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Thread Bumpers (Updated 1/27/14)

By: FgtWtKybrd on Dec 15th, 2013 | syntax: None | size: 20.12 KB | hits: 44 | expires: Never

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Summary: A collection of tiny thread bumpers.
Blanket Celestia: Anon asked for a story Celestia that didn't turn into sex at the end of the thread.
Celebrity Jeopardy: Twilight hosts Celebrity Jeopardy with contestants Anon, Y, and Mous. Based on the SNL skits.
Respawn: Anon had Respawn in 9 put on their gravestone as a final joke. It is defaced by youths, and finally reaches 0.
Lottery: Anon has amazing luck when Anon gets lucky with a woman.
Counting: Toddler Anon learns to count.
Daddy Comes Home: In response to another Anon's short post about Anon being the father figure in Celestia and Luna's lives. 1st part is not by me.
Superiority Complex: Anon hates specialization and Mous defends it. They fight. (Based on thread events)
===================================================================================================================
BLANKET CELESTIA (Posted in Thread ???)
>Days come and go, and at your age they seamlessly flow into one another.
>You hardly notice the shorter days of winter. It wasn’t until recently that you got the nights off.
>The extra break did little to spice up the routine of your royal tasks.
>It took a real big change to catch your attention. Something that would turn the world on its head, something revolutionary, something completely new.
>That something just so happened to come in the form of a human.
>Or homo-sapien-sapien as Anonymous categorized it in scientific terms.
>Everytime you saw Anonymous your curiosity peaked to forgotten highs.
>Those tickles of wonder that played in your eyes reminded you of years long gone.
>Whenever you got the chance you would fly out during to visit Anonymous, to exchange knowledge and secrets.
>Usually you would catch the human out and about, but every morning since winter set in has been spent alone.
> But you absolutely can’t take it anymore. Today you’re going to find out why.
>You’re going to fly straight to Anonymous’ house, walk right up to that door, and knock gently like a proper princess.
>Doing just that brings you face to face with Anonymous wrapped up in a blanket.
>”Celestia, what are you doing here? Do you have any idea how early it is?”
“I have not seen you the past few weeks and was admittedly a little worried. Usually you are outside each morning.”
>”Yeah, well that was before it got cold. I’d love to keep seeing you each morning, but I can’t escape the warmth of my bed unless I really have to.”
>You wish you could experience this cold, to yearn for the same snug comfort others do.
>That’s hard to do when you literally radiate the warmth of the sun.
>But you wouldn’t have ruled for 1000 years without knowing how to turn a situation around.
“Anonymous, would you kindly open your blanket?”
>”Huh? Why?”
>You just offer a playful smile.
“You’ll see.”
>Your human friend slowly agrees, and you march into the opening.
>As you inch close to Anonymous’ body realization sets in on its face.
>”Celestia, you’re…you’re really warm.”
>As if unable to restrain themselves, Anonymous closes the blanket around you two and wraps its arms around you.
>That joyful tingle of something new tickles you again.
>To be held fully and completely.
>Anonymous falls asleep against you right there in the doorway, and you allow yourself to do the same.
>The harsh winter wind you never really felt blows against you through the open door.
>Despite your powers of the sun, you feel doubly invulnerable wrapped up in this modest blanket.
>The wind still manages to strike against Anonymous’ arms, and with a shiver your friend drowsily awakes; questioning you with a voice ready to fall right back to sleep.
>”Shouldn’t you be raising the sun soon?”
>You should.
“5 more minutes.”
>Outstretching your wing, you break free from the blanket just long enough to shut the door.
>Bringing your wing back into the comfy fold the two of you fall back asleep.
===================================================================================================================
CELEBRITY JEOPARDY (Posted in Thread 890)
>TS: Hello, I’m Twilight Sparkle, and I am your host for Celebrity Jeopardy. Tonight’s guests are the only three humans in the entire world. Our first Contestant is Anon.
A: Remember when horses couldn’t talk? Pepperidge farm remembers.
>TS: Hehe, right….Our second contestant is Y.
Y: It’s pronounced E, as in EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
>TS: Lovely. And our third contestant is Mous.
M: Woah, a talking horse.
>TS: Let’s get this over quickly.
>TS: Tonight’s categories are; Giant glowing objects in the sky, Things you need to survive, and Words that end in pplejack. Anon, you are alphabetically first so you get to pick the first category.
A: I’ll take giant glowing objects in the sky for 100, purplecorn.
