Anon On a Bike: 5

>You are Anonymous.

>You are in hell.

>Why?

>Pinkie started singing a hello song, and you're in the spotlight.

>You're forced to sit in the cold, damp grass Indian style with your arms crossed.

>It takes all of your willpower to keep a blank face as you watch her bounce around.

>Music's coming from fucking nowhere, and the other ponies are just sitting together, smiling contently at their friend.

 

>/"Of course this would be a regular occurrence to them.

>Fucking ponies."/

 

>As much as you try, you cannot ignore the lyrics to Pinkie's song.

>In short: she wants to know you, mostly what type of party you like.

>As you look at her "dance," you wonder if she's always like this: always energetic, always moving, al-

>The music ends just as Pinkie shoves a butterfly-tongue in your mouth.

>She blinks away and appears in front of her friends and looks at you with a huge smile, expecting you to do the obvious.

>You glance down at the noisemaker, sigh through your nose, and give a half-ass blow.

>Apparently Pinkie doesn't care about the depressing noise the butterfly-tongue made; she giggles in joy anyway.

>You look up at the canopy and ask whoever's out there to spare you from this torment.

 

>It is actually your stomach that saves you by letting out a loud gurgle.

>You spit out the noisemaker and grab at your stomach.

>You clench your teeth at the sudden ache.

>You haven't eaten in how long again?

>You can't remember much, so you could only assume long ago.

>It reminds you of the one day you fasted for school just to prove to yourself you could.

>As long as you were preoccupied, you were fine, and the middle eastern-style dinner that night was delicious.

>Back to now, you look up.

>Besides Fluttershy, the ponies are taken aback by your teeth.

>The buttery-colored pegasus flutters over to you, worry written all over her anime-esque face.

 

>"Are you hungry, Anon?"

 

>Keeping to the role of not understanding, you stare at her and tilt your head slightly.

>After a few seconds your stomach answers her, just as loud and desperate as before.

>"Oh my.

>Looks like we'll have to fill that empty tummy up." and she smiles in a motherly fashion.

>Still fluttering, she grabs your hand with her fore hooves and pulls you up.

>Dumbfounded from the small pegasus going from being incredibly shy to the only one not afraid of you, you don't resist her as she pulls you past her friends and towards her cottage.

 

>Before you know it, all of you are eating breakfast inside Fluttershy's cottage.

>You look around the table.

>You're in the middle of one side, with Fluttershy and Twilight on either side of you.

>Dash and Pinkie took the ends, leaving Rarity and Jack together on the other side.

>You shift your bottom slightly to get a wedgie out.

>The chair's much lower than what you're used to and there's very little leg room, so you decide to sit Indian style once again.

>You've done it before during breakfast at your house, so it's somewhat familiar.

 

>With seating solved, you notice the lack of silverware.

>It makes sense, given that no one here has hands.

>You look over to Twilight, who's simply leaning over and gorging on whatever was on her plate.

>Everyone else is messily eating as well.

>It seems table manners aren't as strict here, which is just fine by you.

>With that observation, you take a look at what's on your plate.

>A large muffin, apparently from someone named "Derpy," according to Dash.

 

>Are those raisins or chocolate chips in it?

>Your stomach tells you it doesn't give a shit.

 

>Food, in belly, now.

 

>Not wasting anymore time, you take the muffin and bite off as much as you can chew.

>Turns out your muffin has chocolate chips, cooled off and hardened.

>Delicious.

>You wolf the thing down in under a minute.

>You lean on the table with your elbows and let out a content sigh.

>You close your eyes and try to bask in the relief the huge muffin gave your stomach.

>After several moments, you realize that it's silent.

>You open an eye curiously to find the ponies staring intently at you.

>You stare back at them.

>After a few awkward seconds, you give a small smile to Dash and bow your head.

>After all, she was the one who gave that muffin to you.

 

>"Uh...yeah, glad you liked it."

>The cyan pegasus rubs the back of her head with her hoof sheepishly.

 

>/"They're quite flexible."/ you note as you rest your mouth on your interlocked hands and assume the "plotting" pose.

>You watch everyone resume eating, and they all finish within a few minutes.

>Once they finish, they begin talking about what to do with you.

>It seems they had already talked about how they found you.

