Brains, grains, and automobiles

>Be Anon

>Portal between worlds has been opened, but you're the only one there right now because you're a test subject

>By this point, Celestia is comfortable with human products being transported in

>Of all the things humanity has to offer, from vaccines to computers to military technology, one thing has caught Equestria's attention and adoration above all things

>Cars

>Sure, their trains are just as fast (sometimes even faster) than human cars, but something that propels you as quickly and more comfortably than a train without using other ponies for motion was a simply astonishing technology

>The ease of customization was also a boon to ponies, as there is a car to suit whatever needs you may have

>However, you warned Princess Celestia of the impending dangers of air pollution and other strains this would have on the environment

>But Celestia already had a plan for that

>Thanks to the same magical horsefuckery used in trains, every car sold and used in Equestria has a catalytic converter full of crystals that neutralize all byproducts and release water vapor

>And the cars can, by that same horsefuckery, be converted to run on household refuse

>After the environmental issues were hashed out, regulation was next

>Licenses were mandatory for automobile operators, drunk driving laws, etc.

>Over time, the Mane 6 got used to the idea of owning a car

>Applejack got a Ford F-150 for hauling around apples and cider

>Fluttershy got a Toyota Prius V for carrying food and small woodland creatures while reducing her fuel expenditures

>Pinkie Pie got a Mazda Speed3, because it was fast and had a smile on its face, which made her smile

>Rarity, of course, went for a Ferrari F12 Berlinetta because it was as elegant as it was swift

>And Rainbow Dash didn't have a car because not only did she live in a cloud but she was the fastest pegasus alive (But she did like the look and speed of the Koenigsegg Agera R)

>Twilight didn't have a car yet, but that was for one very crucial reason

>She couldn't pass the driving test

>She knew what she had to do to pass, but she was so uncoordinated when she was behind the wheel

>7 tries, 7 fails

>By the 7th time, she was so crushed that she refused to leave her house, but she didn't tell anyone that, as they were all too busy enjoying their newfound rides

-------------------

>"Anon, I'm concerned about Twilight. No one has seen her and she hasn't been responding to my letters." Celestia said with restrained worry

"Yeah, and I hear her library's been closed for a week straight now." You said with equal concern, but less hidden.

>"Which is why I want you to go and reach out to her. If you find her there, send me a letter at once. If not, then you know what to do next." Celestia said with much gravity as she looked out a balcony upon her kingdom

"It's like you read my mind. I'm on it, Ma'am!" You yelled with conviction as you ran down the hall and to where your Nissan GT-R was parked.

>Seatbelt, ignition, gear selected, and you were off in a cloud of dust

-------------------

>In the now empty library, a single alicorn was crying in her bed, words muffled by the pillow she was face-down in

>"I can't believe I failed something so easy!" Twilight screamed into the wall of down feathers

>She flipped herself on her back, revealing her tear-soaked face and messed-up mane

>"Everyone else has a license and I'm stuck here with no car! Rarity, Applejack, Pinkie, even Fluttershy has one!" She yelled in frustrated sadness while flailing her forehooves madly

>At this realization, she blew her nose, tossed the used tissue in the pile surrounding her bed, and continued sobbing

-------------------

>Pulling up to the library, you can already sense something is amiss

>You pull up next to the library, put it in park, and step out, rubbing your back

"Note to self: Stiff suspension and dirt roads don't mix. What I wouldn't do for some paved road." You say, regretting picking the street-ready Godzilla for this run.

>You knock on the door

>No response

>You go to open the door

>It's locked

"Looks like it's time for a little human muscle!" You say as you prepare to barge through the door

>Ramming speed!

>Your shoulder begins to ache, but you felt the door give way a little

>You try again

>And again

>And again

>And again

>You make enough of a crack in the door to get your head in

>Books are strewn all over the floor, barely any are left on the shelves

>Either she was having a mental breakdown or she's been kidnapped

>The thought of either gave you a sudden boost of adrenaline, enough to get you through the door

>You listen intently

>Muffled sobbing can be heard from upstairs

"Twilight? Are you there?" You call out cautiously

>No response, but the sobbing is still audible

>You decide to head up the stairs, trekking your way over the masses of books all over the floor

>You stop and listen at the door

>Sobbing intensifies

>You could knock on the door, wait for a response, and then walk in

>But that would be too easy

>Clearing a path, you go back to the bottom of the stairwell, lead with your good shoulder, and once more engage ramming speed

>This time the door gives way immediately and your momentum causes you to fall forward into one of the piles of snot-filled tissues

>Twilight screams in surprise

>"A-anon! W-what are you doing here?"

"I feel violated." You say disgustedly as you pick yourself up and dust yourself off

>You get a good look at Twilight as you get up

>Runny nose, red and puffy eyes, tear-drenched face, and a heavily distorted mane

>A big, hot mess

>You decided that it'd be best if Twilight tidied herself up first, it'd help her calm down and make her feel less miserable

>You waited in her bedroom as she showered, inspecting what can be seen past the mounds of tissues

>Several driving self-help books were seen, some were wet with tears, others were ripped to shreds

'If this is because of what I think it is, then she's being incredibly silly' you thought to yourself

>You decided you'd help tidy up her place a bit, starting with the bed

>Just as you finished, the door to the bathroom opened in a cloud of mist

>She looked much better, and to some extent, relieved

"So, what's all the ruckus about? Her highness having issues driving?" You inquire in a caring way as you invite her to have a seat on the bed

>You could see she was trying very hard to suppress her tears

>"It looked so easy, Anon. Every one of my friends have their licenses and are out driving around town (In Pinkie's case, literally in circles), and here I am with no license!" Twilight said, clearly frustrated by the situation

>"I don't get it, Anon. I. Just. Don't. GET IT!"

>She stomped her hooves angrily

"Simmer down, Twi, or you'll be crashing through the floor. So what is it you're having trouble with? Shifting gears? Parallel parking? What?"

>"That's just it: I don't know! It's as if the car knows not to cooperate with me as soon as I get in!"

>The alicorn gave a deep sigh

>"How does everypony do it, Anon?"

>You gave a light chuckle

"Driving doesn't come easy to everyone, trust me. I couldn't count the number of times I ruined my gearbox because I was so shit at gear changes. Thankfully, my dad showed me how to do it right before I ruined another transmission." You say wistfully, reminiscing your days on Earth

>You can see that this cheered her up, but she was still visibly upset

"Tell you what, why don't I teach you how to drive? I'd say I'm a damn good driver."