>TS: And the answer is: This object will blind you if you stare at it.
>Jeopardy music is now in your head manually.
>TS: Here’s a hint. It can only be seen in the day.
A: What is fire?
>TS: That’s wrong, but you are on the right track.
A: What is a bonfire?
>TS: You already guessed. Y, you buzzed in?
Y: What he said.
>TS: That’s still wrong.
>Jeopardy music is no longer in your head.
>TS: The question was, What is the Sun?
M: A ball of fire.
>TS: I’m going to ignore you. Anon, you get to pick again.
A: How about, Things you need to survive for 100.
>TS: And the answer is: If you don’t eat this you will die.
>You’re hearing it again
Y: If you don’t eat this you will die.
>TS: That’s incorrect.
Y: But you just said it was the answer.
>TS: I give you the answer, and you give me a question.
Y: What is if you don’t eat this—
>TS: I’m going to stop you right there.
M: I have a question. We win money, right?
>TS: The question is supposed to be for the answer. Also, the money you win is for charity.
A: What is lame?
>Where did the music go?
>TS: Time’s up. The correct question was, What is food? What is food?
M: No need to repeat yourself.
>TS: Let’s move onto the final question and end my pain. The category is: Living things.
>Do do do do do do do
>TS: You can write down birds, or kitties, even grass would be technically correct.
>do do do dun dun dun
>TS: Now let’s see what our contestants have wrote. Anon, we’ll start with you. You answered ‘Fire’. I’m sorry, fire is not a living thing. And you wagered ‘pplejack’. Firepplejack. I don’t even know where to begin with you.
A: I read it off the board.
>TS: The fact that you can read is starting to surprise me. Moving on, Y, you answered….nothing. And you wadgered ‘sixty billion.’ You made a wager when you didn’t have an answer.
Y: I didn’t want to be wrong and lose.
>TS: Do you even understand how this works? Forget it, it’s almost over. Mous. You answered ‘6’. 6 is a number, not a living thing. For the sake of completion, you wagered…’9’. ‘69’. Cute.
>WOOOOOOO!
>A pink pony with crab claw gloves shouts out from the audience.
M: Turtles in a half shell.
>TS: That’s all the time we have. I’ve been your host Twilight Sparkle. Join us next time when we, hopefully, have different contestants.
>TS: WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE DON’T HAVE NEW CONTESTANTS?!
===================================================================================================================
RESPAWN (Posted in Thread 904)
>Be Anon
>Stuck in Equestria
>Live alone
>Die alone
>Had a respawn counter on your tombstone as a joke
>Young ponies dare others to visit your grave at night
>Hoodlums start scratching out the number and subtracting one
>This becomes a tradition
>The slightly older Cake twins are dared to visit by a classmate
>"Let's go home Pumpkin."
>"We can't go back, Pound. We'd be called fraidycats."
>"It's dark, and creepy, and near the forest."
>"All we have to do is change one stupid number."
>They reach the grim marker under the watch of the full moon high above
>”What’s a respawn?”
>”I don’t know. Let’s just get it over with.”
>The abandoned chisel left many years before is used to make the fateful mark
>0
>The magic of the land illuminates the absolute symbol
>Nature itself seems to object as the ground underneath the pair rumbles
>A long, tendril like appendage erupts skyward from the ground
>As it lands, the claws on the end dig in and pull an endless figure up
>The filly and colt can only watch on in fear, clasping onto each other in horror
>Finally free, the tall figure maliciously eyes the two
“You done fucked up.”
===================================================================================================================
LOTTERY (Posted in Thread 908)
>Tonight was the night. You can just feel it.
>Works over, weekends free, another day gone by. That means another late night out on the town.
>Your misfortune can’t be eternal. Things have to eventually turn around, and you’re feeling good about tonight.
>Busting out your glittering white and yellow suit with purple inlays, you prepare for the journey.
>Simple won’t do; you need style.
>A few tassels flutter here and there as you give a snap and present yourself to the world.
>Confident in the amount of pizzaz, you move onto the dance floor and proceed to cut a rug.
>Idioms.
>Ever on the lookout, you bounce from hopefully single mare to mare with your fresh moves.
>With little success, the hours pass and the alcohol flows. The midnight hours are when the second wind really gets to kick in, and you mosey up to one of the wilder ones who looks to have lost her inhibitions.
“You got some smooth moves.”
>”Oh yeah? You’re not too bad yourself.”
“There’s a lot a guy can do with his hands free.”
>Giving her a suggestive smile, you swing a little closer.
>”Easy there, sug. I’m just enjoying the night.”
>In a way you were planning to do the same.
>“And to have some fun.”
