Two Humans, One Pony IV (complete)

>Day la Glorieuse Révolution on Earth

>Be Applejack

>The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, the flowers are in bloom

>You are wallowing in Anon's apartment and looking from the window at the day going by

>Anon, on the other hoof, is spending his day in front of his "PC"

>You counted five hours of Anon doing nothing save for staring into the flickering screen

>Today, you intend to learn what makes that magic box so alluring to him

AJ: Anon, Ah wanna play with ya'

A: Eh... sure! What do you got in mind?

AJ: Ah don't know, what's it yer doin' all day on that thingy?

>You gesture to the computer

A: Well... I was just... doing nothing, really

AJ: Ya' just sat there fer five hours laughin'! How're ya' not doin' nothin'?

A: Oh, well, I am reading... other than that, not much

>You think about reading, or the lack thereof, that you do at home

>A surprising few books come to mind

>But, you have your reasons... and they're good reasons, you are sure!

AJ: Well, uh... could'ya read me what're is so funneh?

>Anon looks a bit nervous and talks rather slowly

A: I can... I don't know if you'd find it as funny as I, however

AJ: A'course Ah would! Ah gotta great sense a' humour

>Anon looks around for a while before he begins

A: Uh, so... actually, come over here. This is a comic page. It's funnier if you see the picture

>You approach Anon and view the image

>You see a picture of a white bear chewing on a block of ice

>The block of ice is filled with apples

>A caption reads, "How does a polar bear knows what apples is??"

>Anon cackles lightly and looks to you before his grin disappears

A: Get it? Because it's a polar bear... and he's eating apples... and apples don't grow in the arctic... and it's funny!

>You laugh weakly

AJ: Ah... Ah guess you're right 'bout mah feelin's on this sort'a thing

A: It is hard to explain

>Anon scrolls a bit and you see a picture of something vaguely familiar

AJ: Whoa there, pardner! What was that thing?

>You tap a hoof on the screen at a picture of a beautiful apple orchard

>It looks so inviting, like you've been there before

A: I don't know. Probably some place far away

>You stare into the picture for a moment

>A yearning for Sweet Apples Acres overtakes you

AJ: Anon... Ah'm bored... lets go out? Ah wanna see the trees and smell the grass

A: Sun is still beaming. It's just not safe yet for us to be seen

AJ: No, it ain't safe fer -me- ta' be seen!

>You pout and stomp your back hooves

>Anon's rules are driving you crazy lately

>You just wish you could wake up and go outside and buck some apples

>You must be wearing your misery well

>Anon takes your front hoof in his hand and strokes around your fetlock

A: Apples, I know you're too mature for this. I know you have a family back home and a real job to attend to. It's hard on Earth and I am truly sorry

>You look into his eyes

>You've never seen Anon speak with so much conviction

A: I know Twilight will be here any day now to take you home. Just let the time come and have patience with my world

>Anon tries to smile and you respond in kind

AJ: Anon, Ah ain't mad with'choo. Don't ever think that fer'a second. Ah'm just...

>You hear a frantic knock at the door

T: Anon! Open up! This is important!

>Anon rushes to the door and Tabitha charges in

>She slams the door behind her

A: What is it? What's important?

T: Turn on the news! Channel 44!

>Anon quickly flips the television on and a human starts talking

Reporter: The city has been placed on high alert as a reported, "large, black insect" swarm has been seen terrorizing citizen in lower-east Yonkers

>A picture flashes of an insectoid creature with a horn, wings and sharp fangs charging a parked car

AJ: Changelin's? Here on Earth?! Ah thought Earth didn't have Equestrian ponies?!

A: ... It doesn't

>The reporter continues

R: Authorities are advising you stay indoors and do -not- engage these creatures!

AJ: Whoa, Nelly! This is bad, real bad!

A: I am both astonished and excited right this very moment. What does it mean?

T: It means that we are in serious trouble. A new threat from Applejack's home world is going to destroy us

A: Come now, we have guns! Well, some people have guns. Besides, don't they only eat "love" or something otherwise corny? They'll surely starve to death around here

>You watch in real time as a changeling charges the reporter

>He falls and struggles before he is knocked out by a strong hoof

>The Changeling opens its mouth over his unconscious body

>The reporter rapidly ages until he is old and feeble

A: Oh shit! That was different! Well... I suppose we just stay inside where we are safe?

>You are about to agree with Anonymous when the door to his room is forced open

>Two skittering changelings hiss and charge into the room

A: I shall be right back...

>Anon rushes to the kitchen area

>A changeling attempts to chase him, but you lay it low with a powerful kick

AJ: Yee-haw! Haven't got to kick that hard in ages!

>The other changeling quickly assumes your form

>It's upon you in a moment and you tussle around the floor

A: Alright, cut that out this instant!

