- >Day Boys Don't Cry. In Equestria.
- >But men sure do.
- >Well, maybe not "men", but you're a man.
- >And this Fluttershy pony has intruded into your comfort zone.
- >Violated your face--
- >---You scrub all you can but you can still feel it--
- >--and is going to hurt you if you don't agree to be her boyfriend.
- >Maybe if you stay in the shower forever you'll wake up.
- >Because this is up there on your nightmare list.
- >Like finding out your boss hates you!
- >..oh wait, that happened last night.
- >Or being sent to a small town to do easy political work for no thanks!
- >...
- >Gosh, Civil Employee Eight-Zero-Eight you're in a bit of a bad spot.
- >And your hands are getting all pruny.
- >And it stopped being hot water.
- >Oh crud, cold!
- >Cold!
- >"Anon~, you don't want to be late to work do you?~"
- >You step out of the shower.
- >She's taken all the towels.
- >You had them organized in order of size and color.
- >You hang your head and walk into your one-room dwelling.
- >Fluttershy looks at your genitals and laughs.
- >Shrinkage has occured.
- >You blush and try not to look sad and scared.
- "...c-c-can I have a t-t-towel please?"
- >"Mmm...nope!"
- >No towel.
- >It's almost 6:30.
- >You have to get coffee.
- >And doughnuts.
- >And fritters.
- >And you have to be the first in the office if you want to get back in the Mayor's good graces.
- >Maybe if you had just been how she wanted you to be you wouldn't have made her swear.
- >At a crowded public party.
- >There was that nice Unicorn there.
- >She seemed like fun.
- >But you might've compromised the Mayor's campaign!
- >...There's no way she runs without competition.
- >Mayoral Elections are very important to small towns.
- >Surely someone must run against her.
- >Fluttershy is drenching your ties in her...fluids.
- "Uhm...Miss Fluttershy-"
- >"Call me girlfriend."
- "M-m-m-Miss Fluttershy, could you please s-stop uhm...d-d-doing that?"
- >She trots over to your closet and looks at your button down shirts.
- "P-please don't...I h-have to pay for those."
- >She rips one down with her teeth.
- >She stomps holes into it.
- >You can feel your heart starting to die.
- >Your close your eyes and take a deep breath.
- >Don't cry.
- >You open your eyes and look at the clothing you folded in the hamper.
- >Your...punch stained work shirt and tie.
- >They were your favorite.
- >You get dressed in soiled clothing.
- >"Kiss me goodbye."
- >You sit on your futon and hold your eyes.
- >You won't have time to make up your bed.
- >Fluttershy is a jerk.
- >You arrive at work at 7:03.
- >Coffee, all six types the Mayor goes through over the course of a day.
- >One plain doughnut, no frosting for you.
- >Six of various delicious icings, fillings, and powders for the closers.
- >You're not a closer, you hardly deserve the coffee.
- >The fritters look nice, but those are for some board meeting.
- >You stumble into the office of Mayor Mare holding your bounty.
- >She's sitting at the desk.
- >She smells of stale alcohol.
- >And...
- >You can feel it on your face again.
- >That's the smell she has.
- >Or maybe it's just you still.
- >"Anonymo--no. Eight-zero-eight, why are you staring at me?"
- "Uhm..."
- >"You're three minutes late."
- "...I'm s-s-so so sorry sir."
- >She gives you a glare that cuts you like a knife.
- >Your knees start to shake.
- >Oh god no, do not drop anything.
- >DO.
- >NOT.
- >DROP.
- >You set the items down on her desk.
- >"Eight-zero-eight, does this look like the break room to you, hmm?"
- "Oh...no sir, but these are your coffees. I just...wanted to make sure you got them."
- >She pushes the boxes aside and look you over.
- >"What happened to your clothing?"
- "Ah...uhm...w-w-well, funny story you see you-you..uhm.."
- >She narrows her eyes.
- >You can feel your voice growing tinier.
- "...i'msosososorrysir, it won't happen again."
- >"See that it doesn't."
- >You leave her the coffee and put everything else in the break room.
- >Other ponies come in and get what they want.
- >That one pony with the hourglass takes your icingless doughnut.
- >"How come you only eat boring food, Anonymous?"
- "Oh...uhm...t-t-that was for m-me Mr. Turner."
- >He takes a big bite out of it.
- >"You have fun at the big party?"
- >Time Turner's popular. Maybe you should try to be more like him.
- >"Heard you left with the crazy mare.."
- "C-c-crazy mare?"
- >"Yeah."
- >He takes another bite of your breakfast.
- >"I mean, you didn't hear it from me. But she was into that hick, Big Mac once."
- >He finishes the only thing you were going to eat all day.
- >"Well, he used to talk a lot more than just yups and nopes. Mare is crazy."
- >Then he laughs at you.
- >"Of course, I'm talking to you. You're not exactly--"
- >Mayor Mare steps into the break room and clears her voice.
- >Time Turner coughs.
- >"Sheesh eight-zero-eight, nobody cares about your irritable bowels. Get back to work."
- >He trots out.
- >Mayor Mare glares at you.
- >...if you weren't such a loser you could recover from this.
- >You sit down at your desk and look over paperwork.
- >It's all...really easy.
- >You're good at it.
- >Pushing paper.
- >Knowing tax information.
- >Budget work and making sure things go on schedule.
- >You're hungry.
- >But if you don't work through lunch, the others will make you look bad.
- >Worse.
- >Sigh.
- >It's all busy work anyway, if they just updated their scheduling system you could eliminate half the work.
- >But nobody around here listens to you.
