In Fwuffy Russia, Part 1 out of god knows how many

>Be your average guy

>Work has got you down, decide to get a fluffy

>Go to a local adoption center

>See the pathetic creatures lying in piles of shit and trying to hug each other

>All you can hear is "Wuv fwuffeh!" and "gif huggies"!

>You feel sick from this bullshit

>Suddenly you feel something against your leg

>A mound of fluffies has adhered to it, babbling happily

>"New Daddeh!"

>You, being naive, try to explain that it's impossible for you to be their father

>They keep babbling and trying to hug your leg

>A few at the bottom of the pile are choked to death

>You are genuinely surprised at the immense stupidity of these things

>You remember that you were going to take one of them home

>Grab one

>It starts mewling and you feel something hard against your hand

>It has a boner

>Ohgodwhatthefuck.jpg

>Proceed to rip its penis off

>Fluffy comes as you grasp its dick

>Daddeh gif' fwuffy good feehw!

>Hand is covered in fluffy cum

>Grimace and rip its dick off, peeling a long strip of skin off of it

>It screams with its shrill voice

>Other fluffies start trying to attack you, screaming "Munstah!"

>You choke the one in your hand to death, throw it out the window

>It hits a passing big rig and is sliced into strips by the front grille

>Blood spatters everywhere, the truck barrels on

>Turn back to the fluffies on the floor

>They are bumping up against your leg and rolling back

>Apparently that's their idea of attack

>You spot a large cabinet full of supplies against the cement wall

>Cabinet is black metal, scuffed and beat up, full of litter boxes, blocks, and other fluffy-related shit

>Tip it over and crush around 20 fluffies under it

>The cabinet falls with a satisfying thud accompanied by the cracking of fluffies' bones

>A pool of blood issues from under the cabinet

>A few are still running around, completely terrified, screaming "Munstah! Hewp fwuffy!"

>Shop manager hears the racket and opens the steel door leading into the dim cement room

>Ohshit.jpg

>"Dude, is everything like... okay in here?" he asks, taking a swig from his flask

>"Yeah, yeah, I'll pay for the ones I kill" you reassure him

>"Cool. Love seeing those little bastards die. They're so damn pathetic."

>"Shit, you're good at this" the manager says as you take a fluffy and hurl it against the wall

>You turn to the manager and smile

>The fluffy you chucked at the wall has crawled across the floor, dragging its rear legs, its spine broken

>It looks up at you

>Tears fill its eyes

>"Daddeh...Daddeh hewp fwuffy... Fwuffy wuv daddeh"

>"Watch this shit", you say to the manager

>He raises an eyebrow

>You bend down to the fluffy and say, "I know what will fix that, you'll feel great in no time"

>Hope fills its eyes

>"Pwease! Daddeh hewp fwuffy!"

>You light a cigarette, and shove it down the fluffy's throat, butt first

>The fluffy chokes and sputters as the hot cigarette scalds its throat

>You lift your leg and stomp the fluffy

>You hear the ribcage snapping as shit explodes out of the fluffy's ass

>You press on the fluffy's exposed lungs

>The cigarette flies out

>In one fluid motion, you catch it and throw it in the trash can

>Manager is amused-"Shiiit, you know how to treat these things. Imma have a seat, you keep going."

>The manager sits down, and you turn back to the fluffies

>The ones still in the cages are happily rolling in shit

>You yell, "YOUR FRIENDS ARE DYING, AND YOU DON'T CARE?"

>You don't wait for a response, becoming more familiar with their incohesive thinking process

>Take your cigarette lighter from your pocket, set one's fluff on fire

>The other fluffies hear its anguished cries of "Owwies! Munstah gif fwuffy ouchies!"

>They move closer, insisting that "Huggies make bettah"

>Fire spreads to the ones trying to hug the first one

>All try to hug each other

>They are all reduced to smoldering lumps of burnt flesh

>See one remaining fluffy in the corner

>It hasn't been annoying yet

>Guess it's the best one

>Pay manager shitload of cash for destroying merchandise

>"Come back some time, man. We'll mutilate these things again", he says

>Put the fluffy in a carboard box with holes in it

>Walk over to your car, throw the box on the back seat

>As you start the engine, it babbles "Loud sawhnd! Fwuffy heaww sound!"

>Apparently it finds commenting on everything necessary, as it accompanies every bump in the road with a string of incohesive speech

>It gets tired of speaking and to your dismay realizes that it is in a box, and boxes do not generally allow for very good lighting or vision

>It wails all the way home, complaining that "Dawk! Fwuffy wan' see!"