>She was opening her mouth to object, but you stopped her mid-breath

"And before you go about bringing up the interspecies differences, remember that we've worked through that issue before" you say to her with a wink

>She looks away to hide her blush, but you know she got the point

>You lead the way out of her room and down the stairs, only to have to take the express route thanks to a misplaced book

>You hear a small giggle at your expense

"Oh yeah, where's Spike? Isn't it his job to clean all this shit up?"

>Twilight looked down at the floor, clearly downtrodden

"Ah, ok."

>Smooth, Anon, real smooth.

"How about we clean all this up first and then head out?"

>Her face, and her horn, lit up at the chance to sort her books

"Hold it!" You exclaim, index finger outstretched

>She gave a small yelp and dropped a pile of books she was levitating

"Since we don't have all day, I'm afraid you'll have to just shove books in every available crevice. I can't stand to see this failure of yours gnawing away at you for long."

>You kneel down to her and put a hand on her shoulder

"It pains me as much as it hurts you, believe me." You reassure her.

>She gives you a warm embrace with her forehooves and finished with a quick peck on the cheek

>"Good point, Anon. I'll sort these later. Could you get my car keys while I sort these?"

"Sure, where are they?"

>She points to a small table with a small drawer in it near the door

>"It's in the little drawer there."

>You sprang into action, making a beeline for the little table

>You open up the little drawer and take out the keys inside

>On one of the keys was a rounded square with a large "H" inscribed in it

'I have a bad feeling about this. A REALLY bad feeling'

>"Ok, let's go!" Twilight said, walking towards you and the door

>You follow her to behind the treehouse where you see what she used for her practice runs

>You scream out of sheer horror at the mere sight of it

>It was a 1995 Honda Civic

>The paint was absolutely ruined

>Rust

>Rust everywhere

>Several pieces of trim were missing

>Only one stock wheel cover remained, the rest were gone

>You were absolutely seething with rage at this point

"Who the fuck let you ride around in this rust bucket?!?"

>"Well, they said this brand was known for its reliability." Twilight said sheepishly

>Reliability my ass

"Who are 'they'?"

>"The salesponies at the used car dealership in Ponyville"

>You were going to have a "word" with those fools after you've taught Twily how to control these metal mammoths

"Stay here, I want to test this thing."

>You approach the car with some trepidation

>The car door unlocks and opens without incident

>You open the hood

>The engine is a brand new Honda VTEC, to which someone had fitted an aftermarket turbocharger to

>The intercooler was also a custom job

"I...what...WHY."

>Fuck it

>You decided to start it up

>BRRRAP BRAP BRAP

>Oh god, please, anything but a ricer

>You beckon Twilight over to the car

"Did you buy it like this?"

>"They told me it went as fast as Rarity's car!" Twilight said incredulously

>There are no words that are capable of describing your rage right now

"Well, if I'm going to teach you, I don't want to be caught in this thing."

>You exit the car and go towards yours

>"Anon? Where are you going?"

"I'll be back in a second."

>You back your car behind hers and secure a tow line from your car to hers

"Now, where can we train you?"

>"There's a clearing in the Everfree Forest we can go to."

"Cool, get in my car and show me the way."

-------------------

>You two arrive at the clearing after getting a bit lost in the forest

>You didn't care, as long as you had fuel in your tank and that she was with you, safe and sound

>You unfastened the tow line and parked your car in a shady spot

"All right, let's see what's what." You say, getting into her car

>She gets in, immediately losing any good feeling she had before

"Start her up." You instructed

>She put the key into the slot with her hoof and twisted it until it was in the starting position

"All right, now foot, err hoof, on the clutch and shift into first."

>She depressed the clutch pedal and used a forehoofhoof to switch into first, putting her hindhoof on the brake

>"Ok, now what?"

"Press on the gas pedal, VERY GENTLY."

>She did so, lifting up off the brake pedal and pushing down lightly on the gas pedal

>The car began with its BRAPS, but gently

>They began getting louder as the car gained momentum

"All right, so far, so good. Now make a right turn."

>She put on the right turn indicator, slowed down and initiated the turn

>Mid-turn, her hoof slipped and she stomped on the gas pedal

>BRAPS intensified

>The car's tail end came out and began spinning in a circle, forming donuts

"OH GOD, TWILIGHT WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?"

>"WHOOOOOOOOA!" Was the only response that could be offered

"TWILIGHT! TAKE YOUR FOOT OFF THE GAS!" You yelled as you held on to the panic grips for dear life

>She complied, but out of fear smashed the brake pedal

>The car stopped looping around, only to have the passenger side come off the ground

>The car was now diagonal

>Springing into action, you grabbed the steering wheel, turning it in the direction of the lean

>This brought the car down with a thud and to a stop

>You undo the seatbelt as quickly as you can and practically leap out of the car

>You notice Twilight is still in the driver's seat, petrified as if turned to stone at the sudden turn of events

>You rush over to her side, open her door, undo her seatbelt, and get her out of there

"Holy shit! Are you okay, Twilight?" You ask with alarm

>She responds by breaking down, sobbing profusely

>"It happens every time I set hoof in that infernal contraption!" She managed between sobs

>You embrace Twilight, patting her on the back

"There, there, Twi. I'm sure you're not at fault."

>"How would you know? I'm probably Equestria's worst driver." Twilight said, obviously troubled by what had just occured

>You gave her a determined look

"I KNOW you're a great driver. In fact, I'm willing to risk something important to me to that end."

>You get up and walk to her car

>"A-anon?"

>You take it and park it in another shady spot next to your car

>You get out of her's and get into yours

>The engine comes to life and purrs idly

'Finally, back to a real engine.' You thought, relieved to be relieved of that incessant farting sound

>You drive it to the same spot where you first drove that accursed Honda to

>You step out, keeping the door open and the engine running

"All right, Twilight. I'm so sure that you're a good driver that I'm staking my own car on it."

>She looks at you with an expression of shock

>"B-but Anon, what if it happens again?" She blubbered

"Nonsense! Those idiots sold you a car that you weren't able to control and they knew it. Come on, I'll show you you're more than ready."

>You beckon her into the driver's seat, close her door, and get in the passenger's side

"All right, same as before. Put your hoof on the clutch and shift into first."

>She did so

"Now, ease onto the gas."

>Very carefully, she applied the throttle

>The car's purring began to grow louder as the car began speeding up

"All right, now make a right turn." You say with cautious optimism

>Again, she slows down, puts on the indicator, and begins to turn

>No slipping this time

>You breathed a sign of relief

>You look over to see that she is just as relieved

"Now..."

