.   >Fucking Yes. Had nightmares of finding Vodka lying dead on the floor torturing you for weeks now.   >Buy three more Ponies, another male, and two females. All Earth Ponies, the Giant Black Man said they are the most robust and easiest to keep.   >A Light-Grey Male you called Gin, a Dark Red Female called Rum and a dull, pale yellow Female called Bourbon.   >Explained to the Giant Black Man when you were registering their names you had given up Alcohol.   >Fluffies names were as much a joke on that as well as making sure they had very specific names.   >You figure that when Spring rolls around, and breeding season starts, you'll just keep the females indoors for the two-three weeks it takes.    >On way home, Vodka is hugging the other male Fluffy, Gin, on the back seat, both babbling about 'Hugs' and 'Funnehs'.    >Females, Rum and Bourbon, are asleep in a pile.    >Life is fucking awesome. You were awash in hugs on the way to the car.   >Several days pass.   >Life is still fucking awesome, and your food bill hasn't gone up all that much either.   >You've also noticed that while all four Ponies play well together, Gin and Vodka are always hugging each other.    >Eh, fuck it, don't care, they're happy.    >Come home to find Rum and Bourbon playing with a ball. Ask where Vodka and Gin are.    >"Pwaying boy-game." Rum replies glumly. Bourbon nods sadly.    >"Boy .... game?" You ask, confused. First spend ten minutes playing with Rum and Bourbon and cheer them up. Remind them that Friday is All-They-Can-Eat Spaghetti Night.    >You are a God to them.    >Spend the next 10 minutes trying to find Vodka and Gin. Where the fuck are they?    >Eventually hear 'pomf'ing noises from your bedroom.    >Quietly stick your head around the door and look in.    >OHWADAFUQ?    >Boy-Game indeed!    >Now it all makes sense. Shortly after Vodka's fifth month in your house, he 'wuved' you. Took a few days to explain, and make the information stick, that dry-humping your face wasn't 'wuv'.    >Vodka and Gin are hugging face-to-face, humping each other tenderly on your pillow, going 'Eenf eenf eenf' and their fluff making that 'pomf' noise as they grind against each other.    >You wish your camera was working, this is like a train wreck.    >some minutes later, they finish.    >"Waaaaaah! No-no feels funneh!"    >"Waaaaaah! Sticky sticky!"    >Burn that fucking pillow ...    >Walk away to make dinner. Also get yourself some anti-acids.    >Have to come get Vodka and Gin as they were still hugging each other and are now cemented together.   >Look up at you with pleased, somewhat desperate expressions on their faces.   >"Daddy! No-no's no stawp huggies! How Fwuffies nu stick togetha?"    >Oh joy, dried pony fluids all over your bed. How can such little things produce so much junk?    >Pre-dinner bath for the boys to separate them. Try to hug each other in bath. See two pink horse-wieners waving underneath their bodies.   >Oh-no-you-fucking-don't!    >During dinner, try to figure out how to explain to ponies that they are supposed to do that with the girls, not each other.    >Decide it's not worth the headache.    >Fluffies are gobbling up the pasta with great gusto, sauce staining their whole heads and chests, noisily slurping up mouthfuls of spaghetti and all but crying tears of joys.   >"Sketti! Weaw sketti!" Rum is babbling happily, her belly almost bloating.   >"Suuuu nummies! Wuv Daddy!" Gin cheers, sitting on his haunches to wave his front legs at you, then burps so hard he falls over onto his back, forelegs windmilling franticly.   >Clean them up after dinner, wipe off spaghetti sauce and let them use litter tray one last time before being locked into their sleeping room.    >Go to bed.    >Forgot to change the pillow.   >Fuck.   >Wake up next morning, go out to find Vodka and Gin staring out the window, leaning on each other and going "Wah! Pwetty!" at the dawn.    >Ah who cares if they're gay, they're happy.    >Look around for Rum and Bourbon.    >See Push-Me Pull-Me Pony version wandering around, courtesy of a cucumber. Must have left it out after making your salad last night....   >"Daddy! taiw-wes'win' game funneh!" Bourbon and Rum cheer loudly as they shuffle across the carpet, squeaking and giggling.   >Epic Face-Palm.    >Fuck this.    >Go back to bed.    >Forgot to change the pillow. Again.    >Fuck.