>She playfully sways towards you; receptive but daring.
“The fun doesn’t have to stop with last call.”
>”Mmmm. You look pretty big, but are you big enough to tell me why you’re REALLY here this late?”
“I’m up all night to get lucky.”
===================================================================================================================
COUNTING (Posted in Thread 909)
>You have been teaching Toddler Anon how to count
>You were so proud, you couldn't wait to show your friends
>"Anonymous, what comes after 1?"
"12"
===================================================================================================================
DADDY COMES HOME (Posted in Thread 909)
Part 1: By Anon (not I)
>"DAD WHERE WERE YOU? We looked for you for ages!" Celestia cries clutching your arm
"What? But I left you a note on the fridge telling you I was going to Saddle Arabia to look for the portal that brought me here. I left contact info and everything."
>Celestia freezes and turns to her sister who is currently clutching your other arm
>"Sister didnt you accidentally light the fridge on fire around the time that dad vanished." she says through gritted teeth
>The look in Luna's eyes is of pure terror as she shudders under Celestia's intense glare
>"Uhh...DAD CELESTIA BANISHED ME TO THE MOON FOR 1000 YEARS!"
===================================================================================================================
Part 2: By Fgt (I)
"1000 years? Isn't that a bit excessive? I never grounded you for more than 250."
>Celestia is quick to turn a pleading gaze to her daddy.
>"She started it. She wanted to make nights last forever."
>Luna jumps to her defense.
>"Nuh-uh, Celestia started it. She acted like she was in charge just because she was older."
>The two glare at one another while still holding onto you.
>"You should listen to your elders."
>"You should eat less sweets."
>As they fight, their pull on your arms gets stronger and stronger.
>"Are you calling me fat?"
>"I am merely stating that you would be a good representative to send to the cows."
>"And we can send you to the diamond dogs!"
>Here we go again.
>”Brat!”
>”Pig!”
>”Dwarf!”
“Girls.”
>”Glutton!”
>”Ruffian!”
>You were hoping to come home to less fighting.
“Girls, stop.”
>”Father likes me best!”
>”Nuh-uh! You were adopted!”
>That does it!
“GIRLS!”
>The pair flinches at your harsh voice, and go quiet. Their heavy pulling on your arms goes limp, but they still hold on tight.
>As your pull your arms in, the two slink back beside you.
“I love you both very very much, and I could never love one more than the other.”
>You wrap the two in a large hug, and give a hearty squeeze.
>”Then why did you leave us?”
“I only left because humans have particular needs, and I want to see my own kind again.”
>”Does that mean you’ll leave again?”
“Not anytime soon, and I’ll always come back.”
>Luna snuggles deeper into your stomach while Celestia rests her head softly against you. It took a while to get used to a horn being pointed directly at your face, but in time the sight went from a potential hazard to just another part of one of your girls.
>Little do you know that those very same girls are also silently making a promise to themselves. A promise to take care of their daddy so that he never has to leave again.
>Welcome home.
===================================================================================================================
SUPERIORITY COMPLEX (Posted in Thread 910)
>Back in the library, you browse the shelves for the next book to rest on your night stand for a few nights.
>You’ve already gone through the magic theories and their version of anthropology. Equinology?
>Done with the research on pony kind, you decide to try a new subject matter. One hopefully far removed.
>Grabbing the larger of the books, you take your selection to the one you’ve come to know as the Snarky Librarian.
>”Find everything okay?”
“Yup.”
>As usual, she instantly takes a look at the cover to see what you choose this time.
>”’The Mighty Minotaur: An Ethnography Study. By: Well Read.’ Minotaur’s this time huh? Planning on moving?”
“I could be convinced.”
>Lifting the book out of your grasp, she carries it over to the ledger on her desk and writes in a few numbers.
>”I’m sure you know by now, but usual procedure. Bring the book back in 3 days, and if you want to continue reading it you may check out the book again unless someone is on the waiting list, though that never happens.”
>Dotting the final mark on her paper, she happily floats the book back over to you.
>”You’re also safe with such a niche topic. Unless Ms. Cheerilee assigns a book report, no one would be interested in that.”
“Good to know. I’ll be off then”
>”Wait Anon. I’d like to ask why you read so many kinds of books. Most ponies only stick to one or two categories, and none ever made a jump as big as magic to minotarus. Is it because of your special talent?”
>Special talent? Bah!
