(Other) The Totally True Story of Mantis-bro in the jerk

>You are Domino.

>More commonly known as Dom.

>The greatest Big Daddy in existence.

>Or, at least that what helps you sleep at night.

>One fateful day, you decide to do your typical morning routine.

>Take a glorious shit.

>Dat shave looks marvelous.

>Jumping into the shower, you stop dead in your tracks.

>A bug sits in the middle of your shower.

"What the fuck."

>You bend down to take a closer inspection.

>It looks like a mantis.

>A preying mantis.

>You don't really know anything about them.

>They could be poisonous.

>It's possible this one could even kill you.

>Naturally, you pick it up.

>The little bug sits in the palm of your hand and walks around, looking at you.

"You're a cool little guy. I'm gunna call you Mantis-bro."

>Mantis-bro tilts it's head a little in your hand.

>Taking a picture with your phone, you do the only thing that seems logical.

>Boot up skype.

>A knock at your door causes you to pause.

>Ugh. That's right. Fucking Yellowquiet.

>It's your turn to take the guesses this week.

"Wait a minute. this is good."

>You rip open the door with your free hand.

>"Oh.. um. Hi... Domino..."

"Shut the fuck up."

>She's taken aback, normally you aren't immediately harsh to her.

"What kind of mantis is this?"

>Flutterbutter looks at the mantis carefully.

>"It... looks like a Carolina Mantis. They make really good pets."

>Your eyes light up.

"Thanks. Looks like you are good for something after all."

>She beams and becomes excited before you slam the door in her face.

>Hopping back on skype, looks like all the normals are still there.

>You begin to type.

 

Dom: Hey guys, look what I found.

Dom: [imgur link redacted]

Priest: Sweet!

Raod: Set it on fire!

Priest: Keep it as a pet.

Wat: What is it's name

Dom: I'm going to call him Mantis-bro.

Priest: Sweet. We have an official pet of the circle jerk.

 

>Many days and nights passed as you tenderly care for Mantis-bro, and with each day he grew bigger and bigger.

>After he outgrew his box, you got a nice little tank with foliage and a small-scale Big Daddy.

>That way papa is never too far away from home.

>Finally one day after your triple S, you walk by the glass tank to check up on your little buddy.

"What's up Mantis bro?"

>You look into the glass with a smile and drop a dead moth down for his breakfast.

>"Not much. Thanks for the moth."

"No prob bro."

>You walk off without a care in the world.

"Wait."

>You stop.

"What the fuck! You can talk?"

>You run back to the tank, stating in at the little mantis.

>"Yeah, Fluttershy taught me."

"God damn it. How is she breaking into my house?"

>"That's what I can't tell you, or I don't get more lessons."

"Well SHIT! I'll teach you if you want."

>"Sure. Sounds fair."

>Now with newfound similarity to Mantis-bro, you began to learn more about him.

>His favorite foods, which music you played that he likes, as well as little things he wanted change about his tank.

>When you showed the talking mantis to the circle jerk, they went absolutely crazy.

>Soon, you began to take Mantis-bro with you everywhere.

>One fateful day at the grocery store, Mantis bro becomes oddly quiet.

"What's up bro? Why are you so quiet?"

>He points a little feeler at Rarity, the fashonista marshmellow pone.

"Oh ho ho! Got a little crush now do we?"

>He looks to the side.

"That's no problem. I could introduce you to her."

>"Really?"

"Yeah man! Let's talk to her."

>You stroll your cart over to Rarara, who is trying to choose between two different brands of caviar.

"Hey Rarity. What's up?"

>"Oh! Mr. Domino, I didn't see you there. How are you?"

"I'm doing fine. Hey, I didn't know if you met my buddy yet."

>You pick up Mantis-bro and present him to Rarity.

>"Uhm... hello?"

>Rarity looks down at the little mantis with disgust.

>"What a REVOLTING little creature. Keep him away from me. I HATE bugs."

>She slowly backs her cart away and enters another aistle.

>Mantis-bro didn't talk the rest of the day.

"You gunna be alright man?"

>"Yeah... I suppose. I should stay out of that interspecies stuff anyway."

