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AlaskanAnon in equestria ch. 13

By: CuriousAnon on Nov 2nd, 2012  |  syntax: None  |  size: 32.72 KB  |  hits: 402  |  expires: Never
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  1. >Today, you wake up more quickly
  2. >There's a slight pressure around your chest
  3. >SO you open your eyes
  4. >...Well, at least she got it right this time
  5. >Twilight Sparkle has her hooves wrapped around you in a hug
  6. >But unlike yesterday morning
  7. >She's actually hugging your torso
  8. >Instead of your face
  9. >...All in all, there are worse ways to wake up
  10. >She's not trying to rape you, for example
  11.  
  12.  
  13. >Welp, time to get up
  14. >Because as much as you would looooove to stay in this nice warm bed
  15. >You need to feed the fire before it goes out
  16. >You gently pry Twilight's hooves away from your midsection
  17. >Which wakes her up, of course
  18. >She looks up at you, blinking owlishly
  19. Good morning Twilight
  20. >"Good morning Anonymous"
  21. >You finish freeing yourself from her grip, and get out from under the covers
  22. >Just as you'd predicted, it's fairly cold in the tent
  23. >Leaving Twilight under the blankets, you retrieve some firewood and stoke the fire
  24. >Much better
  25. So what do you want for breakfast?
  26. >You ask Twilight as you pull on your boots
  27. >"Do you have any Gorilla Munch left?" she asks as she emerges from the blankets
  28. Plenty
  29. >You grab your gloves and head out the door
  30. >You don't need all your stuff for this
  31.  
  32.  
  33. >Ten minutes later, your wastes are disposed of
  34. >And you're eating on a bowl of Gorilla Munch across the table from Twilight
  35. >You were out early enough that there were no guardsp0nies in the maze
  36. >It was snowing steadily outside
  37. >And now here you are
  38. >Stuck in a tent with a reluctantly horny mare for the rest of the day
  39. >Twilight speaks up between spoonfuls of cereal
  40. >"So... what are we going to do tomorrow?"
  41. Oh, that's right.  Estrus ends tomorrow, doesn't it
  42. >She nods
  43. Well Twilight, I figure we'll stomp right into Day Court and let Celestia know we're back
  44. >"You wouldn't!"
  45. Do you honestly believe there's a Guard in that castle that would stand in MY way?
  46. >"When you put it that way, no..."
  47. There you go then
  48.  
  49.  
  50. >Once breakfast is done and over with, you head over to your cloak and pull out your three boxes of .45 ammo
  51. >And the respective mag bags
  52. >You carry the entire lot over to the table and set it down
  53. >"What are you doing?" Asks Twilight
  54. I'm going to load these mags
  55. >"Those are for your pistol?"
  56. Yeah
  57. >"Why?"
  58. >You shrug
  59. Luck favors the prepared.  And it's not like I have anything else to do
  60. >Twilight's eyes light up
  61. >"You said before you have other guns, didn't you?"
  62. I did say that...
  63. >"And you also promised you would show them to me"
  64. I didn't promise anything
  65. >her face falls
  66. But sure, I'll show you my other guns
  67. >"Thanks"
  68.  
  69.  
  70. >You go to your cloak once more and retrieve a pair of long, black cases with padlocks attached
  71. >Along with the box of regular shotgun ammo
  72. >You bring them back over to Twilight and set them on the ground
  73. >While you're opening the shotgun ammo box Twilight speaks up
  74. >"Why do you have so many guns?"
  75. What?
  76. >"Those cases are huge!"
  77. Heh, there's only one gun in each of these cases
  78. >Shotgun or rifle first?
  79. >Shotgun
  80. >You unlock the padlock on the left case with your key
  81. >Then you pop the latches and open it up
  82. >Sitting upon the spiked foam is your shotgun in all its glory
  83. >Underneath the shotgun is the slug barrel
  84. >And sitting at the left side of the case is your original ammo supply for it
  85. >you pick it up
  86. This is my shotgun; my Remington 870
  87. >You say
  88. It works a little different than my pistol
  89.  
  90.  
