Title: A little bit closer to heaven Author: Derpyous Pastebin link: http://pastebin.com/Z6MiUksA First Edit: Friday 14th of February 2014 10:45:35 PM CDT Last Edit: Friday 14th of February 2014 10:45:35 PM CDT >All that you have heard >The media, the hype, the endless array of pointlessly tacky gifts. >A kingdom destroyed by a cataclysm >Giant monsters running amok across the earth >The power of the love wielded by the hoof of ponies >All of it >All of it is a lie >Created in a boardroom somewhere to try and sell red crate paper >And fill another month with a flat holiday >These ponies just didn't understand, the majesty of what they were truly trying to celebrate >How could they know? >A celebration of such magnitude from your homeland, so much more than any heart covered trash they have here >So many things that this world just lacks >But that does not matter, certain rituals must still be followed even if you cannot do so properly >When you lack the proper tools for a job, improvise and adapt >And today you are going to adapt, the tools are prepared, the places set, there is only one thing missing. >You look down at the empty picture frame, your hand gently caressing the translucent glass >Yes, a picture of your waifu will complete this day and its rituals   >However your waifu and best girl does not exist in this place >Adaptability that is the watch word of this day >Armed with a trusty camera you found in a tree house in the woods and a lifetime of old fashioned stalking experience you will find a replacement >However all the ponies are being much more skittish than usual, that or they're moving in groups of two >Highly tactical of them, avoiding your deadly lens by making sure you can't get a clean shot >No Photoshop here to crop unwanted guests out of pictures and replace with anything you could desire. >The problem was that there were simply no single ponies around >Your cooked ramen with ketchup would hold for a while, but not forever >You had to move fast, at some point in the future lives might be at stake >After almost sighting Derpy you decide to take a break >Turned out just to be a cloud, you needed to rethink this. >Hell even that Piccolo dragon was out and about on a day like this >That was it! >Purple Autism was bound to be alone in that stupid tree of hers >Sneak in, a quick shot with the camera, then back home and wait for all this to just blow over.   >The tree was quiet, a deathly quiet of a place lost to the joys of time and life >A rich scent of bark and damp filled your nostrils as you tread ever closer to the doorway >Glancing left and right you see no onlookers, no one who would be watching this surreptitious approach >Steeling yourself for the trials to come, you reach a clammy hand towards the door >It opens but only slightly, your pulse quickens with excitement as your other hand toys with the camera >You dare not push further for who knows what kind of devious trap could lie in wait beyond here >Taking a deep breath you do your best to flatten yourself squeezing through the partially opened doorway >The hard jam of the wooden doorframe presses into you as you slide inch by inch through the portal >Behind the door you can see a pile of books stacked behind it, no minor inconvenience this would reach your knee at least. >Golden bells lay scattered atop the pile, no doubt as an early warning against whoever would enter this den of inequity without forewarning >As you finish sliding through the doorway you breathe a sigh of relief, step one is complete now it is time to discover what would require such security. >Closing the door gently you look around to make sure you won’t hit any more tripwires. >To your eyes at least this hasty arrangement of books and bells are the only things that would bar your path. >You can't help but wonder where she got these things from, probably some terrible winter decoration that had outlived its usefulness   >Creeping forwards, stale books fill your senses from all sides. >There are no lights here; only the timid light of the sun dares penetrate this sordid lair. >Thankfully this place is no grand mansion and in no time at all you can dismiss the idea that anyone is on this floor >With the area secured you are left two options up towards where she sleeps or down into the cellar. >A decision which is easily made for you as you keen eyes can make out the tell tale traces of light around the door >Someone is down there, someone who doesn't want to be disturbed and you would bet good rape dollars it's Twilight. >The door is unassuming in its form, simple wooden planks arrayed in a vertical manner with a latch holding it closed >You can hear whispers, quiet, broken but they are there. >Inching closer you press your ear to the door, the wood feels strangely warm to the touch >"-oh but --- even touched your-" >Parts of it seem garbled, like she is holding something in her mouth. >Strange, however this mystery must be solved >Pressing your hand to the metal latch, you open the portal   >To your surprise the stairs here are stone, cold and unyielding. >A stark contrast to the warm air of this darkened passage into the earth. >With an unsteady breath you begin your descent into the very maw of the abyss >That voice is here too, louder now and while it is still muffled beyond your ability to understand you can tell it belongs to Twilight >The air is thick with an array of coos and groans sounding agreement. >"-there, now doesn't that taste good? Mmm, I know it tastes good, I followed the recipe exactly like it said in the book!" >She continues to make bizarre noises as you run out of steps finally reaching the room proper. >You can see her now, Twilight Sparkle, her back turned to you, hunched over some table with some form of illumination radiating out from beyond her form. >With sweaty palms you grasp your camera, legs tense to the point of shaking as you run your tongue over dry lips. >A quick snap, maybe two then run for the exit, with the plan in mind you prepare your finger on the trigger. >Springing into action you dash to the side, circling Twilight with your camera held to the ready >As you round on her some details quickly become apparent, the table is set for a romantic dinner, red cloth, candles the works >She's holding what looks to be a metal fork in her mouth, covered in -are those noodles? >You can't help but feel as if you are stepping into a realm best left unexplored but the dye is cast, there is no turning back now. >Twilight turns to face you, spaghetti flying everywhere as she wheels around as quickly as she can, her horn flaring into life as she does so >Slimy strands fall from your face leaving red smears where they hit but you pay them no mind this is do or die >"Wha-!" Twilight screams, but it's too late now, all is in place, and you press your finger to the trigger. >Then you see it, in the briefest of split seconds you see it, you had no idea that this could even happen >The picture on the table, the one she was holding the fork of spaghetti to and cooing over so lovingly >It is a picture of you >The flash was an exclamation of everything that had led up to this point >Spaghetti flying through the ragged air, Twilights expression caught somewhere between horror, anger and on some level excitement. >You released your finger from the trigger.