Two Humans, One Pony

>Day Nth for Best Background Pone on Earth

>Be Applejack

>Anon warns you about going outside in this world

>Pay no heed to Anon's warnings because all folks can appreciate neighborly visitors

>Attempt to leave the apartment Anon is keeping you in

>Kick your room door lightly with your front hoof

>Door doesn't budge

>Golden doo-hickey Anon uses must need special coaxing to open

>Attempt to wrap two hooves around doorknob

>Slip off countless times

AJ: Ah swear, this here door's jammed tighter than a jar in a cold cellar

>Try to fit the doorknob in your mouth

>Tastes like salty coins and milk

>Instantly remove your muzzle from the filthy handle while spiting and trying to clear your mouth of the foul taste

AJ: Ah just can't figg'er how Anon works this thingamajig

>Forsake talking to yourself any longer

>Spin around and pull your back legs in for a powerful, tree-shaking kick

>Suddenly, the doorknob turns

>Door opens inward as Anon crossed the threshold of your room

>No time to stop your hooves

>Send a tree-shacking kick deep into Anon's core

>Anon flies back through the threshold and lands some feet away

AJ: Mah stars! Are ya a'right, Anon?

>Anon clenches his stomach

A: My balls just parked behind my tonsils

>You're not sure what that means, but, at least he's alive

AJ: Ah'm mighty sorry, Anon! Ah was jus' tryin' ta'git outta that room when ya came in.

>Anon stands up and dusts himself down

>He looks slightly feeble and walks a bit crooked

A: No problem, Applesauce, I... I just think I'm gonna go lay down. Maybe call an ambulance.

>Anon saunters a little bit before making it to your room

>You follow him in for good measure

>He drops himself onto the bed and pulls his lower half onto the mattress

AJ: If'n there's anythin' Ah can do fer'ya, lemme know?

>Anon's chest inflates so full that his body puffs up on the bed before sinking back to his normal shape

A: I think I won't die

>His hand pushes forward blindly for the blanket

>He grips your hat that you had left on the bed

A: These aren't my covers

>Anon places the hat over his head and searches again for the blanket

AJ: Ah'll git your quilts, jus' hand me mah hat

>Anon doesn't reply

AJ: Anon, ya hear me?

>You are visibly worried that you may have hurt Anon more than he's letting on

>You also don't want to be caught talking to yourself again, not after what you thought about in line 16

>You climb onto the bed beside Anon and place a hoof lightly on his back

>You shake him a bit

>You wait for a long moment before his hand gropes around for your hoof

A: Applesack, your hat is such a good blindfold

AJ: Well, glad ya like it, but, Ah'm gonna need it if'n Ah ever plan on goin' out

>Anon rolls over onto his back and uncovers his face

A: Appleseed, you can't just go out here whenever you want. This city is no place for a pony. Especially a Technicolor, talking pony.

>You think about the word "Technicolor" for a brief instant before deciding that is how Anon says, "country"

AJ: Now look here, mister, jus' because Ah'm from lil' old Ponyville don't mean Ah can't handle mahself

>Anon grunts for a moment as he adjusts himself

A: It's different around here, Applejumps. It's not about your rustic wholesomeness, or that horrible way you use long-winded similes. It's about you being an... ah... an imaginary creature

>You think Anon is just blowing more hot smoke than a giddy Spike writing a love letter to Rarity on a steamy Hearts and Hooves day

AJ: Could an "imaginary" critter do this?

>You attempt to swipe your hat from Anon

>He moves with expert timing and keeps it just out of hoof's reach

A: Well, no, but yes? It's hard to explain. See, ponies in my world don't talk, or sing, or eat half as many cakes as ponies back in Equestria

>You're fed up with Anon stalling and not giving you back your hat

>You make an effort to pin his arm while you snatch your hat back

>It's no good, Anon is just too dexterous for you

>You slip on the soft mattress and land atop Anon's chest

>For a second, you feel his chest heave, his heart beat and feel an icy coldness radiate from his body

>His free arm wraps around your body and his strong, human hands run their fingers down your back

AJ: Anon, s-stop that, ya hear?