  91. >You reach over and grab a 00 buck shell out of the ammo box
  92. The shells go in here
  93. >You say, pushing the metal tongue up with the shell and shoving it into the tube
  94. And stack up inside the tube.  Capacity is five shells.  Whenever I want to chamber a shell I open the action
  95. >You press down on the release yank the slide back, the sudden noise causing Twilight to jump
  96. Which pulls a shell out of the tube and into the breech
  97. >You briefly hold the shotgun out at her eye level so she can see
  98. Then I close the action
  99. >You yank the slide forward, getting another twitch
  100. Ejecting is as simple as opening the slide once more
  101. >She doesn't twitch this time as the shell flies out of the action
  102. This is called a pump action.
  103. >You close the action once more, check to make sure the safety is still on and then set the shotgun back in its case
  104. >You're going to pick up the shell when Twilight speaks up
  105. >"Why do you have that wooden part hanging off the back?"
  106. Well, I brace it against my shoulder
  107. >You grab the shotgun once again and bring to your shoulder
  108. Like this
  109. >"Why?"
  110. >You shrug
  111. It's easier to aim looking along the top of the barrel and it's the best way to absorb recoil
  112. >She nods understandingly
  113. >So you set the shotgun back in its case and pick up the errant shell
  114.  
  115.  
  116. The final difference between the shotgun and my other guns is the projectile, or rather, projectiles
  117. >You hold up the shell
  118. Shotguns generally fire a multitude of smaller projectiles instead of a single large one.  This shell, for example, has nine spherical pellets sitting in front of a plastic wad instead of one massive slug
  119. >You reach over and drop the shell back in the ammo can
  120. They can shoot solid slugs, of course, but you *should* use a rifled barrel to shoot slugs and most shotguns come smooth bore
  121. >Twilight is goggling at all the new terminology you just spewed at her
  122. >"What does "rifled" mean?  And how is that different from smooth bore?  Why would you ne-"
  123. >You hold your hand up to her
  124. One question at a time
  125. >She obligingly stops talking as you reach over and pick up the slug barrel
  126. >Then you hold it out to her
  127. Look down the barrel from this end
  128. >You indicate the non-business end
  129. Would you?
  130. >Twilight takes the barrel and holds it up to her eye, peering through it
  131. Now, what do you see?  
  132. >"There appear to be a series of rotating grooves set inside the 'barrel'..."
  133. Exactly.  That is called the rifling.  Almost all guns have rifling in their barrels, except shotguns
  134. >You hold out your hand and she gives you the barrel back
  135. Rifling causes the projectile to spin, which makes it more accurate.  
  136. >Then you reach over and set it back in the shotgun case
  137. Shotguns generally come smooth bore because rifling has no effect on the accuracy of multiple projectiles and it's cheaper to make smooth barrels
  138. >You close the shotgun case and do up the latches
  139. In fact, shooting pellets through rifling is a good way to ruin it
  140.  
  141.  
  142. >You snap the padlock on your shotgun case shut
  143. >Then you reach over and unlock the case on your right
  144. >You open the case and gaze at the familiar metal and wood body of your m14, nestled among the magazines and cartridges
  145. >Then you pick it up
  146. This is my m14; There are many like it, but this one is mine
  147. >You pull the action open and hold it out for Twilight to see
  148. It works pretty much the same as my pistol; Firing pin sets off powder, expanding gas propels projectile and cycles action, action ejects empty cartridge and scoops a fresh cartridge out of the magazine.  However, there are two major differences
  149. >You point to a metal switch on the rear of the action
  150. The first is the Rock 'n Roll switch
  151. >You reach out to the case and pick up the rifle's knife while you're talking
  152. Every firearm I've shown you so far fires one round per trigger pull; The m14 has the option of fully automatic fire.  When I flip this switch and hold down the trigger, the gun fires continuously as fast as the action will cycle
  153. >Your explanation finished, you reach up to the bayonet lugs and mount the bayonet
  154. The other difference is that the m14 can mount a bayonet for ammunition-scarce situations
  155. >You chuckle a bit
  156. Not that it doesn't make a damn good club anyway
  157.  
  158.  
  159. And that about covers it.  Any questions?
  160. >You say as you remove the bayonet
  161. >"Why do you need such... potent tools of killing?"
  162. >Ah shit
  163. >You knew this question would come up eventually
  164. >No point in lying
  165. >You might as well find out what they think of it anyway
  166. Well, does the term "omnivore" mean anything to you?
  167. >You ask as you place your m14 back in the case
  168. >She snaps out the definition without thinking
  169. >"A creature capable of consuming both flora and fauna..."
  170. >"Anonymous... are you omnivorous?"
