- >You are Employee #098263-B, a Hasbro Bio-Toy engineer
- >Your job is to run experiments on fluffies
- >You mostly just test newly bred fluffies for defects
- >Once upon a time, you actually helped with the fluffies' genetic code
- >Then, there were severe budget cuts
- >Due to a handful of fluffies escaping pre-alpha, everything went to shit
- >Hasbro was forced to release the fluffies to the public to avoid suspicions over ferals
- >Everyone thought that they were simply unwanted fluffies, and your superiors avoided a nasty lawsuit
- >Of course, the price of this was a massive, breeding population of retarded fuzz-balls
- >But that's way in the past
- >Today, it's your job to run tests on your new Alicorns
- >Some petshop owner sold Hasbro the secret to breeding them
- >From what you hear, he retired within a few months
- >Lucky bastard
- "Hey, Tim, send the first group in."
- >A small door opens on the opposite side of a 2-way mirror
- >From it, 4 Alicorns emerge
- >2 stallions and 2 mares
- >You speak into the intercom
- "Can you all hear me?"
- "Whewe hooman at? Nu can see hooman..."
- >You explain that you're in another room
- >They all seem to understand
- >Intelligence - above (fluffy) average
- "Alright...look around and tell me what you see."
- "See...baww...an nummies bow...an wittabox...an...otha fwuffies?"
- >They walk towards the mirror
- >Each of them waves a hoof in front of it
- "Is me!"
- >You scribble a few more notes
- >Maybe your job isn't that bad, after all
- >Sure, you spend all day talking to technicolor retard horses
- >But you could also spend the day actually dealing with special children
- >You shudder as you remember how your mother made you volunteer in middle school
- >Never again
- >You turn your attention back to the fluffies
- "Alright, fluffies. You have a very simple job."
- >You press a button and the floor opens up in the center of the enclosure
- >In the hole is 6 feet of water
- "You just have to stay alive for the night. If you do, you all get spaghetti and new mommies and daddies."
- >This causes quite a bit of elation in the mini-herd
- "Wuv skettis! Fank oo hooman!"
- >With that, you jot down a few notes and head to lunch
- >Meatball sub, yummy
- >An hour later, you return to continue observing the fluffies
- >None have drowned yet
- >They're mostly just babbling about something or other, or playing with the ball
- >Suddenly, the ball rolls into the water
- >You push the record button at your workstation
- >The fluffies stop what they're doing and walk to the edge of the hole
- >They peer over into the water
- "Wawa bad fo fwuffies...baww is gone."
- >Saywhat?
- >They waddle away from the water, looking a bit crestfallen
- >More notes!
- >They're definitely able to identify potential dangers
- >Not only that, they actually avoid them instead of trying to befriend them
- >This is starting to get interesting
- >You can't wait for the next group
- >You carefully observe the fluffies for the next few hours before your shift ends
- >Another worker takes over for the night, and you head home
- >You take a few minutes to summarize the day's findings before going to sleep
- >Tomorrow is the moment of truth
- >You wake up with a spring in your step
- >Time to see if Alicorns are worth selling
- >You get to the Hasbro Bio-Lab and arrive at your station
- >You read over your co-worker's notes and add to your own
- >Seems as though the Alicorns have a few interesting traits
- >Number 1: No smarty has emerged
- >Number 2: They haven't tried to fuck yet
- >Number 3: They're not dead
- >Number 4: They're not fucking dead
- >This is promising
- >You speak into the intercom, waking the fluffies
- "Since you all managed to last the night, I'm giving you all spaghetti!"
- "SKETTIS! TANK OO HOOMAN!"
- >You press a button that deposits spaghetti into the 4 food bowls in the room
- >They squeal in delight as they eat all the spaghetti they can stuff their faces with
- >Fluffy ponies don't drown in spaghetti
- >You write that down too
- >When they've all eaten and used the litterbox, you give them the green light for adoption
- >The first 4 Alicorns on the market, at least official Hasbro Alicorns
- >Which are much more expensive than normal fluffies
- >You finish summarizing the experiment and hand it to your boss
- >He's very happy with your work
- "Great job...looks like you'll be moved up to a more...interesting batch next."
- >You love your job
- >Science is fun
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Science Is Fun, Part 1
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