The Fluffy Pony Owner's Manual: First Edition

--The Fluffy Pony Owner's Manual--

--Section One: Getting Started--

Congratulations on becoming the proud parent of a Hasbro Biotoys Fluffy Pony!

Before you can welcome your little bundle of joy into your home, it is imperative that you prepare your home for the Fluffy.

The following chapters of this section will detail how to do this.

 

i. Safe Room

 

As a Fluffy Pony owner, you should have a designated play/sleep area for your Fluffy.

We at Hasbro Biotoys refer to these spaces as "Safe Rooms."

While Fluffies may be the next generation in household pets, they are still quite fragile.

To make playtime and bedtime as safe for the Fluffy as possible, the room that they spend most of their time in should be made "Fluffy-Proof."

There are only a few simple steps in creating a Safe-Room

Step One: Remove any and all furniture in the room.

Furniture poses a potential threat to Fluffy Ponies, so be sure not to leave any desks, chairs, or large beds in the Safe-Room.

Step Two: Pad the room.

The Safe-Room's floor should be covered with soft, easy to clean foam.

The foam serves two purposes: Protecting the Fluffy, and protecting your floor.

If you were to accidentally drop your Fluffy, a fall from that height could break its legs.

Fluff-Brand Foam* protects your Fluffy from any potential injuries.**

The foam also serves to protect your floor from any messes that a new Fluffy might leave.

The first two to three feet of the Safe-Room's walls should also be padded, in case a Fluffy runs into a wall.

 

Once the Safe-Room is prepared, your Fluffy Pony is ready to play all day!

Just be sure to put them to bed at a decent hour!

 

*Sold separately

**Fluff Industries is not responsible for any instances of the following:

-Choking

-Suffocation

-Drowning

-Combustion

 

ii. Litterbox

 

Fluffy Ponies eat, and thus, must eliminate waste from their bodies.

Fluffy Pony excrement is quite difficult to clean, so it is recommended to have a litterbox in the Fluffy's Safe-Room.

Any litterbox will do, but a Fluff-Brand Fluffybox* is recommended.

Fluffies are NOT pre-programmed to use litterboxes,** so they must be trained by their owner.

That's you!

When teaching a Fluffy Pony to use a litterbox, try to pretend you're potty-training a young child.

Positive reinforcement, rewards, and a reassuring voice are recommended.

It should take anywhere from three days to two weeks to fully toilet train your Fluffy.

If at first your Fluffy doesn't understand the concept of a litterbox, be patient.

Punishing a Fluffy during training can emotionally damage it.

For example, striking your Fluffy for urinating or deficating on the floor may cause the Fluffy not to want to excrete waste at all.

This can cause grievous harm to your Fluffy.

Remember: Your Fluffy Pony has the mental capacity of (at best) a five year old child.

As long as you're gentle while training it, you'll be just fine!

 

*Sold separately. Fluff Industries not responsible for injuries to Fluffy Ponies or humans.

**Training program available upon request. $275 USD + S&H.

 

iii. Precautions

 

Fluffy Ponies are very curious creatures.

Due to their tendency to want to explore, certain precautions are recommended to keep your Fluffy safe.

 

First, and most importantly, NEVER leave your Fluffy alone.

Fluffies are extremely fragile, and may end up being killed if they are not properly supervised.

If your Fluffy Pony is not in its Safe-Room, make sure at least one person is watching it.

Failure to do so will most likely result in the death of your Fluffy.*

 

Second, NEVER let your Fluffy near any bodies of water deeper than two or three inches.

Fluffy Ponies' fluff rapidly absorbs water.

If a Fluffy becomes submerged in water, its fluff will weigh it down.

This causes the Fluffy to sink, and subsequently drown.*

If you see your Fluffy Pony near water, immediately stop what you are doing and move it away from the water.

 

Third, make sure you know how your other pets, if you have any, will react to a Fluffy Pony.

Fluffies and large dogs are NOT recommended to interact.

It is also recommended to keep cats away from Fluffies, as the Fluffies may be mistaken for a large toy.

If your Fluffy Pony is eaten by a dog or cat,* please contact a veterinarian immediately.

The Fluffy's fluff may be harmful to other animals' digestive tracts.

