Title:           Anon is a Stiff
Author:          ChallengerAppeared
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/VTCvaicT
First Edit:      Saturday 21st of December 2013 05:51:08 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Saturday 21st of December 2013 05:51:08 PM CDT

>Day paralyzed in equestria
>The sun shines brightly through your window
>Another day's sleep ruined
>Celestia will pay
>Later
>For now, it seems best to just get on with your morning
>You get up, and head to your shower
>Except you don't
>That's odd, you don't remember snapping your spine recently
>Well fuck, guess its time to just lay here like you were going to do anyways
>Except the sun is in your eyes
>Beating Celestia with a sock full of bits has been bumped up to priority #2
>Priority #1 being WHY THE FUCK CAN'T I MOVE
>Wait, was that the door?
>"Anoooooooon!"
>Oh shit, that's right, you had volunteered to be purple smart with her crazy shit today
>This bodes poorly
>She flings the door open and marches right up to your bed
>"Up and at'em sleepyhead"
>Her enthusiasm turns to a scowl after a few seconds of your inactivity, and decides to prod you a bit with her horn hoping to get you moving
>Unfortunately for you, it doesn't work
>"Fine, if your going to be that way, I guess we can do this the hard way"
>And with that, she begins to drag you by your feet out of the bed and into the hallway
>Dumb bitch is forgetting she has magic
>This goes from bad to worse when you remember you sleep on the second floor
>16 painful cracks to your head later, you are now making your way to the library
>A few minutes in, Twilight still hasn't remembered that she has magic, and has left a very you-shaped trail of disturbed grass leading into ponyville
>"Fine", she huffs in-between gasps, "Be like that"
>And with that, she leaves you
>An hour or so goes by
>Some birds came and shat on your face
> Then, an orange blur forms on the horizon of your locked field of view
>"Well howdy 'ere Anon, wha'chu doin' lyin' on the ground 'ike that?"
>She doesn't seem phased by your apparent lack of motion
>You know, I've got a job for you, don't say anything if you're okay with that
 
>Later
>You are Anon
>And you are a scarecrow
>That orange hick has tied to you a stick, in your motionless state, to scare birds away
>This doesn't seem like it could get any worse
>Oh fuck, why did you think that
>On cue, here comes a new way to fuck your day up
>"Darling, what on earth are you doing up there"
>This one. Of all of the asinine Technicolor donkeys in this world, this one holds a special hatred in your heart
>"Oh this just won't do, what has applejack done to you poor thing, let me get you down"
>'Getting you down' was apparently just a euphemism for 'Spastically shake the stick you've been tied to until the ropes snap, and let gravity wipe its greasy dick on you for a few, brief, horrible seconds'
 
>You said it couldn't get any worse
>Oh how you pine for your scarecrow stick
>You have been made a manikin by the prissiest dress-horse in this world, for the pinkest, frilliest dress she has ever made
>You don't question how it fits you, you've just accepted it by now
>And you get to stand here while the entirety of this town gawks at your ridiculous state
>"Oh Rarity, I love that dress in the window, how much for it?"
>"50 bits dear, but for a friend, 40"
>"Could I possibly get the display as well?"
>"25 more and its yours"
>"Done"
>You wonder what new tortures await you
 
>You are Anon
>And you have been posed like a goddamn child's toy
>You are sitting at a, admittedly tasteful, romantic candlelit dinner with Fluttershy making goo-goo eyes at you over a plate of spaghetti
>how fitting
>While you are grateful for having been removed from that dress shop, this doesn't seem like much of an improvement
>And now you feel yourself slipping
>Of course, you can't do anything about it
>For the second time today gravity has made your shit list, as you slowly tip to the side and then quickly hit the floor with a clatter
>The 'meal' is now over, and this hoofed sperg has you on her couch, with your arm around her, watching some sappy romantic flick
>You can't resist
>You can't walk out
>You can't complain
>And you certainly can't end it all
>Today was a 'Life is Suffering' sort of day