  171. Yep.  I use those guns to hunt animals for meat with which to supplement my diet, and to defend myself against predators
  172. What kind of attitude does p0ny society have towards meat eaters, anyway?
  173. >"You're not going to be lynched for it, if that's your question"
  174. That's a weight off my shoulders
  175. >Twilight ponders the question for a bit while you latch the case shut and padlock it
  176. >"Still, you would do well to keep that particular trait a secret"
  177. Really?
  178. >"There are the gryphons... but you're not a gryphon..."
  179. Wait, gryphons?  Like, half lion half eagle gryphons?
  180. >"Yes, we have a non-consumption treaty with them"
  181. >And here you thought this place didn't hold any further surprises
  182. >"Equestria's never seen something quite like you Anonymous.  It could go either way"
  183. I'll keep that in mind then
  184.  
  185.  
  186. What do YOU think of meat eaters Twilight?
  187. >You ask as you take both guns back over to the cloak
  188. >Twilight gives the p0ny equivalent of a shrug
  189. >"I think it's no crime to consume meat if your body cannot physically function without it.  In fact, there are a few select p0nies that eat it as a... delicacy.  Secretly, of course"
  190. >Excellent
  191. >That means if you're nice you should be able to get it in the castle later on
  192. >Or get permission to hunt your own
  193. >You open the tent door and return the gun cases to the cloak, along with the box of shotgun ammo
  194. >Then you close it and go back over to the table
  195. >which ammo to load first?
  196. >Regular ammo, you decide
  197. >You open up the regular .45 ammo box and the bag of standard mags, withdrawing a mag
  198. >"So... You're just going to load mags now?"
  199. Yeah
  200. >"How do they work?"
  201. >You shrug, and hold up a regular mag
  202. Underneath this metal plate is a spring that presses up on the cartridges.  These lips keep the cartridges from shooting out of the mag, but at the same time allow the pistol to extract fresh rounds
  203. >"I see"
  204. >You open up the regular .45 ammo box and grab a round
  205. >Then you thumb it into the magazine
  206.  
  207.  
  208. >"Hey Anonymous?"
  209. Hmmmm?
  210. >"Can I see one of the purple... cartridges?"
  211. Sure
  212. >You reach over and open up the purple ammo can, withdrawing a round and holding it out to Twilight
  213. >She takes it in her magical grasp and retreats to the far end of the tent, examining it
  214. >You accordingly go back to your mags
  215. >She's probably glad for a distraction
  216. >Three rounds later, however, something occurs to you
  217. Say, what happened to the other round I gave you?
  218. >Twilight looks back at you distractedly
  219. >"It's in my bag in the castle"
  220. Alright.  I was just curious
  221. >You turn back to your ammo can and resume loading the mags
  222.  
  223.  
  224. >The rest of the morning and a pair of sore thumbs later, and you've loaded all the mags
  225. >Regular rounds in the regular mags
  226. >Hand loads in the silver mags
  227. >And fuckin' magic rounds in the fuckin' magic magazines
  228. >You've still got plenty of ammo in the cans
  229. >But now you have loaded mags if you ever need them
  230. >You haven't had much trouble from Twilight
  231. >Other than her moving gradually closer to you throughout the morning
  232. >She seems to be content to examine the purple .45 cartridge you gave her
  233. >Speaking of which...
  234. >You want to try something
  235. >You draw your pistol and hit the mag release
  236. >Carefully setting the mag to the side, you remove the chambered round
  237. >Then you pick up one of the purple mags and slide it inside
  238. >Nothing
  239. >You rack the slide and chamber one of the purple rounds
  240. >A faint tingle runs through your hands when the slide closes fully
  241. >Your gasp causes Twilight to look over from her examination of another of the purple rounds
  242. >You peer more closely at what your pistol has become
  243.  
  244.  
  245. >The entire thing is now mostly purple
  246. >On each grip is the same motif from the side of the ammo can, the bullet itself and Twilight's flank
  247. >A dual stripe of darker purple and pink runs down each side of the slide
  248. >Above it on either side is flowing golden script
  249. >On the left side of the slide it reads "Friendship is magic"
  250. >And on the right "Knowledge is power"
  251. Twilight, Why is my gun purple?
  252. >"Well, what did you do?"
  253. I chambered one of those purple cartridges...
  254. >Twilight's eyes widen
  255. >"That must be the chromatic magic I detected!  Perhaps it was..."
  256. >While she muses excitedly to herself you drop the mag
  257. >The gun is still purple
  258. >Then you pull the slide back, ejecting the purple cartridge
  259. >You get the same tingling feeling in your hands
  260. >And the gun turns back to its original color
  261. >Phew
  262.  
