Title:           Science Is Fun, Part 1
Author:          Fuckasaurus_Fuck
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/KzubgPAR
First Edit:      Wednesday 12th of September 2012 08:11:51 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Wednesday 12th of September 2012 08:11:51 PM CDT

>You are Employee #098263-B, a Hasbro Bio-Toy engineer
>Your job is to run experiments on fluffies
>You mostly just test newly bred fluffies for defects
>Once upon a time, you actually helped with the fluffies' genetic code
>Then, there were severe budget cuts
>Due to a handful of fluffies escaping pre-alpha, everything went to shit
>Hasbro was forced to release the fluffies to the public to avoid suspicions over ferals
>Everyone thought that they were simply unwanted fluffies, and your superiors avoided a nasty lawsuit
>Of course, the price of this was a massive, breeding population of retarded fuzz-balls
>But that's way in the past
>Today, it's your job to run tests on your new Alicorns
>Some petshop owner sold Hasbro the secret to breeding them
>From what you hear, he retired within a few months
>Lucky bastard
"Hey, Tim, send the first group in."
>A small door opens on the opposite side of a 2-way mirror
>From it, 4 Alicorns emerge
>2 stallions and 2 mares
>You speak into the intercom
"Can you all hear me?"
"Whewe hooman at? Nu can see hooman..."
>You explain that you're in another room
>They all seem to understand
>Intelligence - above (fluffy) average
"Alright...look around and tell me what you see."
"See...baww...an nummies bow...an wittabox...an...otha fwuffies?"
>They walk towards the mirror
>Each of them waves a hoof in front of it
"Is me!"
>You scribble a few more notes
>Maybe your job isn't that bad, after all
>Sure, you spend all day talking to technicolor retard horses
>But you could also spend the day actually dealing with special children
>You shudder as you remember how your mother made you volunteer in middle school
>Never again
>You turn your attention back to the fluffies
"Alright, fluffies. You have a very simple job."
>You press a button and the floor opens up in the center of the enclosure
>In the hole is 6 feet of water
"You just have to stay alive for the night. If you do, you all get spaghetti and new mommies and daddies."
>This causes quite a bit of elation in the mini-herd
"Wuv skettis! Fank oo hooman!"
>With that, you jot down a few notes and head to lunch
>Meatball sub, yummy
>An hour later, you return to continue observing the fluffies
>None have drowned yet
>They're mostly just babbling about something or other, or playing with the ball
>Suddenly, the ball rolls into the water
>You push the record button at your workstation
>The fluffies stop what they're doing and walk to the edge of the hole
>They peer over into the water
"Wawa bad fo fwuffies...baww is gone."
>Saywhat?
>They waddle away from the water, looking a bit crestfallen
>More notes!
>They're definitely able to identify potential dangers
>Not only that, they actually avoid them instead of trying to befriend them
>This is starting to get interesting
>You can't wait for the next group
>You carefully observe the fluffies for the next few hours before your shift ends
>Another worker takes over for the night, and you head home
>You take a few minutes to summarize the day's findings before going to sleep
>Tomorrow is the moment of truth
>You wake up with a spring in your step
>Time to see if Alicorns are worth selling
>You get to the Hasbro Bio-Lab and arrive at your station
>You read over your co-worker's notes and add to your own
>Seems as though the Alicorns have a few interesting traits
>Number 1: No smarty has emerged
>Number 2: They haven't tried to fuck yet
>Number 3: They're not dead
>Number 4: They're not fucking dead
>This is promising
>You speak into the intercom, waking the fluffies
"Since you all managed to last the night, I'm giving you all spaghetti!"
"SKETTIS! TANK OO HOOMAN!"
>You press a button that deposits spaghetti into the 4 food bowls in the room
>They squeal in delight as they eat all the spaghetti they can stuff their faces with
>Fluffy ponies don't drown in spaghetti
>You write that down too
>When they've all eaten and used the litterbox, you give them the green light for adoption
>The first 4 Alicorns on the market, at least official Hasbro Alicorns
>Which are much more expensive than normal fluffies
>You finish summarizing the experiment and hand it to your boss
>He's very happy with your work
"Great job...looks like you'll be moved up to a more...interesting batch next."
>You love your job
>Science is fun