>You keep making impromptu directions for her to follow, keeping her on her feet

>She's doing quite well

>After about two hours of this, you tell her to park the car where you left it

>She backed it into the spot, put it into neutral, and engaged the parking brake

"See? I told you you can do it."

>She responded by embracing you with both her wings and her forehooves

>"Thank you so much, Anon! I couldn't have done it without you." She said, tears of joy running down her cheek

"Aw, it was no big deal."

>"But wait, what are we going to do about my car?

>You look over at the rust heap sitting next to you with absolute disgust

"Don't worry, I'll handle it." You said, repressing your anger as strongly as possible

>For now, you just secured the tow hitch to her car, switched places, and drove off to her house

-------------------

>You stop in front of her treehouse

"All right, Twilight, get some rest. You'll need it for tomorrow. I got you a spot at the DMV tomorrow morning. I want you looking sharp for your driving test tomorrow."

>She never looked more eager to get to sleep

>"Ok, I'll go to bed right away! Oh, and Anon?"

"Hm?"

>You were surprised with a passionate kiss on the lips from the lavender mare

>"Thanks again for what you did today. I couldn't muster the strength to ask for help."

"It's fine, Twi. It happens to us all. Now go get some rest. I'll see you tomorrow morning."

>"All right. Goodnight, Anon."

>And with that, she got out of the car and into her house

>You waited until the lights to her room were out before you drove off

"Hmm, something's been bothering me all day."

>Instead of taking the left to go home, you went to the right

>You drove up to a large periwinkle and pink building

>The Carousel Boutique

>You park your car at the side of the building, being sure not to bump Twilight's car into yours, which was still in tow

>You see that the lights are still on, so you knock on the door

>An ivory unicorn answered the door

>"Anon, darling! What a fabulous surprise! Do come in." Rarity said with welcome surprise

>You obliged her and entered, having a seat on the sofa

>"Oh, pooh, I should have had some tea out and ready. Seems that I was unprepared this time." Said Rarity with genuine disappointment

>"But enough about that. Tell me, what brings you by?" she said as she resumed working on a dress she had out

"I was wondering if you had any idea where Spike went. I went to go visit Twilight today and I didn't see Spike in the Library."

>Rarity stopped her work

>"You mean you haven't heard?" She inquired astonished

"No, what's up?"

>"Spike was kidnapped a week ago."

"WHAT?!?"

>"I know, I was just as shocked as you were. Twilight had no idea that he'd been kidnapped until she woke up the next morning."

"Why didn't she contact Celestia?"

>"She tried, but Celestia was away at a meeting with your species at the time. She figured it was utterly hopeless, so she became a recluse, that is, until you showed up."

>You were in complete shock right now, you couldn't think straight

"Rarity?"

>"Yes?"

"I need something to drink. Now."

>She rushed over to the kitchen and got you a tall glass of water

>You gulped it down ferociously

'Oh my God! THAT'S why Twilight was crying so much! God dammit, I need to fix this somehow. I need to fix this NOW!' You thought in a panic

>"Anon, calm down! The Royal Guard have been searching all over Equestria after myself and Rainbow Dash notified Shining Armor. We're hoping for the best, but these things usually don't pan out" Said Rarity dejectedly

>The both of you breathed a heavy sigh

>This is bad

'Well, I might as well do something to cheer her up.' You thought

"Rarity, what would you say to spending the evening at Twilight's house? I don't want her to be alone tonight, and I was planning on surprising her by staying over, but I have somethings I need to do now. Would you mind doing me the favor? I'd be in your debt for a while."

>"Oh, but of course, darling. I know how stressful it must be for Twilight. I remember losing Opal for two days, I could barely sleep or work!" She said in her trademark dramatic fashion

-------------------

>After gathering some things in an overnight bag, You and Rarity were ready to set off

>She placed her things in your trunk and you two set off

-------------------

>You dropped off Rarity at Twilight's treehouse

"Thanks again for doing this, Rarity. You have no idea how much this means to both me and Twi."

>"My pleasure, darling. I'm always glad to help out a friend of mine."

>You waved goodbye to Rarity and set off towards your room in Canterlot, with the Civic still in tow

>"This is what Twilight was driving all this time?" Celestia asked with horrified astonishment

"Yep, and it nearly killed us both today."

>Celestia inspected the car, taking care not to get too close to it

>Venturing to be bold, she poked at the trunk lid

>A piece of the rusty trunk broke off and fell inside

>She leapt back in surprise

>Something then becomes clear to you: You never checked the trunk of the car

>You open up the driver's side door and activate the trunk release

>The trunk doesn't open

"Hmm, must be rusted shut. Oh well, only one thing to do now."

>You go over to the trunk lid, and following the Solar Princess' lead, punch at the trunk lid, causing more and more of the trunk to come off

>Eventually, enough of the trunk comes off that you can see inside of it

>Something purple and green is lying in there

"No..." You mutter in fear

>You punch enough of it off that you can pick up what's in the trunk

>It's warm and a bit weighty

>Everyone in the room gasps in astonishment

>It's Spike

"Get him to a medical center, immediately!" Ordered Celestia

>You could feel his pulse, but it was weak

>You handed him off to the Guards who took him into a Mercedes-Benz G-wagen in Royal Guard livery and sped off, lights flashing

"What the hell is going on here?" You shouted with bewilderment

"I suspect we shall know more once Spike's condition is stabilized." Said Celestia

>You didn't really know what to do with yourself

>Twilight almost killed both you and herself in that car today

>You found Spike in the car you both almost got killed in

>You know Twilight is just putting on this facade for you so that you don't know what's going on

>But that facade is for a reason

>But why?

>Why would she need to hide something like this from you

>"I think some rest is in order, Anon. The Guards will tell us when Spike has stabilized." Celestia assured

"Yeah, you're right. It's been a long day." You say, just now being overcome by a wave of exhaustion

>The both of you then proceed to your respective bedrooms

>Celestia's wasn't that far away from yours (should a human emergency arise, you would always be on hand)

>But before she headed off to her room, she lingered around for a few moments

>"Anon?"

>You turn around as she puts an encouraging hoof on your shoulder

>"We'll get whoever's responsible, whatever it takes." Celestia said resolutely

"If it's the last thing I do."

>Celestia then left to her own chambers as you entered yours

>You stripped down to your undergarments, set an alarm for 07:00 and collapsed on the bed

-------------------

>BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

>Reflexively, you wave out your arm in an attempt to suppress the clock

>Your hand is too far from the nightstand

>You roll onto your back

>Just barely

>One more roll ought to do it

>You go for another roll

"Oof!"