 

NOTE: Even if a Fluffy is submerged in water for only short time, it can still sustain severe brain damage.*

Please be careful when bathing your Fluffy.

 

*Voids Fluffy Pony's warranty

 

iv. Fluffy-Proofing Your Home

 

As stated in the previous chapter of this guide, Fluffy Ponies are very exploratory creatures.

Since they have a knack for getting into nearly anything in the average home, Fluffy-Proofing your house is HIGHLY recommended.

 

First, make sure all cabinets are baby-proofed.

A simple baby-proof lock would suffice, but Fluff-Brand Fluff Locks* are recommended.

Once your cabinets are secured, test them by tugging on the locks.

Fluffies lack opposable thumbs, and cannot grasp at objects with anything other than their mouths.

If the lock holds, continue to the next step.

 

NOTE: Do not use a metal lock on cabinets.

Fluffies have very sensitive teeth, which could be broken by these locks.**

 

Second, make sure your Fluffy DOES NOT have access to any water deeper than a few inches.

As stated in Chapter Three of this section, Fluffies are very prone to drowning.

If you own a pool, keep it covered when not in use, even during the summer.

Make sure bathroom doors are closed at all times.

Do not leave any objects that a Fluffy could climb near your sink.

 

Third, make sure to put baby gates up on all staircases in your home.

If a Fluffy Pony were to tumble down a staircase, it would most likely die.**

Again, any baby gate would do, but a Fluff-Brand Fluffy Gate* is recommended.

 

Once you have completed everything in this section, congratulations!

You are now ready to be a Fluffy Pony owner!

 

*Sold separately

**Voids Fluffy Pony's warranty

 

--Section Two: Basic Care--

Now that your home is Fluffy-Proofed and your Fluffy is toilet-trained, it's time to move on to caring for your Fluffy.

The following chapters will detail the proper methods for caring for your Fluffy Pony.

 

i. Feeding

 

Fluffy Ponies must eat in order to survive.

It is imperative not to forget to feed your Fluffy at least twice daily.

Vegetables, fruits, grains, and oats are recommended.

If you do not wish to prepare meals for your Fluffy, Fluff-Brand Fluffy Kibble* is available.

This kibble is the most nutritious food currently available for Fluffies.

Please note, however, that most Fluffies do not enjoy the taste of the kibble, and may complain.

 

For some reason, a desire for spaghetti seems to have been programmed into Fluffies' brains.

Spaghetti with vegetarian sauce is perfectly fine to give Fluffies.

Meat sauce is also safe for Fluffies, but makes their excretions smell especially foul.

It is not recommended to give your Fluffy Pony spaghetti more than once a week.

If given more often, the Fluffy may refuse to eat anything else.**

 

NOTE: If a Fluffy Pony is given too much meat, their intestines may be damaged.**

Meat is only recommended to be given, if at all, in extremely small amounts in spaghetti sauce.

 

Make sure your Fluffy does not eat anything that you have not properly inspected.

It is important to be especially careful that your Fluffy does not eat anything that is not food.**

 

*Sold separately

**Voids Fluffy Pony's warranty

 

ii. Love and hugs

 

Fluffy Ponies are designed to be loving, caring creatures.

They are capable of feeling what can be called "love," and have the capacity for empathy.

If put in a group, Fluffies will often spend most of their time hugging each other.

If you do not own more than two Fluffies, extra care must be given to assure the Fluffy that you love them.

You will often be told something along the lines of, "[Fluffy's name] wuv [daddeh/mummeh]"

This is a genuine show of affection.

Not returning the affection may cause psychological damage to your Fluffy.*

 

Your Fluffy Pony may also attempt to give you hugs.

This is perfectly normal, as long as your Fluffy does not mention "special hugs"

These will be covered in a later chapter.

If your Fluffy wants a hug, it is important to return the hug.

Again, not doing so may result in psychological damage to the Fluffy.*

When hugging your Fluffy, it is important to be very gentle.

The Fluffy's skeleton is very brittle compared to other animals of a similar size.

Hugging too hard could cause your Fluffy's spine to break.**

 

If you fail to show enough affection to your Fluffy Pony, it could potentially begin to throw tantrums.

This is similar to a child misbehaving, but it is important not to punish your Fluffy.