>The two of you hop apart and stare each other down

>You see Anon is holding a fire extinguisher

AJ: Anon! Blast this bug!

AJ: No, Anon! Ah'm Applejack! Blast that phony!

A: Oh, I love this movie! Do you remember the rough sex we had while watching it, Applebottom?

>You can't believe Anon is spouting nonsense like that at a time like this!

AJ: Why yew filthy pervert, we ain't ever had...!

>A blast of compressed air sends the changeling sailing into the couch

A: I will probably forgive you for calling me, "filthy" in time, AppleSnacks

>You smile at Anon

>The changeling stirs for a moment

>Anon sails across the room with his abnormal fluidity and bashes the beast over the head

>A pleasant metallic ring echoes for a moment as the changeling falls to the ground

A: This thing is incredible! Why haven't I been carry one on the subway?

>Tabitha motions to the window with an outstretched finger

T: M-m-more!

>You all look out to see two other changelings scaling the building like angry wasps

>They spot you and hiss before pounding their head into the glass

A: Huh... well... run!

>Tabitha is already out the door and you follow close behind her

>Anon clutches the fire extinguisher and runs out to into the hall

>The door slams shut before her looks to you

A: Well... I suppose we don't have to hide you anymore! Sometimes, life has a funny way of working out

T: Anon, not now. We'll work on your pessimism after this issue

>Anon shrugs and you run down the steps

>Reaching the bottom floor, you all emerge into the sunshine for the first time since you've lived on Earth

>The sun is beautiful here and the air is so light and cool

>You sigh a bit as you take in the beauty of a sunny day

>This is all quickly washed aside as you see humans battling changelings across the street

AJ: We gotta help 'em!

>The human punches a changeling to one side and gets to his feet

A: Ah, he looks fine

>Three changelings dog-pile the human to the floor again

A: Yep... everything's going to be alright!

>Tabitha and you stare hard at Anon before you break away to the human

>With a battle cry, you stamp in and buck the daylights from the mob of beasts

AJ: Git up, pardner! We gotta make trails!

>The human looks up at you for a moment with wide eyes

>He slowly nods and staggers to his feet before running away

>Anon approaches you from behind

A: Very nice work! You didn't even give him a heart attack

T: What are we going to do? We need to get out of here?

A: My easily excitable friend... we do what we always do in times of invasion

>Everyone looks to Anon who seems much too calm about this

A: We ride!

>He brandishes his keys and races to his car

A: I knew filling up the tank last night was a good idea

T: I didn't know you actually drove

A: There are many wonderful and terrible things you don't know about me. But, to stare into the face of the abyss would only lead you deeper in

>Anon winks

T: You see, Anon? This is why people don't talk to you

A: What? Lots of people talk to me

T: Auditory hallucinations does not a person make

AJ: We can't do this whole arguin' thin' right now, fellas!

>Anon nods and opens the car

>You hop in the backseat while Anon and Tabitha climb into the front

>A changeling lands on the hood of the car and hisses into the window

>Anon smiles and quickly flips his car around

>The changeling falls to one side with a thump

>Anon guns the engine forward, leaving an angry changeling in the rear-view mirror

>You turn and stare out the back window as the building you've called 'home' disappears

AJ: S'cuse me fer askin', but where're we goin'?

A: I... don't really know? As far as we can from here... lets see what the news can tell us, yeah?

>Anon fiddles with some dials on the radio

>A human voice comes through

Reporter: The national guard has been called in to attempt to stop this insect menace. Do -not-, I repeat, do -not- leave you homes for any reason. Close all shutters and turn down the lights. The creatures are attracted to movement and sound

>Anon turns off the radio

A: Well... that was useless... want a hot dog?

T: What?

>Anon points to a parked truck up ahead

>You shrug, not really sure what kind of food is called a, 'Hot dog'

>Anon stops the car nearby, but keeps it running

>The three of you approach the truck and Anon calls out

A: Hey! Anyone home?

>Silence

A: Figures... hang on a moment out here and watch for anything

>Tabitha and you nod

>Anon is fairly quick, coming out with minutes with a lot of food

A: Waste not, want not as I occasionally say during a crisis

>Tabitha laughs slightly

>Anon hands you an opened bag of something

A: It's a human snack, I know... but, you might like it? I also have potato pieces

>You sniff at the bag and it's not the least bit appealing

AJ: Lemme have a go at those potato pieces

>Anon hands you a checkered tray

>The potato bits aren't half bad!

>You all eat up in the car before dumping the trash outside

>Anon begins driving again to who knows where

>Night falls and you grow tired of being in the car

>Usually car rides meant you'd be running in the park

>You do understand the circumstances though

A: Well... there's a motel up ahead... want to stop for the night?

