Title:           Anon is a bad role model [RGRE]
Author:          CoolKids
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/UfKC8wTJ
First Edit:      Sunday 26th of February 2017 01:08:51 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Sunday 26th of February 2017 01:08:51 AM CDT

>Filled with anticipation, you stand in the bedroom, your wife all dolled up
>She's wearing that little dress with an opening for the tuft to be free
>Both of you are filled with anticipation, waiting
>Well, you shouldn't phrase it like that, per se
>"C'mon, how long does it take to walk a few blocks?!"
"Dear, I'm sure he'll be at the doorstep in a few minute's time."
>"It's been half an hour, and he certainly doesn't use makeup. What did he do, get lost?"
>You put up a small frown
>As much as you love Carrot Top, she could be impatient at times
>And that frustration often gets unintentionally channeled into other things
"Don't be like that. Anon's my brother, and he's just loud at times, not incompetent."
>"Well, he should hurry up, because the reservations will be in-"
>Before your spouse could spew any obscenities, the door is suddenly thrown open
>"UNCLE NANNER'S HERE!" The filly bounding in screams
>Carrot's eyes light up, and she hops off the mattress, almost as excited as your daughter
>"YES! Let's get going, honey."  
>"UNCLE NANNER, UNCLE NANNER, UNCLE NANNER!"
>In a swift motion, you scoop up the two ponies, one in each arm
"Alright, you adrenaline-junkies," you say, planting a kiss on both of them, "calm down before your heads explode."
>"Nuh uh!" Muffin Top shakes her head, "Uncle Nanner said that doesn't happen!"
>You chuckle and nuzzle your daughter's mane
>Much like her name implies, she smells just like a bakery early in the morning
"But we both know who's smarter, your uncle or I, right?"
>>"Yeah! Uncle is the smartest!" Muffin yells, giggling uncontrollably
>You raise an eyebrow, staring at your giddy daughter in fake surprise
"Why, I never- I ought to get you for this!"
>You drop Carrot and, with your now-freed arm, begin to tickle Muffin mercilessly
>She squeals, unable to handle the ten-pointed assault
>Faster than you thought, Muffin breaks free, and you chase her into the living room, laughing along
>She darts around the commodious space, sliding between two tree trunks to escape you
>Wait, you don't have trees in your house
SLAM
>Finishing that thought, you're brought into an oh-so-familiar bear hug
>"Cog!" the owner of the bass-filled voice booms, "You'll be needing me tonight, right?"
>Slipping out of the powerful embrace, you recollect yourself
"Yes, brother," you reply as you smooth out your hair, "I hope you can wrangle the little devil for us again."
>Anonymous gives you a promising thumbs up, "No problemo!"
>As you bring your head up to make eye contact, you question the fact that THIS was once your little brother
>At some point, Anonymous grew a good head taller than you and attained the build of a truck
>How he did it, you have no idea, though he does often leave the town for days and come back without saying anything
>Looking up, your heart nearly skips a beat
>There's another pair of eyes on top of Anonymous's head
>No, that's a pony
>A pure white unicorn with a neon blue mane is currently clutching onto the back of your brother's noggin, kinda like a reverse face hugger
>Anonymous laughs at your display of clearly-not-panic
>"Oh yeah," he grabs the mare, and is now holding her in front of you, arms outstretched, "this is Vinyl. Don't worry, she doesn't bite."
>Vinyl just stares at you, expressionless
"Uh, hi."
>She covers her face with a hoof, clearly smiling
>You feel as if you're missing out on some weird joke here
>Something tugs at your pant leg, and you look back down
>Carrot is doing her "if you take any longer I'm gonna die" look
"Alright, we'll go," you say, making your way out with her, "Brother, you remember where I keep everything?"
>"Affirmative, Chief."
"Okay. 'Vinyl' can stay with you if you promise not to have her mess with Muffin, comprehend?"
>"Yuppers!"
"That is all, then. Thanks again for doing this, by the way."
>"Just go already, Cog!"
>"Yeah, daddy!"
>You and Carrot smirk at each other before setting out, ready for a good night
 
>The door slams shut, and it's just the three of you left
>Carefully, you set your marefriend on the floor and make a salute towards muffin
>The little rascal follows suit, putting a hoof to her temple
>"Good evening, Colonel Nanner!"
>You put up a stern expression, clearing your throat
"THAT'S COLONEL NONNER TO YOU, PRIVATE!" You bellow loudly, but not loud enough to disrupt the neighborhood
>"APOLOGIES, SIR!"
"DAMN RIGHT, MAGGOT!"
>"SIR!"
"YES?!"
>"WHO IS THE FRESH MEAT HERE?"
>You turn to Vinyl, who is playing along, holding her hoof to her forehead
>You use your favorite "angry scowl"
"YOU CALL THAT A SALUTE, PRIVATE SCRATCH?! I OUGHT TO GIVE YOU 50 FOR THAT!"
>Vinyl smiles at you suggestively
"No, not like that, perv," you whisper
>"COLONEL!"
>Caught off guard, you turn back to Muffin
"Y-YES?!"
>"WHAT IS OUR AGENDA FOR TODAY?!"
>You smile, satisfied at the fact that Muffin remembered all these big words
"YOU MEAN YOU DON'T REMEMBER OUR REGIMEN, MAGGOT?! WE'RE GONNA PLAY VIDYA UNTIL WAY PAST OUR CURFEW!"
>"Yay!" Muffin yips and hops onto you, latching onto your jacket
>Vinyl also invites herself for a spot on you, leaping onto you like a cat
>You bring the two into a big hug
>It's good to be an uncle