Anon is a Stiff

>Day paralyzed in equestria

>The sun shines brightly through your window

>Another day's sleep ruined

>Celestia will pay

>Later

>For now, it seems best to just get on with your morning

>You get up, and head to your shower

>Except you don't

>That's odd, you don't remember snapping your spine recently

>Well fuck, guess its time to just lay here like you were going to do anyways

>Except the sun is in your eyes

>Beating Celestia with a sock full of bits has been bumped up to priority #2

>Priority #1 being WHY THE FUCK CAN'T I MOVE

>Wait, was that the door?

>"Anoooooooon!"

>Oh shit, that's right, you had volunteered to be purple smart with her crazy shit today

>This bodes poorly

>She flings the door open and marches right up to your bed

>"Up and at'em sleepyhead"

>Her enthusiasm turns to a scowl after a few seconds of your inactivity, and decides to prod you a bit with her horn hoping to get you moving

>Unfortunately for you, it doesn't work

>"Fine, if your going to be that way, I guess we can do this the hard way"

>And with that, she begins to drag you by your feet out of the bed and into the hallway

>Dumb bitch is forgetting she has magic

>This goes from bad to worse when you remember you sleep on the second floor

>16 painful cracks to your head later, you are now making your way to the library

>A few minutes in, Twilight still hasn't remembered that she has magic, and has left a very you-shaped trail of disturbed grass leading into ponyville

>"Fine", she huffs in-between gasps, "Be like that"

>And with that, she leaves you

>An hour or so goes by

>Some birds came and shat on your face

> Then, an orange blur forms on the horizon of your locked field of view

>"Well howdy 'ere Anon, wha'chu doin' lyin' on the ground 'ike that?"

>She doesn't seem phased by your apparent lack of motion

>You know, I've got a job for you, don't say anything if you're okay with that

 

>Later

>You are Anon

>And you are a scarecrow

>That orange hick has tied to you a stick, in your motionless state, to scare birds away

>This doesn't seem like it could get any worse

>Oh fuck, why did you think that

>On cue, here comes a new way to fuck your day up

>"Darling, what on earth are you doing up there"

>This one. Of all of the asinine Technicolor donkeys in this world, this one holds a special hatred in your heart

>"Oh this just won't do, what has applejack done to you poor thing, let me get you down"

>'Getting you down' was apparently just a euphemism for 'Spastically shake the stick you've been tied to until the ropes snap, and let gravity wipe its greasy dick on you for a few, brief, horrible seconds'

 

>You said it couldn't get any worse

>Oh how you pine for your scarecrow stick

>You have been made a manikin by the prissiest dress-horse in this world, for the pinkest, frilliest dress she has ever made

>You don't question how it fits you, you've just accepted it by now

>And you get to stand here while the entirety of this town gawks at your ridiculous state

>"Oh Rarity, I love that dress in the window, how much for it?"

>"50 bits dear, but for a friend, 40"

>"Could I possibly get the display as well?"

>"25 more and its yours"

>"Done"

>You wonder what new tortures await you

 

>You are Anon

>And you have been posed like a goddamn child's toy

>You are sitting at a, admittedly tasteful, romantic candlelit dinner with Fluttershy making goo-goo eyes at you over a plate of spaghetti

>how fitting

>While you are grateful for having been removed from that dress shop, this doesn't seem like much of an improvement

>And now you feel yourself slipping

>Of course, you can't do anything about it

>For the second time today gravity has made your shit list, as you slowly tip to the side and then quickly hit the floor with a clatter

>The 'meal' is now over, and this hoofed sperg has you on her couch, with your arm around her, watching some sappy romantic flick

>You can't resist

>You can't walk out

>You can't complain

>And you certainly can't end it all

>Today was a 'Life is Suffering' sort of day