Title:           Friends on the Brain
Author:          FluffyHarbinger
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/u73HERTE
First Edit:      Monday 20th of August 2012 11:06:33 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Monday 20th of August 2012 11:06:33 PM CDT

Friends on the Brain
> "Fwuffy wuv wuippeh stick! Owies!! Wan hug fwiend! OWIES! Why fwiend nuu hug? OWIES!"
> A pink filly with a red mane is being held by the scruff of her neck trying to hug a car antenna
> The small man with a bandanna and brown hair sticking out thwacks her bottom over and over
> Curly red tail tries desperately to cover the now swollen and similarly colored bottom
> "You! Don't! Make! Poopies! Outside! The! Litter box!"
> *Whap!* *Whap!* *Whap!* *Whap!*
> "Why wuippeh fwiend huwt fwuffy poopie pwace? OWIES! Fwiend nice! OWIES! Why hoomin fwiend huwt fwuffy? OWWIEESS!"
> The short man stands no higher than five foot five
> His body however is extremely large
> Muscle ripples underneath skin each time he whips the fluffy
> "YEOWIESSSS!! WHY BOOBOO JUICE?! FWIEND GIFF BOOBOO JUICE!"
> The metal antenna is now dripping with feces, urine, and blood as it repeatedly smacks the pony's sensitive butt
> Tears flowing the pony doesn't say it's sorry though
> "Are you going to poop outside the litter box?!"
> This isn't the first time, it's the thirtieth today
> "Nuu! Nuu wan make bad poopies on wittow bowks fwiend!"
> "Argh!"
> The man whacks her back and puts her in the sorry box close by
> "Yay sowwy bowks fwiend! Fwuffy miss bowks fiwend!"
> "Graaahghaa! BGoahgkalgara!"
> The antenna is thrown onto a nearby table
> Fluffies would have made bad poopies at this display of rage
> If there were any fluffies left in the training room
> Only the pink and red filly remain
> Even the dumbest retard managed to poop in the litter box at least once intentionally
> "God damnit, this bitch is fucking stupid!"
> He kicks a nearby empty sorry box
> Feces slides out onto the floor when it falls
> "Oh Fucking Beautiful! God Damnit! ARGGGG!"
> The short muscular man has been working with this fluffy for the last three hours
> Feeding it a tasteless paste which fluffies digest very rapidly
> The filly has pooped all over the floor
> Just not in the litter box
> "Meah! mea! meaaah! Fluffy nooo wanna' poop on litter box frieeeeend meahhhhh!"
> The man is practically throwing a tantrum
> "Lou, what the hell is wrong with you?"
> The slender and dark haired Jeane enters the room
> "It's uh... nothing ma'am... This fluffy is just getting on my nerves..."
> "God damn man, if a fluffy is misbehaving and violent just put them in a carrier"
> Now thoroughly embarrassed Lou has calmed down
> "No it's... she's not violent, she just refuses to poop on anything but the floor"
> Jeane looks unimpressed
> "Let me show you how it's done, we can hear you bitching on the sales floor, it's scaring customers!"
> She pushes the muscular man aside a full head taller than him but almost half his weight
> He complies disgraced that a mutant horse got him so riled up
> "You're usually so cool about this Lou I can't believe this..."
> Jeane gives the filly a large spoon full of the mush who munches happily
> "Nummies fwiend suu nice! Giff wossa good nummies! Su yumm... uh oh! Poopies! Nuu bad poopies!"
> Jeane places the fluffy in the pen and watches
> The fluffy runs towards the litter box
> "I...She... she didn't..."
> Jeane continues to watch arms crossed and rather cross herself
> Then the fluffy reaches the litter box
> "Oh! Hewwo wittow bowx fwiend! NUU! Nee poopies! Uh? uh! uh! uh!"
> Spinning in place the filly looks for a place to relieve her exlax laced chow
> Spotting an open place she waddles past several turds she dropped earlier
> "Sc'uuze me poopie fwiends nee make poopies!"
> She tiptoes around the piles of liquid feces and reaches the open space
> "HEAngggg! ...aaahhhhh..."
> Squatting and raising her tail she lets loose another spoon sized pile of excrement
> Then she pinches it off and turns around nearly putting her nose in it
> "Oh! Hewwo nuu fwiend! Wuv poopie fwiend... nuu smeww pwetty..."
> The filly proceeds to find a toy nearby and play with it repeating "Fwiend! Fwiend!"
> Lou looks both relieved and exasperated
> "See what I mean ma'am? She's totally non compliant but is very polite at the same time."
> Jeane nods as she smiles and slaps Lou on the shoulder
> "Haha hahaha, oh man Lou I think she's got Friend Complex"
> Lou looks like he's been slapped with a fish, and is debating whether or not to fight back
> "A... a what complex?"
> "Just look"
> Jeane picks the fluffy up gently shaking some wet feces off of her bottom
> "Woooeeewwoeeewooeewooee teeheehee wuv up down! Whee!"
> The wiggling happy fluffy is shown a ball
> "Wuv baww fwiend!"
> Jeane looks at Lou
> "Notice anything strange about that?"
> "No, it loves the ball, so what? All fluffies do."
> Jeane sighs and throws the ball into the pen
> She picks up the sorry stick Lou employs
> A partially rusted car antenna that every fluffy fears
> "Fwuffy wuv whippy huwty fwiend!"
> Lou looks a little stunned
> "She's not retarded is she?"
> Jeane laughs again and places the fluffy in a pet carrier
> "Bowks fwiend! Yaaay!"
> She removes an index card and begins to write on it speaking to Lou at the same time
> "No, she's not retarded.  She's got a unique and rare mental disorder.  It's called a Friend Complex"
> Lou blinks twice and Jean continues with a sigh
> "Do I have to spell it out? A Friend Complex is where a fluffy thinks everything and everyone is a friend"
> "Other fluffies are fine, but it also thinks all living things are too. Even predators."
> "Friend Complex also makes the fluffy think that each unique object is concious as well"
> Lou gasps as he slaps his forehead
> "Oh man! That explains why she talked to poop!"
> "Yeah, it also explains why she wouldn't poop on her litter box friend"
> Jeane uses air quotes in-between writing for the "litter box friend" rolling her eyes
> "So what's this mean ma'am? Is she gonna be scrapped?"
> Jeane looks over at her latest employee with a smile
> "Nope, this means we have a big winner."
> Jeane places a yellow circular sticker on the laminate as she slides the card into its sleeve
> "What's that ma'am?"
> Only hired two weeks ago Lou is well meaning if a little slow
> Jeane smiles as she explains
> "This means she has a rare disposition. People will pay big bucks for a fluffy that loves everything"
> "And, they'll pay the fluffies weight in gold for Friend Complex foals."
> She picks up the fluffy carrier and hands it to Lou
> "Take her to storage and place her in the special room, yellow rack."
> She leaves Lou standing, upturned sorry box and feces all over the training room
> "Make sure Roxy knows about the fluffy, he'll feed it.  Also, uh... clean up this mess."
> She winks and blows a kiss before she gleefully leaves
> "Thanks Louie!"
> Still standing amid the wet feces with a carrier in hand he looks around the room
> Seeing how filthy it is and knowing he has to train another batch in a few hours he sighs
> This job is definitely not as easy as Rex made it out to be...