>Tabitha is sleeping on her door

AJ: That'd be nice. Ah could use a stretch

>Anon stops shortly after and leaves the car

>You focus into the night and try to gain your bearings

>You've never been so far from home base and it's rather exciting

>Anon returns in a moment and you are finally parking

>With a small sigh of relief, you hop down from your seat and stretch out

AJ: Ah just don't know how humans do it. Mah legs are mighty sore for just sittin' there

>Anon opens a door and you walk inside

A: I'm going to get Tabitha. Wait here and keep an eye out for anything out of the ordinary

>Anon goes to the car and you look around the room and back outside

>The night is crystal clear with the moon hanging high

>Aside from that, the lighting on this building helps you see very well

>You see Anon and Tabitha stagger into the room and lock the door

A: Well, this should do for the night. I just hope they don't spread too quickly in our direction

AJ: Ah don't know, Anon. This reminds me of the princess' weddin' day all ova' again. Least then we had Celestia with us... and we were all together...

>Anon glides to you and strokes your mane

A: Buck up, you! I can't have two people falling to pieces in the same room

>Anon always seems to make you smile, even if it's just his silliness

AJ: Wadda' ya' think's gonna happen?

A: Well, in this situation... on Earth. We'll mobilize one army branch after another until we either win or cause mutually assured destruction

T: You don't think they nuke the city, do you?

A: It depends how lazy we get or how hard the enemy becomes. I don't know much about changelings other than stories I heard. We don't have pony magic either, so uh... yeah, there's that setback

>You notice an energy interrupting the room

AJ: Anon! Tabby! Git back! Somethin' ain't right here!

>You all dive for cover behind the bed and peak over it

>A distortion in space becomes apart and a rift forms

>The glow of magic reminds you of somep0ny

>A purple unicorn steps through the rift

>It's Twilight!

>At least... you think it is

Twilight Sparkle: Finally! I have been looking all over this crazy Earth for you!

>You rush out from cover and take Twilight in your hooves

AJ: Oh, Twi! Ah never gave up hope! Ah missed ya so much, Ah missed all a'ya!

>Twilight separates you from her

TS: Applejack, I missed you too. We are in great danger here though

AJ: Oh, we know. Changelin's are here on Earth!

>Twilight looks flustered

TS: So, the invasion has already happened in this time line. I see. Tell me, did you and Anon copulate?

AJ: Eh, beg pardon?

TS: Did you two fornicate with each other?

AJ: Fer-ni... what?

>Twilight sighs

TS: Did you two have sex?!

AJ: Whoa, Twi! Easy there! We ain't never done more than a lil' kissin' was all

>Twilight seems like she's making calculations

TS: That seems very odd. Usually, by the time Anon's world is invaded and destroyed, he's succeeded in breeding the pony of that dimension. Very curious

A: Destroyed?

T: Bred?!

>Twilight looks over to Anon and Tabitha

TS: Anon... and other human girl... come here. We have to be brief and strike quickly

>Anon does what he's told, but Tabitha hangs back slightly

TS: I said, "Come here"

>Twilight looks very angry

TS: Let me quickly explain why you are coming with me. It helps with every other Anonymous I have met so far. Anon, you're world is on the verge of collapse as is Equestria. We must go back, all of us, to a time before anyp0ny ends up trapped on Earth. In the few years that they are gone-

>Anon crosses his hands in a T shape

A: Slow down, TwiBright. You know I'd help you without a moments doubt

>Twilight eyes you suspiciously

TS: You seem different from the other Anons... I wonder if it has anything to do with Applejack? This would be excellent to study if we weren't all going to die

>You all look at Twilight before starting

AJ: So, where are we going?

TS: When are we going, you mean

>Twilight smiles

TS: I am gathering all the Anons and their respective ponies in a safe haven in Canterlot to the very day before the invasion on the kingdom

AJ: Ya sound like ya planned this out well

TS: I did... or I will, but thank you all the same. Most of my information comes from my dying body in the future

>Your eyes go wide

AJ: Dyin'... body?

TS: Yes, I learned this powerful time spell from my defeated self and instructed to save Equestria... I am working on the 'how' part now...

AJ: Well, dang... we better git goin'!

A: I concur, time is of the essence here!

>Twilight keeps staring at Anon

TS: Why are you so different? You don't act like any of the other Anonymous I've met...

>Twilight suddenly blasts Anon with a spell

>Anon flinches in place, but doesn't look hurt overall

A: What's the big deal? Why are you trying to magic me to death?

TS: It's the spell I use to remove illusions from changelings... you are either a stoic Anon or a very powerful changeling...

A: I am just me... don't tell me my other dimensional selves are a bunch of spaghetti-spewing asperger-lords?

