PonyGone- Wishes, Magic, and Insanity 1-3

My review of PonyGone's Wishes, Magic, and Insanity

http://pastebin.com/u/PonyGone

 

Chapter 1:

I thought it was an interesting take on Anon getting to Equestria.

However, the grammar is very bad, and pacing is nonexistent. The guards seemed willing to condemn Anon as a criminal for no real reason, and Anon seemed to come to grips his predicament very quickly. Finally, for assuming Anon may be trying to free Discord, they seem perfectly content to let Anon go free and hang out near Discord.

Thoughts so far: Too early to form an opinion, but it's hard to be immersed with how fast everything is going.

 

Chapter 2:

I immediately notice the pacing is better, but the spelling and grammar are still pretty bad.

">alas, good things cannot last forever..."

I've always hated that kind of foreshadowing. It seems kind of lazy to me. Also, the guard becoming so enraged over what amounts to petty vandalism seems a bit much, to me, unless there's more to this I just haven't seen yet.

Anon certainly seems to have accepted his "duties" to ScrewBall very quickly. He doesn't even question it.

Pinkie doesn't seem to care that Anon stole the bagels.

Anon left his food behind, then immediately looks for more food.

The pacing goes a bit fast near the end, but it was a sweet ending.

Thoughts so far: Everyone knowing something we don't know is intriguing, and I'm looking forward to what happens next.

 

Chapter 3:

The pacing seems fast again, this time.

Anon's uncomfortableness about the asylum isn't really explained.

Is the nurse afraid of Anon, or ScrewBall? I'm not sure. It was implied they threatened her before, but now that she's with Anon, they let her right in.

I'm not sure how ScrewLoose was able to stand up if she was strapped to the floor. Maybe you meant tied to one spot, like a leash? I'm sure I'll find out next chapter.

Thoughts so far: I'm curious as to what role ScrewLoose is going to play.

 

That's all for the moment. Will resume later.