Jackass in Equestria 2

Danger Anon and the Joust

 

>Day 190 in Equestria.

>You have healed magnificently over the past two weeks. But thats not all, oh no.

>The video of your failed jump has spread across Equestria like wildfire.

>And they want more. They NEED more. And you, Danger Anon, shall grant it to them. With the help of a few friends of course.

>Much of your recovery had been spent making up skits with Rainbow and Pinkie. You had decided on your next stunt.

>Clad head to toe in armor, you sit upon your mighty steed; Bicycle 2. You heft your lance onto your shoulder as you stare down the enemy knight before you.

>Pinkamena 'Pain' Pie casts an equal look of disdain at you. Her attire is much the same, her bicycle is of course Pink, with streamers coming out the handlebars.

>Rainbow is grinning ear to ear, camcorder in hand.

"PINKAMENA PIE. I STAND BEFORE YOU ON THIS DAY TO PASS JUDGEMENT. FOR THOU HAVE WRONGED ME IN MOST HEINOUS A MANNER AND THOU SHALL ANSWER FOR THY CRIMES!"

>The Pink mare scoffs. "OH, HOW DROLL. THOUH THINKITH HE- er THY- er....I forgot my line~"

"Fuck it." You turn to the camera. "Im Danger-Anon, and this is the bike joust."

 

>Applejack clears her throat. "Jousters ready?!"

>With a glare you and pinkie slam the faceplates of your helmets down. Thats when you notice that Pinkie is in fact riding a tricycle, and her lance is a giant candy cane.

>Fuck it, it'll work for the bit.

>The cowpony looks between the two of you as you both ready your lances.

>"...JOUST!"

>You bare down on the pedals and lurch forward. Pinkie does the same.

>However, because she has three wheels and you have two, your stability is utter shit by comparison.

>This is in no way made easier as you are wearing a suit of fucking armor and hefting a giant lance.

>You don't even make it to Pinkie as you topple over and eat shit.

>The front wheel of Pinkie's trike smashes into your shoulder while you are on the ground.

"AHHH FUCKING FUCK! THE ARMOR DOES NOTHING!!!"

>You jump up as you scream bloody murder, holding your ruined shoulder. Rainbow and Applejack and practically shitting themselves with laughter. Pinkie just smiles at you bashfully.

>Take 2.

 

>You are facing your enemy once more. This time Applejack and Rainbow elect to help by towing you and Pinkie at eachother, Fluttershy timidly holds the camera.

>"J-jousters ready?!" she squeaks.

>Down go the faceplates. Its go time.

>"J-j-j-joust!!!"

>Rainbow and Applejack fucking rip loose. Applejack surges you forward, straight towards Rainbow who is tugging Pinkie.

>Just as the two mares are about to collide, they veer away from each other, leaving you and Pinkie to your fate.

>Your lance goes completely wide, not even getting near the Pink knight.

>You see with a small amount of worry that her lance is dead center with your chest.

>It shouldn't be too bad though. After all, its just a candy c-

CRRRACK

>Oh how wrong you were. Pinkie's lance shatters as you are blown ten feet straight back off your bicycle, your chestplate dented in.

>Taking wheezing, rasping breaths you rip your helmet off. Fuck it feels like all your ribs are broken.

>Pinkie, Rainbow and Applejack fall to the ground in tears. Fluttershy is over to you in a second, fawning over you.

>"Oh no Anon, are you alright?!"

"HRRRHHGGKK HGGGHK HGH."

>"Oh dear."

>Your second stunt receives even more notoriety than the first. Totally worth the week of recovery.