If possible, attempt to discover why your Fluffy is acting the way it is.

If the response is that you, "Nu wuv [Fluffy's name]," you must show it more affection.

Any other response may require punishment.

Common sense and good judgment are a must when dealing with this situation.

 

*Voids Fluffy Pony's warranty

**Warranty void if Fluffy is broken

 

iii. Playing

 

Fluffy Ponies not only require love and attention, but stimulation.

Just like children, Fluffies will want to play.

They will play with any toys, but Fluff-Brand Fluffy Toys* are highly recommended

The Fluffy Pony's favorite toy is the ball.

Your Fluffy will most likely spend hours on end playing with a simple ball.

Most Fluffies are ecstatic when their owners play ball with them.

It is recommended to simply push the ball back and forth between the two of you.

Fetch, basketball, soccer, and dodgeball, are NOT recommended.

These styles of play can result in physical harm to your Fluffy.**

 

Other toys that are enjoyed by Fluffies include blocks,*** small dolls***, and soft stuffed animals***

If you wish, you can stimulate your Fluffy's mind with crayons or other drawing materials****

A recent study confirmed that Fluffies can, in fact, learn**

 

NOTE: Extended periods of study can cause psychological damage to your Fluffy**

 

If you follow these simple guidelines, your Fluffy is guaranteed to live a long*****, happy life!

Just be sure to clearly divide play time, sleep time, and feeding time.

 

*Sold Separately

**Voids Fluffy Pony's warranty

***Choking hazard

****SEVERE choking hazard

*****Fluffy Pony not guaranteed long life.

Projected life spans range from one week to three months

 

iv. Fluff, Heat, and Cold

 

Fluffy Ponies are named for the thick layer of fluff that covers their bodies

This fluff is designed to serve two purposes.

It insulates the Fluffies and makes them visually pleasing

The most practical use for the fluff is insulation

 

If a Fluffy Pony were to wander outside during the winter, it would be perfectly fine

The Fluffy would probably have fun playing in snow*

However, if a fluff-less Fluffy Pony went outside in temperatures below 60 degrees fahrenheit, it would freeze to death**

The time it takes a Fluffy to freeze varies depending on the temperature, but the most time they can last for is about 30 minutes

Even at about 60-70 degrees, the Fluffy will be very uncomfortable

 

If a fluff-less fluffy were to go outside in temperatures above 70 degrees, it would quickly overheat**

The time this takes varies much less than freezing to death

A Fluffy can survive, without fluff, in a hot environment for about 20 minutes

Even five minutes in the sun can leave a Fluffy with severe burns**

 

If you must shave your Fluffy, it is important to take some steps to keep it safe

First, do not let your Fluffy outside

Keep the Fluffy wrapped in an electric blanket in a room heated to about 90 degrees

Even at room temperature, a Fluffy will feel freezing cold

The fluff should completely grow back over the course of approximately two weeks

 

*Drowning hazard

**Voids Fluffy Pony's warranty

 

--Section Three: Caring for a Traumatized Fluffy--

While Hasbro Biotoys recommends buying a new Fluffy Pony, you may have chosen to buy a Fluffy with a previous owner.

In some cases, the Fluffy you have purchased may have had some sort of traumatic experience, resulting in physical or psychological damage*

If you have purchased a new Fluffy, skip ahead to Section Four

If you believe your Fluffy is traumatized, please read the following chapters.

 

i. Physically Abused Fluffies

 

Due to the Fluffy Pony's capacity for speech, some people find it enjoyable to inflict pain upon the creatures.

Should your Fluffy Pony have come from an abusive owner, it is important to be very gentle with it.

Never yell at your Fluffy.

Even if you must discipline your Fluffy, screaming at it will only cause it to become afraid of you

This, in turn, can result in the Fluffy voiding its bowels in your home.

It is also important to avoid physical punishment as much as possible.

Methods of punishment will be covered in Section Six

 

If your Fluffy Pony complains of "Tummy owwies," consult a vet immediately.