  263.  
  264. >After you finish re-inserting the original round and mag and holster your pistol, you interrupt Twilight's diatribe
  265. So did you figure anything out about what these cartridges do?
  266. >"Not much.  As you saw earlier, they seem to have a chromatic variation spell worked into them.  Past that, there's not much I can determine.  The magic is almost... alien"
  267. >Makes sense
  268. >From what you know, you played an equal part in the creation of those cartridges
  269. >And around here, you're about as alien as it gets
  270. >You put the mags back inside their bags
  271. >Then pick up the bags and dump them out into the cloak
  272. I think it's about time for lunch
  273. >You suggest as you carry the ammo boxes over to the cloak, after retrieving the spare purple round from Twilight
  274. Is there anything you'd particularly enjoy?
  275. >"mmmhmmm... oh, yes..."
  276. >You don't like that tone of voice
  277. Twilight
  278. >You warn, turning back to her
  279. >"I-um-Oh, sorry!"
  280. >Upon her face you see bedroom eyes rapidly transforming into an apologetic expression
  281. >"I-I'd like a sandwich, if you don't mind..."
  282. Sure
  283. >You turn back to the cloak and extract the supplies for a daisy sandwich, along with some fruits and vegetables
  284. >You can't eat the stuff, so she might as well have it
  285. >Then few slices of bread, some peanut butter and a few more fruits and vegetables for yourself
  286. >You can feel the cloak bowed inward from wind
  287. >So you briefly pull open a corner and peer outside
  288. >It's snowing and blowing
  289.  
  290.  
  291. >Lunch passes silently
  292. >You're both concentrating more on eating than conversation
  293. >You're friggen hungry
  294. >After lunch, you put the peanut butter away, then you draw a small bag from the cloak
  295. >You go back over to the table and sit down
  296. >Twilight is getting up off the ground
  297. Come here
  298. >She reluctantly trots over to you
  299. >You slam the bag on the table, causing her to jump
  300. Care for some chess?
  301. >"I... Yes, that would be a... a welcome distraction"
  302. Great
  303. >You open the bag, revealing the shells you substituted for a full chess set the previous night
  304. Care to put up the board?
  305. >"O-of course"
  306. >The same checkered purple board appears above the table
  307. >You immediately begin setting it with pieces
  308.  
  309.  
  310. >The rest of the day passes in a haze of checks and checkmates as you both devote yourselves to the game
  311. >Twilight is a good opponent despite spending more time looking at you than at the board
  312. >But when dinner time rolls around you're about ready to be done
  313. >You get up part way through the last game and head over to the small pile of food you brought in this morning
  314. >"What are you doing?"
  315. Fixing dinner
  316. >You reply as you retrieve a pan
  317. It'll need some time to cook, so we'll get to finish the game
  318. >"Sounds good"
  319. >For dinner, you will make spaghetti
  320. >No meatballs
  321. >Those can come later
  322. >You fill a pot with snow and set it on the stove to melt and boil
  323. >Then you whip up the sauce with a can of tomato sauce, a select few herbs and spices, and half a diced onion
  324. >Once the sauce is done you set it near the stove to keep it warm and go back to the chess game while the water heats up
  325.  
  326.  
  327. >You break once more from the chess game to add the spaghetti to the boiling water
  328. >The game is nearly over
  329. >You manage to eke out a final win in the time it takes for the spaghetti to soften up
  330. Good game, good game.  Can you put the pieces away?
  331. >"Yes"
  332. Great
  333. >You turn around and go over to the stove
  334. >Then you strain out the spaghetti and portion it onto two plates, carrying them both over to the table
  335. >You make a second trip, picking up beverages and silverware for the both of you, and the sauce
  336. >Finally you find yourself sitting across the table from Twilight, fork in hand
  337. Dig in
  338. >You both reach for the sauce at the same time
  339. >Then you both back your respective limbs off at the same time
  340. You go ahead
  341. >You motion to her
  342. >She picks up the bowl and pours some sauce on top of her spaghetti
  343. >When she's done you get some yourself
  344.  
  345.  
  346. So, do you like spaghetti?
  347. >"mmmhmmmm..."
  348. >And that's all you get from Twilight
  349. >The rest of dinner passes with almost disturbing silence
  350. >Jesus Fuck
  351. >With the look you're getting there may as well be candles and a bottle of France's finest between you
  352. >You stand up and go scrape your plate in the garbage bag
  353. >Then you head back over to the table
  354. >...