“No such thing. I just have more of an interest in learning than you ponies seem to.”
>The aggressive explanation throws her into the defensive, and she is quick to counter.
>“Plenty of ponies love to learn, and every scholar is an expert in their field! Even though you’ve read through my collection on magic, I bet I’ve learned more than you.”
“And that right there is the problem.”
>”What is?!”
“How much do you know about farming, or medicine, or architecture. How much that DOESN’T involve magic?”
>The question temporarily stalls her, but out of all the ponies you’ve met she was one of the near exceptions.
>”I could get by.”
“Your kind obsesses over unique talents, and beyond the knowledge needed to survive invests only in a single facet of life. Why do some ponies not bother learning how to treat a severe wound, or understand the forces pushing against the structure of their own homes? Why don’t they understand both how to farm as well as navigating a boat? Why do those very scholars who spend ages writing down their ideas never try writing a poem?”
>There was a trend developing back home, and seeing it so fundamental here was not a welcome sight.
“Because they expect someone else to. Someone who is a professional at the task; someone who has known nothing else. Those amateurs each hold a unique perspective that goes unused because everyone knows there’s a master out there. That kind of philosophy leaves only a few to push the boundaries, which leads to stagnation. And frankly, specialization is for bugs.”
>The cogs in the librarians head spin along with the information, and the volume of your attack left her hushed. She only lets out a small whimper of a response.
>”I’m not a bug.”
>Bursting through the window comes the other human stuck in this world with you. Mous. And he looks ready for his own tirade.
>”Now you have some fair points, and I’mma let you finish, but specialization is worlds better.”
>Pulling out a standard #2 pencil, Mous waves the artifact from home around.
>”Our standard of living has grown beyond the means available to one individual, as represented by this here pencil. Billions are produced and sold cheaply, and although it appears as a simple tool it took an untold number of hands to make. Someone had to cut the tree, saw the logs, mine the graphite, refine the graphite, make the glue, make the lacquer, mine the copper, mine the zinc, forge those into bronze, shape the bronze into a clasp, attach the clasp to the pencil, and plug in the rubber eraser.”
>Mous holds the pencil still, and thrusts it forwards with an outstretched arm.
>”Doesn’t seem so simple now does it, and yet it is an insignificant drop in the bucket of human achievement. Think about those real advances, computers, software, telephones, rockets and space stations. It is only through specialization that we were able to provide enough goods to live comfortably without using all of our time to try and do everything. That now free time is the real reason we could imagine such wonders.”
>Eyeing the pencil in awe, the previously silent snark lets out a question.
>”What’s a computer?”
“A device used to call each other faggots.”
>Mous immediately jumps at you with a punch.
>”Shut it fag!”
>You return your own post haste.
“NO U!”
>With you both slugging it out, the fight soon turns into a cartoon style dust ball and makes it out into the streets. Obscenities are yelled and sexual orientations are questioned from the center of the mess.
>As the towns folk learn of the commotion, they pour into the street to watch the brawl. After making a circle around the cloud, they egg on the participants.
>”Anon told me you’re a weeaboo!”
>”Mous said your choice of music is sub par.”
>”Are you going to take that hit lying down? Hit ‘em harder!”
>”For crying out loud, rip a shirt off already!”
>”Don’t harm the clothes!”
>”Shut it you, I wanna see some skin!”
>”Don’t you tell me to shut it!”
>Another fight breaks out next to yours and two rings form. Circling yours is a group of mares, while the stallions watch the other.
>Once one of the girls gets a bruise the other fight stops.
>”Ow my shin.”
>For no apparent reason your fight stops. As the dust settles the mares anxiously wait for the result. What they see changes their anxiety to alarm.
>All of the gathered ponies observe the bloodied bodies you and Mous share with uneasiness. You look towards Mous, and Mous looks towards you. A soft chuckle escapes, and then grows to roaring laughter.
>The two of you laugh and without sharing any words the two of you swing off towards the bar with an arm around each other’s shoulder.
>Rattled by the sudden shift, the ponies mutter to one another about staying away from the strange humans. While the group gossips about the human’s drastic and flippant nature the anal retentive book worm watches the pair walk off.
>”What pair of homos.”
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Summary: A collection of tiny thread bumpers.