Your Fluffy's internal organs may have been damaged*

If this is the case, take extra care to not give your Fluffy many hugs

Doing so could further damage the Fluffy*

Also, be sure to ask a vet what you may and may not feed your Fluffy while it recovers

 

Finally, be sure to show an abused Fluffy Pony extra love

If your Fluffy seems sad, a simple "I love you" will, in most cases, cheer it up

Be sure to do this as frequently as possible

Failure to do so may cause the Fluffy to become depressed*

 

*Voids Fluffy Pony's warranty

 

ii. Emotionally Abused Fluffies

 

As stated in the previous chapter, some people find it enjoyable to abuse their Fluffy Pony

However, not all abuse is physical

Sometimes, people will attempt to cause emotional pain to a Fluffy Pony

If you find yourself the owner of one of these Fluffies, there are some very important guidelines to follow

 

First, be sure to always monitor your Fluffy's speech

A normal Fluffy will usually babble things like, "Pway, hugs, wuv" etc.

However, an emotionally abused Fluffy may say some very disturbing things

Sometimes, a Fluffy Pony may express a desire to end its life*

This is usually expressed with, "Fwuffy wan die"

If you ever hear your Fluffy say this, immediately contact a vet or a Fluffy specialist

If you can, attempt to determine why your Fluffy wants to die

This may help rectify the situation

 

You must also be sure not to neglect your Fluffy Pony

If your Fluffy was emotionally abused, it may think that you are ignoring it on purpose

If you ignore it, it may become suicidal*

Fluffy Ponies ARE capable of ending their own lives, so extra care is of the utmost importance when looking after an emotionally abused Fluffy

 

*Voids Fluffy Pony's warranty

 

iii. Amputation

 

Amputated Fluffy Ponies are available from Hasbro Biotoys

These Fluffies have been reset, so they will believe that they have never had legs

However, some Fluffies have been amputated, but not reset*

These Fluffies will usually beg for their legs, or ask if they can walk or run

If you own a Fluffy Pony that fits this description, a reset is recommended

If you choose to reset your Fluffy, skip to Chapter Two of Section Seven

If not, read ahead

 

Fluffy Ponies have a natural desire to run and play

An amputated Fluffy Pony is obviously incapable of doing this

These Fluffies will usually whine or cry almost constantly

They will usually ask something like, "Whewe weggies?" or "Wan wun"

If your Fluffy Pony continues this behavior, getting it to realize that it will never run may be difficult

If you so choose, you can attempt to simply talk your Fluffy Pony into the realization that its legs aren't going to be back

To do this, calmly tell your Fluffy that its legs went away

This, however, can cause your Fluffy to panic, and is not recommended

 

Another solution would be to simply strap your Fluffy Pony to a roller skate or something similar*

This will make the Fluffy believe that its legs still work

However, this solution can prove to be dangerous

If you choose to do this, always be aware of what your Fluffy is doing

NEVER let your Fluffy Pony near stairs or large bodies of water unattended

 

*Voids Fluffy Pony's warranty

 

--Section Four: Fluffy Social Interaction--

Fluffy Ponies are extremely social creatures.

They crave interaction with other Fluffies and with humans.

This social interaction is a vital part of a Fluffy's life.

If a Fluffy Pony is isolated, it will most likely become depressed.*

The following chapters of this guide will detail proper methods of nurturing your Fluffy's development with social interaction.

 

i. Humans

 

As a Fluffy pony owner, you will most likely be the Fluffy's main source of social interaction.

It is important to play and talk with your Fluffy.

Simply letting your Fluffy sit on your lap while you watch television is an excellent form of interaction.

 

More often than not, your Fluffy Pony will want to play (methods detailed in Section Two)

If you do not want to play, a good thing to do is play hide-and-seek with your Fluffy.**

Simply tell your Fluffy that you are "it," and that they must hide

The Fluffy will most likely stay as still and quiet as possible in a hiding spot

This method of play has the potential to free up hours of free time for you

NOTE: Be sure to periodically check on your Fluffy Pony.

The Fluffy should be (poorly) suppressing giggles.

If at any time you hear your Fluffy stop making noise, check on it, as it may have died*

 

*Voids Fluffy Pony's warranty

**Potentially dangerous to Fluffy

 

ii. Other Fluffies

 

As stated in the previous chapter, Fluffy Ponies are social creatures.

If you have more than one Fluffy Pony, they will want to play and talk with each other.

