Title:           Lost Vegas, Part 4: Escape
Author:          Fuckasaurus_Fuck
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/CFEXRQgC
First Edit:      Tuesday 14th of May 2013 09:32:35 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Tuesday 14th of May 2013 09:32:35 PM CDT

>You are Anon, and you need to get the hell out of here as soon as possible
>Recap: Through no fault of yours, you, Marcus, and Jen all got white girl wasted, somehow got on a plane to Vegas, and ended up in the Bellagio
>Just as the remnants of the Cleveland Herd stampeded (read: waddled) into town
>You're all about to leave the hotel room and brave the carnage that was once Las Vegas
"You ready, Marcus?"
"You know it. Open the door."
>You open the door and are greeted by a cacophony of Fluff-speak and screams
>Outside the hotel room, there are at least 2,000 Fluffies running amok, shitting on and humping everything in sight
>There are a few small fires and plenty of people running in circles, screaming, or stomping Fluffies into a paste
>You close the door
"Yeah, I'd rather not."
>Marcus sighs and paces around a bit, and Sunsplash waddles not far behind him
>Jen sort of just looks around for a bit before Marcus finally speaks up
"So, Anon...you're telling me that we're stuck, in a hotel room, surrounded by hundreds-"
"Thousands."
"...THOUSANDS...of Fluffy Ponies, and we can's leave because 'you'd rather not'?"
"Well, if YOU want to go wade through that shitstorm, be my guest, but I for one don't-"
"If you two troglodytes are done arguing, I think I found us a way out."
>You and Marcus look at each other, to your Fluffies, and then to Jen
>She walks over to the window, opens it, and climbs out
>Marcus runs over to the window, looks out, and slaps himself in the forehead
"Anon, we're on like, the second fucking floor."
"Seriously?"
"Seriously."
>The Fluffies on the ground provide the perfect padding for you to land on
>You and Marcus prepare to jump, and you take your cell phone out
"Starsplash, can you push this button and take a picture for me when we land?"
"Otay, daddeh!"
"Sunsplash, close your eyes."
"Otay, daddeh!"
>You and Marcus jump, landing with a "CRUNCH" as some Fluffies are crushed underfoot
>You hear your phone's camera click, and you pat Starsplash on the head
>Maybe catastrophes aren't that bad, after all
 
>You are Private Ramone, US Army grunt
>You are part of the most efficient killing machine ever to walk the Earth
>Okay, so maybe you're not THAT bad-ass...
>In fact, the only reason you're here is because your unit ended up doing so poorly everywhere else they were sent
>You can still hear the brass mocking you
"Why don't we just send the Pussy Platoon to deal with the Fluffies? If we're lucky, maybe some of them will end up KIA!"
>Assholes
>They do have a point, though...
>But you'll prove them all wrong!
>You stand up and shoot your pistol into the air once
>All eyes are now on you
>Now is your time to shine
"Guys, we got sent out here because those fuckers up top don't think we can kick ass! But we'll show 'em!"
>You're met with nothing but snickers and eye-rolls
>Ramirez, who seems to have it out for you, speaks up
"How? We gonna kill a bunch of overgrown toilet paper rolls?"
>He is met with high fives
>You start to sweat and your words deteriorate into a barely-intelligble mumble
>It's high school all over again
>A Fluffy Pony waddles up to you
"Why hoomin sad? Wan huggies?"
>You look it in the face through teary eyes and smile
>Then you shoot the fucker in the brain
>You fucking hate Fluffy Ponies