>That one landed you on the floor

"Oh, for fuck's sake."

>You get up and shut off the alarm

"Got ya, you little fuck." You say, still groggy from your rude awakening

>You check the clock again

>07:00

'All right, Twilight's test is at 09:00, so I have until then to figure shit out.'

>Not wasting any time, you begin your routine

>Shit, shower, shave, brush your teeth, get dressed, head down for breakfast

>You see that Celestia already beat you to it, seeing her chow down on a large stack of pancakes

>"What? It takes a lot of energy to raise the sun." Celestia said defensively

"Hey, your diet, your business." You say, as you grab a plate and a glass and go to join the Princess at the table

>You were also served pancakes with a tall glass of milk

>Your favorite

"Did Luna have her breakfast already?" You say before stuffing your face with syrupy goodness

>"Yes, she's already up in her chambers resting up for tonight."

"Ah."

>You take a swig of the milk to help wash down the pancakes

"Any word on Spike?"

>Celestia levitated a napkin to her mouth to wipe off the syrup before answering you "He's in the Canterlot Medical Center. He's conscious, but he's still weak, so don't expect many answers."

"I only need one."

>You devour the rest of your pancakes, take care of your dinnerware, and head to the Canterlot Castle Garage

>Every car you could imagine is stored here

>And you have access to all of them

"Ah, it's like Christmas morning." You say aloud with a shit-eating grin spread across your face

>What to pick, what to pick

>You don't want to make the mistake of picking a street racer for these roads again

>Hmm

>A Suburban?

>Nah

>A X5?

>Nah

>A Q7?

>Nah

>Not even a Humvee?

>Nah, too slow

>Aha!

>You retrieve a familiar curved key fob with chrome on the edges, the timeless three-pointed star at the center

"Merry Christmas to me."

>Speaking of which, you should probably attach Twily's present to yours

>You put her present on a car trailer and attach it to your car

>You get in your car and turn the key

>The gruesome 5.5 liter engine roars into being, ready to assault any course you give it

>A chill of pure bliss races down your spine

>Seatbelt, mirrors, gear selected, and you're off with a thunderous roar

-------------------

>Today's the day, Sparkle!

>No more failing

>No more crying

>No more shutting everyone out of your life

>You are going to pass this test today

>All thanks to Anon

>You check the clock

>08:30

>"Better get going, there might be a line forming!" You said with sudden urgency

>You get your house keys (Anon took your car keys separately) and head out the door

>You lock it and head around back to where your car usually is

>You stop dead in your tracks, as your shitty Honda is nowhere to be seen

>"But I-"

>You start looking around, becoming more panicked by the second

>"Oh no, oh no, OH NO!"

-------------------

>'Man, I hope I'm not keeping Twily waiting.' You thought as you checked the clock

>08:20

>Eh, you'll be fine

>You notice the road was becoming smoother

'Ah, must be near Ponyville'

>You figured this meant you could hustle a little faster

>So you did, completely forgetting that there was an entire car attached to the back of yours

>You stepped on the accelerator a bit more

>The engine responded, roaring louder and increasing the revs

>This didn't last long, as you saw a sign that indicated heavy pedestrian traffic was ahead

>You worked the brakes so that you slowed down without lunging yourself out of your seat

>Turning onto the main thoroughfare, you see the Library

>With a purple alicorn flying in every which way around it

>Fuck

>You quickly pull up in front of the Library, trying not to waste time

>You'd need all the time you could get

>Just as you got out of your car, Rarity exited the Library unnoticed by you

>"TWILIGHT! CALM DOWN!" Both of you shouted in unison

>Both of you quickly turned to one another and winced a bit at the suddenness of the encounter

>Well, at least she stopped freaking out

>"Anon!" Shouted the purple pony, still aloft

>"I can't find my car and my test is in 30 minutes!"

"Don't worry about it. I brought you one to use."

>You point her to the car you had attached to the trailer

>A lavender Mercedes-Benz SLS AMG Black Edition

>Celestia had the colors made especially for Twilight, as this was both the Royal Sister's gift and your gift to her

>One hell of a gift to split

>Unfortunately, thanks to your rough driving, it was all covered in dirty snow

>Looking at this, you gave a toothy grin and put a hand behind your head

>Once again, smooth, Anon

>"Oh, this is simply unacceptable! I can't let one of my best friends drive around in such a filthy car!" Exclaimed Rarity with disgust

>Her horn gave a light blue glow and a large cauldron was levitated from inside

>She poured the contents onto the car, clearing it of the dirty snow

>Immediately afterwards, there was a new, shiny coat on the car

>"Well, at least the snow is off." Rarity said, giving an embarrassed smile

>You give a massive facepalm

"Whatever, the engine will take care of that. Twilight, can you come down already so that we can go get your license?"

>"Oh, right. That." Said Twilight giving her trademark sheepish grin

>She landed and was about to get in your car until she took a good look at it

>"Uh, Anon?"

"Yes?"

>"Aren't cars supposed to have 4 wheels, not 6?"

"I'll explain on the way, now get in!"

>With that, the three of you got in, strapped in, and set off

-------------------

>"Oh, thank Celestia the line isn't too long." Twilight said with relief

"You wouldn't have had to worry about that, anyways."

>She looks at you with a puzzled look on her face

"I got you an appointment, remember?"

>"Oh yeah."

>There's that grin again

>You gave a light chuckle

"All right, let's get you set up to take that test."

>You released the car from the trailer and gave the keys to Twilight

"Just remember, don't get cocky, Twilight. Remember to breathe, too."

>"Don't worry, I've learned my lesson, thanks to you."

>She gives you a winged embrace, which you return with your arms

>Damn, her wings are warm

>You could stay there for a bit, keep yourself out of the cold

>But you couldn't

>You knew what you had to do

"Hey Rarity, are you free to help Twilight out with anything if she needs it?" You say giving her a quick wink

>She realizes what you're getting at

>"Of course, darling! Anything to get my best friend through this accursed exam." Rarity said with enthusiasm

"Thanks, Rares. I have to take care of some last minute things, but I promise I'll be back before you know it!" You say as you step back into your G63 AMG 6x6 (pic related)

>"Good luck, Anon!" They both say simultaneously

>They both winced a bit at the unexpected unison

>Heh

>Seatbelt, gear, and you were off again, this time towards Canterlot Medical Center

-------------------

>After dropping of the trailer in the Garage, you pulled up to the Medical Center

>You go inside and approach the nurse at the counter

"Excuse me, what room is Spike in?"

>"The dragon, right?"

"Yes."