It is you, their owner's responsibility to make sure they behave appropriately with each other.

 

If you have chosen to purchase more than one Fluffy Pony, there are a few things that you will notice.

The first is that the Fluffies tend to give each other an almost obscene amount of hugs

However, if your Fluffies begin talking about "special hugs," and you are not prepared to care for foals, separate your Fluffies immediately

Naturally, you must only worry about this if your Fluffies are male and female

 

If you should notice that one of your Fluffies seems sad, ask the other Fluffy what it thinks about the sad one

If the response includes the phrase, "Dummy fluffy," consult a Fluffy specialist

If this should be the case, it is likely that one of your Fluffy Ponies is being bullied

This can lead to emotional distress,* and should be dealt with as soon as possible

 

If you have more than one Fluffy, they will spend much of their time playing

As long as their games do not put them at risk, they should be allowed to continue playing

Be sure to monitor the type of games your Fluffies play

Playing with a ball, blocks, or dolls is acceptable

More physical games, like tag, should be supervised

Failure to supervise your Fluffy Ponies could result in injury or death to one or more of your Fluffies*

 

*Voids Fluffy Pony's warranty

 

iii. Pets

 

If you already have a pet, such as a dog or cat, your Fluffy will attempt to make friends with it

Naturally, this may not end well

It is highly recommended NOT to allow Fluffy Ponies to hug cats or any large dogs

Should your Fluffy attempt to do so, they may be attacked by your pet

This can result in serious injury or death to your Fluffy Pony*

Remember, if one of your pets eats a Fluffy, contact a vet immediately

 

Basically, having a Fluffy around a dog or a cat is the same as having a toddler

As long as you carefully watch the Fluffy, you should be fine

 

NOTE: Some pets are absolutely not safe for your Fluffy Pony

These include, but are not limited to, snakes, large reptiles, horses, foxes, and large spiders.

 

*Voids Fluffy Pony's warranty

 

--Section Five: Fluffy Breeding--

Fluffy Ponies were designed to behave like other animals.

As such, they have a natural urge to reproduce.

Fluffy Ponies are extremely fertile creatures, and the utmost care should be taken if you plan on allowing your Fluffy to have foals.

The following chapters will detail mating, pregnancy, and foals.

 

i. Attraction and "Special Hugs"

 

Flufyf Ponies become infatuated with each other, much like humans do.

Two Fluffies that are attracted to each other will refer to each other as "special friends"

To put it simply, the Fluffies are "dating"

They will usually spend much more time than usual together, and will eventually attempt to breed

If you do not believe that you are ready for foals, spay or neuter your Fluffies immediately

If you wish to allow them to breed, read on

 

Fluffies refer to sexual intercourse as "special hugs," or, in some cases, "enf"

Fluffy mating is extremely easy to spot

The male Fluffy mounts the female from behind, and begins thrusting his hips

This is usually accompanied by an "enf" sound that is repeated throughout the act

It is recommended that you supervise your Fluffies during "special hugs"

The males have a tendency to either find the wrong hole* or die from exhaustion*

Should your Fluffies succeed in conceiving, be prepared to care for the female and her foals

The following chapters will further detail how to do this

 

*Voids Fluffy Pony's warranty

 

ii. Fluffy Pregnancy

 

In most cases, the thick fluff around a Female fluffy's rear will prevent conception

Should your Fluffy become pregnant, it will probably complain of "tummy owwies" a few days after "special hugs"

Should you notice this, attempt to calm your Fluffy down

It is recommended that you tell her that she will have babies soon

This tends to spark the Fluffy's maternal instincts

She will babble incessantly about her babies during the pregnancy

Do not, under any circumstances, attempt to give your Fluffy Pony an abortion* no matter how annoying her babbling becomes

This will cause great distress in the Fluffy, and may result in permanent phsychological damage*

 

Be aware that Fluffy pregnancy usually lasts anywhere from three to four weeks

If you do not prepare for the coming foals, you will be in over your head

Buy an extra Fluff-Brand Fluffybox** or two to accommodate the foals

This is extremely important since Fluffies will usually have litters of three to six foals***

It is also recommended to buy extra blankets and pillows

This will provide some comfort to the mother, who will attempt to make a small nest for her new family

NOTE: Since one or more foal may be a runt, keep milk and sugar on hand.