  355. >There's a pressure on your thigh
  356. >You slowly look down
  357. >It's Twilight
  358. >She's rubbing her flank on your leg
  359. >Her face is occupied by a look of release
  360. >Blissful, even
  361. TWILIGHT
  362. >She distractedly looks back up at you
  363. >Then her eyes refocus
  364. >And she realizes what she's doing
  365.  
  366.  
  367. >Twilight practically leaps forward
  368. >"OhmygoshI'msosorryAnonymousIdidn'tknowI'msorryIdidn'tmeant-"
  369. SSSSHHHH
  370. >You say
  371. >She quietens down
  372. >You go over to your cold weather gear and begin pulling on your snowpants
  373. >"Where are you going?"
  374. I'm going to take a walk and give you a little space, alright?
  375. >"oh...  okay..."
  376. Besides
  377. >You put your hand up to your mouth and stage whisper at her
  378. I have to piss something fierce
  379. >This gets a giggle
  380. >You should be fine leaving the tent now
  381. >The sun is going down
  382. >And you're fairly sure the guardsp0nies are going back to the castle by now
  383. >You pull on your snowpants
  384. >Your jacket, hat, goggles, boots, scarf and gloves
  385.  
  386.  
  387. >You've just finished strapping on your snowshoes and are standing up when an object tumbles through the doorway
  388. >Upon closer inspection, it's a completely black stallion wearing deep purple armor
  389. >For the briefest instant, you all stand perfectly still in shocked silence
  390. >Then the guardsp0ny looks at you with eyes the size of saucers
  391. >"help me" He silently mouths at you
  392. >Before anyone can do anything else a gaggle of twittering guardsmares of similar coloration push through the flap
  393. >Fuck
  394. RUN!
  395. >You and Twilight both simultaneously start for the door
  396. >The unfortunate guardsp0ny does his best, but he's much too close to the door
  397. >He barely manages to get to his hooves before the mares dogpile on him
  398. Go!
  399. >You shout to Twilight
  400. I'll catch up!
  401. >Twilight hesitates
  402. >"Are you sure-"
  403. Yes!  gogogo!
  404. >Twilight reluctantly turns and exits the tent
  405. >You run up to the guardsp0ny
  406. >He made a plea for help
  407. >And you intend to oblige it
  408.  
  409.  
  410. >Right now, you can't see him
  411. >Just a pile of mares
  412. >SO you stoop down and seize one of them by her armor
  413. >She giggles at you coquettishly
  414. >You respond by bodily pitching her out the door
  415. >The second one is dealt with in much the same manner
  416. >But the third has her hooves around him
  417. >Prying them off proves to be no easy task
  418. >But the guardsp0ny in her grasp struggles with all his might
  419. >And together you manage to remove the mare
  420. >She follows her compatriots out the doorway
  421. >The moment he's free, the guardsp0ny springs to his hooves
  422. >You open your mouth to ask his name, but he cuts you off
  423. >"Get out of here!  More's coming!"
  424. >Now you understand the urgency
  425. Let's go!
  426. >You head for the door and reach through it, yanking your cloak off the front of the tent
  427. >Then you quickly pin it around your neck, and hold the doorway open for your unlikely comrade
  428. >He wastes not time in bolting through it
  429.  
  430.  
  431. >You step out the door and into heavy snowfall
  432. >The three guardsmares you removed from your tent are still squirming in the snow
  433. >To your right, the guardsp0ny stands in the entrance, looking back at you
  434. >You wave him onwards
  435. I'LL BE FINE!
  436. >He turns and heads off into the maze
  437. >Now for Twilight
  438. >You sweep your head about the clearing, searching for her
  439. >Oh, there she is
  440. >In a corner
  441. >With another two guardsmares advancing on her
  442. >Shit
  443. >Twilight looks to you, her eyes pleading with you
  444. >You need to get her out of there
  445.  
  446.  
  447. >Well, no time like the present
  448. >You jog right past the guardsmares and up to Twilight
  449. Up we go
  450. >You grunt as you lift her up and onto your shoulders
  451. >"I-Wha-"
  452. Relax, I got this
  453. >You turn around and push right through the hedge
  454. >Hopefully, the guardsmares won't be able to follow you through it
  455. >But just for safety's sake you jog through a few twists and turns before stopping
  456. >Twilight speaks up
  457. >"Could you put me down now?  I don't want to be a burden"
  458. Sure
  459. >You take her down off your shoulders and set her in the snow
  460. >She immediately sinks in nearly up to her belly
  461. >"So, what do we do now?"