>The pink-maned mare clicked a few times on her computer

>"Let's see here...ah, there we are. He's in room 117, ICU."

"Much obliged."

>Thankfully, this hospital was logically organized

>Room 104

>Room 109

>Room 113

>Aha, room 117

>The room's front wall is glass, allowing you to have a look

>Your heart sinks in your chest at the sight of the poor dragon

>Breathing apparatus

>IV lines

>EKG wires

>Heart monitor

"What the hell happened to him?" You wonder aloud

>"More than you can shake a hoof at, that's for sure."

>You spin around on your heals, striking an aggressive stance

>Phew, it's only a doctor

>White mane, bluish-gray coat, yellow eyes

>Seems trustworthy

>You relax your stance, which also puts him visibly at ease

"What do you mean 'more than you can shake a hoof at'? Broken bones? Internal hemorrhaging? What?" You ask in a distressed tone

>"He's experienced a lot of blunt force trauma, which did cause him a lot of internal hemorrhaging. We also found several deep gashes in his back, which is surprising given how tough dragon skin is." The doctor said somberly

>He saw your look of horror

>"But luckily, our finest were on hand and we've treated his wounds. Now it's just a waiting game." He said, still clearly saddened but somewhat uplifted

"Is he able to have visitors?"

>"Depends if he's awake yet."

>He motioned towards the door

>"Shall we?"

"After you, sir."

>You held the door open for him and you both walked in

>"Rise and shine, sleepyhead. How're you feeling?"

>Spike slowly opened his eyes, sat up in his bed, and rubbed his eyes

>"Ugh, anything's better than that stupid trunk." He said groggily

>He looked up at you

>"Oh hey, Anon. Nice to see you." He said yawning

"Hey, Spike. Nice to see that you're still in one piece." You said jokingly

>"Heh, yeah. I just can't believe neither of us couldn't fight them."

>Your interest has now piqued

"Who had to fight who?" You ask, cocking an eyebrow

>"WE had to fight those stupid car salesponies. They were encircling us and the next thing I know I'm in a dark box."

>Some veins were popping out on your forehead and a flurry of questions were popping out of your head

"What did they look like? Where were you two assaulted? Who else did they threaten? Where do they work? Why would a bunch of car salesponies threaten you?" You ask, desperation in your eyes

>Spike was taken aback by the sudden volley

>"Whoa, slow down, Anon! I don't really remember much about them, just that they all had blue shirts with little H's on them."

>Fucking Honda dealers

>"That, and their eyes were green. It was really weird."

"Where can I find these creeps?"

>"I'm not sure, but we were in Ponyville when this happened, if that's any help."

"It narrows it down a bunch, thanks for the help, Spike."

>"Yeah, anytime."

>Before you fully exit the room, you turn and face Spike at the doorway

"Spike?"

>"Yeah?"

"Whoever did this is going to pay a very steep price for this."

>With that, you stepped briskly back to your car

>Which was being towed

>Oh HELL no

>Moving quickly, you enter the driver's seat

>Locking differentials engaged, "L" selected, a bit of gas

>You begin to tow the tow truck

>The operators have horrified looks on their faces, as though their worlds came caving in just now

>But why let them off easy?

>You decided to make a spectacle of it

>You drove them around Canterlot's shopping district, where the ponies stood there in both astonishment and amusement at your antics, distracting them from the cold

>You then decided to parade them around Canterlot Castle, making a circuit of the palace

>The Guards certainly got a kick out of it

>You stop at the entrance to the Castle and roll down your window

"Had enough, boys?" You yell to them, feeling quite smug

>They respond by unhitching your car and speeding off as far away from you as possible

"Heh, that ought to learn 'em." You say, rolling up the window

>You arrive back at the Garage to resupply

>That 5.5 liter may be vicious, but it's also thirsty

>You manage to move an oil drum marked "FUEL" to the rear end of the 6x6

>Retrieving a magic hose from the wall, you attach one end to the barrel and another to the fuel tank port

>The hose does the rest, pumping "fuel" from the barrel to your tank

>You still had no idea what they used here

>While the car was being fueled, you opened up the tailgate and felt around the truck bed for a button

>Upon finding it, you push it, revealing a secret compartment that has a metal case in it marked "Motherland's Best"

>You open it to inspect it's contents

>Everything seems to be in order

>You close the case, the compartment, and the tailgate

>"Expecting trouble, Anon?"

"Your Highness!"

>You instinctively take a knee

>"At ease, Anon."

>You rose again, back erect

"Uh, yes, ma'am. I spoke with Spike and he said he and Twilight were both assaulted in Ponyville by a bunch of green-eyed Honda dealers. I refuse to take any chances when it comes to the safety of those I care for. Twilight and Spike could've been killed!" You assert, keeping your hands respectfully behind your back

>"I know, Anon, I know," Celestia said, sighing "but you must remember that we Equestrians are a peaceful bunch, so if you plan on doing anything rash, we can't help you."

"I understand, ma'am. But I'm not concerned. I may not look it, but I'm no brute. I'm capable of higher thought and I have a moral compass. Violence is never my first choice." You say earnestly

>Your moral compass isn't going to get you into heaven anytime soon, but what she doesn't know won't kill her right?

>Celestia turned away and walked seemingly absent-minded along a row of cars

>"Very well, Anonymous. I trust you to use your better judgement today. I WILL be watching." Celestia warned

"Understood, ma'am. I'll be sure to be on my best behavior." You say with undetectable sarcasm

>Oh look, the Internet finally gave you a useful life skill

>You walk over to the fuel barrel and notice the hose is limp

>You remove the hose from its connecting points and put it back where you found it

>You also roll the barrel back to it's place

'All right, no dicking around.' You though

>Ignition, seatbelt, gear, and the 5.5 liter rips through Canterlot

>Since you weren't carrying anything this time and you were dashing through the snow in the Everfree Forest. you figured you could give it the beans

>And you did

>Thankfully, Equestria opted for a speed limit style like Germany's: Rather restrained in urban areas and completely unfettered in rural areas

>And since nobody lived in the Everfree (besides Zecora), you knew you could unleash the monster living under your hood

>60 mph

>70

>80

>90

>The engine roared louder with each passing second

>100

>110

>120

>To compensate for your speed, you turned on your high beams to get a better view ahead

>Nothing but snowy trees and a long snowy path

>Oh boy, here we go

>More throttle (if that was even possible)

>130

>135

>You see that the straight, snowy path is about to end soon and lead you into an impromptu rally stage

>You ease onto the brakes on the brakes, applying pressure steadily

>120

>105

>90

>70

>50

>Slight left

>35

>Medium right

>20

>Sharp right

>40

>Slight left

"If Santa had to deal with this, I'd be impressed." You mused to yourself, attempting to keep yourself on the road

-------------------

>You arrive in Ponyville, car covered in snow

>Time: 11:00

"Ah, shit." You swear aloud

>You make a hasty U-turn and speed off towards the Library

-------------------

>"I don't understand, where could he be? It's been two hours since we got home!" Twilight wondered, clearly anxious

>"Oh, I'm sure he'll be here soon, you know Anon cares very much about you." Rarity assured

>The two ponies gazed out of the window in Twilight's bedroom

>"You don't think 'They' got him, do you?" Twilight asked, distraught at the thought

>"Nonsense, he's a capable, uhm, what do they call him again?"

