Beavis, Part 2: Beavis and Butthead Do Fluffies

>It's been a few months since the incident with Beavis

>He miraculously hasn't drowned, but he's confined to his safe room while you're at work

>You are not going to repeat that shitstorm

>While you're at work, you overhear a coworker talking about fluffies

>Apparently, if they have a "fwend" they tend to behave a bit better

>Alright. Why the fuck not?

>You head to the most reputable fluffy petshop in town

>Owner is some dude named Marcus

>He's a pretty cool guy

>Buy a fluffy the same age as Beavis

>Name it Butthead because reasons

"Hey there, little guy. I'm your new daddy."

"Fwuffy wuv new daddeh! Buhead wan pway!"

"Alright, we'll play with your new friend once we get home."

>The concept of having a new friend nearly causes Butthead's brain to explode

>Literally, he almost overthinks himself to death

>He's bouncing all over the place during the ride home

>You squeeze him before bringing him in, just to be safe

"Beavis, I'm home! I got a surprise for you!"

>You open the safe room door and as soon as the two fluffies see eachother, they go absolutely apeshit

"NEW FWEND! PWAY! BEAVI' WUV NEW FWEND! WAN PWAY BAWW? BUHEAD WUV!!!..."

>You let them get acquainted and watch TV

>For once, it feels like everything's gonna be alright

>You obviously don't know what fluffies are capable of

>As time passes, your two fluffies become best "fwends"

>Your house actually seems a bit calmer

>That's bullshit, something must be wrong right?

>You wake up one morning and open the safe room

"Hey little guys, time for breakfast"

"Wan nummies, wuv daddeh!"

>etc, etc

>Something seems off about Butthead

"What's wrong with you, Butthead?"

"Tummy feew funneh...no wan nummies."

"Huh...alright I'll check you out. Beavis, go ahead and eat okay? And please be careful"

>Only a fluffy would need a warning before a meal

>After breakfast, you still haven't found anything physically wrong with Butthead

>You lock Beavis in the safe room after assuring him repeatedly that Butthead will be back

>You drive to the vet

"Mister Anon we're ready to see your fluffy"

"Thanks, little guy says his stomach hurts."

"Well it's probably just indigestion...what have you been feeding him?"

>You go over the foods your fluffies eat, and answer all the follow-up questions about their health

>The vet decides to give your fluffy a physical just to be confirm his suspicions

>You sit in the waiting room for a good 20 minutes before being called by the hot receptionist (whose number just so happens to have found its way into your cell. go figure)

"Mister Anon, your fluffy is ready"

>You walk back and find the examination room

"Um...Mister Anon...I'm afraid we have some rather shocking news..."

"What is is? Is Butthead okay?"

"You may want to sit down for this."

"Mister Anon...you DO realize that there is nothing WRONG with Butthead, right?"

"But you said that..."

"Mister Anon, Butthead is just pregnant"

"I'msorrywhat?"

>Oh my God you're an idiot

>You didn't bother checking your new fluffy's gender

>They all sound the same, it's not like you could tell by listening

"Butthead is a female fluffy. She's just complaining about her stomach being sore. It's perfectly normal"

>He recommends a few food brands that are made specifically for pregnant fluffies

>He also writes down everything you'll need to avoid a "Fluffplosion"

"Oh, doc? What would you recommend for punishment? I mean for the father."

"Punishment? What did you have in mind?"

"Well...I was thinking something along the lines of psychologically scarring. No physical damage."

>You haven't forgotten about Beavis

>He caused this. You can't afford an entire litter of fluffies

>You jot down some notes on the vet's suggestions

>Separation from mother, separation from foals, killing mother, foals, or both (you cross that one out), or simply the usual methods

"And of course if none of that works, a reset is always an option. If you want, you can come back and we could...

"No thanks. Got a car battery."

"Jesus Christ...well...have a nice day, sir..."

"Don't worry...I will."

>You sigh and scoop up Butthead and drive her home

>Stupid, stupid, stupid, you think to yourself

>You drop your fluffy off at home and make another trip to the store

>This special fluffy food is expensive as shit

>You also have to buy a bunch of new, soft toys

>This pregnancy is going to bleed your vidya money dry

>Whatever. You're a grown-ass man

>A Fluff-Bortion is only $5 at Wal-Mart, but you decide against it

>You want this lesson to stick

>You arrive home to find your fluffies already sleeping peacefully

"Beavi' wub...*snore*...speshuw fwend..."