Fluffies will, in most cases, refuse to care for runts, so you will have to manually feed them.

 

Naturally, it is important to be gentle with a pregnant Fluffy.

DO NOT squeeze them over their litterbox or hit them while they are pregnant

Doing so can result in a miscarriage*

 

If you take the proper precautions, you'll be ready for your new foals in no time at all!

 

*Voids Fluffy Pony's warranty

**Sold separately

***Average litter size. Can range from one to twelve foals

 

iii. "Fluffplosion" Avoidance

 

Sometimes, in the third or fourth week of a Fluffy Pony's pregnancy, a "Fluffplosion" may occur*

This occurs when the Fluffy suddenly experiences extreme levels of stress

In a normal Fluffy, the worst case scenario would be a mess on the carpet

But for a pregnant Fluffy, too much stress can be lethal

If a pregnant Fluffy is frightened or surprised, their internal organs expand for some reason

This expansion occurs so rapidly that the Fluffy "explodes"

The "Fluffplosion," as it is called, sends foals, organs, fecal matter, and blood everywhere

In approximately 98% of cases, this is lethal for the Fluffy mother

If this occurs in a safe-room, the foals will likely survive

However, caring for an entire litter of foals is extremely difficult

To avoid a Fluffplosion, a few simple steps must be taken

 

First, do not leave any sharp objects in your Fluffy's safe room

If your Fluffy were to injure itself, it may believe that a monster is after it

This can cause extreme levels of fear and stress in Fluffies, which can lead to a Fluffplosion

 

Second, NEVER make sudden moves or loud noises near a pregnant Fluffy

Their response will likely be similar to being injured by a sharp object

The results will be identical, and messy

 

Avoiding a Fluffplosion is much more simple than it sounds

Simply make sure that your Fluffy is calm, and she should deliver a healthy litter of foals

 

*Voids Fluffy Pony's warranty

 

iv. Foals and Runts

 

Once three to four weeks have passed in your Fluffy Pony's pregnancy, it will deliver a litter of foals

This will usually be signaled by a sentence involving the phrase "Big poopies"

Should you hear this, stop what you are doing and assist your Fluffy

Gently squeeze your Fluffy's stomach to help push the foals out

Also, be sure that none get caught in the fluff around your Fluffy's genitals

This can result in the death of one or more foals*

For this reason, it is recommended to shave this area before your Fluffy goes into labor

After each foal comes out, allow your Fluffy to sniff it

If the foal is normal, your Fluffy will clean and feed it

If it is a runt, your Fluffy will call it a "Dummy babbeh" and refuse to clean or feed it

Be sure to gently wash any runts with a damp washcloth, and then feed them milk and sugar

Carefully monitor the condition of any runts, as they are usually not fully developed

Also, never leave a runt alone with normal Fluffies

Normal Fluffy Ponies believe that runts are bad, and will likely kill them if left alone with them

With the proper care, runts will live just as long as any other Fluffy

 

Normal foals are much more easy to care for

Their mother will do most of the work, but some care should still be given to them

Be extremely careful to watch where you walk

It is easy for a foal to end up under your feet and get crushed

You should also make sure no foals get into small spaces they can't get out of

This includes underneath furniture, inside low drawers, and in air vents

Make sure you let the foals spend the majority of their time with their mother

This allows them to develop normally

Foals should be weaned about two weeks after birth, and fully grown after about two months

 

*Voids Fluffy Pony's warranty

 

--Section Six: Punishment--

While Fluffy Ponies are intended to be loveable companions, they may get into trouble.

Fluffies may miss the litterbox, disobey you, or get into other forms of trouble.

Should this happen, it is important to discipline your Fluffy.*

The following chapters will detail various methods of disciplining your Fluffy Pony.

 

i. Sorry-Stick

 

A "Sorry-Stick" is exactly what it sounds like.

It is a stick that is used to dole out punishment to your Fluffy Pony, should it misbehave.

A Sorry-Stick is usually about the size of a drum stick, but can vary in size.

It is recommended that you use the Fluff-Brand Penance Pole** to punish your Fluffy.

Please note that not all situations may be appropriate for the Sorry-Stick.

