Summer Fever with CanadAnon

>Be Anon

>Canadian

>Territory Master Race

>Of course, every Master Race has its weakness

>Their Kryptonite

>Their Achilles Heel

>For you, it’s the heat

>And it’s currently summer

 

>Day Hot Tamale in Equestria

>Wake up

>Shit

>Shower

>…

>Trim.

>You’re not pleased with it, but desperate times

>You shave with an axe

>You had great control of your tree cutting urges now

>Applejack even started to let you on her property again

>You swear it was an accident when you broke her barn

>You even fixed it!

>You lay your head down on a table, and swing down

>Knock off a couple inches

>A single man tear was shed

>Instead of evaporating, it freezes and shatters on the ground

>You envy it

>Not even wearing boxers

>Your Lumberjack hangs loose

>Even without clothes on, you’re sweating balls

>Literally

>Every now and then a small sphere of sweat falls onto the ground

>Looks as if you’re melting

>…

>OH GOD WHAT IF YOU’RE MELTING

>Yank open the door

>Fluttershy squeals as you run past her, still naked

>No time to stop

>Need to find somewhere cold

>Remember the lake you skated on in the winter

>Oh those were the days

>Confused the hell out of Twilight when you simply skated along with the bottoms of your feet

>Confused you that they thought they needed metal blades to skate

>Preposterous

>What else are feet for?

>You spot the lake, which is surrounded by ponies enjoying the heat

>Monsters, the lot of them

>You hear a whistle as you approach

>Fucking Lyra

>One leap later, and you dive into the water

>Sweet release

 

>Be Rainbow Dash

>Laying on a tube by the edge of the lake, catching a tan

>You like to have a darker shade of blue going on in the summer

>Makes you look cooler

>As if that were even possible, but hey; if anyone was going to out cool you, it would be you

>You hear a splash, and water hits you in the face

>You sputter, annoyed

>Did Pinkie Pie do a cannon ball again?

>You look down into the water and see Anon

>He’s sitting on the lake bed

>Just… sitting there

>You wait for him to start to float up, but it’s as if he’s weighted down

>You shake your head and lay back again

>That human never ceases to amaze you

>You suspect he’s almost as cool as you

>Almost

 

>Be Anon

>You’ve been underwater for a few minutes now

>You’re not terribly eager to expose your head to the heat, but even you have limits

>Breathing: Necessity

>You float back up to the service, and see Rainbow Dash glance over at you

>”Finally back up, huh Anon?”

Aye

>”Why were you just sitting down there?”

>You look both ways, making sure no one is listening

>You don’t want to start a panic

>You lean in towards Rainbow

I think I might be melting

>She looks at you for a second

>And then she starts to laugh

>You look at her as she laughs hysterically, thrashing about

>After a few seconds, you push her off her tube and into the water

>Her head emerges a few seconds later

>”Hey!”

I’m serious! I’ve never sweat this much before! I shouldn’t even have this much water in my body!

>”It’s just hotter than you’re use to! Go see Twilight, she probably has a spell or something to cool you down”

>You think for a moment

>That sounds like a good plan

>Not entirely sure why you didn’t think about it

>Blame the heat

>Fucking Heat

>But you’d have to get out of the water

>It isn’t even noon and you feel like your head is burning from being out of the water

>You can see the top of Twilight’s tree in the distance

>You stroke your beard, and stand up

>You weren’t that far from the edge of the lake

>You’d been essentially lying in the shallow water

>Rainbow Dash blushes and looks away

>”Anon, why the hell are you naked?!”

Why are you?

 

>You reach Twilight’s tree quickly enough

>There’s a trail of sweat leading from the edge of the lake to her house

>A miniature estrus appears as a few ponies are captivated by the scent

>You hear a whistle again

Oh come on Lyra, are you following me now?

>You turn to see Bon Bon

Oh. Sorry Bon Bon

>”Oh, don’t you worry about it Anon!”

>She looks pointedly at your crotch

>Which, now that you think about it, is exactly at their head level. Pun intended

>Idea

>Through sheer will power, you harden it in a flick towards her

>She jumps back, startled

>You laugh and turn back to the library tree and knock on the door

>Spike answers the door

>”AHHHH, SNAKE!”