- >They barely listened to you back in Canterlot.
- >...Well, when people--or ponies--have a system they like, they probably don't like change.
- >Even if it makes work easier.
- >And lets you get in a lunch break.
- >Lunch break.
- >You'd have to go home and see what happened to your house.
- >Pay to change the locks.
- >And pay to buy all new clothing.
- >Which has to be tailored and is expensive!
- >And it's cold out.
- >You're a loser, Anon.
- >That's why you're worker eight-zero-eight
- >And not worker zero-zero-one.
- >You know that's not how the identification number system works.
- >But still.
- >You finish all your work by three.
- >You finish all the slack Time Turner and Minuette always leave behind before five.
- >They always cut out at 4:30.
- >Nobody docks their pay.
- >Probably because they're popular.
- >And cool.
- >And have friends who like parties.
- >And not reading D&D books for the fun of it.
- >...Man, if you had your books you could get a group together.
- >No wait.
- >They'd think you're a loser.
- >And hate you more.
- >And make fun of you.
- >Because it's a dumb hobby to have for a grown man.
- >Mayor Mare stops by your desk at 6:00 in the PM.
- >"Burning the midnight oil, Eight-zero-eight?"
- "...oh...uhm... yes sir."
- >She sighs.
- >"I just wanted you to have some fun."
- "..Oh..Oh! I uhm...had fun sir."
- >She puts a hoof under your chin and makes you look into her eyes.
- >"Eight---Anonymous, you need to socialize or else you'll...you'll.."
- >She sniffs.
- >She gets a big big terrifying grin on her face.
- >You pale at the sight of it.
- >"Oh. Well!"
- >She pops you lightly on the cheek with her hoof.
- >"Someone DID have fun."
- "...sir, I...I really...can I ta--"
- >"Was it Fluttershy? Oh, Anonymous, I'm so happy. She can be very insular. I knew you'd get along!"
- "...a-a-about that s-sir..."
- >"Anonymous, I'm proud of you. Is she your special somepony? After a night of romance and joy?"
- >This is too much. Stop it.
- "...She's...uhm..."
- >Stop it now.
- >STOP IT NOW, ANONYMOUS.
- "...s-s-she t-told m-m-me..."
- >She told you you'd be in danger if you were alone.
- >She told you you couldn't have a towel!
- "...t-to c-c-call her....m-my girlfriend."
- >Anonymous.
- >You really are pathetic.
- >"Anonymous. Come to my office."
- >You follow her into her office.
- >She sways her hips a little as she walks.
- >She seems happy.
- >You aren't.
- >Your clothing smells of alcohol and red dye #23 and sweat.
- >And you can smell that sex stink again.
- >She's got a bottle on her desk.
- >"Malt Grapefruit Beer. Have you ever had it?"
- "...I try not to d-d-drink sir."
- >She pouts.
- >"Well, could you have a drink with me?"
- "...b-but sir."
- >"You say you try, that means you can fail."
- >You have a single tumbler.
- >And suddenly 6:00 in the PM
- >Is 9:00 in the PM.
- >She's been gossiping for hours.
- >You're nursing that single glass.
- >"--And do not get me started on this Mare-Do-Well Business. She's a menace!"
- >"Or, was a menace. It was very out of character, I tell you."
- >You nod and think of the work you should be doing to get further ahead.
- >And avoid going home.
- >But the Mayor seems to hate you less.
- >She leaves at a quarter to 11:00.
- >You look at your desk and consider finishing...Caramel's work.
- >And Time Turner's work from last week he said you should do for him.
- >You should've done that earlier.
- >You could go home.
- >...There's no way she could still be there after a whole day.
- >But there's still a chance.
- >You go to your desk.
- >You look at your desk calendar.
- >You pull off today's word-of-the-day and look at tomorrow's an hour early.
- >You're a naughty individual, but a sneak cannot hurt.
- >"vacuous - empty or lacking of content"
- >"A lack of ideals or intelligence."
- >You look at the word.
- >You look at today's word.
- >"Repugnance"
- "...man."
- >You get up and leave.
- >Walking home in winter is always something you couldn't enjoy.
- >Some guys like the cold and the stillness.
- >But even when there weren't...windigos and monsters.
- >It was still just cold and vacuous.
- >A repugnant thing.
- >You see the front door of your home is open.
- >The moon is nearly as bright as the sun.
- >The lights are on in your home.
- >...You're very hungry.
- >You go inside.
- >Close the door behind you.
- >Oh no...your home.
- >It was stark and mostly unfurnished before.
- >Now it just...feels bare.
- >There are no sheets on your futon.
- >Your floor is covered in shredded shirts and ties.
- >Your fridge is open.
- >And empty.
- >You're so angry.
- >You are.
- >So.
- >Angry.
- >You grit your teeth.
- >And clench your fists.
- >And fall on your knees.
- >And shake those fists at the heavens.
- >And scream!
- "...th-this...is...b-b-bad."
- >Hardly a mutter.
- >You just lay on the ground and cry for a bit.
- >Fluttershy emerges from your bathroom.
- >She's got a scowl on her face.
- >"You didn't tell anyone, did you?"
- >You try to speak, but it all comes out mumbles.
- >She steps towards you.
- >You try to crawl back.
- >"You didn't tell anybody you were my boyfriend, did you Anon?"
- "..N-n-no...I mean! Wait! Y-y-yeah...I t-told the--"
- >She stomps closer and puts a hoof on your belly.
- >"You didn't tell anyone you were Fucking Fluttershy."
- >She gives you the stare.
- >And then she does things.
- >Terrible things.
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