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Cannibalism, Part 2: Clever Girl

By: Fuckasaurus_Fuck on Sep 3rd, 2012  |  syntax: None  |  size: 4.40 KB  |  hits: 94  |  expires: Never
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  1. >Be Dale, fluffy pony exterminator
  2. >Your patented blend of poisons is the most humane method of dealing with fluffies
  3. >It knocks them out, and painlessly stops their vital functions
  4. >You get a call from your boss late one night, telling you about a job
  5. >Some guy named Anon complained about a pretty large herd outside his house
  6. >You can be there in two hours
  7. >You grab all of your stuff, pack it into the Fluffabago, and drive off
  8. >Two hours later, you arrive
  9. >Wingo, man! Let's do this!, you think to yourself
  10. "Hello, Mister Anon was it? I'm the fluffy exterminator. Hear you got a feral herd"
  11. "Oh hi...Dale, right? come on in I'll fill you in on the details."
  12. >You notice that his windows are boarded up
  13. >He locks the door behind you
  14. "Listen, Dale, this herd's...well it's different"
  15. "Different how?"
  16. "Check out this article."
  17. >He shows you an article on something called "Cannibal Herds"
  18. >You tell him you've never heard of anything like that, but your poisons can handle it
  19. >He warns you that the fluffies are smarter than average, and you grab your poisons and step outside
  20. >Then you notice something strange
  21. >Since you got here, you haven't seen one fluffy
  22. "Hey, Anon...there's no fluffies out here."
  23. "What!?"
  24. "It's dead out here, Anon. No fluffies."
  25. "Dale, be careful, they might be hiding."
  26. >Great
  27. >They don't pay you enough for this
  28. >You silently walk around the yard, in which are quite a few bushes and trees, looking for the fluffies
  29. "Why do these guys always have to live in the middle of nowhere..."
  30. >Then you hear it
  31. "Hewwo...pwease hewp fwuffy...am wost...wan daddeh, wan nummies..."
  32. "What the hell..."
  33. >You look aroun and find a fluffy under a bush
  34. >Its fur looks dirty and it's wearing a collar
  35. >Poor guy must've gotten lost
  36. >You scoop the fluffy up and carry it back to the house
  37. "Hey Anon, I got a lost domestic out here"
  38. "What? Are you sure?"
  39. "Yeah, It's wearing a collar...I'm not leaving it outside, man, can you take care of it for a few hours?"
  40. "Sure...give it here."
  41. >Anon takes the fluffy and walks inside
  42. >You hear the door lock and you get back to work
  43. >Suddenly, you hear leaves rustling
  44. >You turn around, and see the herd emerging from bushes and the shorter trees
  45. >A quick head count reveals 50, maybe more
  46. "Hey there, little guys...I'm gonna be your new daddy."
  47. >They remain silent
  48. "Um...don't you guys want nummies?"
  49. "Yes."
  50. >Creepy
  51. >You start to feel a bit uneasy
  52. "Well, if you guys want food I gotta give you guys some medicine first...alright?"
  53. >One fluffy steps forward, the creepy smile never leaving his face as he speaks
  54. "Nu wan yo medicine...is bad fo fwuffies. We kno wat it do."
  55. >You feel one of them land on your back
  56. >Little bastard must've gotten onto the roof
  57. >Its sharp teeth easily sever the tubing on your poison tanks
  58. >The good news: it's harmless to humans
  59. >The bad news: you have no way to kill all these fluffies
  60. >You grab the tank and tear it off of your back, the fluffy still hanging on
  61. >It hits the ground and the unconscious fluffy flops off to the side
  62. >That one got a mouthful of poison
  63. >It knew what it was doing, and was willing to die to do so
  64. "Clever girl..."
  65. >Be Anon
  66. >You've taken the lost fluffy in to wash and feed
  67. >You checked all over, but its collar seems to have become too worn to read
  68. "Great...well, we can at least post some signs in town. You hungry?"
  69. "Fwuffy hungy..."
  70. >It's pretty quiet...you'll feed it after its bath
  71. >It doesn't complain much as you wash it, and you can soon see its fluff
  72. >It's an Earth fluffy, with pink fluff and a purple mane
  73. >No matter how hard you scrub, you can't seem to get all the dirt out
  74. "Alright, you're all clean...you wan some carrots?"
  75. "Cawwots...nu wan."
  76. "How about spaghetti then?"
  77. >You hate giving this fluffy spaghetti without waking Starsplash, but you can get him some tomorrow
  78. "Nu wan skettis."
  79. "What?"
  80. >No way. No fluffy has ever refused spaghetti
  81. >That's when the pink fluffy smiles
  82. >Those teeth
  83. "Oh shit..."
  84. "Fwuffy wan...gud nummies."
  85. >You run upstairs, straight into your bedroom
  86. >You re-lock the door behind you
  87. >You push your bed in front of the door and grab Starsplash
  88. "Wah wong daddeh?"
  89. "It's nothing, Starsplash...the bad fluffies are just being mean and trying to get in. I got someone to give them owies though."
  90. "Dat gud...meanie fwuffies get owies."
  91. >He seems reassured enough to fall asleep again
  92. >You put him back in his bed and begin to think
  93. "It's gonna be a long night..."
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