Twilight Observes The Wild Anon

>And here we see the wild Anon at rest at 11:00 A.M. He has assumed the normal position of passing out on his couch intoxicated with one hand down his pants. He has not washed his clothes or showered in days. I am quite certain this is a ploy to spread his musk around Ponyville and attract a mate.

 

>The "morning" ritual for the Anon involves waking up at 4 in the afternoon, rolling over in bed, farting and tugging on his genitals. What purpose this serves is still a mystery to me and I will do my best to collect samples the old socks he keeps leaving around the room. No wonder he has to get new ones from Rarity once a week. I imagine it is taboo for humans to wash clothing as I have not once seen him change his shirt even after pouring copious amounts of alcohol on it while inebriated. Perhaps I can hire Berry Punch to do some some intimate research.

 

>Fluttershy slowly limped out the door and waddled over to the bushes, blushing furiously and hiding her face.

>"Well it turns out his fetish is hardcore anal without lube."

>Twilight sighed and put a hoof to her face while groaning.

>"I just wanted you to ask how he lived on a diet of nothing but frozen dinners and Horse Pepsi, and why he never flushes the toilet,, how did that even come up?"

>Stammering a bit Fluttershy turned an even darker shade of red and just stared off into the distance.

>"Well...um...I just wanted him to feel welcome."

 

>It seems Anon has exhausted his supply of cigarettes and intoxicants from Earth. This has left him both irritable and forlorn and I can't help but feel sorry for the poor creature. He has attempted to remedy the situation by going to the local store and buying more alcohol but returned all 6 empty bottles 45 minutes later in a fit of rage saying "Fucking pony piss water could not even get my dog tipsy." Rainbow Dash has attempted to distract him by forcing him to work out with her but even this ended in disaster when he tried to run a lap with her around his house. He got about 12 feet before vomiting and then passing out in his own bodily waste. Rainbow looked confused and frustrated before flying off. I am now attempting to use magic to lift his mass onto his questionably stained couch.

 

>Note: I need to ask him what the words Kunt, Fuk and Bitch mean. What a majestic specimen.