Blanket Celestia: Anon asked for a story Celestia that didn't turn into sex at the end of the thread.

Celebrity Jeopardy: Twilight hosts Celebrity Jeopardy with contestants Anon, Y, and Mous. Based on the SNL skits.

Respawn: Anon had Respawn in 9 put on their gravestone as a final joke. It is defaced by youths, and finally reaches 0.

Lottery: Anon has amazing luck when Anon gets lucky with a woman.

Counting: Toddler Anon learns to count.

Daddy Comes Home: In response to another Anon's short post about Anon being the father figure in Celestia and Luna's lives. 1st part is not by me.

Superiority Complex: Anon hates specialization and Mous defends it. They fight. (Based on thread events)

===================================================================================================================

BLANKET CELESTIA (Posted in Thread ???)

>Days come and go, and at your age they seamlessly flow into one another.
>You hardly notice the shorter days of winter. It wasn’t until recently that you got the nights off.
>The extra break did little to spice up the routine of your royal tasks.
>It took a real big change to catch your attention. Something that would turn the world on its head, something revolutionary, something completely new.
>That something just so happened to come in the form of a human.
>Or homo-sapien-sapien as Anonymous categorized it in scientific terms.

>Everytime you saw Anonymous your curiosity peaked to forgotten highs.
>Those tickles of wonder that played in your eyes reminded you of years long gone.
>Whenever you got the chance you would fly out during to visit Anonymous, to exchange knowledge and secrets.
>Usually you would catch the human out and about, but every morning since winter set in has been spent alone.
> But you absolutely can’t take it anymore. Today you’re going to find out why. 
>You’re going to fly straight to Anonymous’ house, walk right up to that door, and knock gently like a proper princess.

>Doing just that brings you face to face with Anonymous wrapped up in a blanket.
>”Celestia, what are you doing here? Do you have any idea how early it is?”
“I have not seen you the past few weeks and was admittedly a little worried. Usually you are outside each morning.”
>”Yeah, well that was before it got cold. I’d love to keep seeing you each morning, but I can’t escape the warmth of my bed unless I really have to.”
>You wish you could experience this cold, to yearn for the same snug comfort others do.
>That’s hard to do when you literally radiate the warmth of the sun.

>But you wouldn’t have ruled for 1000 years without knowing how to turn a situation around.
“Anonymous, would you kindly open your blanket?”
>”Huh? Why?”
>You just offer a playful smile.
“You’ll see.”
>Your human friend slowly agrees, and you march into the opening.
>As you inch close to Anonymous’ body realization sets in on its face.
>”Celestia, you’re…you’re really warm.”
>As if unable to restrain themselves, Anonymous closes the blanket around you two and wraps its arms around you.

>That joyful tingle of something new tickles you again.
>To be held fully and completely.
>Anonymous falls asleep against you right there in the doorway, and you allow yourself to do the same.
>The harsh winter wind you never really felt blows against you through the open door.
>Despite your powers of the sun, you feel doubly invulnerable wrapped up in this modest blanket.
>The wind still manages to strike against Anonymous’ arms, and with a shiver your friend drowsily awakes; questioning you with a voice ready to fall right back to sleep.
>”Shouldn’t you be raising the sun soon?”
>You should.
“5 more minutes.”
>Outstretching your wing, you break free from the blanket just long enough to shut the door.
>Bringing your wing back into the comfy fold the two of you fall back asleep.

===================================================================================================================

CELEBRITY JEOPARDY (Posted in Thread 890)

>TS: Hello, I’m Twilight Sparkle, and I am your host for Celebrity Jeopardy. Tonight’s guests are the only three humans in the entire world. Our first Contestant is Anon.
A: Remember when horses couldn’t talk? Pepperidge farm remembers.
>TS: Hehe, right….Our second contestant is Y.
Y: It’s pronounced E, as in EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
>TS: Lovely. And our third contestant is Mous.
M: Woah, a talking horse.
>TS: Let’s get this over quickly.

