Title:           Anon the lich 2 part 9
Author:          Commander_Xillian
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/t6NfQ3qD
First Edit:      Tuesday 20th of March 2012 05:34:11 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Tuesday 20th of March 2012 05:34:11 PM CDT

>You are Anonymous the Lich
>And you will stop at nothing to protect those you call your friends.
>You had six hours left before you hit the deadline.
>Now came the embarrassing part.
>You have returned to your tower to gather the components for a Polymorph spell.
>If only the ponies understood the level of shit you were going through to help them…
>Calling upon the arcane, you feel your corporeal body begin to shift, and change.
>Okay, mental check list:
>Remember to breath
>Remember to blink
>Remember to avoid damage.
>In a blinding flash of light, you are replaced with a gray Pegasus with blond hair and golden eyes.
>You look in your mirror and smile, it went perfect.
>Your dopey looks, your eyes skewed into different directions.
>You would pass perfectly for Derpy.
>Now, to give the friendly neighborhood Mailmare a helping hand, so she wouldn’t miss getting the mayor an important letter regarding sightings along the Everfree.
>You were starting to resent being as damn good as you were.
>Made fixing this mess all the more difficult.
 
>You take off from your studies balcony, flapping your newfound wings.
>Breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out.
>Alright.
>You can handle being alive well enough.
>You have to consciously remember to breath, given how long it’s been sense you even bothered having lungs.
>You arrive in Ponyville easily enough, find the mail office and sneak a spare uniform out of Derpy’s locker.
>You might be a fleshy mortal at the moment, but that doesn’t negate your mastery of the magical sciences.
>Grabbing some packages, you get ready for what is undoubtedly going to be the most annoying, tedious, and embarrassing job in your unlife.
>First delivery, Fluttershy.
>Alright, this shouldn’t be that hard.
>You take off into the skies, hurrying without looking like you’re rushing.
>It would be problematic if you were forced into an extended conversation, you’ve had only cursory interactions with Derpy, namely when she’d deliver a few letters here or there.
>Arriving at Fluttershy’s cottage, you riffle through your letters, and hurridly stuff Fluttershy’s into her small mailbox.
>It’s your last intent to have any actual physical interaction.
>You’ve also made it perfectly clear that if Angel so much as kicks a toe off, you’d rip him in half.
>It would be odd to see Derpy doing it.
>You turn to leave, and fly face-first into Fluttershy
 
>Damndamndamndamn
>”Oh, I’m so sorry Derpy, I didn’t mean to crash into you.”
>Shit, how does Derpy reply…
>Play it safe.
“No muffins about it!”
>Big ass shit-eating grin.
>Fluttershy looks at you oddly.
>Sweating now.
>Just nod and go away, Flutterhsy.
>”Well, if you’re okay, I won’t keep you, I mean, if you don’t need anything, that is.”
>abandonlocation.gif
>Busting out of there with the Speed of Kenyans
>Back in town in ten seconds flat.
>Alright, out of the rape pan and into the rape flames.
>Next up: Pinkie Pie.
>Wait, what?
>Check bag
>Fourty letters to Pinkie Pie
>Half of it is random spam
>The other half are post cards and letters.
>Damn, that’s nearly everything isn’t it?
>Unfortunately, you needed to make two stops first, mostly pones that are along the way.
>This was going to be ‘fun’.
 
>One last delivery.
>This form was degrading
>Acting like Derpy was insulting
>You knew she wasn’t an idiot, just simple.
>Didn’t know where the line was.
>Just keep derping and waving hello.
>Nearly there.
>Seems like Pinkie’s nearly got the party set up.
>Your timing was almost flawless.
>Prance in to sugarcube corner, this time as Derpy.
>Just in, drop off the mail, and jet off.
>Bell rings as you walk in, and single-mindedly put a massive stack of mail onto the counter.
>Letters go everywhere.
“Whoops! I’m so sorry!”
>Try to help clean up.
>Ass slams into Mr. Cake.
>Spin around, can’t catch him
>Cake flies off a pan
>cake hurtling through the air
>Ohgodohgodohgod
 
>Pinkie Pie to Pinkie Flight, we have the target and are engaging.
>Pinkie flies out of nowhere and, in a single, massive chomp, snarfs down the cake.
>”Well, that was.. Eventful.”
>Apologize profusely, and make for the door like Buffalo to water.
>”See you at the party Anon!”
>yfw
>Bolt through the door, slam against the wall.
>What just happened?
“I.. I just don’t undstand.. What went wrong?”
>How did Pinkie Pie know you were there?
>”Hey! Me! What are you doin’ with my good uniform?!”
>Look up
>Derpy is flying above you, shocked to be seeing double.
>With the same eyes, you can understand why.
>Applejack sees this, looks down at you
>”It’s an imposter!”
>Shit, time to get the fuck outta here.
>Bolt with the Fury of a thousand Rustled Jimmies.
>Tear down main-street.
>Applejack, now Rainbow dash too, hot on your tail.
>Screw this, time to stop using this damn body.
>Dive into an allyway
>With a surge of arcane power, you dispel the magic holding you in Derpyform.
>Glad to no longer have to constantly worry about breathing, you begin to rise.
>”Whut in tarnation?”
>”Uh, dude? Why are you wearing Derpies clothes?”
>Look down.
>Fuck.
 
>But do you know, that old Lich was so smart and so slick, that he thought up a lie and he thought it up quick.
"These? Oh, well, that's an interesting story. I've had these for a while. Thought I'd try them on."
>They look oddly at you.
"From back when I was a post boy."
>They look on in disbelief
"What? I wasn't a wizard my Whole life, you know."
>Applejack nods.
>"Well, uh, if'n ya happen to spy a Derpy runnin', let us know, alright?"
"Of course."
>Fuckin' saved.
>That's it.
>You saved Ponyville.
>From yourself, no less.
>This is a great achievement.