>How cute, they're in a mini-fluffpile

>Horny fuckers

>You go to sleep, as visions of psychological torment dance in your head

>You wake up to an interesting noise

>It sounds like an infant babbling, but you know better

"Buhead wub babbehs...can' wait fo babbehs!"

>Shit...well, you better play along...

"That's right, girl, you're gonna be a mommy. And YOU'RE gonna be a daddy!"

"Beavi' wuv be daddeh! Wuv babbehs!"

>How the fuck do they know what babies ARE anyway?

>Must be in their programming

>Damn Hasbro and their corporate board of geniuses

>You make breakfast and make sure that Butthead gets her special blend of nutrients

>She seems to love it

>About 2 and a half weeks have passed, the gestation period for fluffies being only about 3 and a half

>They're insanely fast at breeding, must be why ferals are such a problem

>You decide to head back to that vet and get ready for a home birth

"You two go in your safe room, daddy will be back soon, okay?"

"Otay daddeh, we be gud fwuffies!"

>You use up all your sick days for next week, you can't afford to risk fluffplosion

>You get some great advice from the vet about delivering foals

>Keep calm, be gentle, blah blah blah

>You buy some essentials, cardboard box, cheap towels, blankets, etc

>Now you can only wait

>Another week has passed without fluffplosion

>Cthulu be praised

"FWUFFY NEED MAKE BIG POOPIES!!!"

>ohshitfuckingfuck

>It is time.

>You made sure to set Butthead up with everything you'd need to help the delivery

>You calm her down by telling her that her babies are on the way

"Wub babbehs...Wiww be bestest mummeh ebah!"

"That's right, girl, yes you will!"

>After a few minutes, the first of her foals slides out

>She cleans it off and reveals it to be a Pegasus

>It's light blue with gold-yellow hair

>The next two babies follow likewise

>Both Earth fluffies, one navy with khaki hair, the other brown with blue hair

"Good job, girl, that looks like all the..."

>Spoke too soon, Anon

>You should know better by now

>One more slides out

>Butthead gives it an inquisitive sniff, then turns her head

"Nu wan' dummeh babbeh! Stoopid babbeh!"

>Great. A goddamned runt.

"Come on, don't you want to be a good momma?"

"DUMMEH BABBEH! Good mummehs nu wan dummeh babbehs!"

>You take the runt away and gently wash it off with a washcloth while Butthead's other foals suckle

>You get some milk and sugar and feed it to the runt

>No way in hell is that horny little bastard causing a fluffy to die in your house

>NOW you're not gonna hold back

>You've managed to feed the runt, which is a Pegasus

>Its coat is gold-yellow, and its mane is white

>You can't help but chuckle at the irony of just how cute it is

>That's just cruel, Anon

>You decide to let Beavis and Butthead rest for a few days before punishing them

>You're also very careful to give constant care to the runt, which you've taken to calling Starsplash

"It's gonna be alright little guy, I'll make sure your parents get what's coming to them."

>It just looks at you and chirps

>A few days have now passed, and the foals are old enough to talk

"Wan miwkies! Who dah dum fwuffeh? Nu smeww pwetty!"

>Of course, their parents are trying to train them to use the litterbox

>Trying is, of course, the key word here, but maybe they're smarter than you've given them credit for

>You wait for the foals to eat, shit, and fall asleep before you call to their parents

"Beavis, Butthead, could you guys come in here?"

"Wuv daddeh! Have su manneh babbehs!"

>You make sure to bring Starsplash along

>While he seems to be developing normally, he still seems to have the runt smell on him

>Doesn't matter, at least it won't for long

>You grab the Sorry-Box, which you've covered with a blanket

>You also grab the "Industrial Strength Pheromone Spray: Now With Extra Boner!" that you bought the other day just for this

"Beavis, Butthead, do you know why I brought you guys in here?

>They just cock their heads and stare

"Thought so...I can't afford to raise six fluffies..."

"Buhead wuv babbehs! Buhead am good mummeh!"

"Yes you are, but once they grow up I won't be able to feed all of them."

>She just looks at you, confused

>Good. She has no clue what you have planned