  462. We go back to the main buildings
  463. >"Really?"
  464. Yep.  The tent is compromised; can't go back there.  The castle is the last place they'd expect us to be
  465. >"Well, when you put it that way..."
  466. I figure we can spend the night in the carriage garage, or an unoccupied part of the main building.  Does that work for you?
  467. >"As long as I get to spend the night with you..."
  468. >Twilight catches herself
  469. >"Sorry"
  470. Let's just get going, okay?
  471. >"Yes, let's"
  472.  
  473.  
  474. >The walk through the hedges is long, and fraught with worry
  475. >There are twice as many guardsp0nies in the hedge as yesterday
  476. >Both the light ones and the dark ones
  477. >This issue is both aided and compounded by the heavy snowfall, which both limits visibility and muffles sound
  478. >The guardsp0nies can't hear you and Twilight coming, but on the flip side you can't hear them either
  479. >You're glad for your goggles
  480. >Twilight trudges beside you, struggling through the snow
  481. >It must not be easy for her
  482. >It's slowing down her progress considerably
  483. >And by extension, your own
  484. >Finally, you arrive at the entrance
  485. >The snowfall, no
  486. >The blizzard is now so bad you can't see the castle lights
  487. >The lamp-lit path back, however, stretches out invitingly in front of you
  488. >It's been re-plowed
  489. >Presumably to allow access to all the guardsp0nies currently flooding the maze
  490. >Twilight goes to walk on the path, and you stop her
  491. >"Why?"
  492. That path is probably full of guardsp0nies.  We walk through the snow
  493. >"Easy for you to do"
  494. Hah, I can help with that
  495. >You reach down and pick her up once again, draping her over your shoulders
  496. Better?
  497. >"Mmmmm, much better..."
  498. >You shake your head, causing her to giggle
  499. >Then you ford off into the blizzard
  500. >Twilight lowers her head down next to your own, resting it on her hooves
  501. >"I can see why you wear those goggles now"
  502. They're great for weather like this
  503. >You agree
  504. >"I might just have to see about getting a pair"
  505. >Then she falls silent, leaving you to your thoughts
  506.  
  507.  
  508. >For what feels like hours you press through on through the raging blizzard
  509. >Until finally you come upon a section of grey castle wall
  510. >Set at about shoulder height beams of timber run along the wall, lit lamps hanging off each one
  511. >And above that there's a frosted over window
  512. >You could walk around and find a door
  513. >But then it would probably be guarded
  514. I'm going in that window
  515. >You announce to Twilight
  516. I'll lower a rope to you once I'm in
  517. >"Of course, the doors would be guarded at a time like this..."
  518. Clever mare
  519. >You lift Twilight up off your shoulders, then set her down in the snow
  520. >Then you sit down yourself and remove your snowshoes, stowing them in your cloak
  521. >You stand up once more, and knock the snow off the top of the lamp bar
  522. >It's about as thick as a fence post, and should hold your weight
  523. >You grunt as you jump to begin your momentum and lever yourself with your arms until the bar is at waist level
  524. >Then you swing your right leg up and get it on the bar
  525. >From there it's a relatively simple matter to get your left knee up and come to a kneeling position
  526. >And then up to a standing position, your hand on the wall for support and balance
  527. >Your objective is now at chest height
  528. >Piece of cake
  529.  
  530.  
  531. >"Hurry up and open it!" says a slightly strained voice from behind you, making you nearly fall off the lamp post
  532. >You whip your head around and see Twilight hovering behind you at eye level, coated in her signature purple glow
  533. >Her face is screwed up in utter concentration
  534. >"This isn't exactly easy!"
  535. >You don't need to be told twice
  536. >Lucky for you, there's a handle on the outside
  537. >You grab it and heave
  538. >And nearly overbalance and fall off the post
  539. >But you keep your grip on the window and manage to stay up
  540. >Twilight immediately floats past you and through the window
  541. >You duck under the window and begin climbing inside yourself
  542. >Up and over the edge you go, tumbling to the floor
  543. >Then you rise and close the window, and examine your surroundings
  544.  
  545.  