"I suppose so."

>"I just hate mantis women... you know? They can really... bite your head off."

>You give a lighthearted chuckle.

"It just takes time bro, it'll happen."

>After that day, you began to let Mantis bro out to explore the world, and while you no longer had to feed him, he would still return to his tank every night.

>Soon he even brought home a few lady mantis.

>He managed to convince them all to wear gimp masks.

>Smart little fucker.

>You raised him well.

>He started to bring home even more mantis ladies.

>So many that you needed to get another tank.

>Then another.

>And then another.

>And then another.

>Holy shit. He began to seriously get around. His children were beginning to fill your house.

>And they all can talk.

>You did the only thing that made sense.

>Send them to all the writers in the circlejerk.

>Soon the writers began teaching them how to write stories too.

>Swift's mantis managed to do three requests a night while keeping everything interesting.

>Raod's mantis somehow set itself on fire.

>Poor Raod.

>Gnome's mantis tenderly took care of his guns, allowing him to write more often.

>Priest opened a little church for the mantis just so he can make a pun about praying mantis.

>That guy is a little weird.

>Soon, all of the circle jerk had several praying mantis that could all speak fluent English and could perform many various tasks.

>Yet, something seemed to be troubling Mantis-bro, and you aimed to talk to him about it.

"Hey Mantis-bro... is everything alright man?"

>"Dom... I need to talk to you about something."

"Go ahead man... you can ask me anything."

>He looks down at the palm of your hand.

>"I'm going to take all my wives and children, and start a mantis colony outside of Ponyville."

>You look down at the little guy, knowing this day would come.

"I understand, what brings this on all of a sudden?"

>He turns away from you.

>"I don't know... how much longer I have here.

>His words catch you off guard and feels well within you.

"I... understand Mantis-bro."

>He turns to you.

>"I suppose this is goodbye then, my dear friend."

>You nod.

"Just remember that while you may have been my mantis pet, I always thought of you as a bro to me."

>He leaps off of your hand as you open the door for him and his family.

>You will have to tell everyone in the jerk about what happened, but they will understand and let theirs go as well.

>It's for the best.

>You will truly miss your littler self.

>As you move to the tank, you notice one little thing missing.

>The little big daddy is missing.

 

>You are Mantis-bro, Mayor of Mantistown.

>As you exit town hall, you place you hand on the proud statue in dedication of your greatest friend.

>Wiping a tear from your eye, you begin to walk home.

>Today was your last day, and you've already said your goodbyes.

>Everything seemed to be complete, but one last little thing was missing.

>Despite creating such a vast empire for your children and your children's children, your heart felt empty.

>You liked your wives, but you would never love them as much as the white unicorn you met that fateful day in the grocery store.

>A large white hoof stops you on the way home.

>Staring up, you stop in shock of seeing the mare of your dreams.

>"Hello Mr. Mantis."

"H-hi Rarity. Fancy meeting you here."

>"Likewise."

>An awkward silence is shared between the two of you.

>"Would you like to join me for a cup of tea back at my abode Mantis? I have something I would like to discuss in private..."

"S-sure."

>You couldn't believe it as she picked you up with her hoof and placed you on top of her head.

>Making your way to Carousel Boutique, she takes you inside and places you on her table.

>"Okay. I'm only going to say this once, so please listen carefully."

>She looks down at the ground.

>"I was wrong to have judged you so harshly based on appearances..."

>"After watching you build your city and how you take care of your kids, deep down I now see how wonderful of a pon... er.. Mantis you are.

>She looks up at you.

>"I was hoping, that you could give me a second chance."

"Of course Rarity. However, today is the last day that I'll be living..."

>"Oh... I see. Well, there is only one thing we can do then."

 

>"Oh MY mantis-bro. I now see why the ladies really flock to you."

 

>You watch a satisfied rarity bask in the pale moonlight that streams through her bedroom window.

>As you slowly close your eyes, you think back on your life before you met Domino.

>The boring monotony.

>The cutthroat way of life.

>Now, looking upon the mare of your dreams, you finally feel that little hole in yourself filled up.

>When your eyes close, you can only think of one, final thought.

"Thank you Dom."