John and the Condesce; Having a Good Lay

It wasn't the first time I had a close-shave with "nobility", but when "Her Imperial Condescension" stood over me, towering high above my own head, I was overcome with a familiar sensation. The same really nauseating sensation that I felt when I had that run-in with a really nasty civil servant. I guess the difference between these two moments is that I don't have a blade stuck in my gut. Well, uh... yet. Her smile, like poisonous honey, didn't comfort me in the slightest, but I wasn't really sure what her intentions were. I smiled meekly, pulling a delicate laugh from between her big purple lips. Everything about her was setting alarms off in my head, and I could picture the torturous fate that awaited me if I didn't think through any answers I had to give her. It was like in Next, with Nicolas Cage, Jessica Biel and Julianne Moore, where Nic played as Cris Johnson, a gruff, street-smart Las Vegas magician who could see what would happen to him in the future. But then he meets a girl named Liz Cooper, played by Jessica Biel, and he could suddenly see into her future as well! I actually don't know who Jessica Biel would be in this situation. Maybe the Condesce? I guess I lost track somewhere within my own metaphor. The point is, I can't let the terrorists (maybe THAT'S the Condesce!) get my goat- I mean, uh, girl.

 

"Heir John," she said. Every word from her lips sounded like she had a lot of other places she'd like to be, like just standing around and gawking at her superior size was a waste of everyone's time; most importantly hers. "I am afraid there is some urgent information I need to..." She paused, leaning down to breathe into my ear. Her breath, cold as death, went down the side of my neck, and my hairs stood on end. Is this what talking to women was like? She giggled, and showed off her razor sharp teeth (razor shark teeth?) that were inches away from my face, before continuing; "Discuss with you." I had no idea what she wanted to talk about, but whatever it was, I did not have any time for it. I mean, we hadn't finished the game yet, so that didn't mean I had a break! I tried hard to imitate Mr Cage as best I could, tapping into my great reserves of charisma and animal magnetism, and I gave a smirk and head shake that would make Nicolas proud.

 

"I'm sorry, but I really can't stay." I explained. I looked up into her purple eyes, giving my best 'casual, yet-pained' expression. She raised an eyebrow, a sure sign my ploy was working. "Maybe we can have this discussion some other time. Whaddya say?" I asked, as I toothily grinned back at her now snarling face.

 

After that, I can't really remember much. All I know is I got hit really hard on the noggin, and I passed out. I recall having this weird dream where Balthazar Blake (played by Nicolas Cage) had to fight his rival, Maxim Horvath, for the fate of New York. The thing is, though, I'm pretty sure it wasn't New York, because I don't even know what it looks like. No... no, definitely not. I'm 100% positive that wasn't New York City. Might have just been Washington. But Balthazar CALLED it New York, and it was only a dream, so I guess it works out. I remember we were about to have a showdown with Horvath, but then I woke up from a really sharp pain in my cheek.

 

Waking up, I realized I might have messed up on my attempt to pacify the fiery-tempered lady who may or may not have been played by Julianne Moore at one point. I mean, I woke up to find myself tied to a bed, which is kind of like how it worked in 'Next', but I don't remember Callie Ferris ever being naked. The more I use this analogy, the more I realize that it doesn't really work out in the end. I mean, who IS the Condesce? Is she Julianne Moore, or Jessica Biel? Another slap across the cheek ceases my inner-ramblings, and the entire situation finally hits me along with it. I'm tied to a bed by a naked, unbelievably tall alien queen. If this is heading where I thought it was heading... I had to act quick, and try to talk my way out of this.

 

"You'll never get away with this." I said, as I stared up at the slowly heaving chest of the alien-girl. Although she first looked like she was trying to cut steel with a stare, she broke out into a face that looked like she swallowed something feathery. It was working! "My people have this place surrounded." I let out an amused chuckle, as I tried my best to think of something believable. "If anything happens to me, the-" But then she interrupted me! I didn't even get to finish my gambit!

 

"Don't be an idiot. You came here alone, my spies tailed you on the way here." She said. "I can do whatever I want to you." She stroked my leg as she walked along the side of the bed, until she trailed her finger to my face, and held my cheek in her hand. How embarrassing! "But we don't have to be difficult. I don't want to hurt you." She smiled nicely, and I could have sworn I saw a twinkle in her eye. "There's something I require from you." Her twinkling eyes flitted down to my lil' John, and I began to blush. This was the MOST compromising scene ever; like in National Treasure when Ben Gates (played by Nicolas Cage) has to make a scene with Abigail (Diane Kruger), but instead of me playing Nic's part, I have to play as Abigail, and I have no idea what's even going on anymore. Am I the girl now? I don't think this line of questioning gets me any closer to solving my problem though -- My penis was hard as hell! I wasn't sure what to say, but I mean, I didn't want to get hurt. I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat. I went for it, and I asked. I mean, I was really curious as to what she was talking about.

 

"What would that be?" I managed to say, without any nervous stuttering. Damn, I really sounded pretty smooth. I'm shocked she didn't fall for my performance earlier. She leaned in after I asked, and blew into my ear. Aurgh, what a bitch! Blowing into a person's ear, is such an annoying trick. My dad used to do the exact same gambit when I was eight. I always fell for it, too. She giggled, and then finally began to tell me.

 

"I want to ride your bulge until it's bloody and ripped." She whispered.

 

Oh God.

 

Auh Gawd.

 

Aauw my Gawd.