>"Human."

>"No, no, something else. I think it's a colloquialism, it starts with a 'M'."

>Twilight thought about it for a moment

>"Oh, you mean 'man'?"

>"Yes, that's the ticket!" Rarity exclaimed

>Twilight looked down at the ground, somewhat despondent

>First Spike, and now Anon, too?

>Tears were welling up in her eyes

>Rarity, sensing her friend's lament, went and gave Twilight a warm embrace

>"It's like you said, darling: Everything is going to be fine." She said, consoling the princess

-------------------

>Time: 11:10

>"Gah!" You exclaim, frustrated

>You'd have time to be mad at yourself later, she'll do it for you first

>Car in "Park", parking brake on, seatbelt off, and you bolt to the door of the Library

>The wind was blowing sideways, but your ushanka shielded most of your head from the cold

>Your face, on the other hand, was losing heat fast

>You rap on the door with your knuckle quickly

>The response was almost immediate, with the door being opened with an aura of light pink

>"Anon!" Twilight shouted with glee

>Huh?

>You were then dragged into the treehouse, the door slamming behind you

>"Oh Anon, thank Celestia you're back! I was worried you wouldn't show up!" She said, squeezing you half to death

"Wait! I need to do something first!"

>You pull the key for the G63 out of your pocket and press the lock button

>You listen intently

>beepbeepbeep

"Ah, there we go." You say with peace of mind

>Twilight looked like she wanted to say "Are you fucking kidding me?" but let her face do the talking instead of her mouth

"Anyways, why did you think I wouldn't show?"

>"Ah, well, you see, uh..." Twilight started

>You'd caught her off guard

>Your suspicion was immediately roused

>Should you tell her now, or later?

>You look at her

>She looks like she wants to say something, but can't

'Damn, my kingdom for a Magatama.' You thought

>Guess it's time

"Twilight," You begin as you knelt down to her "I know about what's going on."

>"What?" She says, dumbfounded

"I know that Spike was kidnapped and that someone had forced you to drive that piece of shit. I know they 'sold' you that Honda. And I know for a fact that Spike is fine, because I found him in your trunk. I just need to know one thing from you."

>She looks up at your face, in disbelief that you knew

"Who did this to you? I promise, no, I swear that they will be subject to my vengeance." You say, rage being suppressed

>"I...I can't say. They threatened my life if I told anyone."

>There are those veins again

>The nerve of these chucklefucks, threatening your waifu, moreover Equestrian royalty

>But this does make you think

>Whoever can threaten Twilight must have a lot of power behind them

>A LOT

>You get up and walk towards the door, hands made into fists

"Then if you can't stay here, you're coming with me." You say to Twilight

>"But Anon, they'll murder you!" Twilight objected

"All right, then, let me tell you why that's bullshit. As your numerous tests have indicated, I'm immune to magic, and I've got more overall endurance than any stallion alive or dead. I think I can handle myself."

>"Anon, I'm afraid she might have valid concerns here. These aren't ordinary ponies, they're changelings." Rarity chimed in

>Well shit

>That explains a lot

>But you know what this means

>Peace is not an option

"All the better. I'm not that great at haggling, anyways. Now come on, we're going to 'report' a few lemons."

>Twilight, still doubtful, followed you to the car, Rarity accompanying her

>You open the door for the two of them, close it once they enter, and get into the driver's seat

>Ignition, seatbelt, brake disengaged, gear, and you were off

-------------------

>"There. That's the place." Twilight pointed out as you were driving

>Honda of Ponyville

>You should have known it was this place

>Negotiations for dealerships in Equestria were still in limbo because of the possibility of increased crime, since cars were so popular

>True, there have been thieves coming from Equestria to Earth to boost cars, but human law enforcement is highly effective, something ponies aren't used to

>So for now, all cars are bought through middlemen, or middle pones

>But again, you should have suspected this place

>After all, it was the only one

>You park directly across the street, so as to be less conspicuous

"All right, I'll go in and take care of the changelings, you two stay here and keep the doors locked. If anyone, ANYONE, comes and asks you to open the door, don't. Keep it locked until I show up and say the password."

>"Which is..?" Rarity enquired

>You gave it a bit of thought

>Something you know really well, but something no one from here would

>Something human

"Garuda 1." You say, struck with inspiration

>The two looked at each other and shrugged

>Clearly, they've heard weirder

>With that, you get out and head to the tailgate, accessing the secret panel and "Motherland's Best"

>PP-2000 plus ammo

>Check

>Beretta M93R plus ammo

>Check

>A blade for close quarter encounters

>Check

>You stow everything so that it presses against you as closely as possible to keep it concealed

>Closing the case, the panel, and the tailgate, you walk quickly to the dealership

>You notice some "salesponies" through the big glass windows

>They eye you with suspicion

>And green eyes

>Yep, this was the place

>You bust through the double doors

"Oi! I've a score to settle!" You say, furious

>Just as you finish the sentence, you hear a loud click from the door behind you and all the windows are suddenly shuttered

>About 20 "salesponies" came out to "greet" you

>"Ah, so this is the infamous human we've heard so much about." Said one of the changelings

>You had no recourse

>"What's the matter, cat got your tongue?"

>You had so many things you wanted to say, but only one thing came to mind clearly enough to say

"What the actual fuck is wrong with you peo-, er, ponies?" You exclaim

>The changelings smile at your frustration

>Seems like these feed of butthurt rather than love

>"We want the same thing you do: Revenge."

>Ok, now you're confused

"What are you on about?"

>One changeling stepped forward from the group

>Slightly taller than the rest, more developed, slightly more chitin on his back

>Yep, the leader

>"In case you don't recall, we were humiliated by these ponies when we tried to take over Canterlot. We were sent packing. But if that wasn't enough, our Queen starved to death, because the Equestrians were on to our little tricks and thus blocked us off from love." Said the Leader

"So then how are you here now?"

