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Beavis, Part 1

By: Fuckasaurus_Fuck on Sep 2nd, 2012  |  syntax: None  |  size: 4.75 KB  |  hits: 103  |  expires: Never
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  1. >Be Anon, owner of a fluffy pony named Beavis
  2. >Beavis has a navy blue coat and a blonde mane
  3. >He can be a bit energetic, but you love the shit out of him
  4. >He's even allowed to wander your house freely while you're at work
  5. >You don't worry, your house is damn near 100% fluffy-proofed
  6. >Still, fluffies will always find a way
  7. >One day, you come home to see your floor covered with liquid diarrhea
  8. >It. Is. Everywhere.
  9. >While surveying the damage, you notice that:
  10. >1. Beavis is nowhere to be seen
  11. >2. Your antique vase is on the floor, shattered
  12. >You payed over $2000 for that vase
  13. >In hindsight, it wasn't such a good idea
  14. >You're pissed as hell, to say the least
  15. BEAVIS! GET OUT HERE RIGHT NOW!
  16. >Silence
  17. >You walk (or wade) around the disaster area that was once your home
  18. >You pass by your once-white leather couch and notice a dirty blonde clump of fluff sticking out from under it
  19. Nuuu...no huwt fwuffy...fwuffy no mean...
  20. >It's Beavis
  21. >You pull him out by his tail, ignoring his protests
  22. >You hose him down outside and toss him in his padded safe room
  23. Beavis, stay in there and keep quiet while I try to fix your mess.
  24. >You spend the next seven hours cleaning up
  25. >It is now 4 AM
  26. >You sleep for a few hours, wake up, and call in sick
  27. >You don't even bother letting Beavis out or feeding him
  28. >You think about getting a sorry-stick
  29. No. Your punishment must be more severe...
  30. >Spend the better half of your day in town
  31. >You stop at Lowes and grab some cheap plywood
  32. >You also head over to Auto Zone and grab a car battery
  33. >It's not that cheap, and you really don't want to hurt Beavis, but a reset is a good thing to be able to fall back on
  34. >Once you have everything you need, you go to the best Italian restaurant in town
  35. >You speak with the head chef about ingredients, cooking methodt, etc. for making amazing spaghetti
  36. >You grab all the ingredients you'll need for a gourmet Italian meal
  37. >Now you're ready
  38. >You head home and step into your garage
  39. >Beavis can wait. Fluffies can survive surprisingly long without food
  40. >You build a "Sorry-Box" just big enough for Beavis to stand in
  41. >If he tries to lay down, his fluff will prevent him from doing so
  42. >You make a cheap door on one side with some leftover hinges and chicken wire
  43. >You told your damn uncle you didn't need that the leftovers from his barn renovation, but damn if it isn't coming in handy
  44. >When you're done, you have an uncomfortable, but safe, method of punishment
  45. >You walk inside and let Beavis out
  46. Daddeh...fwuffy sowwy...Hugs?
  47. Nope.
  48. >You grab him by the scruff and wash what filth has accumulated over the past day out of his fluff
  49. >Then, you show him the Sorry-Box
  50. Beavis, you've been a bad fluffy. Do you know what happens to bad fluffies?
  51. Beavi' nu bad fwuffy...good fwuffy!
  52. No, you're not. You shat all over and broke my things. You're a bad fluffy. Bad fluffies go in the Sorry-Box
  53. >Something about that phrase sparks fear in his little brain
  54. NUUUU!!! Sowwy Box bad fo fwuffy!
  55. >His whines would be cute if you weren't still pissed at him
  56. >You plop him into the box (after squeezing him over a trash can) and carry the contraption into your kitchen
  57. >You set the box down on the table and begin to cook spaghetti
  58. >It's almost as if Beavis forgets your conversation not 30 seconds ago
  59. "SKETTIS! Beavi' wan! Wan now! SKETTIS SKETTIS SKETTIS!!!...."
  60. >This goes on while you boil the water and cook the noodles
  61. >You craft a delicious sauce from fresh tomatoes, herbs, and ground meat
  62. >Once the meal is complete you get yourself a plate and sit down across from Beavis
  63. "Now, Beavis, bad fluffies don't get any spaghetti. And you've been a VERY bad fluffy."
  64. >You grab a fork and begin eating
  65. >By Cthulu this is amazing spaghetti
  66. >You pause to write down the recipe as Beavis begins to lose his shit (figuratively, of course)
  67. "NUUUUUUUUU!!! WAN SKETTIES! WAN NUMMIES! SO HUNGY! PWEASE GIF FWUFFY NUMMIES!"
  68. "Sorry, Beavis, but you did this. Now if you admit you're a bad fluffy maybe I'll feed you."
  69. >Silence
  70. >You continue eating your delicious spaghetti, making sure to emphasize between mouthfuls how good it is
  71. >You occasionally remind Beavis that he can have food if he just says those magic words
  72. >He just stands there and sobs
  73. "Come on, Beavis, I can't just let you starve but you need to learn a lesson. Now are you a good fluffy or a bad fluffy?"
  74. "...Beavi' ba fwuff..."
  75. "What was that?"
  76. "Am bad fwuffy...sowwy fo make bad poopies an bweak shiny pot"
  77. "Alright, Beavis, I'll give you some food. But you're not getting any spaghetti for a while"
  78. >With that, you fill a dish with Fluffy Chow and set it in the Sorry-Box
  79. >Beavis eats silently, still crying silently
  80. >You know he hates that Fluffy Chow and you usually feed him veggies and (on occasion) spaghetti
  81. >Not today though
  82. >Beavis has been a bad fluffy
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