>He runs away, leaving you baffled

>Twilight comes to the door a moment later

>”Anon! Why in Equestria are you naked?!”

Why are you?

>”Anon, you know what I mean! You normally wear clothes!”

>She’s blushing heavily at this point, looking everywhere but forward

>Right

>You return your dick to its normal state

Well I have a good reason! Do you mind if I come in?

>She looks past you to see Bon Bon lying on the ground, her tongue hanging out of her mouth

>A couple of other ponies are Toucan Sam’ing their way towards the tree

>”That’s probably a good idea”

>She ushers you into the library, where she sits you down

>You tell her what you told Rainbow Dash

>She reacts similarly

>No water to push her in this time, so you wait it out, sweating the whole time

>Couch is starting to get soaked

>”Oh Anon. While I’ll admit you’re sweating quite a lot…”

>She breathes in deeply at this, shuddering

>”…you’re in no danger of melting away. However, we probably should do something about this. Find a way to keep you cold while letting you do… whatever you do”

>She begins to flip through a few books

>”Until then, perhaps you should go to the spa? I hear they have a couple cold therapies”

>You grunt

A spa? Canadians don’t use spas. Even our women bathe in the ice cold water of the Arctic!

>”Well, I’m not going to have a remedy ready for a while at least, and the lake is too busy for you to be running around in the nude!”

I ain’t going to the spa!

>Twilight glares at you

>You glare right back

>She turns from a glare to puppy dog eyes

 

>You’re outside the spa

>High Noon

>Need to get inside before it’s too late

>You got some water from Twilight before you left

>Put it in your beard sealskin gourd

>Drank it before you even got half way there

>Curse this heat

>You knock on the door and walk in

Hello Aloe! I was wondering if you had anything that could cool me down?

>Aloe doesn’t look at you at first

>”My of course, Anon! We’d love to help-“

>She pauses

>She sniffs the air, and then looks up at you

>You swear you see her pupils turn into hearts

>Uh

>A moment later, they turn into a miniature flip book of a dick entering a vagina

>Wait, that’s a human dick

Um, Aloe? You know I don’t like ponies that way, right? Canadians prefer the company of women our own species. Except bears. Those sexy mother fuckers can-

>Suddenly Aloe is jumping over the desk and running at you

>You see Lotus burst out from the back, followed by Rarity and Fluttershy

>Fluttershy is brandishing a massive dildo

>You have no idea where she keeps those things

>Some kind of invisible beard?

>Before you can ponder any longer, Aloe tackles you, only to slide down your wet legs

I appreciate the thought ladies, but I think I’ll be going now!

>And with that, you run out the doors

>And into a large crowd of ponies

 

>It seems they followed your sweat trail

>Lyra and Bon Bon are together

>Roseluck can barely contain herself

>Big Mac is as hard as a rock

>Wait, Big Mac?

>On second glance, you realize it’s not just mares in this crowd; practically all of Ponyville is here for you

>The crowd begins to close in on you

>You could probably beat your way through

>But that is not the Canadian way

>”Only wrestle those who wish to be wrestle. Never wrestle those who are enthralled by your scent”

>You had never gotten that second part

>Then again, of course all your friends and family lived in the same way you did

>Your scent was theirs

>These ponies seemed to have no such resistance

…LOOK OVER THERE! FREE POUTINE!

>The crowd simply looks confused

>They don’t know what poutine is, do they?

>Blasphemy

>Oh well, you bought yourself a distraction

>That will be a problem for another time

>You sprint and bound, barely clearing the group

>One was paying enough attention to grab at your leg

>Your sweaty foot slips in between their hooves

>And so the chase begins

 

>You sprint through Ponyville, using your head start to get to Twilight as fast as you can

>You yank open the door, to see Twilight reading

>You don’t step inside of course

Twilight! Please say you don’t want to sleep with me!

>”Don’t worry Anon, I found a spell that disables my sense of smell.”

Good, good. So you found a spell to make me cold, aye?

