- >You are Anonymous
- >A musclebound idot, as many call you
- >Your flair, style and classic outfit have earned you the attention of just about everyone on Earth, in one way or another
- >You didn’t care though, fame is fame
- >Even infamy
- >Your theft of the title of hottest bachelor on Earth took the world by storm as you announced it on live television in your trademark sunglasses
- >It went a little like:
- “Hey there, baby-HUH! Ah know all you around the world might be jealous, and who isn’t jealous if THIS…” You flex, ripping your shirt off in a single second, revealing your built torso for all the world to see. ”I hereby claim the title of Hottest Bachelor on Earth as mah own, and baby, you can’t stop me-HAH!”
- >Kind of like that.
- >The television crews swarmed you for days, and finally…
- PRESENT DAY
- >You are struttin’ along to your car-a smoking hot Dodge Viper- when the hottest babe walks up
- “Hey there, momma, howsabout you and I take a drive?”
- >You emphasize ’drive’ as you flex your arm in a smooth motion going forward
- >”You know what? Sure, Anon.”
- “Yowza!”
- >You should have realized she knew your name
- >You didn’t
- >You should have seen what she looked like
- >You did—SMOKIN HOT!
- >You didn’t notice her bizarre hat or choice of outfit.
- >You slide into your car and hold the door open for her, though it is a roofless convertible
- >She enters, and you lean in reaaaaal close
- “So baby, where will our road take us?”
- >”Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.”
- ”Say wha-YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”
- >Your Viper roars into action, and takes off into the sky before a bright white light overtakes it
- >Your shades aren’t enough to block it out, and you lose consciousness
- >Yeah, whatever.
- ---
- “Oof…anyone get the number on that sun?”
- >Your mouth once again moves faster than your brain as you struggle back to consciousness
- “Rgg. Must. Move. Arms. An’ legs. Must…hey is that muffins I smell?”
- >the mere scent of baked goods revitalizes you, and your hilariously short attention span makes you almost forget-
- “Mah Viper. Where’s mah Viper?”
- >”Your Viper is…taken care of, Anonymous.”
- >The voice is the same as the babe you saw earlier, but as you peer through your sunglasses, it is no human that you see
- >A stretched out mix-and-match monster is lying on a pink cloud in front of you, and surrounding you are apple trees as far as the eye can see
- >”I suppose you think you’re ALL that, huh Anon?”
- “Uhh, yeah.”
- >You say it like it is the most obvious thing in the world
- >”Well, I’ve got news for you, pal. You were a liar. I say WERE because I just fixed that lie for you.”
- “Come again?”
- >”You claimed to be the most eligible and ‘hot’ bachelor on the planet, so I just moved you to a place where that’s true. No need to thank me, Anonymous, you’re soon to have everyp0ny’s eye…especially the ladies.”
- “Ladies huh? Now THAT I could get behind. Or ON-zing!”
- >You recover instantly, regaining your feet in time to flip out a ‘finger gun’ at the seductive serpent sister
- >”Hmmhmmhmmm, good one, bra-vo! I always liked your attitude. Let’s just fix up that lingo issue of yours…”
- >She coils around you one lion’s paw on your chest, and a claw on your chin
- “Rrrrowrrr.”
- >With a little tap, the world seems to spin; you fall to the ground as she releases you
- “Oof! Hey, watch the hair there, momma.”
- >”I’ve filled in all the specifics for you; I even left your personality intact! Good luck and happy hunting!”
- >She spins off into the air on her mismatched wings, a resounding echo continuing long after she has left your range of vision
- “Yeah, whatever. Crazy hot dragon chick.”
- >You brush yourself off and give yourself the once over
- >You’ve got your shades, black shirt and blue jeans as well as your black shoes
- >Only thing you’re really missing is your hair spray, but you’ll get that soon enough
- >The new world is called Equestria, your mind yells at you, and its inhabitants are primarily the p0ny races
- >It isn’t so bad, there was that one time with the gazelle…or was she a deer?
- >Who cares, babes is babes, and OOH
- >Are you ever ready for the mares
- >Another tidbit your normally vacuous brain fills you in on is the pronouns
- >Everyp0ny, p0nykind, mare, stallion, filly, colt, foal and a whole lot more—they’re all in there, replacing your usual speech
- >You walk along the orchard, strutting around just in case any hot mommas come by and feel the need to check out…
- “The Anon, baby. HUH!”
- >Striking a dramatic pose, you hear a voice, and it sounds like…
- “Baaaaaabes…”
- >A rope flies up and catches you without much effort
- >A quick tug pulls you off your feet, but it takes you a second to catch up and actually fall
- “Oww.”
- >”Jus’ what in tarnation are ya?”
- >A babe has asked you the question
- >THE question
- “Baby, I can be anything you want-HUH!”
- >Silence overtakes the situation for a couple seconds before your captor finally walks within eyesight
- >And baby, what an eyeful
- >A soft orange mare with golden hair, and a pyramid of apples on her flank as her ‘cutie mark’ (your brain is getting overtime at this point, working harder than ever before just to make you realize the proper words) trots over to you slowly, swaying as she walked as her cowboy hat bobbed on her head
- >”You ain’t the brightest bushel in th’ barn, are ya.”
- “Mmmmmmmayyybe. So howsabout you get these ropes off me, and you can leash me some other way. Rrrrrowrrr.”
- >Your reward for the impromptu flirt is flight
- >A powerful buck lands itself on your torso, and as you fly a good city block’s distance away, the ropes release you
- >This isn’t the first time a woman has overpowered you, or sent you flying, but you liked it like that
- >And all you could think about during your unforeseen air schedule is the way her ‘plot’ stared you right in the face for almost a full second
- “Ow…yeah, she wants me.”
- >”Oh mah stars, ah am soo sorry! I don’ rightly know what came over me!”
- >She gallops to you, eyes wide with the fear of having hurt you already…or hopefully: lust
- “That’s quite alright miss, it’s a natural reaction to… ANONYMOUS HIH HAH HUH!”
- >You recover your feet again with the same speed as before, then spin, by the time you’ve finished your name, your shirt is missing, and you take three poses as you grunt
- >You pull out a mirror and look at your face with it before looking back to the mare
- “An’ what’s your name?”
- >She laughs, then speaks up
- >”You’re a hoot, Anon. Mah name’s Applejack, nice to meet you pardner!”
- >She extends a hoof and shakes your hand vigorously
- >You however were not prepared, and are shook right along with the rest of your hand
- >You fix your hair with a quick SWISH then right your sunglasses on your face again
- “Well, you got any eats miss Applejack? I smelled muffins not even 5 minutes ago.”
- >”Well yeah, we was just bakin’ ‘em up when ah went to look for what caused all that light an noise in th’ orchards. I guess that was you?”
- “Sure as apple pie, baby.”
- >”Well isn’t that cute…”
- >BUT ITS WRONG!
- >Gyaahhh, shut up, brain, I thought we repressed that episode!
- >”Well we’ve never seen anythin’ like you before, so I figger ah should introduce you to Twilight, she’s one of my closest friends inP0nyville. If anyp0ny knows what to do, it should be her.”
- >You just nod your head and go along for the ride
- >Meeting more babes? You are always up for that
- >Look out, hot mamas, Anonymous is in town..ville…ponyville
- >Yeah whatever.
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