>TS: Tonight’s categories are; Giant glowing objects in the sky, Things you need to survive, and Words that end in pplejack. Anon, you are alphabetically first so you get to pick the first category.
A: I’ll take giant glowing objects in the sky for 100, purplecorn.
>TS: And the answer is: This object will blind you if you stare at it.
>Jeopardy music is now in your head manually.
>TS: Here’s a hint. It can only be seen in the day.
A: What is fire?
>TS: That’s wrong, but you are on the right track.
A: What is a bonfire?
>TS: You already guessed. Y, you buzzed in?
Y: What he said.
>TS: That’s still wrong.
>Jeopardy music is no longer in your head.
>TS: The question was, What is the Sun?
M: A ball of fire.
>TS: I’m going to ignore you. Anon, you get to pick again.

A: How about, Things you need to survive for 100.
>TS: And the answer is: If you don’t eat this you will die.
>You’re hearing it again
Y: If you don’t eat this you will die.
>TS: That’s incorrect.
Y: But you just said it was the answer.
>TS: I give you the answer, and you give me a question.
Y: What is if you don’t eat this—
>TS: I’m going to stop you right there.
M: I have a question. We win money, right?
>TS: The question is supposed to be for the answer. Also, the money you win is for charity.
A: What is lame?
>Where did the music go?
>TS: Time’s up. The correct question was, What is food? What is food?
M: No need to repeat yourself.

>TS: Let’s move onto the final question and end my pain. The category is: Living things.
>Do do do do do do do
>TS: You can write down birds, or kitties, even grass would be technically correct.
>do do do dun dun dun
>TS: Now let’s see what our contestants have wrote. Anon, we’ll start with you. You answered ‘Fire’. I’m sorry, fire is not a living thing. And you wagered ‘pplejack’. Firepplejack. I don’t even know where to begin with you.
A: I read it off the board.
>TS: The fact that you can read is starting to surprise me. Moving on, Y, you answered….nothing. And you wadgered ‘sixty billion.’ You made a wager when you didn’t have an answer.
Y: I didn’t want to be wrong and lose.
>TS: Do you even understand how this works? Forget it, it’s almost over. Mous. You answered ‘6’. 6 is a number, not a living thing. For the sake of completion, you wagered…’9’. ‘69’. Cute.
>WOOOOOOO!
>A pink pony with crab claw gloves shouts out from the audience.
M: Turtles in a half shell.
>TS: That’s all the time we have. I’ve been your host Twilight Sparkle. Join us next time when we, hopefully, have different contestants.

>TS: WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE DON’T HAVE NEW CONTESTANTS?!

===================================================================================================================

RESPAWN (Posted in Thread 904)

>Be Anon
>Stuck in Equestria
>Live alone
>Die alone
>Had a respawn counter on your tombstone as a joke
>Young ponies dare others to visit your grave at night
>Hoodlums start scratching out the number and subtracting one
>This becomes a tradition

>The slightly older Cake twins are dared to visit by a classmate
>"Let's go home Pumpkin."
>"We can't go back, Pound. We'd be called fraidycats."
>"It's dark, and creepy, and near the forest."
>"All we have to do is change one stupid number."
>They reach the grim marker under the watch of the full moon high above
>”What’s a respawn?”
>”I don’t know. Let’s just get it over with.”
>The abandoned chisel left many years before is used to make the fateful mark
>0

>The magic of the land illuminates the absolute symbol
>Nature itself seems to object as the ground underneath the pair rumbles
>A long, tendril like appendage erupts skyward from the ground
>As it lands, the claws on the end dig in and pull an endless figure up
>The filly and colt can only watch on in fear, clasping onto each other in horror
>Finally free, the tall figure maliciously eyes the two
“You done fucked up.”
===================================================================================================================

LOTTERY (Posted in Thread 908)

>Tonight was the night. You can just feel it.
>Works over, weekends free, another day gone by. That means another late night out on the town.
>Your misfortune can’t be eternal. Things have to eventually turn around, and you’re feeling good about tonight.
>Busting out your glittering white and yellow suit with purple inlays, you prepare for the journey.
>Simple won’t do; you need style.
>A few tassels flutter here and there as you give a snap and present yourself to the world.
>Confident in the amount of pizzaz, you move onto the dance floor and proceed to cut a rug.
>Idioms.