  546. >You're in a red carpeted, lamp lit hallway lined with windows on the left side
  547. >To the right, a door set into the end of the hallway
  548. >And to the left it turns right, going deeper into the building
  549. >Twilight is in front of you
  550. >You immediately begin stripping off your jacket and gloves, stowing them in your cloak
  551. Any idea where we are?
  552. >"I believe this is the prominent secondary causeway"
  553. English, please?
  554. >"We-"
  555. >Twilight is cut off by a thump and a curse from the door behind you
  556. >You both freeze
  557. >Then the jingle of metal hitting stone
  558. >"Damnable keyring!" comes from the door
  559. >You point to the end of the hallway and motion for Twilight to follow
  560. >Holding a finger to your lips, you head for the end of the hallway
  561. >Twilight immediately gleans your intentions and tiptoes towards it with you
  562. >Your boots are hardly made for sneaking
  563. >But the carpet helps to muffle your footfalls
  564. >The second you're around the corner you take off at a jog
  565. >Twilight quickly speeds up to match your pace
  566. We need to put some distance between us and whoever was on the other side of that door
  567. >You grunt as quietly as you can
  568. >"I agree" pants Twilight
  569.  
  570.  
  571. >A maze of twists and turns later, and you're fairly sure you're out of earshot of whoever came through the door
  572. >You passed several other doors set into the hallway, but didn't dare stop to check them
  573. >Now, however, you feel you're far enough away you can slow down
  574. >So you do
  575. >You spend the better part of a minute catching your breath
  576. >Then you address Twilight, who is in a similar state
  577. Any idea where we are?
  578. >"Of course!  We're right next to the..."
  579. >"Well, No"
  580. >She looks stricken
  581. >"I should know where we are!  This is the Royal Palace, for Celestia's sake!"
  582. Shhhh
  583. >You shush her
  584. >Twilight kindly stops talking and looks at you
  585. No worries, eh?  We'll just try these doors
  586. >You gesture down the hallway; there's a door every now and then, marked with a light bracket
  587. Until we find a utility closet or something where no one will find us until morning.  Sound good?
  588. >"That will work, I suppose..."
  589. >You put action to your words by walking over and trying one of the doors
  590. >Locked
  591. >No problem
  592. >There are more doors
  593.  
  594.  
  595. >All the doors are locked
  596. >Every single goddamn one
  597. >You're at the end of the hallway
  598. >And the end of your wits
  599. >There's one more door to try
  600. >Larger than the others, and slightly more ornate
  601. >You reach forward and try the handle...
  602. >Success!
  603. >Behind the door, there's a short hallway
  604. >And then a spiral staircase
  605. >This is your last respite
  606. >Otherwise you risk being found by a patrolling guard
  607. Let's see how deep the rabbit hole goes, shall we?
  608. >You say to Twilight, gesturing to the staircase
  609. >"This could be one of the observatories"
  610. Excellent
  611.  
  612.  
  613. >You pause to strip out of your snow pants
  614. >Then the pair of you begin your ascent
  615. >Up you go, around and around
  616. >The way lit by periodic light sources
  617. This is a long way up
  618. >You muse aloud
  619. >"We... We should be nearly there..."
  620. >Her prediction proves to be correct when you crest the stairs soon afterward
  621. >You are presented with two massive, ornate doors
  622. >One, lighter colored with stylized sun that is disturbingly familiar
  623. >The other dark, with a crescent moon
  624. >Twilight gasps next to you when she comes into view of the doors
  625. What?
  626. >Twilight begins hyperventilating
  627. Twilight, what is it?
  628. >She's having a panic attack
  629. Twilight, easy now.  Deep breaths
  630. >Twilight begins to slow down
  631. >"Those are Princess Celestia's and Princess Luna's rooms!"
  632.  
  633.  
  634. >Twilight is interrupted by a sound, from far, far down the stairwell
  635. >The most terrifying sound you could possibly hear at this moment
  636. >The sound of the door at the bottom of the stairwell slamming shut
  637. >And then the clopping of hooves on the stairs
  638. >FUUUUUCK
  639. >You move as quietly as you can to the moon door
  640. >"What are you doing?" Whispers a shocked Twilight
  641. The only thing I can
  642. >You whisper back, trying the door handle
  643. >Locked
  644. >Fuck
  645. >You head for your last chance of salvation
  646. >And try the handle
  647. >Unlocked
  648. >You open the door and beckon to Twilight
  649. Come on!
  650. >"What?  Are you insane!  We ca-"
  651. They'll find us for sure if we stay out here!  Come on!
  652.  
  653.  
  654. >Twilight reluctantly follows you through the bedroom door
  655. >You gently close it behind her
  656. >Then you frantically begin searching the room for a hiding spot
  657. >There's a bed in one corner with a massive canopy
  658. >But it's too close to the ground to hide under
  659. >On either side of it, a pair of night stands
  660. >Some kind of holder for something
  661. >A mini fridge?