>”Yes, but I need more time to prepare it. As well, I can cast it on an object, meaning you can turn off and on the cold you carry around with you!”

So what should I-

>”THERE HE IS”

Bye now

>The crowd has caught up, Fluttershy up front

>She throws the dildo at you, but you’re already on the fly

>You hear a yelp, but pay no mind

>You’re not sure what you should get the spell cast on

>But you’ll need it soon

>Your log is still flopping around as you run from the crowd

>Starting to get on your nerves

>Wait, that’s it!

>With a skid, you turn and start heading towards Everfree Forest

 

>You lunge through your door, still open from earlier

>You spin around and close it

>You find one of the spare logs you have lying around and quickly cut it into a board and two latches

>You attach it all to the door, effectively making a lock to keep the horde at bay

Now where are they?

>You haven’t worn them in a while

>Too hot

>But now, it’s time for a comeback

>After a moment, you see them

>They’re hanging off the end of the moose horns on your wall

>That was a good wrestling match

>Suddenly there’s a thump on the door

>You grab your plaid boxers, stuffing them in your beard and running up the stairs

>You begin to chop a hole through the logs of your roof

>In a few seconds you’re on the roof

>You peek over the edge

>Yup, that’s a completely surrounded house

>Too far for you to jump

>There are a lot of damn ponies

>Only one way out of this

>Well, two, but you don’t have a shovel

>You stand to your full height, and wait

>You take a few deep breaths to prepare

>After a few moments, the ponies stop trying to break down your door and breath in

>They look up, and suddenly the pegasi are flying up and magic bolts are barely missing you

>You dodge the first couple ponies, and then see what you’re waiting for

>Above you, Fluttershy holds her dildo, a mad gleam in her eye

>You beckon her to come, and she charges

>You jump off the roof

>And grab onto the dildo

>Fluttershy lurches down, trying her best not to lose her grip

>You swing as you fall, and with a roar, you let go, landing by the entrance to the phallic bulge clearing

>Now is the time for speed

>With all the energy you can muster, you run toward the lake, periodically checking to make sure your boxers are still safe in your beard

>The crowd is keeping pace, their lust driving them forward as the heat pulls you down

>You reach the lake and dive

>The pegasi dive bomb you as you swim through the water

>The ponies split up, some running around, some swimming after you

>They can’t match your speed though

>After swimming through northern waters, this is a cake walk

>You reach the other side, far ahead of any of the pursuit

>All the pegasi are now stuck in the water, unable to get airborne

>Except for one

>Rainbow Dash bursts from the middle of the lake, and you see the rainbow begin to appear before her as she picks up speed

>You run again, feeling the air begin to pull as Rainbow Dash reaches higher speeds

>You duck down just as the Sonic Rainboom bursts forth, ripping a few trees out of the ground

>You grab a small one as it flies by, biting through it

>You feel some small amount of strength return to you, and carry on running

 

>You open Twilight's door, throwing in your boxers

May I come in?!

>Twilight nods, already channeling the spell

>You notice she has a black eye

>No time to ask

>”I’ve got it ready! Let’s hope this works, and then we’ll get you in a shower as fast as we can!”

>The walls start to get covered in frost as the heat is sapped out of the room

>Twilight’s horn glows brighter and brighter, but no brighter than the sun shining off the snow

>With a burst of light, your plaid boxers begin to float, turning from the traditional black and red plaid to a black and blue plaid

>Weird, but as long as it works

>The light fades, and you grab your boxers

>You hear the thundering of the ponies hooves as they approach the library

>You step outside, and pull on your boxers

 

>You feel your strength return to you as the cold grasps you

>The natural heat of your body meets it, and equilibrium is found

>You take a deep breath as the sweat dissipates off of you, leaving you with your regular, toned down scent

>Not only does the sweat leave you, but you see a cloud begin to form as the sweat knows it is no longer needed

>The cloud forms a hand, which proceeds to give you a thumbs up

>It then leaves, traveling off into the distance

>A man tear falls once more as you salute it

>The crowd stops moving, as they begin to regain control

>You smile at them

>They look confused

>All is right in the world

 

End