>Ever on the lookout, you bounce from hopefully single mare to mare with your fresh moves.
>With little success, the hours pass and the alcohol flows. The midnight hours are when the second wind really gets to kick in, and you mosey up to one of the wilder ones who looks to have lost her inhibitions.
“You got some smooth moves.”
>”Oh yeah? You’re not too bad yourself.”
“There’s a lot a guy can do with his hands free.”
>Giving her a suggestive smile, you swing a little closer.
>”Easy there, sug. I’m just enjoying the night.”
>In a way you were planning to do the same.
>“And to have some fun.”
>She playfully sways towards you; receptive but daring.
“The fun doesn’t have to stop with last call.”
>”Mmmm. You look pretty big, but are you big enough to tell me why you’re REALLY here this late?”
“I’m up all night to get lucky.”

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COUNTING (Posted in Thread 909)

>You have been teaching Toddler Anon how to count
>You were so proud, you couldn't wait to show your friends
>"Anonymous, what comes after 1?"
"12"

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DADDY COMES HOME (Posted in Thread 909)

Part 1: By Anon (not I)

>"DAD WHERE WERE YOU? We looked for you for ages!" Celestia cries clutching your arm
"What? But I left you a note on the fridge telling you I was going to Saddle Arabia to look for the portal that brought me here. I left contact info and everything."
>Celestia freezes and turns to her sister who is currently clutching your other arm
>"Sister didnt you accidentally light the fridge on fire around the time that dad vanished." she says through gritted teeth
>The look in Luna's eyes is of pure terror as she shudders under Celestia's intense glare
>"Uhh...DAD CELESTIA BANISHED ME TO THE MOON FOR 1000 YEARS!"

===================================================================================================================

Part 2: By Fgt (I)

"1000 years? Isn't that a bit excessive? I never grounded you for more than 250."
>Celestia is quick to turn a pleading gaze to her daddy.
>"She started it. She wanted to make nights last forever."
>Luna jumps to her defense.
>"Nuh-uh, Celestia started it. She acted like she was in charge just because she was older."
>The two glare at one another while still holding onto you.
>"You should listen to your elders."
>"You should eat less sweets."
>As they fight, their pull on your arms gets stronger and stronger.
>"Are you calling me fat?"
>"I am merely stating that you would be a good representative to send to the cows."
>"And we can send you to the diamond dogs!"
>Here we go again.

>”Brat!”
>”Pig!”
>”Dwarf!”
“Girls.”
>”Glutton!”
>”Ruffian!”
>You were hoping to come home to less fighting.
“Girls, stop.”
>”Father likes me best!”
>”Nuh-uh! You were adopted!”
>That does it!
“GIRLS!”

>The pair flinches at your harsh voice, and go quiet. Their heavy pulling on your arms goes limp, but they still hold on tight.
>As your pull your arms in, the two slink back beside you.
“I love you both very very much, and I could never love one more than the other.”
>You wrap the two in a large hug, and give a hearty squeeze.
>”Then why did you leave us?”
“I only left because humans have particular needs, and I want to see my own kind again.”
>”Does that mean you’ll leave again?”
“Not anytime soon, and I’ll always come back.”
>Luna snuggles deeper into your stomach while Celestia rests her head softly against you. It took a while to get used to a horn being pointed directly at your face, but in time the sight went from a potential hazard to just another part of one of your girls.
>Little do you know that those very same girls are also silently making a promise to themselves. A promise to take care of their daddy so that he never has to leave again.
>Welcome home.

===================================================================================================================

SUPERIORITY COMPLEX (Posted in Thread 910)

>Back in the library, you browse the shelves for the next book to rest on your night stand for a few nights.
>You’ve already gone through the magic theories and their version of anthropology. Equinology?
>Done with the research on pony kind, you decide to try a new subject matter. One hopefully far removed.
>Grabbing the larger of the books, you take your selection to the one you’ve come to know as the Snarky Librarian.
>”Find everything okay?”
“Yup.”
>As usual, she instantly takes a look at the cover to see what you choose this time.
>”’The Mighty Minotaur: An Ethnography Study. By: Well Read.’ Minotaur’s this time huh? Planning on moving?”
“I could be convinced.”
>Lifting the book out of your grasp, she carries it over to the ledger on her desk and writes in a few numbers.

>”I’m sure you know by now, but usual procedure. Bring the book back in 3 days, and if you want to continue reading it you may check out the book again unless someone is on the waiting list, though that never happens.”
>Dotting the final mark on her paper, she happily floats the book back over to you.
>”You’re also safe with such a niche topic. Unless Ms. Cheerilee assigns a book report, no one would be interested in that.”
“Good to know. I’ll be off then”
>”Wait Anon. I’d like to ask why you read so many kinds of books. Most ponies only stick to one or two categories, and none ever made a jump as big as magic to minotarus. Is it because of your special talent?”
>Special talent? Bah!
“No such thing. I just have more of an interest in learning than you ponies seem to.”