  662. >What
  663. >A writing desk
  664. >A bookshelf, completely stocked
  665. >And a fireplace with a roaring fire
  666. >One door, hanging slightly ajar, leading to a bathroom
  667. >And a glass door that leads out onto a balcony
  668. >Well shit
  669. >There's nowhere to hide
  670. >You run over to the bathroom and peer inside
  671. >There's a royal size bathtub and a royal size shower
  672. >A gilded toilet
  673. >A sink and oodles of soap and shampoos everywhere
  674. >But nothing capable of concealing you
  675. >or Twilight
  676. >You go back into the main room
  677. >Twilight is sitting on her haunches
  678. >Looking around in awe
  679.  
  680.  
  681. >You look frantically around the room once more
  682. >There has to be hiding place
  683. >There has to be!
  684. >Your gaze is drawn to the bed once more
  685. >You can't hide under it...
  686. >But perhaps you can hide on top of it
  687. Twilight, come here!
  688. >You say over the ever increasing sound of hooves on stairs
  689. >"What?"
  690. There's not time!  Get your ass over here!
  691. >Twilight gets up off her haunches and joins you by the bed
  692. >The second she's close enough you snatch her off
  693. >And dump her on top of the canopy
  694. >The thick posts supporting it from the edge of the bed don't even creak
  695. >You jump up yourself, getting your elbows on the edge of the frame
  696. >Then you execute a similar maneuver to the one that got you up on the fence post
  697. >And flop over the edge of the frame
  698.  
  699.  
  700. >You lay down immediately
  701. >And slide to the center of the canopy
  702. >Right next to Twilight
  703. >"oooohhh, this is nice..."
  704. >You you take off your glasses and put them in your cloak so they don't get crushed
  705. >You might have to spend the night up here
  706. >The door opens, and you both hold perfectly still, hardly daring to breathe
  707. >The faintly metallic footsteps enter the room
  708. >Then the door closes
  709. >Sniff
  710. >Sniiiiff
  711. >Something, presumably the Princess, sniffs the air
  712. >...
  713. >She's probably smelling you
  714. >You hear a few metallic clinks, followed by a sigh
  715. >Then an equal number of thuds of metal striking wood
  716. >The hoofsteps got towards the bathroom door
  717. >Then it closes, and you hear running water
  718.  
  719.  
  720.  
  721. >The bathroom door opens once more, and the footsteps approach the bed
  722. >The light fixture you can see is enveloped in a golden glow, and goes out
  723. >As do the rest of the light fixtures around the room
  724. >The footsteps come directly underneath you, then the bed shakes slightly as the Princess climbs into it
  725. >All is quiet for a few minutes
  726. >Maybe you can get off the bed with Twilight and get out of here once she goes to sleep...
  727. >The bed frame begins to vibrate
  728. >It's faint at first
  729. >Almost undetectable
  730. >But it quickly increases in intensity until you can hear the frame squeaking
  731. >"Anonymous..." moans the Princess
  732. >You rotate your head over and look at Twilight
  733. >By the firelight you can see the horrified look on her face
  734. >All you can manage is a cheesy grin
  735. >The absurdity of the situation strikes you
  736. >And it's all you can do to choke down a laugh
  737. >You are literally feet away from the leader you've been hiding from for nearly a week
  738. >Princess Celestia, Ruler of All Equestria, supposed controller of the sun itself
  739. >Who is currently masturbating furiously to the thought of you
  740.  
  741.  
  742. POMF
  743. >The vibration stops almost as quickly as it began
  744. >Beneath you, Celestia exhales
  745. >A smell floats up to you
  746. >Of citrus
  747. >And bananas
  748. >The fuck?
  749. >You slowly, silently shift over to the edge of the canopy and peer downard
  750. >by the firelight you see a large, white wing hanging off the edge of the bed
  751. >You equally silently retreat to your original position
  752. >Neither of you will be getting out of this canopy until she pulls those wings in
  753. >You mouth your discoveries to Twilight, who takes them with stoic silence
  754. >...
  755. >At least you won't be cold
  756. >Not with your own personal purple blanket
  757. >you close your eyes and try to get some sleep
  758. >You have the feeling you're going to need it
  759.  
  760.  
  761.  
  762.  
  763. >Unbeknownst to you, your belt buckle digs into the fabric of the canopy, creating a small tear...