It is best to use a Sorry-Stick if your Fluffy talks back or refuses to do what you have asked.

Using a Sorry-Stick on a Fluffy who has missed the litterbox may cause the Fluffy to associate pain with using the litterbox.

This can cause the Fluffy to hold in its waste for so long that its body becomes septic,*** which can result in the death of the Fluffy Pony.

 

It is extremely important to be gentle when using a Sorry-Stick.

Fluffies are extremely delicate, so the lightest tap will usually do.

If you strike your Fluffy Pony too hard, you may break bones.***

Remember, the Sorry-Stick is for discipline, so never use it during your Fluffy's play time.

 

*Discipline does not mean "horribly abuse"

**Sold separately

***Voids Fluffy Pony's warranty

 

ii. Sorry Box

 

The "Sorry Box" is a small, enclosed area that a misbehaving Fluffy Pony is put into for a "time-out."

The average Sorry Box is about ten inches wide, by ten inches tall, by one foot long.

The size of the Sorry Box, being just a bit larger than the average Fluffy, forces the Fluffy to stand up.

This is very uncomfortable for the Fluffy, and is extremely effective if used correctly.

The Sorry Box's door should be a see-through material, such as wire mesh.

This is so the Fluffy Pony that is being punished can see, and thus be reminded of, the reason it is being punished.

 

It is important to never leave a Fluffy in a Sorry Box for more than an hour.

Fluffy Ponies cannot keep track of time, so this may seem like an eternity to them.

The recommended Sorry Box time is anywhere from ten minutes to thirty minutes, depending on the seriousness of your Fluffy's offense.

Some Fluffy owners find it effective to enhance their Fluffy's punishment with music.

Simply hook a speaker up to the Sorry Box and play whatever music you wish to use.

Recommended genres are gangster rap, hardstyle techno, dubstep, and heavy metal.

NOTE: Never play any songs that you have used to punish your Fluffy outside of the Sorry Box if the Fluffy is within earshot.

This may cause the Fluffy to fear that it is being punished, when in fact, it is not.

 

Most importantly, if your Fluffy is in a Sorry Box, it is being punished.

Do not put toys or anything else your Fluffy enjoys into the Sorry Box.

Doing so would likely ruin the effectiveness of the Sorry Box.

 

iii. Alternative Methods

     

Should none of the aforementioned methods of punishing your Fluffy Pony work, drastic methods may need to be taken.

Some methods of punishment, while effective, are very unconventional.

If you find that you must use an alternative method, read on

     

One method of dealing with a bratty or misbehaving Fluffy is to simply ignore it.

Do not acknowledge your Fluffy's existence at all

Even if your Fluffy makes "sorry poopies" on you, pretend that nothing has happened

Your Fluffy Pony should eventually throw a tantrum, tire itself out, and apologize

At this point, act surprised that your Fluffy has suddenly "reappeared"

Try to make the Fluffy believe that only good Fluffies can be seen by you, and this method should work wonders

     

Another controversial method is screaming*

Simply grasp your Fluffy by its scruff, bring it eye-to-eye with you, and yell

Scream at the Fluffy as loud as you can for as long as you can

Assert your dominance to the Fluffy and instill a fear of God into its heart

Make sure it knows who is boss

If done properly, your Fluffy should never act up again**

     

*Only recommended as a last resort

**May cause your Fluffy to go deaf, which will void its warranty

 

--Section Seven: Reset Guide--

Fluffy Ponies have been genetically altered to be "programmable"

While it is impossible to type a few lines of code into a Fluffy, it is possible to perform what is called a "reset"

A reset involves two simple steps

Step one is to acquire a source of electricity and jolt your Fluffy with it

This can be a small battery, a taser, a car battery, or anything else that can be applied directly to a Fluffy Pony's head

Electricity "erases" Fluffy Ponies' brains and makes them susceptible to new instructions

Step two is to "reprogram" your Fluffy

To do this, simply tell your Fluffy whatever it is you want it to believe

You must act quickly, however, or you will lose your window of opportunity and the Fluffy's brain will remain blank forever*

The following chapters will detail two scenarios in which a reset may be required

 

i. Misbehaving Fluffies

 

If your Fluffy Pony is a trouble maker, you may find it necessary to reset it

Please note that a reset should be considered only as a last resort

If you have tried and failed conventional punishment methods, please consult a veterinarian

Should a reset be recommended, proceed

The best way to reset a misbehaving Fluffy is to give it a set of instructions that will cause it distress if it acts up again

For example, you could say something along the lines of, "You are a good Fluffy. If you don't listen to [Daddy/Mommy], you get 'tummy-owwies.'"