>The aggressive explanation throws her into the defensive, and she is quick to counter.
>“Plenty of ponies love to learn, and every scholar is an expert in their field! Even though you’ve read through my collection on magic, I bet I’ve learned more than you.”
“And that right there is the problem.”
>”What is?!”
“How much do you know about farming, or medicine, or architecture. How much that DOESN’T involve magic?”
>The question temporarily stalls her, but out of all the ponies you’ve met she was one of the near exceptions.
>”I could get by.”

“Your kind obsesses over unique talents, and beyond the knowledge needed to survive invests only in a single facet of life. Why do some ponies not bother learning how to treat a severe wound, or understand the forces pushing against the structure of their own homes? Why don’t they understand both how to farm as well as navigating a boat? Why do those very scholars who spend ages writing down their ideas never try writing a poem?”
>There was a trend developing back home, and seeing it so fundamental here was not a welcome sight.
“Because they expect someone else to. Someone who is a professional at the task; someone who has known nothing else. Those amateurs each hold a unique perspective that goes unused because everyone knows there’s a master out there. That kind of philosophy leaves only a few to push the boundaries, which leads to stagnation. And frankly, specialization is for bugs.”
>The cogs in the librarians head spin along with the information, and the volume of your attack left her hushed. She only lets out a small whimper of a response.
>”I’m not a bug.”


>Bursting through the window comes the other human stuck in this world with you. Mous. And he looks ready for his own tirade.
>”Now you have some fair points, and I’mma let you finish, but specialization is worlds better.”
>Pulling out a standard #2 pencil, Mous waves the artifact from home around.
>”Our standard of living has grown beyond the means available to one individual, as represented by this here pencil. Billions are produced and sold cheaply, and although it appears as a simple tool it took an untold number of hands to make. Someone had to cut the tree, saw the logs, mine the graphite, refine the graphite, make the glue, make the lacquer, mine the copper, mine the zinc, forge those into bronze, shape the bronze into a clasp, attach the clasp to the pencil, and plug in the rubber eraser.”
>Mous holds the pencil still, and thrusts it forwards with an outstretched arm.
>”Doesn’t seem so simple now does it, and yet it is an insignificant drop in the bucket of human achievement. Think about those real advances, computers, software, telephones, rockets and space stations. It is only through specialization that we were able to provide enough goods to live comfortably without using all of our time to try and do everything. That now free time is the real reason we could imagine such wonders.”
>Eyeing the pencil in awe, the previously silent snark lets out a question.
>”What’s a computer?”
“A device used to call each other faggots.”


>Mous immediately jumps at you with a punch.
>”Shut it fag!”
>You return your own post haste.
“NO U!”
>With you both slugging it out, the fight soon turns into a cartoon style dust ball and makes it out into the streets. Obscenities are yelled and sexual orientations are questioned from the center of the mess.
>As the towns folk learn of the commotion, they pour into the street to watch the brawl. After making a circle around the cloud, they egg on the participants.

>”Anon told me you’re a weeaboo!”
>”Mous said your choice of music is sub par.”
>”Are you going to take that hit lying down? Hit ‘em harder!”
>”For crying out loud, rip a shirt off already!”
>”Don’t harm the clothes!”
>”Shut it you, I wanna see some skin!”
>”Don’t you tell me to shut it!”
>Another fight breaks out next to yours and two rings form. Circling yours is a group of mares, while the stallions watch the other.

>Once one of the girls gets a bruise the other fight stops.
>”Ow my shin.”
>For no apparent reason your fight stops. As the dust settles the mares anxiously wait for the result. What they see changes their anxiety to alarm.
>All of the gathered ponies observe the bloodied bodies you and Mous share with uneasiness. You look towards Mous, and Mous looks towards you. A soft chuckle escapes, and then grows to roaring laughter.
>The two of you laugh and without sharing any words the two of you swing off towards the bar with an arm around each other’s shoulder.
>Rattled by the sudden shift, the ponies mutter to one another about staying away from the strange humans. While the group gossips about the human’s drastic and flippant nature the anal retentive book worm watches the pair walk off.
>”What  pair of homos.”

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