>"Because we've had to adapt to use a new food: Fear. We earn our food by terrorizing the citizens. The more word of our handiwork spreads, the more food we have. A win-win for us." He said, smiling deviously

"So in other words, you've turned into a bunch of cowards?" You say defiantly

>He responds with a wicked laugh

>"Oh, how you humans think you can conquer everything. Let's see how you like it when you're the one being conquered!" He shouted

>Just then, five changelings leapt at you and another five flew up to keep you bombarded with magic

>Draw!

>PP-2000 was out first

>You shot at the one attacking by ground in the middle

>1, 2, 3, 4, 5 bullets took him down

>The other four were coming on just as strong as before

>As you fired upon your next target, a bolt of magic just barely missed you, hitting the shuttered window next to you

'Time to move, I guess.' You thought as you ran behind a Honda Pilot, taking cover behind the engine block

>You decided to peek around and take pot shots at the ones on the ground

>Just as you did, one of the airborne ones dove at you

>You sidestep him, watching him faceplant into a wall

>You run up to him, smack him with the butt of your gun, and put one right in his eyes

>Two down

>One just turned the corner of the Pilot to find you finished massacring its comrade

>It screeches, causing the other changelings on the ground to charge at you and the airborne ones to fire even quicker

'Come on, haven't those years of gaming taught you shit?' You thought, pulling the trigger with an enemy in your iron sights

>Slowly but surely, your threats were downed forever

>And then there was one

>But you saw none

>You crept about the store, keeping tags on what was around you

>You were in the Service area

>The doors were still locked

>So, what would it be, Anon?

>Would you sacrifice stealth for action and shoot off the locks?

>Or would you play it safe, preferring to lurk in the shadows?

>You weren't going to stop until you got your revenge and drank his courage right from his heart

>His rich, tasty courage

>Switching to the M93R

>The door was locked in your sights

>One squeeze

>Poppoppop

'Open sesame.' You thought, breaching through the door

>No sooner had you stepped into the Service Bay entrance had you heard something

>Something sinister

>Something eerily familiar to you

"No...it can't be." You mutter in disbelief as you're convinced your ears are lying to you

>That low growl

>It was coming closer by the second

>You knew it well

>It was a 5.8 liter V8

>But not just any V8, a Super Snake

>And now you were face to headlights with it, Bi-Xenons shining into your eyes

>But this one had a few, modifications

>Half of the windshield was covered in metal, save for a small bar of bulletproof glass, and the other half was all bulletproof glass, save for 3 horizontal bars of metal

>2 miniguns sat on the hood

>Armored body panels

>And you could make out something at the back of the car, something thick and metallic that was just barely wider than the car

"Frankenstein."

>The miniguns were spinning up

>You beat a hasty retreat back into the dealership

>You had gotten no further than the entranceway of the main lobby when you heard that growl behind you

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

-------------------

>Meanwhile, the two ponies sat helplessly in the G63, awaiting the return of the human

>"Anon, please return to us." Pleaded Twilight to nobody in particular

>"Relax, Twilight. Anon is a capable gentleman, I'm sure he-"

>Rarity was cut off by a sudden crashing noise from across the street, followed by a maniacal growling noise

>They look in the direction of the noise, only to spot a black coupe fishtailing wildly with a humanoid clinging to the hood of it

>As it passed by, they vaguely heard the sound of a human scream "Garuda 1!"

>"Anon?" Twilight wondered, utterly at a loss for words

>She instead opted for action, getting into the driver's seat

>"Twilight! What in Equestria are you doing! You don't have your license yet!" Rarity exclaimed, bewildered

>She was immediately presented with a light blue piece of plastic held by a light pink aura

>It had the alicorn's picture, name, address, and other vital information on it

>"And besides, Anon went to these lengths for me, the least I could do is return the favor." Twilight asserted, selecting the gear and mashing the gas pedal

>Rarity's heart was warmed from this deep bond between Twilight and Anon, but this was negated when she needed the panic grips to cope with Twilight's cornering

-------------------

>Your hands were rapidly losing their grip, thanks to the cold metal and being shaken by this guy's driving

>But you had to hold on

>You had to get this guy

>You heard the minigun spin up again

>You were still in Ponyville

>You reached for your knife

"Not today, fuckjob." You scream, severing the ammo feed from the miniguns

>But this cost you your grip

>You tumbled onto the road, listening as the Super Snake slithered away from you

"Well, at least he can't kill that many ponies." You said with ground teeth

>You were sore everywhere, and you had probably broken a bone, you couldn't tell because of the adrenaline

>You got up on your feet with some effort

>Wait

>Another engine?

>This was a roar, not a growl

>Boxy shape, Bi-Xenons, thick tires

"Twily!" You yelled with joy as you limped towards her

>The behemoth came to a sudden stop

>You went around to the back and got into the truckbed

"Follow that snake!" You yelled through the glass

>You were jerked forward by the acceleration

-------------------

>It didn't take long to track down the Super Snake, as it's the loudest thing in a 20 mile radius

>And true to its name, the Super Snake wasn't handling the cold well

>You knew what Frankenstein was capable of taking, so you came correct

>You opened another, smaller panel in your truckbed

>You pulled out what looked like Playdough with some wires in it

"Get me closer!" You ordered

>The 5.5 Liter roared in response

>The Super Snake growled louder in retaliation, but only ended up spinning its wheels

>You pulled alongside him and tossed down your "present" at his window

"Stop the car!" You shouted to the driver

>As you lurched forward, you took a trigger from that same small compartment

"Merry Christmas, you fuck."

>Click

>Fireworks

>You had slain the Super Snake

>As soon as you stopped, Twilight rushed out and hugged you

>"Anon! I-"

"Shh, don't say anything. I just want to enjoy a quiet moment with you while everything is right with the world." You say, exhausted and battered

>You stay in the hug for a few minutes, Twilight keeping you warm with her wings

>"Ahem!" Rarity interjected

>You two immediately disengaged the hug

"Er, right. Let's get you two home."

>You get into the driver's seat with a bit of help

>Seat adjusted, mirrors, seatbelt, gear, and you were whisked away

-------------------

>After dropping Rarity off and thanking her for all she's done, you pull up to Twilight's Library

"It's been quite the adventure, hasn't it?"

>"I just can't believe this began over something so trivial and escalated to something like this."

"Yeah, me neither."

>The both of you breathe a sigh of relief, knowing everything has passed

>Well, almost everything

>"Hey, Anon."

"Hm?"

