- >Day Burning in Equestria
- >You are Anon, pyromaniac extraordinaire
- >You awaken because that's how all my stories start
- >The clock next to your bed flashes a red 4:00
- >Rise from your bed and walk to the window
- >You pull open the curtains and look out over the rooftops of Canterlot
- >Living in the castle had its advantages
- >The moonlight casts a soft glow over the city, nothing compared to the glory of the sun
- >You commence the morning routine
- >Shit, shower, and shave
- >Go to your closet to choose what clothes you will wear
- "So many choices..."
- >You mutter under your breath
- "I could wear the black suit, or maybe the black suit?"
- >A difficult decision, considering the fact that you own 5 copies of the same black suit
- >You put on a suit and walk into your study
- >You sit at the desk against the wall and grab your lighter
- >Of all the objects that could have been brought with you, you're glad you got your trusty Zippo
- >You flick it open and a flame dances to life
- "Soon my sweet, I will feed you the world..." you whisper
- >Beautiful images flash through your head
- >A burning forest
- >Flames engulfing the side of a mountain
- >You let out a content sigh
- >A knock on the door interrupts your daydreaming
- >You open it and see an older pony with a grey coat and a slicked-back mane to match
- "Good morning Jarvis. What is it?" you ask him
- >"Princess Luna requests your presence in her private quarters, it would be wise to go." he tells you
- >You narrow your eyes and flick the lighter, a flame coming to life
- "And who's going to make me go Jarvis? You?" your tone is now threatening
- >The aged pony doesn't flinch
- >"I can do no such thing sir." he calmy replies
- >A moment of silence passes
- >You let out a hardy laugh
- "HAHAHA! Jarvis you know I wouldn't hurt you!" you bellow as you pat him on the back
- >"Of course, sir." he turns and trots away
- >God damn, Jarvis is a cool guy who doesn't afraid of anything
- >You grab a flask of AppleJack Daniels and head to Luna's room at a leisurely pace
- >Since you arrived here, Luna had seemed to be attracted to you
- >But you had other plans
- >You wanted her sister Celestia
- >Nothing turned you on more than fire, so you instantly fell in love when you heard she had control over the sun
- >THE FUCKING SUN!
- >That thing is a metric fuck-ton of fire!
- >You arrive at Luna's room, a silver crescent moon decorating the door
- >You knock and patiently wait, admiring the flames of a torch
- >Oh god you loved fire
- >The destructive capabilities, the never ending hunger to consume everything, the—
- >The door opens and Luna greets you
- >"Good morning Anonymous, care to come in?"
- >Wow, she doesn't talk like Shakespeare anymore, what happened?
- >You snap back to reality
- "Please, just Anon. And no, but I guess I have to." you say
- >You enter Luna's bedroom and the door locks behind you
- >She teleports onto her bed and pats the empty space next to her
- >"Come Anonymous, join me."
- >You cross your arms but don't move
- "Luna, I'm not going to rut you so just unlock the door and stop trying." you say sternly
- >She gives you the bedroom eyes
- >"Oh but you will, lover."
- >lipbite.jpg
- >You start to get annoyed
- "Luna, this will end in one of two ways: Either you unlock that door and I walk out..."
- >You reach down and take the lighter from your pocket
- "Or I burn it down, and turn everything in this room to ash."
- >She narrows her eyes, thinking you're bluffing
- "Your call, sweetheart."
- >You stare at Luna
- >She stares back
- >Outside Luna's room
- >You are Silver Shield, personal guard to Princess Luna
- >You arrive outside the Princess' room and stand at your post beside the door
- >This job sucked
- >All you did was stand outside a door and make sure nobody got in
- >You sigh
- >But wait, what's that smell?
- "Is that... Smoke?"
- >You step away from the Princess' door and see a black cloud pouring out from under it
- >The door suddenly explodes, throwing you against the wall
- >You regain your senses and hop to your feet, ready to fight
- >What you see in the doorway nearly makes you soil your armor
- >You are Anon, man on fire
- >No seriously, you're on fire
- >After Luna tried to pounce on you, you set a drape on fire
- >The fire spread rapidly, and soon most of the room was blazing
- >You made a molotov out of your whiskey flask and threw it at the door
- >Apparently some motherfucker turned on the Cowbell Skull, turning your makeshift firebomb into a chunk of C4
- >The resulting blast destroyed the door and sent fire everywhere, including onto you
- >Now a column of fire, you ran to the door hoping to escape the lust-filled Princess
- >You emerge from the firestorm that is Luna's room, and run down the hall screaming in pain
- >The pain is unbearable as your skin melts and you run down the hall, igniting paintings and tapestries along the way
- >You pass by the dining hall and the kitchen staff scream in fear
- >Hell, you would too if you saw a flaming half-skeleton run past
- >You burst into the main hall just as Celestia sits on the throne, levitating a cup of coffee infront of her
- "WHY GOD, WHY?!" you scream as you run
- >You run past, leaving a trail of flaming footprints and igniting the large carpet leading to the throne
- >You bust through the doors at the opposite side of the room and take off toward the castle gardens
- >Celestia sits on the throne, seemingly unfazed by the towering inferno that just passed in front of her
- >She takes a sip of her coffee and sighs
- >"It's gonna be one of those days."
- >You are now mostly skeleton
- >You run through the castle gardens, bushes and flowers bursting into flame as you pass
- "OH GOD IT BURNS! AAAAAAAAHHH!!" you scream
- >A large fountain comes into view and you dive into it, extinguishing the flames
- >You emerge from the fountain and crawl over to a statue holding a mirror
- >Taking the mirror, you look at yourself
- >You shouldn't be alive, all that remains is a skeleton and a few strips of charred flesh hanging from various bones
- >You somehow gasp, despite the fact that you have no lungs
- >Or any other organs, except an eye
- >A flame burns in your ribcage, where your heart should be
- "B-but how?!" you stammer out
- >Magic. It's always fucking magic
- >You stand and drop the mirror
- >It shatters against the stone path you stand on
- >You pull the charred skin off, becoming a full skeleton
- >The only flesh left is the single eye occupying your skull
- >You somehow cough and flames shoot from your mouth
- "Oh shit! I'm Scorpion!" flames accompany every word you say
- >You look down at the flame in your ribs
- >That must be what's keeping you alive
- >Fire saved your life
- >And now you have a promise to keep
- "Now my sweet..."
- >You ignite a tree
- "I'll feed you the world."
- End
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Pyromaniac
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