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Lost Vegas, Part 4: Escape

By: Fuckasaurus_Fuck on May 14th, 2013  |  syntax: None  |  size: 3.26 KB  |  hits: 25  |  expires: Never
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  1. >You are Anon, and you need to get the hell out of here as soon as possible
  2. >Recap: Through no fault of yours, you, Marcus, and Jen all got white girl wasted, somehow got on a plane to Vegas, and ended up in the Bellagio
  3. >Just as the remnants of the Cleveland Herd stampeded (read: waddled) into town
  4. >You're all about to leave the hotel room and brave the carnage that was once Las Vegas
  5. "You ready, Marcus?"
  6. "You know it. Open the door."
  7. >You open the door and are greeted by a cacophony of Fluff-speak and screams
  8. >Outside the hotel room, there are at least 2,000 Fluffies running amok, shitting on and humping everything in sight
  9. >There are a few small fires and plenty of people running in circles, screaming, or stomping Fluffies into a paste
  10. >You close the door
  11. "Yeah, I'd rather not."
  12. >Marcus sighs and paces around a bit, and Sunsplash waddles not far behind him
  13. >Jen sort of just looks around for a bit before Marcus finally speaks up
  14. "So, Anon...you're telling me that we're stuck, in a hotel room, surrounded by hundreds-"
  15. "Thousands."
  16. "...THOUSANDS...of Fluffy Ponies, and we can's leave because 'you'd rather not'?"
  17. "Well, if YOU want to go wade through that shitstorm, be my guest, but I for one don't-"
  18. "If you two troglodytes are done arguing, I think I found us a way out."
  19. >You and Marcus look at each other, to your Fluffies, and then to Jen
  20. >She walks over to the window, opens it, and climbs out
  21. >Marcus runs over to the window, looks out, and slaps himself in the forehead
  22. "Anon, we're on like, the second fucking floor."
  23. "Seriously?"
  24. "Seriously."
  25. >The Fluffies on the ground provide the perfect padding for you to land on
  26. >You and Marcus prepare to jump, and you take your cell phone out
  27. "Starsplash, can you push this button and take a picture for me when we land?"
  28. "Otay, daddeh!"
  29. "Sunsplash, close your eyes."
  30. "Otay, daddeh!"
  31. >You and Marcus jump, landing with a "CRUNCH" as some Fluffies are crushed underfoot
  32. >You hear your phone's camera click, and you pat Starsplash on the head
  33. >Maybe catastrophes aren't that bad, after all
  34.  
  35. >You are Private Ramone, US Army grunt
  36. >You are part of the most efficient killing machine ever to walk the Earth
  37. >Okay, so maybe you're not THAT bad-ass...
  38. >In fact, the only reason you're here is because your unit ended up doing so poorly everywhere else they were sent
  39. >You can still hear the brass mocking you
  40. "Why don't we just send the Pussy Platoon to deal with the Fluffies? If we're lucky, maybe some of them will end up KIA!"
  41. >Assholes
  42. >They do have a point, though...
  43. >But you'll prove them all wrong!
  44. >You stand up and shoot your pistol into the air once
  45. >All eyes are now on you
  46. >Now is your time to shine
  47. "Guys, we got sent out here because those fuckers up top don't think we can kick ass! But we'll show 'em!"
  48. >You're met with nothing but snickers and eye-rolls
  49. >Ramirez, who seems to have it out for you, speaks up
  50. "How? We gonna kill a bunch of overgrown toilet paper rolls?"
  51. >He is met with high fives
  52. >You start to sweat and your words deteriorate into a barely-intelligble mumble
  53. >It's high school all over again
  54. >A Fluffy Pony waddles up to you
  55. "Why hoomin sad? Wan huggies?"
  56. >You look it in the face through teary eyes and smile
  57. >Then you shoot the fucker in the brain
  58. >You fucking hate Fluffy Ponies
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