>You shake and stutter as he scratches your back like you were a pet

AJ: A-Ah mean it, s-stop it this instant

>Anon lifts your hat and covers your muzzle with it

>You readjust it with a free hoof so that it sits neatly behind your ears

>Anon is relentless in his back-scratching pursuit and you let him go at it for a while longer

A: Haha, you should see the look on your face

>You ignore Anon and lose control of you hind leg

>It kicks in a little fit as your enjoy the back rub

A: Who knew ponies liked this so much? I'm just glad I didn't leave the door open...

>Anon looks over to see the door is opened

A: Shiiiiiiiiiiiii~

>A female voice rings from the open doorway

>It's the neighbor girl who Anon has totally been spying from his window and promised himself under his breath to ask out one of these days

Girl: Hey, Anon, I couldn't help but notice that you left your door unlocked like you were being mugged and...

>The girl sees you and Anon laying in bed with his arms wrapped around your body, a look of ecstasy on your face as his hands feverishly scratch your back

Girl: Whoa, you should really lock your door if your gonna do this kind of thing with animals. I won't judge you anymore than one can judge a guy who wears a business suit and mask all day

>You don't want to give off the wrong impression and proceed to clear up any confusion from the get-go

AJ: Sorry, miss, this ain't what it looks like...

>You bound off Anon, causing him to gasp as your hooves spring from his chest

AJ: Name's Applejack an' Ah'm jus' here on account ova' mix-up with some magic an' Anon here's puttin' me up fer the time being. So glad Ah could make yer acquaintance, What's yer name?

>You extend your hoof to shake her hand

Girl: I-it talked, hah, that thing just got up and... it... talked...

>The neighbor girl smiles, twitches and faints before your eyes

AJ: Well, ain't that'a fine, "How da'ya do?"

>Anon springs to his feet in a lot less pain than he let on before

A: Oh no, this is bad, well, this is great, but also bad for various reason I can't list right now

>Anon rushes to the door and locks it tightly

>You see him frantically pace from the front door to the kitchen and back to the room your in

Anon: Applesnacks, where's that rope you had when you first came over? All I got on hand is duct-tape, baby oil, chloroform, which I don't need right now, and a box cutter. I need some rope!

>He seems more distressed than you think he should be

AJ: What'da'ya need the rope fer, sugar-cube?

>Anon points to the unconscious girl

A: So I can bound and gag Tabitha here while I come up with the perfect reason to tell her it was all an elaborate hoax

>You don't seem to understand how any of these things are interrelated, but you imagine it is some kind of weird human greeting

>You pass the rope to Anon who ties up the girl in an odd series of looping knots

>Anon goes to a nearby cabinet and reveals a bright red ball that looks not unlike a muzzling instrument you use back on the farm

>he quickly gets the gag in place and straps it to her head

A: I should probably wash that first... but, no time! Appleshnapps! We need to hide you so I can come up with a great lie that will make me sound as legit as possible

AJ: Why don't ya jus' tell'er what's really goin' on?

>You cannot see Anon's face, but you can feel his eyes narrowing on you and his eyebrows furrowing in stern disapproval

A: This is the worst time to tell the truth!

AJ: Ah know what it looked like ya'll were doin' with me, Ah've been 'round the haystack oncer-twice, but Ah know if we both explain what was really happenin'...

>Anon places his hand over your muzzle quickly

Anon: Don't finish this horribly misguided, yet strangely arousing, thought just yet. I will tell you afterwards why it's more wrong than you think

>You break out of Anon's loose grip and scowl

>You suddenly hear the girl coming to

>Anon looks towards her with his hands held tightly together in anticipation

A: Appleapple, how hard is too hard to bludgeon someone?