Cannibalism, Part 3: House of the Fluff

>You can hear your door open and slam shut, Dale ran inside

"ANON! THEY WRECKED MY POISON TANKS!"

"THEY WHAT!?"

"THEY...OH SHIT IS THAT ONE OF THEM!?"

>You really should have killed that one

>Sure, it's an evil little Satan-spawn, but it's also pretty fragile

>You hear a crunch, then a splat

>You'll clean that later

"Anon...where are you?"

"In here...My fluffy's sleeping in here and I'm not letting him out. The basement door should be open. Hide there, and jam the door."

>You know there isn't much you can do against a herd of these things, you call 911 on your cell and inform the police there's wild animals loose

"Yeah...the animal control guy says it's too much for just him...and send an ambulance just in case"

>One hour

>Fuck your property

>Why do you live out here, Anon

>You are really bad at making decisions

>You hear banging from the front door, and then a few metallic *tink* sounds

"Oh, fuck...those were the nails on the fluffy door..."

>The cannibal fluffies broke down your fluffy door

>You can hear a bit of chatter but not much

>About five minutes pass and you can hear shuffling all around your house

"Hope Dale got that door shut tight..."

>Starsplash is still sleeping soundly

>You don't want to wake him

>It's best he doesn't know what's going on

>You are Dale, and you are freaking the fuck out

>You managed to get the basement door and stairs barricaded, but those fluffies are smart

>You hear them shuffling around inside

"Oh, God, oh God, oh God...this is bad...Game over man, game over..."

>You have enough experience in your line of work to know by now...

>Fluffies will always find a way

>Frankly, you're not sure if you'll be alive in the morning

>You've got no way to deal with 50 hungry cannibal fluffies

>Right now, you feel more like a trapped rat than an exterminator

"Man...this is just like that part in Jurassic Park with the raptors..."

>Anon calls down and tells you the cops are on the way with more animal control people

>You hope it's enough

>You decide to look around and make sure you're safe for the next hour

>Small windows, nothing that furniture won't fix

>You're glad Anon has a full basement

>You finish barricading the windows within 15 minutes

>Then you hear a banging on the basement door

>They're trying to break in

>There's no lock on that door, and you're not sure how long your makeshift wall will hold

"Fwuffies wan nummies...fwuffies vewy hungy..."

"oh, shit..."

>You need to hide, NOW

>Looking around, you see that there is a cupboard under the stairs

"Harry Potter eat your heart out..."

>You crawl in and hide

>Not five minutes have passed until you hear the door come off of the hinges

>From the sound of it, at least half the herd worked together to break it

>Also sounds like half your barricade was taken with it

>Damn those clever little bastards

>You just hope you'll last

>30 minutes left

>You are Anon, and you can hear your door about to give

>The cannibal fluffies have been ramming it for close to 10 minutes

>Starsplash has woken up and is crying

>You reassure him as much as you can, but you still have 20 minutes or so until the cops will arrive

"Daddeh...fwu...fwuffy scawed...nu wan bad fwuffehs..."

"I know, Starsplash...just be brave for daddy, okay?"

"Wiww twy..."

>He's such a good fluffy

>You're not letting these things get him

>You spot your autographed Babe Ruth baseball bat

>That cost you a fortune

>You grab the bat and immediately both love and hate yourself for buying it

"Okay...after this I'm not gonna buy nice things..."

>Five minutes later, your door breaks at the hinges

>It doesn't fall, though, since your bed is blocking the way

>The fluffies drag the wood away and begin crawling under your bed

>Dammit Anon, how could you forget the space under the bed

>It's small enough that the fluffies can only get in 2, maybe 3 at a time

>You guess that only half of them are after you

"Alright...that's 22 waves. Bring it on."

>The first fluffy pokes his head out

"Starsplash...cover your eyes until I tell you to uncover them, okay?"

>Swing away, Anon

>Your bat makes contact with the side of the fluffy's skull

>The fluffy's head explodes and sends bits of brain and skull all over your Red Wings Stanley Cup hockey stick (signed by the whole team)

"GOD DAMMIT! WHY CAN'T I HAVE NICE THINGS!?"

>You eviscerate 6 more fluffies before they also begin climbing over your bed

>4 to 6 at a time now, about 18 left

>You swing your bat like it's a battleaxe

>Fluffies actually break open from the impact

>Some of the broken ones begin eating their own organs

>Even the cannibals are still pretty fucking dumb

>You are Officer Dick, loose cannon cop

>You got a call about a horde of animals at some guy's house

>Now, you've finally arrived at the house

>Animal control and paramedics are there too

>You grab your shotgun and tell your partner to stay outside

>You head in to secure the house

"This is the police...anyone here?"

"I'm alright, officer...the exterminator's trapped in the basement though."

>You see a man holding a broken baseball bat, covered in blood and various chunks of fluff and meat

>You really don't want to know

>You head into the basement

"Hello...sir are you injured?"

"Shut up! They'll hear you!"

>You don't have time to respond before your ankles are swarmed by fluffy ponies

"Oh goddammit...these things?"

>You kick a few away, but they don't cry out

>In fact, most are biting your ankles

"Hey, cut that...AH! GOD DAMN IT!"

>One managed to chew through your pants and bites a chunk out of your calf

>Hurts like hell

>You ready your gun and blast away

>You clear out a good 20 fluffies, but not before they did some serious damage

>You're also out of ammo

"Send backup...these things...they're vicious..."

>You collapse onto the stairs

>The remaining 5 fluffies begin eating you, starting with your legs

>By the time they reach your stomach, you begin to pass out

"Damn...I was two days from retirement..."

>You are Anon, and you're glad the night is over

>The cops and animal control managed to clear out the remaining 5 fluffies

>They don't bother with a shelter, too dangerous

>Instead, they let you choose how the cannibals will die

"Microwave for you, drown this guy, catapult, make these 2 eat eachother"

>Your house is absolute hell

>Organs all over your room, your nice things are ruined, and a guy died in your basement

>All in all, not too bad considering it was fluffies

"Stawspwas gwad dat ovah, daddeh!"

"Me, too, buddy...Hey, you want some spaghetti?"

"Stawspwas wuv daddeh! Wuv skettis!"

>Dale has decided to quit the fluffy exterminating business

>He pitches his humane poisons to all the major companies

>They all love it

>He's made sure that unwanted fluffies will be dealt with gently

>You decide that he's a pretty cool guy

"Hey, Dale, you wanna hang out with me and my pal Marcus later?"

"Sorry, Anon...I gotta make sure Nancy doesn't have a shit fit...maybe some other time."

>You flick on the TV and watch the news

"...were found in a rural home in the countryside. Reports indicate that the fluffies were carnivorous."

"Come on...say it..."

"The owner of the home had only this to say..."

>The video cuts to you being interviewed

"NOBODY FUCKS WITH THE JESUS!"

"Speshuwwy not bad fwuffies!"

"That's right Starsplash..."

>That's right