>Bring it home, pretty apprehensive

>You already hate it because of its atrocious English

>As you pick it up to put it somewhere, it starts talking again.

>Fwuffy wuv daddeh!

>These fucking retarded things trust any person they come in contact with

>Its babbling is really annoying you now, so you decide to throw it in a closet and go do something else

>Its terrible excuse for speech is now muffled, and headphones make it inaudible

>Have some decent leisure time gaming

>Keep gaming until you can't keep the screen in focus, you're barely awake

>You remember that fluffy piece of shit, decide to see if it's still talking

>You open the closet door, the fluffy barrels out, hugs your leg bawling

>What the fuck is this, you need sleep and this shit is being a first class attention whore

>Daddeh why no wuv fwuffy? Fwuffy wuv daddeh! it sobs

>In an emotional outburst it shits all over your feet

>You're barely containing yourself, tell the fluffy to shut the fuck up or you'll give it a reason to cry

>It seems to understand and resorts to shaking in the corner of the room

>You brush your teeth and go to bed

>Just as you're falling asleep, you hear the fluffy crying

>That cunt just signed its own gravestone

>You drag your feet to the room where the fluffy is

>It looks up at you and sobs

>Daddeh come fo fwuffy? Daddeh wuv fwuffy?

>You realize all it wants is love and means no harm

>The fuck kind of pussy-ass attitude is that

>Bitch, I told you that I don't want to hear another word from you

>Fwuffy sowwy, fwuffy be good, it whimpers, defecating and pissing on the floor

>The fuck is this shit

>You punt it square in the ass

>With a shriek it smacks against the wall and bursts out wailing on the floor

>We need some more disciplinary action up in this bitch

>You walk over to the fluffy

>It wails louder

>Which part of shut your fucking mouth do you not understand?

>Fwuffy no wan' ouchies! Fwuffy be good!

>This thing still isn't getting it

>You grab the object closest to you, which happens to be a corrugated steel flashlight, and shove it down the fluffy's throat

>It shudders and sprays shit in a 4 ft periphery all over your new TV

>This ain't gonna fly

>You take a pneumatic nail gun and pin it to a wall, put a bucket under it to catch inevitable shit

>Go back to bed

>After a few minutes, hear a loud clatter and screaming

>It somehow coughed up the flashlight

>You've had it with this shit, one last chance or it's dead

>You come up to it and try in the most diplomatic and refined of manners explain what you want it to do.

>IF YOU DON'T SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH I WILL CUT YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF!

>Daddeh! Fwuffy be good! Fwuffy wuv Daddeh! Fwuffy wan' sketties!

>Not only is this shit still babbling, it's demanding food

>I'M NOT GIVING YOU FOOD YOU FAT FUCK!

>You take a kitchen knife and grasp the fluffy's throat

>It seems to understand what you're about to do and starts trying to run, screaming

>Nuuuuu! Fwuffy wuv Daddeh!

>If you love me, why are you running away? you sneer

>Its flailing legs look so pathetic you burst out laughing

>Daddeh happy? Daddeh wuv fwuffy? Hope and terror are frozen in its eyes.

>No, you cunt.

>You put down the knife, take gardening shears and cut its legs off

>It starts rolling around like a soccer ball,leaving a smear of shit and blood

>That is too fucking tempting

>You dropkick it across the room

>It wails even louder

>You ignore it and bring the shears to its throat

>You can feel it trembling and its neck pulsating

>You slowly start cutting its neck open

>Fwuffy no wan' ouchies!

>It manages to squeal a final "Fwuffy be good..." before you close the shears around its neck

>Chunks of its spine fall down its esophagus, blood and shit spurts everywhere

>What the fuck, it's heart is still beating? We need to fix that.

>You call up your bro, a retired general

>He comes over in his Marauder armored personell carrier and rolls over the fluffy a few times

>Shit that engine sounds good

>Smoke billows out of the exhaust pipes as your friend drives back and forth

>This very well might be the most fun you've had in a while

>That does the trick, the fluffy has been reduced to matted fur scattered around a pile of crushed bones

>Its intestines are lying flattened on the floor, blood bubbling in a puddle

>You take its eyeballs out and shoot each one with a standard issue pistol your friend brought along

>Throw a grenade in the pile of fluffy

>Take a pressure hose and wash all the remains into the street drain

>Suddenly you stop in your tracks

>WHAT HAVE I DONE? I KILLED A DEFENSELESS BEING THAT LOVED ME!

>Your smile turns to a grimace as in anguish you regret all that you did

>A deep feeling of grief fills you

>What will your friends think?

>You knew you should have sliced it with a machete and served it up

>You have no steak

>Grill night is going to be shit