 

I couldn't help it, my face contorted into distressed terror, like when Nic saw that his lover in 'Next' got blown up by a terrorist ploy. The emotion he put forth was mimicked perfectly in my reaction to her demands. I wish I was only acting, but I was really scared about that. I've never even put my... thing into a girl! Not even Rose!

 

"I'm sorry, I-I-I, I can't do that." I said. I couldn't... sex her! She was like, a million years old! Dave would laugh at me forever! And, most importantly of all, I kind of wanted to keep my lil' John intact! "I refuse, th-that's what I do."

 

"Oh?" She says. 'Oh'. Yeah, that's it, just one syllable. What an understatement, jeez. "But Heir John, a real street-tough renegade would satisfy any woman who came his way." She sighed. How... diabolical! I AM a real street-tough renegade! I was mad to hear her think I was anything but. How could she use my own insecurities against me? Who would do something like that?

 

Well, okay, who would do something like that besides Rose?

 

Nevertheless, I couldn't just leave my manhood on the line like that, even if accepting it meant my other manhood was on the line. I had to do what I had to do, like any true hero would.

 

"Alright... I accept your conditions." She grinned, her wicked sharp teeth being shown off right before my eyes. She could bite one of Dave's shitty swords clean in half with those chompers. "So... how does thisWHUP!" She saddled my chest with no hesitation, like I was the Slime Pogo back home. I hope she didn't ride me like it, too.

 

"You think you can handle me, little impudent child?" She asked me. I really hope it was rhetorical, because it was hard to speak when a naked, ice-cold alien chick is chilling on your abs. She was one frigid bitch-- er, pardon my language. "You must be brave. Every partner I've ever had has died."

 

"WHAT?!" I shout out, as she uses the opportunity to swoop in and force a chilly, slimy tongue down my throat. Oh christ that was really uncomfortable. It was like kissing a corpse, except worse because I could feel her cold breath come into my mouth from hers. She finally got her mouth off of mine, and I started spluttering as I tried to get a decent gulp of air.

 

"Yes, it's because I kill them eventually." She laughed really loud, as if it were just a really funny inside joke that no one else got. I mean she was the last of her species, right? So I guess that would explain a lot. I remember Dave warning me never to stick my dick into the crazy. I guess I went back on that advice. Or was about to. But I don't think I could control myself much longer. My mini-me was tweaking out all over the place, and her rubbing her crotch all over it while she licked at my nipples (Christ that was cold!), was definitely not helping me overcome any of my "primal instincts". I tried my hardest, reaching deep within myself to show off the amazing facial control of my inner-Cage, but I just couldn't do it. I began to pant, and before I knew it, my face was blushing hard while my hips bucked with her on top of me. Dave warned me about dames. He did, in fact, tell me.

 

"Dog." She called me. I'm pretty sure she had to have been reading my mind at that point, there's now way she could have timed that any better. "Nothing more than a little canine, yearning for release." She altered her position over me, so that her clammy (haha, clammy...) breasts were right in my face, and her... uh, vagina was hovering over my dick, like a hawk hunting for prey. "You will find it within my nethers, Heir John." I could hear her heartbeat. It was like the ticking of a clock, and it had to have been racing. It was actually quite... warm, down there in the center. Somewhere in there, she was a burning hot sun, just waiting to burst out. I was snapped out of my mental acrobatics as I felt something... warm hug the top of my penis. Like, really strangely warm. It was wet and hot, and as it descended upon my penis, like a full-body scan in those Men In Black movies, my dick started going crazy. I hadn't felt something good like that in a long time. She let out this really... I guess, sexy moan, and that made my dick really hard. Why was she moaning? I felt my tip reach some sort of barrier inside her pussy and she moaned even louder. Her huge boobs started getting pressed into my face as she reached her arms around me and began to, I guess, ride me like the slime pogo. I was really hoping this wouldn't happen, but now I really couldn't help it. I let her squeeze me in a vice-grip while she began panting and screaming in what I guess must have been ecstasy. She was really beginning to holler, swearing out loud, as her breasts started to suffocate me. Luckily, I can hold my breath for a really long time, so her attempts at assassinating me through "sexy-times" were a no-go. She was really going at it. All I could hear from my cushiony prison was her pleasurable screams, and, remembering back to all those times secretly watching porn videos (the plots in them are pretty bogus. Nic would make a great actor in one, I bet.), and wrestled my arm out of her grip to plant a firm slap on her ass.

 

The sound was tremendous. I even heard it. I might have put a bit too much force into it, but she seemed to have enjoyed it. I slapped it again. Another burst. I decided to keep it up, and she didn't stop me. Soon, her screams were just beyond what I could handle. I came, my cum just completely flooding her vagina, and I think she came as well, because when she lifted herself off of my body, lil' John was coated with some weird purply-colored fluid. She lay panting beside me, and I could finally get a breather in. She propped herself up on her elbow, and looked at me, like I was dinner and I was her favorite.

 

"I've had plenty of lovers, you know." Unfortunately, yes. That scare earlier really caught me off guard! "But none were as big as yours." She sighed heavily, and brought me into her  cold, sweaty hug. Sweaty- like it were a street-tough maverick with nothing to lose, reuniting with his loving family.

 

"That's pretty neat, I guess." I answered. I mean, what else was I going to say? She's kind of considered the enemy. "I'm going now."

 

And then I floated off through the window. I sure as hell wasn't going to bring THAT up with anyone ever.