TS: Funny, they always remark to each other in that manner... you must be one of them in that case

>Anon shakes a fist at nothing and looks slightly angry

TS: Well, lets go... and mind your doubles or any other humans there

A: Other... humans?

TS: Of course, I often find another human is linked to you or the respective pony... apparently, we need them all

>Anon looks to Tabitha who is shaking in a corner

A: You heard to unicorn. We're heading out!

>Anon salutes the air before marching to Twilight

T: I... I don't want to...

>Tabitha looks very afraid and weeps lightly

>You go to her

AJ: Tabby, look, it's me, you're friend Applejack. Ah know this all seems sudden, but Twilight's a great friend an' the best unicorn with magic ta' boot! If'n she says we can save everyp0ny, well, Ah know she's tellin' the truth. We need ya', Tabby. Earth needs ya, Equestria needs ya! Wadda ya' say, pardner?

>Tabitha looks you over carefully and slowly stands to her feet

>She smiles a half smile at you and then to Twilight

T: OK... lets save the world...

TS: That's the spirit! Now stand back while I make a portal

>Twilight's horn grows with a powerful spell

>The air splits and space divides under her power

TS: Get in! It's only going to last so long!

>You and Anon charge in first with a gleam in their eye

>You see Tabitha approach carefully from behind

>As Twilight enters, the rift closes behind you all

>The shine of a brilliant light temporarily blinds you all and you feel the forces of magic pull at your being

>With a sickening twist, you arrive at your destination

>Your eyes readjust and you see the palace walls as neatly as you left them

AJ: Oh mah stars... Ah'm home! Anon, ain't it excitin'?

>Anon shakes off the traveling sickness

>Tabitha doesn't fare so well and loses what lunch she had

A: Well, isn't this place familiar... last time I was here, I was a prisoner on death row... good times!

AJ: Ah saved yer hide that time too

>You nudge Anon and wink

A: I believe you did, haha!

TS: Right this way, everyp0ny. I will show you to your room

>You help Tabitha up and follow Twilight

T: This is... this is all real? This is really happening?

A: it's like you didn't believe me or the talking, orange horse...

>You climb a few steps before enter a hallway

>There you see what Twilight was talking about

>Two Anons, Rainbow Dash and Rarity and two more female humans

A2: Hey, guys, look! It's Applejack!

>The other two Anons run to you with eager faces and large smiles

A1: Oh, please... stay with your respective ponies, you 'tards

A2: Hey, Anon! This fag cereal?

A3: I think he wants to be. What'choo gonna do about us petting best pone?

>All the Anons seem to get into a conversation that is completely indescribable by pony language standards

A3: MFW Anon won't let me pet Tree-kicker

A1: I never said that, you greentext fag! We had a long trip and...

A2: Did we give her the D?

>Anon2 smiles widely and Anon3 laughs

A1: No! We said we'd never do that with FlutterRapist, remember?

A2: Oh, u... or me... whatever. We really changed. If I saw Fluttershy right now, I'd tell her I was sorry for not taking her up on that offer

A3: Yeah, ponies and people are surprisingly lenient to horsefuckers

A2: I prefer 'hoofer' myself

A1: Damn it... Apples isn't like that! She's...

A2: Smart!

A3: Caring!

A1: Shut up! Stop doing that!

A2: We're you, faggot! We all felt the same way, how can you not remember the feels we had working on Sweet Apple Acres?

>You think that three Anon's might just overload your brain if you keep listening

>Besides, it's getting weird

T: So, um... who are the other two?

>The Anons spend time catching everyone up and having their socially inept meet-and-greet

TS: AJ, I am counting on you to take charge while I am away. The more Anons I add, the crazier it gets in here

AJ: Ah'll do mah best

>Twilight smiles and turns to an empty space

>In a flash, she is gone

>You have faith in Twilight that she's doing what's best

>You look back to the group for a moment

>Counting up, there are three Anons including your own

>It would appear one is missing

AJ: Anon... which one of ya' were with Twilight?

>The Anons stop long enough to look confused

A2: You know... I haven't actually thought of that

A3: I just got her a minute ago. Came with Rainbow Dash

>Anon2 quickly interjects

A2: Pfft, haha, inside! Haha

>Rainbow Dash blushes behind him

A3: Look who's talking! Mr. Ben Dover

A2: No way! It was in my mouth. That's totally straight

>Rarity blushes next at the comment

>It makes you laugh to think how Anon managed to do something lewd with either Ms. Prissy-Hooves or Rainbow "Bathhouse" Dash

>You are sure these Anons are going to be a handful after all

>You sigh and give your Anon a reassuring smile

AJ: Ah am sure Twilight won't keep us long

>At that instant, a portal opens behind you

>You look back and smile