>"Can we go visit Spike? I was really worried about him."

>And now that you think of it, you could probably get yourself patched up at the same time

"Sure, I need something from there, anyways. Let's go say 'hi' to your number one assistant." You say, managing a smile

>She gave a big smile and squee'd

>And that's what you fought for today

>You fought for that adorkable face and its adorkable expressions

>Something worth more to you than GT-Rs, more than S-Classes, more than Aventadors, more than Continental GTs, more than Veyrons

>More than anything

>Gear engaged, and you rode off to Canterlot Medical Center

>Canterlot Medical Center

>A top-notch hospital for the citizens of Canterlot

>Well, at least those of Equestrian proportions

>You limped out of your car, parking it in the garage this time

'Those tow truck fuckers better not come back, I swear to God.' You thought angrily

>Suddenly, your injured right leg was encapsulated with a light pink aura

>"Really, it'a the least I can do after the lessons and what you did today." Twilight said modestly

>You didn't feel any pain as the magic acted like a brace

>You check yourself into the hospital

>"Um, sir? I'm afraid we can't accommodate you in the regular rooms and all the rooms for our, larger, patients are occupied. However, you've been triaged into the yellow category, so you'll be the first to get an examination room." A nurse informed you

"That's fine, I'll wait. Thank you." You said, hobbling over to a seat

>"Anon, are you sure you'll be fine by yourself for a bit?" The alicorn inquired

"Aw come on, I'm a big boy now. I'm sure Earth's diplomat to Equestria can handle himself in a hospital." You jested

>You both had a small giggle

"Now go on, you deserve to see him."

>The lavender mare hugged you again, wings included

>Oh, those wings were heaven on, Equestria

>The plushness of wool blanket and the warmth of a heat lamp

>You longed to stay in this oasis, but all good things must end

>She darted towards room 117

>'Good thing everything here is so logically organized.' Twilight thought as she galloped towards room 117

>Upon arriving to the ICU unit, Twilight was taken aback by the sheer number of wires hooked up to Spike, but she remembered Anon's words

>"'I know for a fact that Spike is fine.'" She muttered aloud

>Putting on a brave face, she entered the room

>"Spike?" She ventured to call out

>Twilight checked the monitors

>Heartrate, brain activity, O2 levels, respiration

>Everything checked out

>So then what was the matter?

>Twilight looked up to a clock on the wall

>Time: 17:00

>"Oh, that's it. He's probably napping."

>She gave a big yawn

>"That's ok, I could go for one, myself." She said, settling into a chair that was in the room

>Her eyes gained weight like a kleptomaniac's collection of license plates

>She was soon dozing off in dreamland

-------------------

>"And one more roll of gauze, and... perfect!" Exclaimed the doctor, wrapping your splint in gauze and medical tape

>You move your leg around, testing it a bit before you le it take on any of your weight

"Thanks, doc! First Spike and now me." You complimented him

>"Much obliged, Anon." Said the now-familiar gray-coated stallion

>Just as you were about to wrap up the formalities, an idea struck you

"Is it safe to walk in the cold with this?"

>"It should be, yes."

"Can I still take the loads I used to?"

>"Sure, why do you ask?"

"No reason." You say, suddenly looking up

>You shook his hoof and exited the hospital

>Walking on your newly patched leg was painless, provided you weren't running

>It wasn't the best fix, but it got you up and at 'em

"Let's see, Christmas is still on and I've yet to spend my annual bonus. Let's fix that." You thought aloud, stepping into your G63

>Seatbelt, ignition, back out of the space, put it in drive and you were off

-------------------

>After scouring the city for over an hour, you found a gem retailer

>Your bonus afforded you 3 fist-sized gems: A ruby, a sapphire, and an emerald

"I'm sure the trifecta will be a nice break from all that shit they feed him in the hospital." You thought aloud as you put your purchase in the passenger seat

>Now what to get Twilight

>You don't see her often, so she's always asking you questions about Earth life

>And she goes absolutely bonkers over books

'Hmm, now if only I had something that combined humans and books into one.' You thought, heading towards Canterlot Castle and your room there

-------------------

"C'mon, please still be here." You pleaded to no one in particular

>You were rummaging about in all of your drawers for Twilight's present

>A human anatomy and physiology textbook

>Sure, it was dry and past due by three years, but you were in a whole different universe

>That, and Twilight liked that sort of book

"Dammit, not here, either." You swore, closing the drawer

>You decided to take a break and have a seat on your bed, butting your head in your hands, exhausted from the last two days

>The door was suddenly opened slightly

>Through the crack in the door came a medium-sized striped rectangle held by a combined yellow and dark blue aura

>You'd say that it was book-sized

>It was floated over to your bed

>You held it after it had been released from its telekinetic grip and the door was closed

>There was also a note on the back of it

>"Anon, sorry for borrowing your book without permission. We were just really curious about your kind. Perhaps you could come to our chambers one evening and give us a live demonstration of human endurance...

> -Celestia & Luna

>Your cheeks were suddenly flush with color

"Maybe all those rumors I hear about Celestia ARE true." You ponder aloud as you grab the pre-wrapped book and head back to the car

-------------------

>It was a short stint to the hospital from the Castle, much to your benefit

>Much to your detriment, however, you still had to walk to reach Spike's room

>You proceed as best you can to Spike's room, bag and book in hand

'Well, at least I'm out of the cold.' You reflected

>Walking down the hallway to Spike's room, you notice something different about the staff now

>They all had red hats on with a white puff at the end and a fuzzy rim

"It's always the little things in life that count."

>You managed to hobble your way to Spike's room, which is quite a feat considering you were carrying about 15 kgs. worth of gifts

>You peer in through the glass to find two slightly moving purple lumps

>Must be knocked out for the night

>Speaking of which...

>Time: 19:45

>Damn, time flies when you're being sexually harassed by the rulers of a large kingdom

>You were still feeling sore from earlier today and your leg ached for a break

>You pulled up a second chair, moved it next to Twilight's and sat down, placing your gifts between yourself and Twilight

>"Eh, if you can't beat 'em," You gave a long and deep yawn "join 'em."

>As you drifted off to sleep, you recapped what you've accomplished

>Taught a royal how to drive

>Saved her life

>Saved her assistant's life

>Saved the lives of countless ponies

>Killed some changelings

>Got your Phoenix Wright on and got to the bottom of this damn mystery

>Got to spend Christmas with your most beloved pone

>And most importantly, got to drive fast in the snow

>Not bad for a human in Equestria

>Sweet sleep took hold of you

>And it couldn't come fast enough

=================================================

END