This would cause a Fluffy Pony to experience a stomach ache if it were to disobey you

If all else fails, a full reset may be the best method of dealing with a troublesome Fluffy.

 

*Voids Fluffy Pony's warranty

 

ii. Traumatized Fluffies

 

Should you find yourself the owner of an abused Fluffy, a reset may be your only option

If the Fluffy Pony does not come out of its traumatized state through regular therapy, proceed with the reset

When resetting an abused Fluffy, be EXTREMELY cautious not to cause it any distress

If the voltage of your tool is too low, you may cause your Fluffy pain

This can "hard-wire" fear into the Fluffy's brain*

If this becomes the case, not even a reset will work

In some cases, when the voltage used was too high, the Fluffy being reset suffered from a condition akin to post-traumatic stress disorder

The Fluffy would re-live its abuse in its dreams, almost every night

If this occurs, euthanasia is your only option**

Naturally, it is recommended that you consult an expert before resetting your Fluffy

Once you jolt your Fluffy, it is important to give it a very specific set of instructions

The most important thing to tell it is that nothing bad has ever happened to it

This will cause the Fluffy Pony to forget that it was ever abused

The second most important instruction depends on what exactly happened to your Fluffy

If your Fluffy was amputated, tell it that it never had legs, and that it loves not having legs

If your Fluffy was abused by Jerry Sandusky, please consult Penn State University

You will be given instructions on how to cover up the abuse

If you are successful in your reset, the Fluffy should live a happy, healthy life

 

*Voids Fluffy Pony's warranty

**Fluff-Brand Mercy Machines available for Fluffy Euthanasia. Sold separately

 

--Section Eight: Fluffy Mortality and You!--

Everything you love is eventually going to die.

Your family, your friends, and your lover are all eventually going to fade into oblivion

Everything you know is nothing more than a sick game played by a cruel god

And there's nothing you can do about it!

Although everyone's time must come, it is extremely likely that your Fluffy Pony's time will run out sooner than you think

The maximum life span for a Fluffy is roughly the same as a dog's

The oldest Fluffy ever to live died at sixteen years, four months, and five days of age

Naturally, this was under laboratory conditions

Fluffies in the wild and in your home can, and will, find horrific ways to unintentionally (or intentionally) end their lives

The final section of the Fluffy Pony Owner's Manual will deal with what to do once your little bundle of joy is snuffed out prematurely

 

It's finally happened.

[Insert Fluffy's name here] has [insert cause of death here] and is no longer among the living.

If you have other Fluffies, you must immediately run "damage control"

The other Fluffies will undoubtedly notice that their friend is gone

Simply tell them that the Fluffy had to go on a long trip, and will be back after a while

If the other Fluffies witnessed the death, you may want to educate them about death, or, as Fluffy Ponies call it, "the longest sleep"

Tell them that every Fluffy must take the longest sleep at some point in time

NOTE; ABSOLUTELY DO NOT TELL FLUFFIES THAT SPAGHETTI LAND AWAITS THEM IN THE AFTERLIFE!

If you mention ANYTHING along these lines, there is at least an 85% chance that your Fluffies will attempt suicide*

If all else fails, reset your surviving Fluffies

 

Once you've dealt with your living Fluffies, it's time to dispose of the dead Fluffy's body

This can be done in a number of ways, including, but not limited to, burial, cremation, and simply throwing the body in the trash**

For cremation, a Fluff-Brand Fluffy Pyre*** is recommended

Make sure no wild animals have access to the corpse, as the fluff could damage their organs

 

Thank you for reading the Fluffy Pony Owner's Manual!

We at Hasbro Biotoys hope you enjoy your new Fluffy Pony!

 

*Voids Fluffy Pony's warranty

**Fluffy Ponies are bio-degradable

***Sold separately