>You can't remember exactly what happened, only that you weren't in your best shape.

>For now, you'll just listen to them.

>You'll remember how you got here eventually.

 

>Maybe this is just a lucid dream gone wild and you'll wake up at some point.

>/"Might as well put that theory out there with the others."/

>It's wishful thinking, but as you think of it, it becomes your only sensible explanation of the current situation.

>But still...ponies?

 

>"Ah mean, Zecora was one thing, but this feller's bigger than Big Mac."

>Applejack and Big Mac?

>You wonder how more ridiculous these names will get.

>"But if we hide him, who knows what will happen when somepony finds him?"

>Still in your plotting pose, you keep a blank face at this.

>Twilight has a point.

>Things could easily end up like Frankenstein.

>Well, if things do go sour, you muse you can always ride the ponies ou-

>Wait...

>Ride...ride...there's something you're forgetting that relates to riding.

>What was it?

 

>"Can he stay here for a while, Fluttershy?"

>"S-sure Twilight.

> I mean, if he's okay with it."

>"I'm sure he won't object.

>Don't worry, girls, we'll think of something.

>As long as he doesn't do anything ra-"

 

>*SLAM*

>The ponies jump at you slamming your hands down.

 

>/"MY BIKE!

>FUCK!"/

 

>You unfold your legs and push yourself from the table.

>Before standing up, you hesitate and look up at he ponies.

>They have no idea what you're doing.

>/"You won't tell them what you're doin' anyway, so just go."/

>So you stand up and fast walk towards the back door.

>The ponies start following you a couple of confused seconds later.

>"Anon?" asks Jack.

>"Where ya goin'?"

 

>Outside, you try to remember where your bike would be.

>If only you could actually remember what happened exactly.

>You now remember the feeling of being chased, but that's it.

 

>"Hey Anon!"

>You ignore Dash as you position yourself to see if anything looks familiar.

>"Anon!"

>When you face the cottage, you start to remember images from before.

>Using these memories, you figure your bike is somewhere directly behind you.

>"Hey, I'm talking to you!"

>You snap your fingers to get the ponies's attention (and shut Dash up.)

>You gesture for them to follow you, just so they don't think you're ditching them.

>Then you twist on your heel and head into the forest.

 

>Things become more and more familiar until, after a minute, you reach the base of the hill.

>Your bike's not there.

>You check the surrounding area, with the confused ponies looking on.

>You check everywhere around where you knew you were sometime ago, pacing back and forth.

>Still can't find your bike.

>/"Dammit..."/

>You can't find your sunglasses either.

>/"Dammit!"/

>You lost your damn bike.

"Rrrrg!"

 

>Frustrated, you rapidly scratch your head with both hands.

>You then plop down on your ass and cross your legs in defeat.

>Your back slouches as you stare at the grass.

>That is, until Pinkie appears next to you.

>She asks in her cheerful tone, "Hey Anon, why the frowny face?"

>You look up and try to express through your eyes that you're fuckin' depressed over losing your bike.

 

>"Did you lose something?" the Pink pony asks, still smiling.

 

>You don't say anything, but you desperately try to send affirmative thoughts towards her.

>A fancy wooden pipe and that distinctive grey hat with a plaid pattern appears on Pinkie's person...somehow.

>She "smokes" bubbles.

>"Hm, what does it look like?" asks Pinkie in a deep voice.

>You stare at her.

>/"Is she really going to do this routine?

>Fuckin' 'ell.

>Well at least she's trying to help."/

 

>You look around and find a bare patch of dirt nearby.

>You go over to the patch of dirt.

>Using your finger, you draw a rough sketch of your bike in the dirt.

>You decide to sketch a front and top view as well.

>You back away and allow Detective Pinkie to look over the drawings.

>She keeps on an inquisitive face for about half a minute.

>The other ponies come over to look at your sketches.

>They all look at them at every angle with confused looks.

 

>After a while, you try providing them with a fourth drawing.

>It's a right side image, this time with a human figure riding it.

>That helps them.

>"It appears to be some form of alternative transportation." says Twilight.

>She gets your attention.

>"So you lost this?" she asks, pointing at your drawings.

>You look at your drawings, slowly look around at the trees, look back at her, and shrug.